A/N Thanks for your reviews of the first part! This is the even sillier, second chapter... -)

"How did you manage that?" Dr. Carson Beckett prodded in fascination at the metal locket-shaped device apparently embedded in McKay's flesh.

"It was an accident," the scientist muttered, glaring at Sheppard as if to dare him to contradict. "Just take it off!"

"'Out' you mean," Beckett sighed. "It'll involve surgery."

McKay looked unhappy. "You couldn't just…I dunno…get a shoehorn under it or something? It doesn't look that fixed…ow!"

"Probably best not to do that," Sheppard pointed out. McKay had attempted to pull the locket from his chest, and the attempt had left him flushed with frustration and pain.

"Let's have a proper look," Beckett said. He conducted a swift examination, an increasingly disturbed expression on his face. Eventually he said, "Okay…we'll need to do an X-ray."

"X-ray? You mean you can't tell what the problem is here?" McKay snapped, gesturing emphatically to his undesired accessory.

"It warrants further examination, that's for sure."

The test was conducted swiftly enough. Beckett came back with the results as McKay replaced his shirt, shooting a glance at Sheppard to make sure the Major was looking in the other direction, as previously instructed, although he'd said firmly that he had no interest whatsoever in seeing Rodney half-naked.

"Right, well…d'you want the good news, or the bad news?"

"Um…" McKay jiggled his foot nervously. "The good news, I think."

"The good news is that you've made medical history."

"Oh. Goody."

"The bad news…"

"How long?"

"I'm sorry?"

"How long do I have?" McKay asked. His attempt to sound cool and cavalier about his impending doom was thwarted by the slight wobbling of his lower lip.

Beckett said evenly, "Well…I'd say maybe as little as fifty or sixty years, Rodney."

"What? Oh…"

The Scot rolled his eyes; Sheppard smirked.

"See? You're going to be just fine."

"Shut up, Major." McKay turned back to Beckett. "So, Carson…the bad news?"

The medic looked uncomfortable. He shifted from foot to foot, glanced unhappily at Sheppard.

"Hey, patient is over here. He's just a potential organ donor if and when that becomes necessary. Talk to me, Carson."

"It's a wee bit difficult to explain…that is, it's not a complicated situation, just…very, very strange."

"Strange, how?"

"Well…you know that whatever that thing is seems to have welded itself into your flesh?"

"Yes…"

"It's actually attached itself to your heart."

"It's…it's done what, now?"

McKay sank down onto one of the infirmary beds, hands pressed against his chest.

"Oh, my God. This is bad."

"Now, don't panic. It doesn't seem to be doing any harm there."

"Not doing harm? Are you insane? I have an Ancient device that we don't know what it does stuck to an extremely vital organ, doing God knows what whacky and freaky things to me. It could be pumping weird crap around my system as we speak. And yes, I realise how ungrammatical most of that was. I think in the current circumstances good phraseology can go hang."

"Take it easy…" Sheppard suggested, soothingly. "This could be worse."

"You take it easy! And just in what way could this possibly be worse, Major?"

"Well," Sheppard shrugged, "that thing might've attached itself to an even more vital organ. Y'know, one you use a lot."

"I resent the implication of that. I also resent you talking about my private parts in public."

"I mean your brain, McKay!"

"In that case," Rodney sniffed, "I resent your insinuations about my sex life. Which, I'll have you know, is my business. But in case you were wondering, I have an extremely fulfilling, you might even say rampant…"

"Too much information!" Sheppard growled. Beckett nodded vigorously in agreement, looking pained.

"The question is," Sheppard said firmly, shooting a quelling glare at McKay, "what're we going to do about it?"

"You mean, what am I going to do about it?" Beckett observed, wearily.

"Yes, precisely." McKay hopped off the infirmary bed. "If you don't need me for anything else, I'm going back to work. Where's my…oh, thanks."

A nurse had come in with Rodney's jacket. He took it and pulled it self-consciously around himself, covering the locket.

"Hey…" Sheppard pulled the jacket open again. "Look! It's glowing."

The device was indeed pulsing with a soft red glow.

"Wow," the Major mused, "hey, if you wear the personal shield as well, you'll look like a Christmas tree."

"Wonderful! So I'll fix a fairy to my head, cover myself in lights, stick a battery up my ass, and sing 'Angels, From the Realms of Glory'. It'll be great fun for the Christmas party!" Snapped McKay. "Carson, what's it doing?"

Beckett hurried to examine him. After a few minutes of intense concentration, he looked up.

"Well…it's pulsing, and glowing red," the Scot replied.

"Well, thank you, Hippocrates," McKay sighed, frustrated.

"It's clearly doing something. I'd like to take some blood…"

"If you want any other fluids, tell the Major to leave first."

"That's…very generous, Rodney, but blood will do. Roll up your sleeve."

McKay twitched a little and turned pale when Beckett extracted three vials of blood from him, but otherwise took it like a man, only saying, "Ow," very quietly.

"I'll run these through as quickly as possible," Beckett told the scientist. "You'd better stay here."

"No way. I don't have time to sit around while you prod at me with medical instruments. I'm going back to work. Call me when you get the test results, okay?"

Beckett hesitated, then shrugged. After all there was nothing else he could do at the moment, and work would keep McKay from panicking too much about his weird new attachment.

"Off with ye, then," the doctor said, unable to keep the concern out of his voice. Fortunately McKay didn't appear to notice it. He nodded at Sheppard.

"Major – I'm going to try to figure out what this thing does. If any inscriptions or anything came with it…"

"I'd have mentioned that by now, Rodney," Sheppard pointed out dryly.

"Maybe. Or maybe you're enjoying watching me suffer. Maybe this is all still a prank on your part."

"Would I do that to you?"

"Would you?"

"Of course not. Weir wouldn't like it. I'd get into trouble," he added, sadly.

"Hmph," was the only response to that, and McKay made it. They left the infirmary together, still bickering, McKay's attachment still pulsing and glowing. To their surprise the pretty nurse who had brought Rodney's jacket trotted out after them.

"I hope you get better soon," she told McKay, with apparent sincerity.

"Um…thanks," Rodney replied, looking surprised. The nurse gazed at him for a moment, then reached out and ran a slim, delicate hand lightly over his arm. "Take care," she murmured.

"Er…right, right, yes, thanks. You too."

She went back inside. McKay looked extremely smug as he and the Major resumed walking.

"I always thought she had a thing for me."

"Working for Beckett has obviously driven her crazy. Do you even know her name?"

"No," McKay cocked his head in confusion, as though not seeing how this could possibly matter.

"Would you?" Sheppard asked, casually.

"Oh, sure. Even if she isn't a natural blonde, I mean, we're not exactly a massive population here, and people are already pairing off, fewer and fewer chances to get s…hi, Teyla."

The Athosian had rounded a corner and almost walked into McKay. Her pleasant smile of greeting faded into a frown of confusion as her gaze fell, and fixed, on the glowing object sunk in the scientist's chest.

"Rodney had a little problem with that Ancient device," Sheppard told her.

"I…I see," Teyla didn't appear to be listening. Her gaze had wandered; her eyes travelled up from McKay's chest, over his upper arms, and lingered.

"You have extremely attractive shoulders," she told the bemused scientist.

McKay opened his mouth, but no sound came out, a remarkable thing in itself. Teyla let her fingers trail across his chest, and smiled, seductively.

"I will be in my quarters all afternoon," she told him, "should you desire to discuss your…problem. I would be very willing to listen."

"…thanks…" Rodney half-whispered. Teyla smiled again and actually sashayed off down the corridor.

McKay, a dazed expression on his face, turned to Sheppard.

"Star Wars moment."

"As in, 'I'm having a bad feeling about this?'"

"Precisely."