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The Vacation from HELL
By Beneath The Remains
This is just a random bit of sillyness I wrote, because I needed a break from trying to write serious stories all the time. Enjoy!
Legal stuff: Like many, many other people here, I do not own FFVII. I just borrow the characters from time to time.
"What's wrong?" Cloud asked, entering the room. The Avalanche group sat huddled over a round table, going over a bunch of pamphlets and flyers, trying to decide where to go on vacation.
"It's just.. I don't know about these vacation spots." She replied. "They all seem a little... gloomy."
"Gloomy?"
"Call it women's intuition.." She replied, pointing to the small mountain of holiday brochures. Cloud took a quick glance at them.
"Raccoon City - Population: 150.000, and dropping, FAST!"
"Himuro Mansion - A real fixer-upper!"
"All God's Village - For all your spiritual healing needs."
"Lord Spencer's Manor - 'Best time I've ever had in my life!'- Prof. Hojo"
"Shadow Island - You'll never feel lonely here, even by yourself."
"Roivas Mansion Hotel, Rhode Island - Now with copious lodgings underground!"
He looked up from the table. "I see.."
"What about this place?" Aeris chimed in, pointing to one of the small flyers. "Silent Hill."
Tifa looked over. "Yeah, that sounds nice and quiet."
Nods and murmurs of agreement came from the rest of the group.
Cloud nodded. "Silent Hill it is, then."
"See the stick?" She exclaimed excitedly. "See it! Fetch the stick, boy!" She threw the stick for Red to fetch.
He stared blankly at the young ninja. Yuffie groaned. "Look.." She said, frustrated. Getting on her hands and knees, she crawled over to the stick, picked it up in her mouth, crawled back to Red and took it out. "See?"
Red XIII snorted. "I refuse to take part in this childish activity."
Yuffie sighed, getting up and dusting herself off. "You're no fun! Okay, then.." She mused, rocking back and forth on her heels. "I guess we'll just have to play... dodgeball!" She brought a small red ball from behind her back, grinning evilly.
Red XIII gave her an uncertain look. "What?"
"This is the ball, see?" She pointed to the ball. "I throw it, you dodge it. Ready?"
"Um.."
"One.."
"Don't I get to throw it back?"
"Two.."
"No, wait, I haven't got any ha-"
"THREE!" She finished counting, throwing the ball as hard as she possibly could, right into Red's face.
She instantly regretted that, as Red XIII stared at her, snarling angrily, with a murderous look in his eye.
"Um... nice doggy?"
"Check." Tifa replied.
"Supplies?"
"Check."
"...Barret's sailor suit?" Aeris hazarded, looking over the pile of objects the group was bringing along. She and Tifa looked at each other, then shrugged simultaneously.
"Help meeeeeeeeeeeee!" A voice came through the window, followed by the sound of a large dog barking angrily.
"What's all that noise outside?" Aeris asked. She looked out the window to see Yuffie running away from a very angry Red XIII.
Cloud joined her at the window. "Oh, great.. Red's gone mental."
"I think you'd better go out and rescue her." Tifa commented, watching the scene as well. Red had apparently chased Yuffie up a tree, and was leaning up against its bulk, salivating and barking like mad.
"Heeeeeeeelp!"
"Down, boy! Down!" Cid yelled, grabbing Red around the neck, while Cloud got a hold of his torso, trying to peel him away from the tree where Yuffie was clinging on for dear life. After a bit of struggling, Red XIII reluctantly allowed the pilot to pull him away, leaving scratch marks in the ground. He continued glowering threateningly at the terror-stricken ninja.
"C'mon, vacation now, kill later." Cid said, pulling him away.
A short, uneasy moment passed.
"Come on down, it's safe now." Cloud said.
"You sure?" Yuffie replied.
"Sort of.." He replied, looking around to make sure Red wasn't there. He extended his hand to the shaken-up girl as she reached the bottom of the tree.
"Thanks." She said, breathing a sigh of relief as she got down. "So, what's up?" She asked.
"We've picked a spot." Cloud replied.
"Finally!" She exclaimed excitedly, rushing inside the Villa to pack.
"No."
"Are we there yet?"
"No."
"Are we there yet?"
"No."
"Are we there yet?"
"NO!" Everyone shouted.
"Well, So-rry!" Yuffie replied. "Just asking.. geez!"
"Well, we'd get there alot faster if my Highwind was still in one piece." Cid shouted at Cait Sith.
"Hey, don't look at me. I wasn't the one who forgot to fuel it before takeoff!" The toy cat replied defensively, glaring at Barret.
"Well, it wouldn't have broke if you could reach the damn 'mergency lever, foo' !"
"Can you all just SHUT UP FOR A SECOND!" Cloud shouted, irritated. "Look... I'm sure we're almost there, it's just hard to see with all this fo-"
A figure appeared in the road for a split-second, causing him to swerve off the road.
"AAAAAAHH!" Everyone shouted.
The group, dazed, but mostly ok, climbed out of the wrecked buggy.
"God-damnit," Cid yelled. "can't you guys even get into one freaking vehicle without wrecking it!"
"Sorry." Cloud apologized sheepishly. "Thought I saw something on the road.."
"Well," Aeris said, dusting herself off. "apart from that horrifying near-death experience we just had, this place seems ideal for a vacation."
"Yeah, really nice.." Tifa agreed "..and really quiet." She looked around, somewhat nervously.
"Almost a little.. too quiet." Vincent commented, in a suitably over-dramatic fashion.
"Talk about a clichéd line." Yuffie countered. Vincent scowled almost audibly, but said nothing.
"Kinda foggy, ain't it?" Cid remarked.
Cloud nodded slightly. "And it's snowing, out of season."
"Vincent, you're bleeding!" Tifa shouted.
"I am?" He asked, looking down, and noticing that his clothes were a bit more dark-red than usual. "Hmmm.. it must have happened during our unscheduled descent.."
"Look! There's a hospital." Aeris said. "Let's get you inside.."
For those interested, I am working on a follow-up to Emancipation. And Clorith, if you're reading this, I'm also working on your special request. ;)
I'm sorry that it's all taking so long, but I've been really busy lately with school, (and with my new website). Too busy to do any serious writing, and I didn't want to rush either story. I do want them to turn out good, after all.
Feedback and reviews are greatly appreciated.
Cheers,
BTR/Outfoxed
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