USAGI NO YUME (USAGI’S DREAM)
Author: Sailor Star Dust
June.27.2003(Stonewall Riots in 1969...)REVISED: January.29.2005
Rating: PG
Contact: Disclaimer: Nope, I don’t own Sailormoon...Hell, no company in America owns Sailor Moon at the moment! Anyway, don’t sue me as it wouldn’t be worth your time effort okay? NOTES: A short little fanfic which takes place sometime during my 2nd fanfic series...enjoy!

I'm in my large bedroom inside the Crystal Place, sitting on my friends are having fun somewhere; however, I didn't bother asking them where they were going.
I'm too depressed today to really go anywhere, let alone spend time with everyone.
Staring off vacantly into space, a long, sad, sigh escapes my lips.
I hate this...
The tears are already forming in my eyes...
Why?
Why do I have to fight?
Why...?
Why must I have this destiny which (at times) I wish I could be rid of?
Anger, sadness, and frustration arise within my blood.
"I just want to be normal! That's all! Is that too much to ask for!"
Wiping the already fallen tears from my cheeks and eyes, I lay down.
I...I never asked to remember my past life as Moon Princess Serenity...Only to later have the fate of becoming a Queen...
I...never wanted to be Sailor Moon from the very start...
Why...?
Why does destiny force me to into such things?
I never asked to be the Messiah that saves the world!
And I never wanted to be the Light of Hope, Sailor Cosmos, as well!
Closing my tired, still wet eyes, for a moment.
Thinking of how upset Mamo-chan-tachi would be to see me crying.
I make a feeble attempt to relax.
Reopening my sky-blue eyes, my gaze drifts towards a recently taken picture of my friends and I.
Sighing once more, I sadly whisper.
"Minna..."
I never asked to meet and befriend Mamo-chan, as well as Ami-chan-tachi...
Sometimes, I find myself wishing that I never met ANY of them in the first place!
Because of this damned destiny and me, everyone always have to suffer!
Because of this damned destiny and me, my loved ones put their life on the line numerous times just to save me!
Because of this damned destiny and me, my friends can never fully follow the dreams and hopes they have!
It would have been for the best...to have never met any of them!
But...then you would be alone..., my inner self replies.
Startled, I gasp.
Sweat begins to form on my neck...
Sky-blue eyes wide from this sudden shock, I contemplate my reasoning.
Continuing, I think:
You would be alone, and most likely not have had the happy life made up of the wonderful friends, husband, and child that you have now...
Flustered, I argue with my inner self, replying:
"At least then, I would have been able to still make my dreams come true!"
Tears drip down my face as I start to sob.
"I...I don't even know what my true dreams are! Because, the final years of my innocence and normalcy as a young teenager were taken away the minute I first transformed into Sailor Moon!"
My conscience doesn’t give up. Why can't you just be happy with what you have? You're a lot stronger then you give yourself credit for, baka Usagi. And you damn well know you can do whatever it is you want to do in this lifetime, so you should go for it!
Shaking my head, I try to wipe my eyes with the back of my hand.
Iie!
But I can't! I can't do anything because I'm scared I'll fail!
I'm not good at doing my best under so much pressure with everything!
If I wouldn't have so many responsibilities to deal with, then maybe I'd follow the childhood dream I sometimes had of being a singer, or an artist!
If I wouldn't be Neo-Queen Serenity, Sailor Moon, and Sailor Cosmos...
If...If I'd just have a normal life of still knowing everyone...
Of still being married to Mamo-chan, regardless of destiny...
And of still raising my daughter Chibi-Usa...
I'd be happy.
And then maybe...just maybe I would follow my dreams!
But...because of my fate, I don't have any hope left to do so…
Dreams...
Hope...
Will I one day…regain them again...?
"Dreams...and hope, Usagi, is something we all posses. You, the most. Especially out of all of us...Or at least I should say you normally do..."
"Please...don't give up on what makes you happy just for our sake. Follow your dreams, as well. We want you to. We just want you to be happy, Usagi-chan."
I blink.
Startled, I turn to see Mamo-chan and Ami-chan, standing by (what I thought was) my closed bedroom door.
Feeling very embarrassed, I quickly look away.
I don't want them to see how upset I am.
"You guys heard what I was saying just now?", I murmur.
Mamo-chan winks at me.
"Yup. Especially the part about you wishing that you'd never met us!"
Feeling rather annoyed at the moment, I glare at him.
"I'm in a bad mood! You could at least be a LITTLE sympathetic towards me, thank you!"
Sitting next to me, Mamo-chan sighs.
"Usa-ko, I'm just kidding, ne?"
He looks at me sweetly, taking my hand into his.
"In all honesty, though, are you really ok? I mean, you seemed depressed..."
Ami nods as her navy-blue eyes show worry.
Her kind smile however, is that of reassurance.
"Usagi-chan...we know that you care about us, but you care way too much about us at times..."
Wiping a now stuffed nose with a sleeve, I sigh tiredly.
"Ami-chan...I know. And, I'm sorry for never really telling you guys any of this, but I...just don't ever want to upset anyone."
"Usa-ko."
Blinking, my eyes quickly meet his.
Mamo-chan suddenly kisses my forehead.
"Please, sweetheart. None of us want to see you ignoring your feelings just to see us happy, all right?"
Again, I sigh.
I'm feeling so emotionally exhausted right now...
"I...I know, Mamo-chan. I know that I shouldn't be silly enough to act like this...But, fighting in these never-ending wars for so many years is starting to change me..."
Cheeks reddening, my voice breaks as I continue...
"...For the worse..." Sobbing brokenly, my Mamo-chan lets me cry in his arms.
He rubs my back soothingly, whispering:
"Usa-ko...calm down, please, baby...Please? Calm down, there's nothing to be upset about..." Ami-chan...Mamo-chan...You’re right...
I hope, one day—some day soon—I can be my true, happy, self again.
I just wonder when that day will come.

THE END

Author's (revised, too!) Notes: Just something a little different, I guess. A sad one-shot from Usagi's POV of her frustration over the years...If I were her (Queen of the whole damn WORLD, none the less!) , I’d feel pretty stressed out too-;I know with my revised version of this, there aren’t too many changes, but I still just needed to fix any errors I made…As a fanfic writer, I shouldn’t make such careless mistakes (spelling errors, misconceptions of characters from the series, etc) if I want to be taken seriously, right? The day I wrote this, I was watching my fansubs of Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon episodes: 33-35 and episodes 45 46 which is what inspired me.
As far as my other fics, they should be back up soon! (Within the next month by the latest ;-) )
Take care ‘til then, minna-san!

-Sailor Star Dust