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-Whispers of the Forest-

Chapter 5

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Author: Kintora

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((Previously))

Peace was still an uneasy truce between the humans and the forest, but life still went on. Shin would always despise the humans in his forest, and by the end of the tale, I couldn’t help but develop some prejudice towards them too.

But something about our conversation stirred my memory, making me recall the strange message that the wise woman had told me before she died in my arms.

Trust in the forest to protect you, and have faith in yourself.

If she meant exactly what she had said, then maybe she was speaking of the Forest Spirit. But what could he possibly do to help me? He was nothing more than the invisible, omnipresent spirit of life and death according to Shin’s story. Unless he could somehow bring everyone from the village back to life and erase the Tora tribe, I doubted there was much else he could help me with.

The sun was high up over the towers of white clouds, spraying the land with strokes of white gold. The breezy summer winds lifted flower heads and rolled the tall green grasses in an endless array of lazy waves. By the time we reached the cave again, I could see the forest breathing with life under the blue sky. It seemed so… peaceful, yet I knew it had not always been so.

As we neared the cave entrance, Basho came out from beneath the shaded stone awning. The presence of the second wolf god meant he had met up with my brother already, and… My heart pounded heavily in my chest, and I feared that I would sicken all over again from the anxiety knotting up my stomach.

I was just dying to know if my brother was here, to see him for myself.

Basho nodded a wordless greeting at me, and turned back to look at the cave entrance. San emerged next, and beside her…

My brother looked barely a year or two older than the last I had seen him. His rich, dark eyes widened at the sight of me riding Kiba’s back. My name fell from his lips, his soft, familiar voice bringing tears to my eyes.

“Kaya.”

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“B-brother!” I gasped, suddenly finding it hard to say the word. It had been so many years since I last called him that.

Kiba brought me closer to the grassy cleft as Ashitaka leapt down from the cave’s mouth. As I slipped off my friend’s back, I fell into my brother’s strong embrace, relishing our long overdue reunion. How long has it been? How long have I dreamed to hug my big brother again? It was almost too good to be true.

“Is it really you? I’m not dreaming?” I asked, burrowing my face against his shoulder, “You’re really here!”

Ashitaka nodded, I could feel his cheek pressing against my hair. “Of course I am. I’m here Kaya.”

I pulled away and looked up at him, “I thought you would have forgotten me.” I grabbed his collar for support as my legs gave under me. Ashitaka helped me sit down.

“Have you forgotten our parting words?” He asked me as he patted my head softly, “‘You know I could never forget you.’ Remember now?”

My tears continued to fall even as I struggled to rein them in. Even after all these years, I still lacked the ability to hold the waterworks when I was with him.

“I do. But I was so alone after you left. After you and Yakkul left the village that night, it was like everyone else was leaving me too.”

I watched my brother’s face turn into a pensive frown. His hard, thoughtful look seemed so out of place in the serene wilderness. As he stared past my shoulder, it was like he was seeing something I couldn’t see. When he looked back at me, it was hard to tell what he was thinking, besides the fact that he was perturbed.

“Kaya, I need you to tell me what is going on.”

My mouth felt numb as my brain worked over time to think up some excuse to give him. But it was futile. Sooner or later, I would have to tell him about our parents, about our village, about our home… Eventually, I would have to tell him exactly what happened to me. But I wasn’t ready.

Shin must have sensed the conflicting thoughts in me, for he growled quietly as he strode over to my side, “Ashitaka. Your sister is still recovering. Perhaps it would be better if we went inside and saved questions for later.”

Ashitaka nodded silently as he helped me up, but Basho and San were busy giving their wolf brother strange looks. Just as Ashitaka was leading me up to the cave, I heard Basho grunt smugly, “I didn’t think you had it in you to be so thoughtful.”

Shin snorted, and simply walked away. No doubt he was sick of babysitting me, I thought as I watched his glinting white fur disappear into the shadows of the forest beyond.

Earlier in the day, San and Basho had slipped into the shadows and out into the sunshine. I didn’t know where they went, but I was grateful to have some alone time with Ashitaka. He was never the garrulous type, and that didn’t change now. He spoke gently to me and filled me in on everything that had gone on in the past few years. I had already heard about the great Forest Spirit being slain by human hands, but I hadn’t heard much about this Iron Town that he now lived in.

I sure as hell didn’t want to go there though, that’s for sure.

It made me a little anxious hearing about the people’s deeds and I just simply couldn’t put my heart into forgiving them. Despite that all being in the past, I just… I grew up in a small village that shared land, air, and water with the local spirits. We were raised to respect and cherish both worlds.

I am sure Ashitaka would attest to the same morals. So why he wanted to live in a wretched town like that had me bewildered.

However, that’s not where my bewilderment stopped. What also surprised me was that Ashitaka had chosen his bride. Perhaps it shouldn’t have surprised me, as he was a good-looking young man and was of marriageable age when he left seven years ago. As he slowly broke the news to me, I couldn’t help but feel like something itchy was growing in the pit of my heart.

Annoyance? Anger?

As he continued, I found myself unable to hold his gaze more and more. I would subconsciously turn my eyes away to look somewhere else – a crack in the great stone walls, the feathery dust rising from the ground, fingers of sunlight in the glittering air…

Was I jealous?

I was. I had my brother all to myself while we grew up. He was my brother. Maybe some part of me had wished that once I found him, things would go back to normal. We would be closest as always and nothing would change. We had always been first in each other’s lives, until now. Now the one who was first in his life was…

“Kaya,” Ashitaka smiled at me, “Are you listening?” I frowned, breaking out of my thoughts.

“I am.” Maybe I spoke more gruffly than I meant.

Ashitaka gave me one of his querying looks before shrugging. “I know things have changed much these years we were apart. I was just curious about what you thought of San.”

Perhaps I had not been listening to him as closely as I thought I had been.

“San and her brothers saved me. I owe my life to them,” I answered slowly, not liking where this was going. Things that I had missed were suddenly beginning to make sense.

Ashitaka observed my pensive face quietly, and that was how I understood without having to hear him tell me.

“You mean…” I gaped slightly, “You and San are…?”

“Yes,” my brother replied.

How could such a simple answer be so heartbreaking? The itchy feeling in my exploded into a thousand needles, and I found myself struggling to maintain my composure. I tried to smile, but I couldn’t make the corners reach my eyes. I suppose I could learn to accept San in that way. If his lover were any other girl, I would have had a harder time.

“I’m happy for you, brother,” I told him simply.

If he noticed anything off with me, Ashitaka showed no sign of it. Instead, he nodded and smiled at me. The next question out of his mouth threw me for a loop though.

“Did you find someone who would take you as his bride?”

I felt myself stiffen, and the flatness in my stare probably gave me away.

“Not at all,” I thought for a moment, “I do not want to marry.”

Ashitaka didn’t push me. He only gave me another quiet, measuring look before he fired off my questions that veered far from the topics of our hometown and my love life.

The day passed slowly and uneventfully by the time evening approached. The sky had not yet turned red, but the orange was seeping in from the west and the night’s black cloak bordered the fringe of mountains to the east. At least there were two or so more hours of sunlight before darkness would take over.

Even though I spent nearly a whole day with my brother, we did little more than talk about his life in Iron Town and other things of little matter to me. While it was interesting learning about what he was doing and the people he had befriended over the years, it did little to take my mind off my worries. When would it ever be the right time to drop the bomb?

Of course, my whole journey west had been focused solely on finding Ashitaka. I never really thought of what to do beyond that – what I'd say to him. Maybe when I ran away on that dark, frightening night, I believed I could bring my brother back to help.

But it has been a few months since then... there was probably nothing to save. And if I knew my people well, most would have already perished. Other stragglers like myself had probably fled and were scattered everywhere. I had little faith that they would go back any time soon.

I found myself unable to stomach any food that night and opted to go for a short walk, claiming I was still a little sick and needed some fresh air. As the sun began to set, I found myself at a cliff. Standing there and just listening to the nightlife of the forest reminded me of the evenings I had spent on my journey with only Kiba as company. But as much as I enjoyed the peace, it did little to sooth my troubled heart.

Everything I learned that day was more or less hanging down on me, especially the part about Ashitaka having found his soul mate. It's not that I didn't like San. I didn't know her well, but I knew that she was a truly admirable person. What she shared with my brother was real. So I knew that in time, I would end up liking San very much.

I guess what hurt me the most was the crystal dagger I gave my brother. I thought he'd be the one to wear it, forever and always as a sentiment I left for him only. It was my way of protecting him. But that night as we all sat down for dinner, the firelight danced across San's chest and flickered off the purple crystal, catching my eye. My face froze, and it took me a few moments to shake off the paralyzing shock.

It was the last proof I needed to see to know that Ashitaka had truly left his Emishi life behind him. And somehow, I had also felt cast away too. My beloved trinket now belonged to a woman I hardly knew. The worst part was... I couldn't hate her. I could never hate her.

It took all my willpower right then and there to excuse myself without appearing immensely troubled.

The sun's dying light lit the over hanging clouds, lining them with gold and auburn. The sky was turning to a dusky purple red that spanned magnificently over the forests and mountains. It was beautiful, and terrifying all the same. Like blood.

“It's not safe staying outside after sundown.”

I closed my eyes and let my head drop, hiding the tears that had suddenly sprung to my eyes. “I know.”

Shin prowled silently so that he stood next to me, facing the setting sun. I turned my head to the opposite side so it was impossible for him to see my face. He sighed gruffly, “It's no use hiding. I can smell your tears, remember?”

“Wonderful,” I said, though the sarcasm sounded weak even to me.

“Did you fight with Ashitaka?”

I swallowed the lump in my throat, “No. It was great talking to him again. I never really thought I'd actually find him, much less see him again.”

“So what's wrong?” Shin asked as he settled down beside me. I took that as an invitation, so I sat down as well.

“I guess I wasn't expecting things to change,” I muttered, rubbing harshly at the stains on my face, “He was always the closest person to me. Even when everyone else left me, I still believed... you know. I still had him.”

Shin's ears flicked. “You still have him. That hasn't changed. He will always be your brother.”

“It's different now. He has San. He's forgotten me,” I said, thinking of the crystal dagger I had once cherished.

“Is that what has been bothering you? I thought it was your village you were worried about.”

“It's everything,” I shook my head, “I hate change. And hate the distance between us. It's as if I felt closer to him when we were apart than now.”

Shin was silent for a while after, and I wondered if he had dozed off. It was then that I felt ashamed for complaining so much.

“I'm sorry, Shin. I didn't mean to sound ungrateful. I am really glad to know that my brother is alive and well. And I am glad that he met San. I guess most of my feelings are just irrational.”

“You needn't apologize,” Shin grumbled, “I feel the same way when it comes to San.”

I turned to face him, the final rays of sunlight made his farseeing eyes glow like kindling embers. My surprise must have prompted him to continue.

“I can still remember San as a helpless, little baby, as if that memory was just yesterday. And now she's a fearless warrior with a man at her side. She doesn't need our help to survive anymore.” He let a soft sigh, “Basho still stays with her all the time, but I've learned to give San her space.”

I drew my knees up to chest and rested my head on top of them. So I wasn't alone. Although I sensed his sadness, I was a little glad we had some common ground. “The hurt doesn't go away, does it?” I asked quietly.

“No,” Shin said, “But neither do the memories you share. Accept the change, Kaya. It's only wise to do so.”

My snapped up as I looked at him again, “You said my name.”

“Would you like it if I resumed calling you 'human'?” he growled in annoyance.

I smiled, “Of course not.” Shin's ear flicked again in the darkness. And though I couldn't really see them, I knew he rolled his eyes at me.

“Get on my back, human,” Shin said, “I don't want to fish you out of the river again.”

It was my turn to roll my eyes as I did what I was told.

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A/N: Hey guys, I’m glad that you are all enjoying this story so far. I actually got a suggestion or two from some reviewers, regarding the plot of my story. While it’s sweet that you like it enough to think up alternative plot lines, I can’t do what you suggest. I’ve already got the whole thing planned out. But thank you for contributing your thoughts.

I also got an interesting take on Ashitaka and Kaya’s relationship in the movie. A reviewer told me that Kaya was actually Ashitaka’s intended bride, so I tried to dig up any information supporting that.

There wasn’t much I could find online. And in the movie, Kaya always calls Ashitaka, “Ani-sama” – the old-fashioned form of “Oni-sama” which is a respectful way to say “big brother.” Hence I’ve always seen them as real siblings. They even look alike! Anyway, I won’t/can’t change their relationship in this story. But if anyone knows anything, I’m still interested to sate my curiosity. Thanks!

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Question of the Chapter

Q: What is the number one thing on your wish list right now?

My Answer: I really, REALLY want the Radical Dreamers music box. I've been after the thing for over 3 years now.

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