|Calvin and Hobbes' Wild Movie Collection
Author: Swing123 PM
Calvin and Hobbes see some action movies. They decide to make fun of them by copying the action scenes. EVEN IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIES, THIS FIC IS STILL FUNNY! PLEASE R&RRated: Fiction K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 19,432 - Reviews: 130 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 11-08-06 - Published: 02-26-05 - Status: Complete - id: 2282262
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Calvin and Hobbes sat in front of the TV.
They had just finished watching The Day After Tomorrow movie.
"THAT WAS COOL!" Calvin exclaimed.
"Ugh." Said Hobbes. "Frozen people and hurricanes. I'll bet The Weather Channel is about the same thing."
"Yeah, but The Weather Channel doesn't show all those cool special effects! The hail, the tornado, the hurricane…"
"I get the point." Said Hobbes.
"Wouldn't it be cool if WE stared in that movie?" asked Calvin.
"I can Imagine." Said Hobbes rolling his eyes. "We wouldn't be the main characters, so we'd probably freeze along with all those other idiots who thought they could survive the storm."
"Ya know, Hobbes," Calvin said slowly. "I just thought of a way we could star in the movie!"
"Oh-no." said Hobbes.
Calvin ignored him. "Come on outside, buddy! Our fame and fortune awaits!"
Calvin raced outside.
Hobbes sighed, and followed.
When he got outside, Calvin was running around in circles in the front yard.
"What are you doing?" Hobbes asked.
"Practicing my acting skills, buddy! This is the running scene."
Hobbes stared at Calvin as he continued to run around in circles.
"Acting?" he said. "You don't actually think I'm going to…"
"Yup." Said Calvin. He stopped running around, and grinned up at Hobbes. "Buddy, we're gonna make The Day After The Day After Tomorrow."
Hobbes rolled his eyes. "Really? I don't suppose we're going to hire any actors?"
"Nope." Said Calvin. "Just you and me! Lets get started!"
Hobbes sighed. "Ok." He said. "What's the first scene?"
"The first one is where the guy falls into the crack in Antarctica! That was COOL!"
Hobbes looked around. "Calvin," he said. "This is spring. All the ice and snow we had has melted away."
Calvin stopped grinning. "Oh, yeah. Hmmm. How can we get some ice?"
"We have some in the Freezer." Suggested Hobbes.
"GOOD IDEA!" Calvin and Hobbes ran into the house to get their ice.
"Hmmm." Observed Calvin. "This won't be enough to cover the whole yard."
"Why do we want to cover the whole yard?" asked Hobbes.
"Hobbes," Calvin said. "This a ice scene we're talking about. We can't just put a dab of ice here, and another dab there! We need to cover the whole yard!"
"Ok." Said Hobbes rolling his eyes in disagreement. "But where are we going to get more ice for the rest of the yard?"
Calvin's eyes lit up. "I've got it!" he yelled.
Over at the Super Market, Calvin was staring into the freezer full of ice.
"These are a buck a bag. How much money do you have, Hobbes?"
Hobbes reached into his fur "pocket" and pulled out a few coins.
"I have fifty two cents." He said counting the money.
"Great, I have five bucks. Lets buy a few bags."
Calvin bought the five bags, (Hobbes got to keep his 52 cents) and made their way back to the house.
"This still isn't enough!" Calvin said. "Now what are we going to do?"
Hobbes shrugged. "I guess we'll have to…"
It was then that Hobbes noticed a sneaky expression form on Calvin's face.
"If we can take ice out of OUR freezer," he said slowly. "Then we can take ice out of OTHER PEOPLE'S freezers right?"
"Wrong." Said Hobbes. But Calvin was already rushing away to Susie's house.
Four hours later, Calvin had robbed the entire neighborhood of their ice. And, With Hobbes' help, they spread the ice across the yard.
"Ok, Hobbes, I'll the big important officer who's doing smart things, and you can be the idiot who caused a crack in the ice causing a crack fifty miles deep!"
"Whatever." Said Hobbes. "But, lets hurry up. This ice is turning my feet numb."
DAY AFTER THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW
scene one: Big important smart guy does smart stuff, while idiot creates crack in ice.
Calvin the magnificent walks across the freezing tundra of The South Pole (pretty smart huh?), While Hobbes the driller drills into the ice to get stuff.
"What was it that those people were getting anyway?" asked Hobbes the Driller. "You don't know, do you?"
"HEY! HEY! HEY!" yelled Calvin the magnificent. "STICK TO THE SCRIPT!"
Hobbes the driller sighed and continued drilling.
Just then, the ice crumbled!
Hobbes the driller looked up.
THE ICE WAS CRACKING!
Calvin the magnificent turned and beamed Hobbes the driller a look of purest steel.
"What have you done?" He asked intelligently.
Before Hobbes The Driller could answer, the ice opened up! And Hobbes the Driller went tumbling into the great unknown!
"NO!" Calvin the dope head… I mean, magnificent yelled. "I WILL SAVE YOU! BY ALL THAT IS MAGNIFICENT! In other words, me!"
Calvin the magnificent raced over to the crack of ice.
There, hanging on for dear life…. WAS HOBBES THE DRILLER!
Calvin the magnificent stuck his hand into the crack.
"Take my hand!" he yelled.
"Good advice." Said Hobbes the Driller reaching up, and taking Calvin the magnificent's hand.
Just then loud terrible moans filled the area.
Calvin the magnificent turned his head.
CALVIN THE MAGNIFICENT AND HOBBES THE DRILLER WERE SURROUNDED BY ICE CREATURES!
"HEY!" Calvin the magnificent yelled. "Get out of here! There aren't any Ice Creatures in The Day After Tomorrow! SHOO! BUZZ OFF! GET YOUR OWN MOVIE!"
"CALVIN!" yelled one of the Ice Creatures. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO OUR ICE!"
END OF SCENE ONE OF THE DAY AFTER THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW
Calvin looked around.
He was surrounded by the entire neighborhood.
Susie, Moe, Miss Wormwood, EVERYBODY! And all around him… gulp…. Half melted ice covered the yard.
Calvin turned back to the mob of iceless people.
Heh, heh." He said sheepishly. "Nice day to cool off, don't you think?"
Calvin's mom fought through the crowd 'till she came to Calvin.
Her face turned a deep shade of red. She shivered all over, clenched her fists, gritted her teeth, and her eyes nearly bulged out of her head.
The next thing Calvin knew, he was in his room.
Two weeks later, after Calvin was let out of his room, He and Hobbes decided to continue their play.
Wait, scratch that. CALVIN decided to continue.
Hobbes was just standing there when Calvin mentioned it.
"So," said Hobbes. "Are we going to sit in a court room and discuss global warming?"
Calvin stared at Hobbes in disbelief. "HOBBES!" he exclaimed. "That's the most boring part of the movie!"
"Never mind." Said Hobbes.
"The next scene will be the hail the size of baseballs!"
"Where are we going to get hail the size of baseballs?" asked Hobbes.
"Baseballs of corse." Said Calvin.
"Oh great." Said Hobbes.
Calvin rushed around to the front of the house, grabbed a bucket of baseballs, and hurried back.
"When I give the signal," Calvin said. "You throw one baseball at me from the tree house."
"This will be fun." Said Hobbes.
"When I give you the signal again," Calvin continued. "Dump all the other baseballs on me, ok?"
"Gotchya." Said Hobbes grabbing the bucket, and climbing up the tree to the tree house.
THE DAY AFTER THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW
Scene two: Hail the size of baseballs
Mr. Important Calvin talked on the phone with someone of no particular interest.
"Blah, blah, blah" said Mr. Important Calvin. "Blah, blah, blah-dity, blah, blah NOW HOBBES!"
Just then, a hail the size of a baseball crashed to the ground.
Mr. Important Calvin freaked out.
"AAAA! HAIL! HELP! QAAA! HEAAA! NOW HOBBES! AAAA!"
Just then hail came from all directions hitting everything in sight.
Mr. Important Calvin is HIT! AND THEN HE FALLS UNCONSCIOUS!
END OF SCENE TWO OF THE DAY AFTER THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW
Hobbes crawled out of the tree.
Calvin continued to lay on the grass with his tongue hanging out to one side.
"Boy," said Hobbes. "That was fun. What's next?"
Calvin got up. "Next is the scene where tornados hit Hollywood!"
"Oh, boy." Said Hobbes sarcastically. "What are we gonna use for the tornados? Fans?"
"YES." Said Calvin. "dad has a lot of fans in his closet! LETS GO!"
Hobbes sighed, and followed Calvin into the house to get some fans.
THE DAY AFTER THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW
scene three: A bunch of tornados
"THE HOLLYWOOD SIGN IS GONE!" Screamed the mighty Calvin from a helicopter.
"Not that I care." said Hobbes the normal guy, watching the tornado tear the Hollywood sign apart. "I never did like those movies."
The mighty Calvin leaped off the helicopter, and ran over to Hobbes the normal guy, who was holding a NBC news cam.
"AS YOU CAN SEE," yelled the mighty Calvin over the terrible wind. "There is wind everywhere! It's too late for the Hollywood sign. IT WAS A BRAVE SIGN!"
"Yawn." said Hobbes the normal guy, sarcastically.
"We have No where else to go..." before the mighty Calvin could finish, a billboard slammed into him, and sent him flying backward.
Hobbes threw the NBC cam away, and started walking around in circles going; "help. Tornado. Can't hold on. Help-ity, help, help. Save me, help."
the mighty Calvin crawled out from under the billboard and screamed, "HOBBES! YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO MAKE IT MORE CONVINCING THAN THAT!"
Just then, a huge tornado monster stepped into the clearing.
"GET OUT OF HERE!" the mighty Calvin yelled at the tornado monster. "THIS IS PURE WEATHER DESTRUCTION! GO SOAK YOU'RE HEAD YA STUPID MONSTER!"
"CALVIN!" The tornado monster screamed. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY FANS!"
END OF SCENE THREE OF THE DAY AFTER THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW
Calvin's dad stood in the middle of a field with a bunch of trees.
And hanging from each tree with extension cords attached to them, were all of dad's fans. Blowing at "high" and making little dust devils in the dirt.
Calvin looked his dad up and down.
His fists were clenched and shaking, His eyes were narrowed to slits, and his teeth were gritted.
"Heh, heh." Calvin said. He looked around, He saw no sign of Hobbes. He had just got up, and walked away.
"You dumb tiger." Calvin muttered.
He spent the rest of the day in his room.
The next day, Calvin wanted to continue the play. Hobbes wasn't to eager.
"Calvin." He said. "The next scene was the flood, and I refuse to get my fur wet!"
"Why?" asked Calvin. "I read that tigers love water."
"When we're in Asia we do." said Hobbes crossing his arms. "When we're in captivity we hate it!"
"You're not in captivity to dumb cat!"
Hobbes didn't answer.
"Look." said Calvin. "You won't get wet, ok?"
Hobbes eventually agreed. Calvin ran into the house, and came out moments later with several glasses of water.
Hobbes rolled his eyes. "Oh-boy." he muttered.
THE DAY AFTER THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW
scene four: flood
Just then, a huge wave formed up from the waters in New York City!
It hit the city with FULL force!
"Help. Save me." said Hobbes the cat, walking down the road to the library.
"HURRY!" Calvin-o-the-great screamed to a crowd of panicking people.
"THE LIBRARY! IT'S THREE STORIES HIGH! WE'LL MAKE IT!"
Calvin-o-the-great turned to a flight of steps, and saw a huge...
"HEY!" screamed Calvin-o-the-great. "WHERE'S THE LIBRARY?"
He turned to Hobbes the cat.
"YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GET SOMETHING FOR THE LIBRARY!" He screamed.
"well excuse me." said Hobbes the cat. "You didn't tell me to get a library. I thought you and your hot-shot imagination could build something up."
"Oh for crying out loud!" Calvin-o-the-great turned to the gigantic wave that raced toward them at four hundred mph.
"PAUSE!" Calvin-o-the-great yelled.
The wave froze, and the entire scene came to a standstill.
NOT THE END OF SCENE FOUR OF THE DAY AFTER THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW. PLEASE STAND BY, WHILE CALVIN-O-THE-GREAT PUTS IN A LIBRARY.
"YOU STUPID TIGER!" Calvin yelled. "Because of you, I have to keep my ten billion screaming fans waiting!"
"Ten billion screaming what?" said Hobbes.
Calvin raced around to the back of the house.
He came back minutes later with one of his Play-school houses.
He set it down in the grass.
"There." he said. "This will be the library."
"I was expecting brick, not cheap plastic." said Hobbes.
NOW WE SHALL CONTINUE SCENE FOUR OF THE DAY AFTER THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW.
"PLAY!" Calvin-o-the-great screamed.
The wave instantly started at them again.
"INTO THE YOU-KNOW-WHAT! AND HURRY!" Calvin-o-the-great yelled.
Ten billion screaming fans raced into the library just as the wave slammed against it.
NOW THE END OF SCENE FOUR OF THE DAY AFTER THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW.
"Now what?" asked Hobbes, dully.
"Well," Calvin thought. "Now everybody's in the library. Hmmm. OH YEAH! THEY HAD TO GET FOOD! Remember? They smashed a club into a snack machine to get their food!"
"Calvin we don't have a snack machine OR a club." said Hobbes.
"No problem there!" Calvin held up a baseball bat, and ran into the house.
"I'll meet you in your room." Said Hobbes walking away.
THE DAY AFTER THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW'
scene five: food
Calvin raced over to the refrigerator. He looked behind him.
"Hey!" he exclaimed. "Hobbes isn't here!"
he shrugged, and turned back to the fridge.
With a terrible CRASH, Calvin slammed the bat into the fridge door.
It made a huge dent, but it didn't break.
"Mmm." observed Calvin. "They make ice boxes the way they used to!"
Calvin slammed the bat into the fridge again.
"CALVIN! WILL YOU...!" mom walked into the room.
She stared at Calvin.
She stared at the raised baseball bat.
She stared at the broken down fridge.
There was a long throbbing moment of silence.
Then, "GOOD GRIEF!" mom screamed. "YOU'RE HITTING THE FRIDGE FOR THE SPORT OF IT!"
How would Calvin have known that his mom would start throwing silverware at him? That's what happened.
Mom started pelting Calvin with spoons and forks.
"AAA!" Calvin yelled. "THE HAIL'S BACK! RUN!"
Calvin ran up to his room.
END OF SCENE FIVE OF THE DAY AFTER THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW.
The next day, Calvin decided to continue.
"Ok." he said to Hobbes. "Next, we need to keep warm! 'cause the big freeze is coming!"
"Hmm" said Hobbes unimpressed.
"I'll go get the books for the fire!" Calvin said.
Hobbes' head shot around. "
books?" he exclaimed. "You're going to do exactly what they did in the movie?"
"Yup." said Calvin. "Mom and dad will never notice a few missing books."
Calvin ran into the house, grabbed a few of his parent's books, and ran back outside.
He lit a match and dropped it into the pile of books.
Hobbes watched as the books went up in flames.
Just then, dad saw the smoke.
"What the.." then he saw Calvin with the books.
Calvin's head shot up.
"Oops" he said.
"I'll be in your room, where you will soon be." said Hobbes walking away.
Calvin wasn't aloud outside for a week
"I'm ready to wrap this up, Calvin" Hobbes said the next week.
"Ok, fine." said Calvin. "The final scene. Hmmm. What was that one?"
"The big freeze." said Hobbes.
"Oh, yeah!" Calvin yelled. "The one with the flag freezing! THAT WAS COOL!"
THE DAY AFTER THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW
FINAL SCENE: THE BIG FREEZE
Calvin (all dressed up for winter) looked around.
Everything was to quiet.
Calvin looked up at the American Flag. It blew in the wind for a while, then stopped dead.
CALVIN WAS IN THE EYE OF FREEZE HURRICANE!
Calvin turned to Hobbes, (He had fainted under the cold, Calvin was pulling him along) and began yanking at Hobbes' foot.
"YOW!" Hobbes screamed. "You just separated my foot bone from my leg bone!"
"HOBBES! SHUT UP! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!"
"Not dead!" Hobbes exclaimed.
"HUSH!" snapped Calvin.
Calvin saw an opening in the snow.
Obviously, the heavy snow had coved a building, and Calvin was standing on it.
Calvin continued at his attempt to yank Hobbes' foot off, as he pulled him over to the hole in the building.
Before Calvin jumped in he looked back up at the flag.
All at once, It was blowing again.
And suddenly, with the clicking and whooshing of something freezing, the flag froze completely over.
Calvin shoved Hobbes into the hole and jumped in himself, once there, He quickly built a fire to keep the immense cold away.
Meanwhile, Calvin and Hobbes were racing down the hallway, the big freeze right behind them.
WAIT! Calvin was running down the hallway.
Hobbes was casually walking down it.
Calvin's imagination had to slow the freeze down so his lazy highness could continue at his pace without freezing.
At last, four hours later, he reached the door to where the "books" were burning.
"SHUT THE DOOR!" Calvin screamed.
Hobbes yawned looked at his watch, stretched all four legs, yawned again, scratched a itch on his big behind, then closed the door, and then proceeded to warm his worthless self by the fire.
"Dumb tiger." Calvin muttered.
END OF THE DAY AFTER THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW.
"that's it?" Hobbes asked. "I was starting to warm up to it."
"Oh shut up." said Calvin. "You ruined my play! Now my ten billion screaming fans have nothing to show for."
Hobbes rolled his eyes.
"But now matter!" Calvin said. "I have a movie coming on that's sure to cheer me up."
He handed Hobbes the TV listings for that day.
Hobbes stared at it, then his eyes rolled into the back of his head.
"Oh-no." he muttered.
"Yeah, I know!" Calvin exclaimed. "I'm exited too! Let's go!"
Calvin raced into the house. Hobbes sighed.
He threw the ad for Jurassic Park over his shoulder, and slowly walked after Calvin. Preparing for the next corny play.
"THAT WAS A COOL MOVIE!" Calvin screamed afterward.
"Let's go put on a play for it!" Hobbes shut his eyes, counted to ten, and trudged outside after Calvin.