OroKabu is my OTP. There is not enough of it. Hence this. It’s not much, but it’s something, at least.

And, of course, I don’t own them... Dang it!

Bending the Rules to Breaking Point

Kabuto has never been one for playing by the rules. As a spy, breaking them comes naturally to him: make people believe you're someone you're not and then exploit them because of it. Gain their trust, and then break it, without them ever knowing. Do it by any means necessary, trampling on any rule which stands in your way.

There is, however, one rule which Kabuto adheres to religiously.

‘Shinobi rule of conduct number twenty-five: A shinobi must never show his emotions.’

Emotions have no place in Kabuto’s life. Becoming close to anyone or attached to anything serves no purpose. Becoming fond of something can cloud your judgment, make you weak, give your enemies the advantage.

But Kabuto knows only too well that he’s only human and having emotions and feelings is part of that. No matter how hard you try to ignore them, they’re there under the surface, begging to be acted upon. Kabuto hates that.

He hates the way that watching Orochimaru with Sasuke makes him jealous. This anger and hatred bubbling below the surface, the intense loathing he feels just from looking at the Uchiha. Kabuto knows a great deal of ways to kill someone, be it quickly and efficiently or slowly and painfully: he’s imagined them all on Sasuke. He hates that infuriating brat with every fibre of his being.

But he keeps it all inside. Orochimaru would not be pleased if anything were to happen to Sasuke. In fact, he’d be furious. Kabuto has seen Orochimaru furious; he never wants to be the one to instill that kind of feeling in the man. So he says and does nothing, fuming only on the inside. If Orochimaru mentions to him how well Sasuke is doing, how he has so much latent power that can be tapped into, Kabuto politely smiles and nods and agrees. It’s not like he hasn’t done it before.

Kabuto had always disliked Kimimaro. He had tried to find a valid reason as to why, but could come to only one conclusion: pure jealousy. He’d tried so hard to earn Orochimaru’s trust, to become a useful weapon, one for which Orochimaru held a certain amount of respect. In a sense, he had achieved this: he was, after all, the Sound Village’s second-in-command. But Kimimaro had something on Kabuto which aggravated him immensely: he was Orochimaru’s favourite. Kabuto had known all along, this niggling feeling deep inside which he tried to ignore. But one night, he had overheard Orochimaru talking to his young subordinate, telling him explicitly that he was his favourite, his most prized and precious possession. Something inside Kabuto snapped.

He will never inform Orochimaru of the real reason why Kimimaro fell ill. Slipping him that poison had felt wonderful. It was worth the worry that Orochimaru would be displeased when he found out that his future body had become terminally ill. With Kimimaro out of the way, Kabuto would be his favourite once again.

It was then that Kabuto realised that his efforts to quell his emotions had been in vain. When it comes to Orochimaru, the feelings he has are hard to ignore. Part of him hates that, too.

Kabuto is not entirely sure what to make of his relationship with Orochimaru. But confusion is better than happiness or sadness or anger; it’s not so much a feeling, more of a state. Kabuto tells himself that the relationship is comprised of aiding Orochimaru, both in battle and medically, helping his plans come into fruition and responding to any request given to him. There is also the question of the meaningless sex. Kabuto is pretty near certain that Orochimaru is not one to grow emotionally attached to anyone. He becomes obsessed, but it’s just a phase that will pass and soon he’ll move on to his next ‘victim’. Kabuto tells himself that he doesn’t mind and that it’s worth it if it keeps him in Orochimaru’s good books. But those feelings get in the way again.

It’s not love. It can’t be. Can it? Kabuto prides himself on being intelligent: he knows better than to let himself fall for someone who is unlikely to return those feelings. But Kabuto knows that sometimes, emotions won’t leave you alone. His abhorrence of Kimimaro and Sasuke, his want to be Orochimaru’s favourite – surely that stems from something? Kabuto doesn’t like to think about his feelings.

But as he’s lying there next to Orochimaru one night, he can’t help it and suddenly finds himself wanting explanations of unanswered questions he shouldn’t ask, wanting answers he shouldn’t even care about.

“Orochimaru-sama… Why did Kimimaro’s death not concern you at all?”

The silence before the answer fills Kabuto with a sense of anxiety. Was that too bold a question for a servant to ask his master? Kabuto’s eyes stay fixed on the ceiling.

“Let me put it to you in a way you’ll understand. Kimimaro was to me as a syringe is to you.”

Kabuto knows when he’s being mocked.

“In the right circumstance, it’s a very useful tool. But once you’ve drained it, it’s outlived its usefulness. The only sensible thing to do is to dispose of it. With Kimimaro, however, let’s just say that the plunger was broken. He had to be disposed of sooner than anticipated.”

If Orochimaru can be so nonchalant about the death of someone who had once meant so much to him, how passionately can he feel about Kabuto?

“What about Sasuke?”

“I have my thumb firmly on the plunger,” Orochimaru smirks.

He’s ready to be used, to serve his purpose. But once he has, he’ll be thrown away and forgotten, replaced by something new. Kabuto’s breath catches in his throat. He turns onto his side to face Orochimaru. The genjutsu used to give him his ‘real’ appearance suddenly seems to Kabuto the greatest jutsu ever imagined. That familiar long, black hair and pale skin still seem as beautiful to him as ever, even in the dim light and without his glasses. Something about the situation makes Kabuto forget rule twenty-five. He picks his words carefully and slowly, rolling them around in his head before he rolls them off of his tongue.

“What about me? Am I ready to be disposed of yet?”

There’s a pause as Orochimaru decides how to reply to the question. Kabuto now wishes he hadn’t asked it, but at the same time, desperately wants to know the answer. Kabuto is at the complete mercy of his master and the answer he is about to give. He’s always found it ironic that, whereas most shinobi come to Orochimaru seeking power, Kabuto always feels so small and insignificant in his presence. The status of ‘legendary’ is not awarded without good reason.

“You are not a syringe,” answers Orochimaru finally. He laughs. “You’re more of a stethoscope.”

Kabuto isn’t sure if this strange analogy is to be taken as a compliment or as an insult.

“Your role in life is to hang around me and keep me informed of what’s going on beneath the surface,” Orochimaru explains. “You surprise people when you’re colder than they expect you to be. Plus, I can use you over and over again.” Orochimaru manoeuvres himself onto his side so his eyes meet with Kabuto’s. “And unlike those syringes, I won’t throw you away. I’ll keep you. Forever.”

Kabuto doesn’t know what to say. To be honest, he’s unsure of what’s just been said to him. Was that equivalent to a confession of love in their relationship? Surely Orochimaru is just teasing him, playing with him as he’s done so often in the past.

“What’s wrong, Kabuto? Never been called a stethoscope before?”

Now he’s just brushing off what he said. Because he was teasing? Or because he regrets saying it? Kabuto, however, doesn’t really care anymore. Rule twenty-five is dismissed as an ideal and the reverberations of pushing his luck with Orochimaru seem a small price to pay for the sudden urge which overwhelms him. He cranes his neck forward so his lips brush softly against Orochimaru’s. That kind of kiss doesn’t often have a place in their relationship. Kabuto unexpectedly finds himself wishing that it did.

This weakness, this inability to hide his emotions, he hates it. But at the same time, he loves it.

“Sorry…” Kabuto mumbles, knowing that overstepping the mark is an unwise idea. Such a brash action is not one someone in Kabuto’s position should make; Kabuto now regrets making it. Orochimaru, however, simply raises one eyebrow.

“I think we can forgive you just this once, hmm?”

“Thank you.” Inside, Kabuto is crumbling. Just knowing that he’s under someone’s complete control drives him mad, but he’s come to accept that. One wrong move with Orochimaru and you’re dead, it’s as simple as that. Orochimaru knows that there’s no need to give Kabuto a curse seal: he’ll stay of his own accord.

Kabuto’s eyes are turned downwards, looking anywhere but into Orochimaru’s eyes. There are no long, meaningful glances to be found here at the best of times. But Kabuto doesn’t want them, so that’s OK.

“Kabuto?”

Before Kabuto’s gaze has the chance to drift up again, he finds Orochimaru’s lips on his own. This kiss is just like the last, full of false tenderness and kindness. This time, however, Kabuto knows for certain that he’s being made fun of. But he can pretend that the kiss means something. Is it such a bad thing to have feelings about something if that ‘something’ doesn’t really exist? Surely a shinobi can show his emotions if they’re not his real emotions. Kabuto isn’t entirely sure what to believe anymore. He isn’t entirely sure of himself anymore. And it’s all Orochimaru’s fault. But Kabuto will forgive him. He doesn’t even blame him, really.

With a smirk, Orochimaru returns to lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. Too far lost in these maddening feelings to turn back now, Kabuto places his head slowly onto Orochimaru’s chest and closes his eyes.

“How cute,” sneers Orochimaru. “My precious little stethoscope is listening to my heartbeat.” Very slowly, Orochimaru begins to stroke Kabuto’s hair. Kabuto finds rule twenty-five increasingly, excruciatingly difficult not to break. “You should be careful,” whispers Orochimaru. “I might start to believe that you’re falling in love with me.”

But as Kabuto lies there, listening to the sound of Orochimaru’s borrowed heart, he decides that that’s a risk worth taking.