Gentlemen

by Libelluledargent

Disclaimers: I own nothing related in any way shape or form of Eroica sob>

The Major was mightily bored and he'd only arrived at the party 30 minutes previously. He stood to one side of the assembly of people, smoking incessantly .Where was that idiot Pestruch? The man was an asshole, but NATO needed the information he had on the PLO. If the little Russian weasel didn't show soon he was going to lose his mind.

Klaus bent his head to light another cigarette and as he straightened back up he froze at the sight of the man who was standing in front of him. Who had snuck up on him like the dirty, thieving, pervert he was.

"Major, how have you been, what a surprise to see you here, tonight," Dorian purred practically eating the major with his eyes. Klaus looked delicious as usual, all tall dark and handsome, menacing and dangerous, Dorian felt like swooning.

"Lord Gloria," the major grated out harshly looking none too pleased to see his lordship. The blond was wearing one of his indecent outfits. Extremely tight trousers, black, satin? Good lord was it possible? A ruffled lavendar shirt with matching scarf to hold back shiny yellow curls.

"What are you doing here, beloved?" Eroica smiled happily playing with one end of his outlandish scarf.

"None of your fucking business, now get lost," Eberbach growled an innocuous smile plastered on his lips, not wanting to alarm the other guests. He couldn't afford to scare away his informant.

"Now, love, don't be difficult," china blue eyes, prettier than any doll's gazed up into his adoringly.

The Major never a patient fellow, had had it, and he grabbed the thief by one arm, "Listen, Eroica, move your skinny little ass away from me now or I will personally kick it up and down this fucking ballroom."

"Well, fine then," Dorian sniffed haughtily smoothing his rumpled sleeve. He didn't usually mind it when Klaus beat him, but in front of London society, horrors!

"Good evening, your lordship," Klaus smiled tightly nodding.

"Ta," Eroica grinned cheekily, his normally buoyant spirits returning. The dark haired man scowled as his lordship moved along, 'Ridiculous fop'.

"Major Eberbach?" A great hulking man approached quickly, staring after Eroica.

"Dammit Pestruch where have you been?" Klaus expressed his relief with a scowl, but it's effect was lost on the other man. The major frowned, he of all people knew Eroica was a shocking sight, but surely not all that amazing.

"Y-you know Lord Gloria?" Pestruch turned abruptly toward Eberbach with a strange expression on his face.

"Unfortunately," the major retorted mightily annoyed at the question, "Now what about the microfilm, what do you want for it?"

"I want an introduction to his lordship," the Russian answered immediately.

"An introduction, that's all you want," Klaus frowned uncomprehendingly. Then felt his head begin to throb as the light dawned.

"Well not all, but its a start," the Russian leered and Eberbach's stomach heaved. This fat pig touch Eroica? Insanity.

The major sighed, 'Perfect another pervert,'

"Certainly, wait here," Major Eberbach smiled tightly, furious to be in Eroica's debt once again. The Major was angry at Pestruch, at NATO, at himself, but most of all at a certain English earl who was too damned attractive. He could see that he wasn't blind and just because he thought Eroica wasn't ugly didn't make him a queer as well.

The Earl was flirting with a pretty young man barely out of his teens who seemed overwhelmed to be enjoying the attentions of his lordship.

"Excuse me, Lord Gloria, might I have a word?" Klaus smiled his social smile at the young man who promptly turned pale and stammered something about finding his aunt.

"Look what you did, you scared off that lovely boy and just when I was getting somewhere with him," the major ignored the provoking comment and foraged ahead,"I need a... favor."

Dorian laughed delightedly as a deep red flush crept over the German's proud face, "Major, darling, of course, I'll meet my admirer. Its nice to know some men appreciate me."

"How did you know..." glass green eyes widened in surprise.

"Beloved, I know when someone is interested," the earl smiled fondly at the other man.

"I'm not so sure about that," Klaus growled in answer and turned abruptly on his heel.

"Lord Gloria, you look wonderful tonight," Pestruch was practically drooling as he grasped the fine boned hand Dorian extended to him. Klaus rolled his eyes in disgust as the English pervert simpered up at the Russian spy, "Thank you, I do try."

"Try my patience," the major muttered under his breath.

"Major, dearest, do go away, I want to hear more," of course this was very far from the truth, but what an opportunity to annoy his love.

Scowling, Eberbach refused to leave, but did turn his back on the two. The sight of the monstrously large Pestruch looming over the Earl was disgusting. The major wasn't a pervert of course, but even he could see that Eroica was far too lovely to be with the likes of Pestruch. The Earl while not a small man was slender and delicate and the ugly Russian dwarfed him. Klaus dug out his cigarettes.

"Lord Dorian I've wanted to meet you for so long now," Pestruch smiled which made him even uglier if that were possible. The Earl repressed a shudder of revulsion.

"Really, go on," Dorian simpered, the major was puffing furiously on a cigarette now.

"You're the most beautiful man I've ever seen," the fat Russian declared and the major coughed loudly in disgust.

"Aren't you sweet," Dorian grimaced insincerely. Only duty to his True Love could make him spend this much time with this horrible man.

The Major had smoked almost an entire pack of cigarettes fuming as he listened to the two queers flirt. It was more than he could bear. Then suddenly the conversation seemed to change, become more intense. Eberbach turned to regard the two men standing so close together.

"Leave with me now, come back to my apartment and..."

Although Klaus strained his ears to hear it was impossible to make out what the Russian was whispering to Eroica. The Earl's face tightened in displeasure and he tried to pull away from the other man. "Sorry, darling, I've other plans for tonight."

"Well change them 'cos the major wants something I've got and I want something you've got," Pestruch licked his lips meaningfully.

"Oh?" Sky blue eyes widened indignitedly, "I didn't realize the major was acting as my pimp now," the earl moved to step backwards.

"Baby, wait," Pestruch pulled Dorian into his arms, leaning forward to steal a kiss.

"Really, now please release me or I shall have to..." Eroica protested twisting away from his boorish companion.

"DON'T EVER TOUCH HIM LIKE THAT AGAIN!" Dorian as used to he was to hearing the major bellow, nearly jumped out of his skin. Pestruch was ripped away from the earl and slammed up against the edge of terrace. Dorian gasped in sheer astonishment as Klaus held the terrified man over the balustrade.

Pestruch screamed , "I'm sorry, I promise never to do it again, let me go please!"

"Major, Klaus, let him go!" the earl pulled at Eberbach's jacket sleeve.

Klaus hesitated then reluctantly pulled the Russian back to safety.

Pestruch fled in the direction of the house.

"My hero!" Dorian with eyes ablaze flung himself into the major's arms.

"Fuck off, idiot," the major snarled pushing him away.

"And such sweet words of love, too," Eroica cooed reaching out one slim hand to caress the other man's cheek.

"Don't...," the major backed up a look of true fright on his face

"Darling you're sooo angry how unlike you, well at least over someone besmirching my er honor," Dorian mocked as he stalked his prey.

"You- you fucking pervert," the major's back hit the wall.

"Pervert?" the earl drawled, hands on his slim hips. "You seemed happy enough at first to use my perverted ways to get you the information you needed."

"I -I apologize I didn't know he was going to..." Klaus' hands flailed around his head as he lost the ability to speak coherently... in any language.

"To attack me?" Dorian finished one fair eyebrow raised skeptically.

"Well, yes," the major huffed.

Dorian rolled his beautiful eyes and tossed his ponytail back over his shoulder.

"Anyway I got rid of him so there's no harm done," Klaus growled self righteously.

"I was about to rid myself of him, I don't need your help to ward off unwanted swains."

"It didn't look that way to me."

"Listen, major, I've been fending off men and women since I was 13 and so far haven't needed your help," the earl laughed nastily at the shock his companions face.

"Thirteen...women?" The major stared as his blond companion twirled a curl around one slim finger.

"In fact your friend was the third one tonight, at least he didn't spoil my hair like that Italian brute,
or slobber on my hand like that skinny little Bulgarian count," Dorian shuddered.

"Third one tonight?" Klaus repeated deep in thought.

"Not the last I'm sure either, Eroica sighed feelingly, I ask you, where are all the gentlemen?"

"Hell if I know," Klaus deadpanned as he roughly pushed the Earl into the shadows before kissing him senseless.