March 03, 2005

Well, this requires little explanation, I wager. Heh. All I ask is that you not kill me for inflicting you with the stupid. Hee.

Note: For reference, Goku's fairly young here. Which should be obvious, but I thought I'd make it clear!

SleepalotEatalotPlayalot-Fu (Not Necessarily in That Order)
By Pervasive Threnody

The ancient, esoteric art of SleepalotEatalotPlayalot-Fu is extremely complex. It requires many years of study, as well as the application of copious amounts of self-discipline, to master. Many have tried a hand at it, only to fail; upon discovering they lack the natural talent for the practice of SleepalotEatalotPlayalot-Fu, these individuals are often diverted to the lesser Arts of Sleep-Fu, Eat-Fu, and Play-Fu. There, they are generally found to have better success, for few have ever mastered the complexities of SleepalotEatalotPlayalot-Fu, and fewer still have managed to incorporate it into their lifestyle so thoroughly that all else truly ceases to exist.

Tenet Number One: Food Is Good.

This, above all else, little grasshoppers, we must first learn to master - the shortest distance between sleep and play is a straight line to dinner.

Thump-scrape. Thump-scrape.

The counter was out of his reach, but only just, and that was the most frustrating part.

Goku knew he could climb it with no effort. Latch his nimble hands and feet into the crevices, lever his lithe body skyward, and wah-lah – insta-food.

The catch, however, was being caught… the consequences of which were always fearsomely bad, and involved a screaming assault on his sensitive ears followed by some fevered beatings with that accursed thing Sanzo called a harisen.

The harisen was to be feared.

Sighing, Goku stretched onto his tip-toes and lengthened his arm as far across the counter-top as it would go. Then he jumped. But it was no good – his feet almost immediately returned to terra firma, and his long fingernails scored the top of the counter as they dragged along.

Thump-scrape.

“Craaap,” Goku whined loudly, dropping to his rear end (thud) with a pained sigh. He was so hungry. He was always so hungry, and no one could understand just how much. Least of all, it seemed, Sanzo, who would shoot him a glare with each beg for miso and sushi and spring rolls. And, if Goku kept up his whining, a painful thwack or two with the harisen.

The monk was just horribly, hopelessly stubborn. It usually took all Goku’s energy to convince him to provide any food that did not come standard with breakfast, lunch, or supper. And after arguing, Goku was almost too tired to go play afterward – which defeated the whole purpose of energy-gathering in the first place.

Goku sighed and flopped onto his back. As he did so, something caught his eye. He peered upward with his sharp vision and saw – could it possibly be? – a huge bunch of bananas. Sitting on the counter, free for the taking… if ONLY he could reach them!...

The potential banana-reward was more than enough motivation for Goku. He scrambled over to the counter. He sniffed cautiously at the wooden drawers, then grabbed a hold of a handle and began to climb. Before long, he was at the top. Nearly crowing with glee, Goku pounced on the bananas. They were history within the space of two minutes.

Goku laughed and laughed. What fun! He took a sniff at the banana peels, then tossed them aside and went looking for something else to eat.

To Goku’s disappointment, the countertop was nearly bare except for some jars with lids on them. He pried one of them open to discover that it held a white, crystalline substance. He extended his tongue and took a taste. Sugar! He began to lick at it; slowly at first, then faster and faster. Yum!

Before long, however, Goku tired of eating the sugar and became thirsty. Water, water, water…water!

Yes, the faucet. Water came from the faucet - it would do nicely. He leaned his head and neck over the sink, then turned on the tap and began to drink. Lap, lap, lap…

“What the hell are you doing?”

Goku yelped with surprise. By reflex, he jumped a little, and the top of his head came in contact with the arched neck of the faucet.

As soon as the pain subsided, he burst into tears.

“An’ I saw some b’nanas on th’ counter… sniff … and I was SO hungry, Sanzo… don’t hit me! Sanzo!”

“And why shouldn’t I?” Sanzo scowled down at him in all his un-holy glory, looking like he was about to deliver Goku’s final judgment. Goku cowered, fearing for his life.

“Because I’m hungry,” he whined, looking up with huge, teary eyes. “Hungry, hungry, HUNGRY.”

And something happened, in that moment of staring each other down. Goku, for his part, never quite figured it out until he was much older. Even then, it baffled him… all he knew, and all he needed to know, was that whenever he imitated the miserable, pained face he’d made that very first time… he got damn near whatever he wanted.

Food included.

Tenet Number Two: Playtime Above All Else!

All work and no play… does not exist for a monkey. However, all play and no work does, and unlike Jack, we thrive on it!

“Sanzo.”

No answer.

“Sanzo!”

The monk turned toward him at last. “What?” he grunted.

“Thanks f’r lunch.” Goku beamed at him and gnawed happily on his fortune cookie. “It wush good.”

He’d been expecting some sort of snide response from Sanzo, but the man nearly gave a curt nod and looked away. Goku blinked, confused at the response, but decided to let it go he was beginning to suspect he had a lot left to learn about Sanzos, along with everything else, and that would take more time right now than he had.

The thought almost was enough to make Goku want to lie down for a while. And he would have, except for the fact that it was…

“A butterfly!” With a yell of delight Goku took chase, careening through the gates of the temple and on into the gardens, and forgot completely about Sanzo.

For the next few hours he was lost to the world, as he chased rabbits, stalked birds and imitated squirrel behavior. He left the temple and explored a game trail. He slunk about on his belly like a snake. He found a snake, poked at its drying skin, and flicked his own tongue at it. He discovered a wide-open field, and rolled about in it with gleeful abandon before flopping onto his back and lying still, soaking up the warm sun as it washed over him.

Playtime was the very very best part of the day, aside from eating. And sleeping.

Goku was so busy playing that he failed to notice that it was growing late. When he at last looked up from his study of an anthill, it was to near-darkness the sun was almost gone.

Acute vision or no, it is impossible to see without at least some light. And out in that wilderness it was very, very dark.

Which way is back? I can’t remember.

“Uh oh,” Goku whimpered out loud. “I think I’m lost.”

The thought made his insides turn around. What if he never found his way back? Would he be stuck out here forever? Would he... starve?

Goku began to panic. He took off walking in one direction, hoping it was the one that would lead him back.

Ten minutes into walking, he suddenly realized that staying put for someone to find him would have probably been a better idea. But it was too late. Besides, no one would have bothered looking for him, anyway. Except for maybe Sanzo.

Sanzo…are you glad I’m gone? Or have you forgotten about me by now? Goku’s eyes stung; reaching up, he felt moisture. Angrily, he brushed it away and continued walking. Well, I don’t care! I’ll find my way back and make sure you never ever do again!

A point of light appeared in the distance; his curiosity aroused, Goku began to walk faster. And faster still, until he could perceive the outline of a figure, striding toward him. When he saw who it was, he broke into a run.

“Sanzo!”

“Goku? Is that you?”

“Sanzoooo.” He took a flying leap and tackled him.

“Oof – what the hell – get off!”

“You came,” Goku said happily, clutching at his robes. “I…”

And he slid away, eyes downcast.

“You what? Excel at pissing me off?” Sanzo had recovered his dignity and his lamp; he had the fan out by now, ready to bean Goku over the head with it; but the will to do it seemed to die at the look on the boy’s face.

“I thought I was lost f’r good, this time.” Goku shuffled his feet. “’N that you were glad that I was fin’ly gone…”

Words died in Goku’s throat as he was swept into a fierce, solid embrace. Sanzo’s embrace. Cold, annoyed Sanzo, who hit him and yelled and screamed and threw tantrums when Goku broke his glasses and drew all over his papers.

And came out into the night, just to find him.

“Don’t you ever, ever say something like that again,” Sanzo hissed sharply into his hair, tightening his smothering grasp as he spoke. “Or I will fucking kill you.”

“What if I get lost again?” Goku whispered into his shoulder, trying hard not to cling back. “On not-purpose?”

“Then,” Sanzo said, drawing away, “I will do this.”

SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!

“Oww! Sanzooo…”

“You asked. Hurry up, or I’ll leave you behind.”

“Okay, okay. Meanie…OW!”

(Tenet Number Two, Corollary One: Okay, playtime above ALMOST all else!)

Tenet Number Three: Sleep, the Great Sleepiness Elixir, Is Also Good.

It is always best to balance play with rest!

By later that evening, Goku’d had a good dinner to counteract the afternoon’s exhausting adventures.

He’d also had a bath, unfortunately.

Upon their return home Sanzo had taken one look at Goku’s condition, grabbed Goku by his tail of long hair, and dragged him to the tub. Goku had fought and yelled the whole way, but in the end, had to admit to himself that feeling clean was pretty nice.

Now… now he was growing sleepy. Goku yawned, looking over at his bed, and decided it looked unusually uninviting.

“Don’t you ever stop?” Sanzo growled at him as he climbed up the side of the bed. “I’m busy; go away.”

“Busy? Doin’ what?” Ever curious, Goku crawled over and plopped down next to Sanzo, who was studying a pile of paper held in his hands.

“Reading the newspaper. What does it look like I’m doing?”

“Well, how’m I supposed t’know?” Goku’s voice slid into its usual whine. “I’m still learnin’ all this stuff that no one will tell me.” With a grunt, he pushed Sanzo’s hand away so he could look at the paper. “I can’t read these pictures…”

“They aren’t pictures, they’re characters. I’ll teach you to read them sometime.” Sanzo turned a page. “Maybe.”

“Really?” Goku beamed. “I’d try really hard, if you did…” He yawned and curled up, resting his head on Sanzo’s knee. Before Sanzo could swat or reprimand him, he closed his eyes and fell asleep.

“Eat, sleep and play, start over the next day.” Sanzo shook his head. “Monkey. You’re hopeless.”

Hopeless or not, the blanket Goku found wrapped around himself, upon waking the next day, had not gotten there on its own.

And he yawned, and stretched, alone atop the bedsheets that smelled comfortably familiar, and slept once more.

...We lied. The ancient, esoteric art of SleepalotEatalotPlayalot-Fuis not extremely complex. In fact, it’s not complex at all. We just thought that pretending it was, was fun.

We monkeys are like that.

Owari

You finished. Thanks!