February 14, 2006

I learned something today, something I should have already known. Today was Valentine’s Day, the day of Hallmark cards and candy hearts. Amazing how you can anticipate this one day a year to be special. I mean every one makes such a big deal about a greeting card company scam, so this year I decide to buy into it. The minute Connor asked me out I said yes, granted the fact that he shares the same name as my brother should have made me run for the hills! But, I didn’t and at first I thought how wonderful it was, but after a while he turned into a Spike wannabe I have never met a human male so cynical and such a well, an asshole. Okay, I've met people who were evil and huge assholes, but they were, what could only be classified as clinically insane. All though, calling a football player sane might be a huge stretch, he must have been one of the stupidest guys I’ve ever met in my life, I can only assume that he lost all those brain cells being knocked out on the football field.

I guess, I shouldn’t have expected anything, I mean I am not that type of person. He’s naive, stupid, and popular, basically the guy you except to end up knocking up a ditzy blonde under the bleachers at homecoming. I am the opposite, complete 360, I don’t trust people, I am quite intelligent (if I do say so myself). Though, I am not very outgoing and also not blonde, and if I were a blonde I wouldn’t be the kind you could knock up.

Maybe part of the reason I am the way I am is, because I wasn't really me for a while. Well, I've always been me; I just got 'rushed' as some people might call it. I didn't get to grow up and age like most girls. I never did the whole 'tooth fairy thing', which is creepy when you think about it, somebody sneaking into your room at night. Oh and don’t get me started on Santa.

I never did the kindergarten thing, or the 2nd grade thing or any other part of the growing up process.

I suppose I am what you call a genetically altered freak, I realize that this is my journal and me being myself, I already know this, but some times I need to say it, so I don’t feel like an insane freak, compared to my usual genetically altered freakiness. See what I mean is; I've been altered or, aged, like smelly cheese or the kind of wine my dad’s too cheap to buy.

See my parents aren’t normal they go, what can only be classified as ‘GRRR’, if you get what I am saying. My mom died the same second as my brother and I were born, that is another story though. A long, semi boring one, our date of birth is December 13, 2001 and we were a very great achievement, a new breed or something like that.

And, because of that, we were born with natural enemies, people who wanted us, dead or alive; okay well mostly alive, but they would have taken dead, they would have taken anything, you can trust me on that. Well one day when my brooding, lying, cheating bastard of a twin and I were four months old. Things got a little out of hand. My dad’s major enemy is a law firm called Wolfram and Hart and they’re responsible for my lack of a childhood.

There was an experiment they were working on, it was an experiment in their science department to mess with the genes and speed up the emotional development and by some crazy process it worked and they changed us. They messed with our feelings and implanted small false memories and knowledge of the world we lived in. I know it sounds stupid and weird and insane, maybe I am insane. I’ve had that opinion my self.

All I know is one day I woke up in a lab, I was twelve and things were being poked at me and he barged in, with a long leather jacket and I automatically knew who he was, like I had been waiting for years to see this man. He ran towards me and looked at me, with soft black eyes. And I stared, all I could do was stare and think of how I could place him as I person. Then I realized he was evil, they told me he was evil; in a kind of kill, crush, destroy kind of way. But I looked at him, into those eyes and they weren’t evil eyes, he wasn’t evil and he saved me.

Any thing before that’s kind of fuzzy and anything after that’s been kind of... wonderful; As it turns out he wasn’t evil and he was my, well he was the male counterpart used in my creation. My father as they call it.

And the only thing evil about him is his collection of Barry Manillow CDs. I never got Barry Manillow, though I’m guessing most sixteen years don’t, I am not a 'fanillow' as they call them. My dad is like the ultimate fanillow, seriously. I think if he was gay and non-eunuch, he would totally do him. Manillow would be his Mandy. That was totally off the subject, back to the point (was there a point?).

Right so, Connor and I were twelve at the time, well really six months, but again I am a genetically altered, experimental freak. That’s me!

He saved us from the depths of crazy town, and good thing to cause I think the next thing to happen would involve ‘dissection’. And as much fun as that sounds, it's not really my style. He took us home and we were weird for a while, I mean extremely and utterly weird and solitary.

Since then a lot has changed, in a lot of ways. I mean we're not extremely solitary, my brother and I are about the same on the opening up front, but it’s not nearly as hard as it used to be. As you might tell I am a very adaptable person (especially when I don’t know anything else about the world). Well at least I think I am adaptable, I should probably find that out for sure.

I would ask my brother, but he’s less adaptable then I am. I mean if you met the guy you’d understand he’s like emotionally unstable. Maybe not that strong of a term, but still, I think it’s possible. I mean he’s a weird ass boy, a very weird boy. Like the manic depressant kid who only talks to his girlfriend and scares little kids. Okay, maybe not that drastic, but still I could see him scaring kids, he scares me some times. He’s not very social at all let’s put it that way. Well he is; god I don’t know!

Ugh, Dad just got home with Cordelia and Connor is knocking on my door asking how it went, guess I should go let his hopes down. If he had high hopes, he probably didn’t, he hates it when people ‘steal his name’ or whatever, like I said he’s a very screwed up boy; who’s going to comfort me, when I don’t need comforting. Just cause he’s emotionally stunned doesn’t mean I am. But then there’s that chance that maybe he’s going to laugh at me... oh, I can hear it now, some one save me!

Waiting for the rescue team,

Claire Angel

- Tell me what you think. Oh right, anyone who isn’t well, people I made up belong to Joss Whedon and the rest of the ‘Grrr Arrgh’ crew. Hope you enjoyed I am continuing soon, but feedback would make me very happy, just some food for thought -