Peach Viewer Mail

Episode 24: PEACH VIEWER MAIL IS NOT FUNNY
By Hoogiman

Disclaimer: Peach is not funny. This chapter really has nothing to do with Peach viewer mail. This story sucks.

"Letter one!" said Peach, opening up her mail program.

"Dear Peach,

I HAEt this STORY it SUX SUX SUX SUX SUX SUX SUX SUX it's not even funny HOW DID IT GET SO MANY REVIEWS! MY STORY IS SO mucH Better than YOURS It went INTO SOME C2s and IT HAS FOUR REVIEWS AND THREE FAVES I'LL KICK UR ASS If YOU WANT TO FIGHT LOL I BET YOU LIVE in UR MOMS BASEMENT enjoy HAVING nO friends!"

"Well," said Peach, "The reason that they don't struggle and let me tie them up so easily is because I've been slowly pumping them with steroids!"

Bowser started to try and break the ropes surrounding him by flexing his muscles.

"I figure because the steroids will weaken them and ruin their senses that want them to survive," said Peach, "They won't struggle as much, if at all!"

Bowser broke the ropes, grabbed a pair of scissors and untied himself.

"That means I have complete control over them, so they won't revolt and try and attack me even if they do break free!" said Peach.

Bowser grabbed the shovel.

"So I guess that's my explanation, not particularly interesting," said Peach.

"Help dig us out!" said Ness, Pit and Wario, underneath the ground, but they weren't really under the ground because Peach's room was on the second floor and in fact, they were in the kitchen in the first floor.

"Anyway, the next letter!" said Peach. "Letter two!"

Bowser swung at Peach, but missed, setting Mario and Marth free from their death trap of doom.

"Dear Big-Me,

Gimme back my boomerang and 50,0 Rupees by sundown, or you'll never see your precious Zelda again!

Sincerely, Young Link."

Mario and Marth tried to stagger out, but Mario became stuck in a Marmite jar that was lying on the ground.

"Bowser, can you give me back Young Link's boomerang?" said Peach, tying Bowser back up.

"Well I can't give it back seeing that I'm tied up!" said Bowser angrily.

Master Hand floated in.

"Hi Master Hand!" said Link, surprised. "Are you here to save us?"

"Sure, but only under one condition," said Master Hand in a cheesy 80's voice.

"What is it?" said Link, desperately.

"Review Hoogiman's latest chapter of 'The Smashy Amazing Race'! And I'll let you go if you do!" said Master Hand.

"Okay!" said Link, reviewing.

Donkey Kong ran in and had a seizure.

"I really read through all of those ten thousand words and just didn't blindly review, despite writing my review instantaneously!" said Link.

"YAAY!" said everyone.

"I have severe burns on my legs and my arms!" screamed Luigi, running in.

Everybody chuckled.

"But I'm really Pit!" said Pit, taking off the Luigi mask.

"That explains everything!" said Zelda in shock.

"OH MY GOD," screamed Ness, running in, "I MIXED TWO SODIUM PEROXIDE MOLECULES WITH MULTIPLE HYRDROGEN MONOXIDE ATOMS IN LARGE QUANTITIES!"

"Hahaha," said Bowser, drinking some steroid juice, "surely you can't possibly have done something so foolish and deadly."

"I'M COMPLETELY SERIOUS," continued Ness, "AND WHAT'S MORE THE REACTION IS COMPLETELY IRREVERSIBLE! IT PRACTICALLY GOES TO COMPLETION!"

"Hahaha," said Bowser, looking slightly worried, "that can't be true. Surely… hopefully…"

"IT'S NO JOKE!" said Ness. "AND WHAT'S MORE, I ALSO BURNT THE RESULTING MIXTURE IN PURE OXYGEN!"

"Letter three!" said Peach.

Dear Peach,

Is Ness serius when he sayz he just did that? Becuz if its true, yer all gonna die. Each n every one of you.

Yours,

DJRaper

"AND IT HAS ACID!" said Ness.

THE END

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