Author: etherealdiscord PM
Grace spends Christmas Eve with the Girardi's. Chaos ensues.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Words: 749 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 2 - Published: 03-11-05 - Status: Complete - id: 2301455
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclamer: I own nothing but a role of duct tape and a red Sharpie. Don't sue. Kay?
Dedication: For Laura, Hannah and Whinnie.
Author's Note: Sanity? What is this thing you speak of? Just an odd little thing I had to write. Rated for bad words.
Sunday December 24, 2005:
Strange ringing noise coming from the couch. Move closer to investigate.
After digging through mess of blankets and pillows, discover source of annoying ringing noise. Throw phone against wall.
Ah, I love the sound of electronics breaking.
Ringing sound starts again. When did we get another phone?
Damned phones. Leave the house to escape the ringing sound.
Fall face first into a snow bank at the bottom of the porch steps. Must clean the ice off the steps.
Remove self from snow bank and remember I was supposed to be at the Girardi's 15 minutes ago. Joan must have been the source of the ringing. Must stop for some kind of Christmas decoration.
Arrive at the Girardi house with a bag of tinsel. Greeted by Luke's tongue down my throat. Not completely awful.
Rove and Girardi are dressed in matching reindeer antlers. Not Rove's usual thing. Must be Girardi brainwashing. If they looked any 'cuter' I'd hurl.
Investigation of the Girardi medicine cabinet reveals no pain killers. Also, no sedatives. If I hear one more rendition of "Jingle Bells" I swear I'm going to-
Make out session in the Girardi bathroom cut short by Kevin's need to pee.
Relocate back to the living room for 'Christmas festivities'. Wonder if the Girardi's understand the meaning of the words "But I'm Jewish..".
Apparently not, as I am now wearing the 'adorable little antlers'.
Consider lacing female Girardi's Nogg with poison. Or torching the antlers at least.
This night can not get any worse.
Yes, yes it can. Mrs. G has just announced it's time to trim the tree.
I need alcohol.
Shit. No I don't.
Geek leaves the living room. Don't leave me alone with these people. Even Rove is getting in the holiday spirit. Are they all on drugs?
Geek returns with a cup of coffee for my consumption. I love him.
"It's A Wonderful Life" has illuminated the Girardi TV. Rove and Girardi have given up on the tree. Kevin and not-a-nun also appear to have left it, as they're parked in the back corner of the room with their lips fused together.
Commercial break leads to an interesting advertisement for chocolate body paint. Hm.
Did rocket boy just give me a suggestive look?
I am not cuddling. I am not cuddling..
I'm cuddling with Luke. What's wrong with me tonight?
Give up on trying to understand this movie and drag the geek out for a walk.
Consider assaulting the rent-a-Santa and his satanic bells of death.
And then again, I could be over stressed.
Arrive at the local 7-11. Apparently we need chips. Wander the candy isle looking for Skittles.
Who would put the chocolate body paint in a 7-11?
Leave without the chips. This is getting to be too much.
Back home. My home, that is. Walk up the steps-
Ouch. Once again laying face first in the snow bank, with a blond geek beneath me this time.
On TV, making out in a snow bank may be romantic. In real life? I can no longer feel my hands.
Who needs hands anyway?
Enter house, amazed that there are no alcohol bottles out. Something must have happened here.
Locate mom in her room. Sober. Whoa.
Questioned about the unfortunate demise of our living room phone. Oops.
Enter room to find an IM waiting inviting me to dinner at the Girardi's tomorrow night. No way.
Respond that I'll be there at six. I'm a sucker for pain.
What a weird day..