Author: lilrubydevil PM
Jou leaves a letter and it tears Kaiba apart. He thinks back while reading and letter and can’t help but wonder what went wrong. One-shot SJRated: Fiction K+ - English - Romance/Tragedy - Words: 2,387 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 4 - Published: 03-15-05 - Status: Complete - id: 2307066
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh.
Jou leaves a letter and it tears Kaiba apart. He thinks back while reading and letter and can't help but wonder what went wrong.
Hey Seto, it's me. I'm sorry my handwriting is a little bit sloppy, but then again, it's always been, hasn't it? Sorry, I just couldn't bring myself to see you today or even pick up the phone. I'm so scared, I'm afraid of what you might say to me or how you would react.
My fingers keep shaking, even as I'm writing these very words.
Please don't throw this away… just read… I'm not asking for much, just for two minutes of your life. I needed to get some thoughts out of my head and I want you to know what's been going on in my mind lately. Lots have been going on actually.
I can't help but keep thinking about it.
"Kaiba, just move your ass out of my way. I'm fine walking in the rain."
"You'll catch a cold. Are you crazy? Come on, I'll take you to the car. You're not walking in this weather."
"You think I give a damn? Let me through, I don't need you to start caring about me either."
"Are you saying you don't want me to care about you anymore?"
You know, it's funny. I can hardly remembering what I had to eat last night or even what the café I went to this morning for breakfast, but I somehow managed to remember the day you and I first got together, the first time we had ever realized that there was something there between us and it wasn't just my imagination.
You remember right? Surely, you do, you have better memory than I do…
"Care? Are you kidding? You never cared about me. If you did, you would have never taunted me the way you did this morning. You would have never made me hate myself the way I hate myself now."
"I do care."
"Oh, do you? Then would you have ever made me fall in love with you just to make me regret knowing that I can never have you? That you're just a tormenting fantasy, a dream I can only think about night while you're off, flirting with every single girl at school, knowing I'm right there, watching."
"You… fell in love with me?"
"Don't play dumb with me, you knew. You knew."
That day in the rain… it was the day where I thought that you and I never had anything and that I was just imagining it all in my mind.
I thought you would have known that I loved you, just by my actions and how I acted. I thought you would have figured it all out. I treated you differently, talked to you differently, looked at you differently, and I acted in another way around you.
It was obvious, I thought you would have known. You always said you were smarter than others…
But I guess I was wrong.
"I never knew."
"Yeah right, don't lie! You just played with my feelings, doing the things you do in front of me, knowing that I'm watching, knowing that I'll be breaking down inside. It's all a game to you wasn't it? I was just a game, wasn't I?"
"You're not just game to me!"
"Oh yeah? Prove it."
And you kissed me then, softly and gently as possible. Your umbrella was forgotten and soon you were soaking as wet I was. We must have stood there for a while, I don't remember how long.
At first, I was unsure. I had a million thoughts running through my mind, thinking it was another one of your games and that it was just a trick. It took me a while to pull away from you because it felt so good.
But deep down, I knew you felt the same way I did and it was the best feeling ever…
That's when I thought… I would always get that same feeling and it would never be forgotten. I would never forget the happiness and excitement I felt that moment.
Thank you so much.
"What… what was that for? Is that another one of your games, Kaiba? I cannot believe that you would just do that! Who do you think you are? That you can just do things like that? Are you trying to toy with me some more?"
"I'm not. You're more than that to me. You don't understand, do you? This is what I have been trying to tell you for several months now."
"Tell me what?"
"That I love you. I do."
I don't remember what else happened, but all I know is that right then, I would never let you go, never. I knew that you were the real deal and that no one else mattered as much as you. You're everything to me, and I love you so much. Don't doubt me, I really do. Please believe me when I say that.
"Where are you going?"
"Again? With Mai?"
"She's my friend. And we're just going to watch a movie."
"Of course. Don't let me stop you from going, go. I hope you two have fun."
"What are you doing?"
"What are you doing?"
You never were able to understand that you're the one for me. The only one for me. You were always afraid that I would leave you, even though I wouldn't. You were always scared that I would meet someone else, but really, who is better than you? I thought I was the one who had to worry about that, not you.
But you did… and you doubted me…
And it hurt.
"It's called, hanging out with friends."
"No, it seems more like running away."
"Me. You're afraid to face me and try to fix things. The second you and I are falling apart you find someone else to occupy yourself with. You're scared to handle this problem so you run away. Why don't you just admit it? Why don't you just tell me the truth? You're in love with someone else aren't you?"
Have I ever given you a reason to doubt me or not to trust me? I thought you understood me… I thought you knew that the person I love and care about is you, not Mai, or anyone else…
I never loved anyone else, I loved you. You, Seto Kaiba. Only you. No one else.
I couldn't believe you accused me of doing such of thing… it sure as hell broke my heart the instant you said that… it ripped through it actually… and then it broke. I could feel it.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"Why don't you tell me? And why are you avoiding the question? It's true, isn't it? Isn't it, Jou? Has it always been a lie?"
And to answer your question… no, it's not lie. It never has been. I wouldn't open myself up to you, risk getting hurt to be with someone I didn't love and think it was worth it…
Standing there, in your office, hearing you throw accusations at me and demand to know the truth… what truth? You wanted me to say, "Yes, I do," didn't you? That's what you expected from me, right? You think I'm like that? You think I'm that kind of person? Well, you're wrong. I'm not. I would never do that. Especially not to you.
I couldn't help but wonder if that hurt you as much as it hurt me… I hoped it didn't. I don't want you to be upset or be hurting because of me. I hate to think that you would be upset because of me. I just want you to be happy. If you're happy, then I'm happy and that's all that matters.
Like as happy as I was when you and I first got together. Do you remember that feeling? I do, I still do from that very first day. I close my eyes to picture it, try to remember but it's getting harder now with each passing second.
But that happiness is gone and it vanished and as much as I tried, I can't seem to feel that anymore. It feels as if it really is gone… I guess it's because you and I are done… maybe that's why I can't feel it anymore.
Maybe that's why the happiness is gone.
"You don't trust me, that's all there is to it! You don't, you never have! Even after everything we've been through together, you doubted me and you accused me of all these things!"
"You don't give me a reason to! How many times have I been lied to, Jou? You tell me, most of them came from you!"
I ran out before you could see the tears in my eyes. It was true, my eyes were blurring and I was blinded by my tears. I didn't want you to see me cry, no matter how much I wanted you to hold me tight, whisper in my ear that it is all right when it wasn't…
I knew that wasn't going to happen.
Can't kill me for hoping, right?
"Seto? We need to talk."
"No, we don't. You said everything I needed to hear and know when you ran out yesterday. Don't say another word, just get out of my office. I never want to you see ever again."
"I don't want to. I need to talk to you."
"Well, I don't want to talk to you. Didn't you hear me? I never want to see you or hear from you ever again."
"Do you mean that?"
"Yes, I do. Leave. Now."
God, I'm so sorry I can't be stronger. I thought I could hold my tears in while I write this but I can't. It's something I couldn't handle. I guess I'm not as strong as I thought or wish I could be. I'm sorry, Seto, that I'm not. I really am. Now you can't even see some of the words that I written down. I think I blurred out the word "love"…
Just in case I did, I'll write again.
I love you.
I always have.
Why couldn't you believe me?
"Before I go, can I say one more thing?"
"I don't have time for this. Just leave. You're wasting my time and your time."
"I love you, Seto. And… goodbye."
I just hope that one day… you'll understand that. One day, maybe you'll believe me and realize how wrong you were to think I didn't love you. To think that I would dare cheat on you and mess up the best thing that ever happened to me.
Did I ever mention you're the best thing to ever happen to me? Well, you are.
Kaiba put down the letter. He was too scared to read the last paragraph that Jou had written for him. His hand shook while he was reading and his mind kept replaying everything that happened in the past few days.
But he picked up the letter and continued on.
I love you. And I'm sorry you couldn't see that. I hope that one day you'll forgive me for everything I have ever done to make you hate me. I didn't mean it and I wish I could take it all back.
I'm going with Yugi and Yami to the United States after all. I'm not expecting you to really reach this far into the letter, I actually thought you would have thrown it away or rip it shreds but just in case… I figured I might as well hope and pray that you do read this.
By the time you reach this, I will already be halfway across the world. You don't have to worry anymore, I'm gone completely. Remember when you said you never wanted to see me anymore? Well, don't worry. I don't ever plan on coming back. I'll do this for you, Seto. It's the least I can do. I hope me never coming back into your life will make you happy and satisfied.
I hope you find the happiness that you gave me before. You know, that wonderful feeling in your stomach when you wake up but don't know what's going on yet you're happy anyway? I hope you find that with someone. You really deserve it, Seto, even if it's not with me. And that's okay. It doesn't have to be, it's not with me, I realize that now. I thought it would be, but time proved me wrong and it must be fate right?
I'm glad I had a chance to feel that and I thank you for giving me the opportunity. You'll always be the one I love, Seto. You might not care, but I will. I thought I might put that down in case you do still care.
Find that happiness again, that's all I ask of you. It'll be the best thing that would ever happen to you.
Forgive me Seto.
This sucks but I was in a melancholy mood and yeah… so this happened. I originally wanted to write a happy sappy fic, but this happened… huh… I wonder how! Haha
I know it needs work, believe me, I do. But I typed this without really thinking about it. Guess this is the ROUGH DRAFT.
For all those read, thanks, you rock. I give you an E-hug! Hope you can feel it!