Ch. 4: Team Hope Briefing

While heading for Team Hope Headquarters… Ash was with the other guys, briefing about future family things; Ash said to Gary, "Misty said she doesn't know if it's going to be a boy or girl, so we discussed baby names some time last month, and it came to a close: 'Ray' if it's a boy and 'Kaley' if it's a girl." Brock said, "Ruby and I decided 'Lita' if it's a girl or 'Rocky' if it's a girl."

James groans, "Jessie and I thought of 'Clyde' for a boy or 'Camilla' for a girl." Gary sighs, "Uh… 'Cole' for a boy and 'Amy' if it's a girl."

James responded, "I like Serena Usagi––" realizing he shouldn't tell Gary and Brock yet, he quickly corrected himself, "usefully better." Gary didn't get suspicious; he had enough excitement from last night, "A little late for that, Jimmy."

At headquarters…

Seeing a clipping from a newspaper depicting Ash and the others in their underwear in public that also reads 'Torchic Hope Men Foils Fusenergy Human Tank' on the wall, Gary nervously blushed! He tore off the clipping and silently bickered with Ash about it before screaming out—

"ALRIGHT PEOPLE! IT'S ALMOST BEEN A YEAR ALREADY! A YEAR! THIS CRAP AIN'T FUNNY ANYMORE!"

Ash had to take the embarrassment and he was willing to endure it, so now he's going to defend the future embarrassment of his friends, "How was I supposed to know they were going to think it was a good idea, this was supposed to be meant for me, not these dudes."

Behind the others' backs, Nick silently snickered as he placed up another clipping of the same story, "Yeah, we're the ones who gets it in the neck. If we ever catch whoever's doing this, we'll kick his butt!"

They've come to see Tetsuya, a brown-haired Pokémon trainer from Hoenn (he's promoted to a general), who wanted to see most of them in his office for some reason.

Tetsuya sighs, "Thank god there's someone worth seeing instead of being retired (referring to Ash and his friends), we're dinosaurs— Ash, please seat down." Ash saw the row of seats reserved for him and the other men, "Sorry."

Tetsuya continued, "We're like the prehistoric Pokémon, or dinosaurs, headed for extinction." Ash yawns, "Speak for yourself..." Tetsuya still continued, "Must make way for the new-Improved Team Hope: people with mad Pokémon trainer skills, tools, weapons, and psychology degrees, like Max, out there."

The latter was seen outside the indoor window of Tetsuya's office, looking back at them! He let his dark-green hair grow down to his shoulders, plus some laser surgery done to his eyes so he could get rid of them, and he's wearing a green-and-blue mission jumpsuit. He waved to them 'hi.'

Nick was confused but waved back, "Maxie has a psychology degree?" Gary groans, "More like a psycho degree." Ash sighs and stretches, "Ah, heck, I've got nothing against it; times have must change. Hey, a year ago a Brock almost got nailed by hot-rodder with a zip gun." Brock comments, "That's how far back I go."

Ash got down to business with Tetsuya, "You want to see us, Tetsuya?" Tetsuya sighs and starts, "Because of everyone, including us, getting such vast fortunes after the end of war, the taxes have been horribly lowered. That's not a good thing because still lots of villains left behind, the world is still in need of Team Hope, and all you do, Ash Ketchum, is go hunting down villains wherever they're about to appear. Most of the heightened insurance has been used for repairing for the damage we've been causing."

Brock groans, "Oh, man! What are we going to do about this?" Ash sighs, "If you want me to quit, I'll retire immediately, I'm going to be a father in a few months anyway." Tetsuya stopped them in their tracks, "They can't fire us or you either, and we don't we want you retire either; so… they're promoting you."

Ash smiled, "Promoted?" Gary lost all negative emotions, "Hey!" Nick was about to high-five with Marty, "Captains!" Until Tetsuya interrupted their celebration, "There are no open captain spots, so the General of T.H. is using her special privilege, and is making you Colonels, and Ash and Gary… generals."

Ash was surprised, "Colonels? Generals?" Nick smiled, "Even better." Ash said, "Start at age 10 with Pokémon training, 15 years later you're a general, soon to be a father." Brock groans, "Oh, man! Ash is inexperienced and yet he outranks me!" Gary sighs, "I know."

Tetsuya asks, "Can you guys try to stay out of trouble?" Ash grins, "As long as it doesn't find me." Tetsuya held out his hand, "Give me those Lieutenant badges." The men in the room did. Richie was remarking how brightly his new colonel badge shines! As he handed Ash and Gary their general badges, Tetsuya said, "This is one of the most painful experiences of my life."

As the colonels moved out the door, Tetsuya also handed Ash a folder, "You have a mission, General Ash. It involves that you and the other boys have to have for Neon Town immediately." Ash asks, "The new Las Vegas in the Kanto region? Okay."

As Ash took the folder and rejoined the others, he noticed yet another newspaper clipping of Ash and the other men again before the others. Ash eyed Nick suspiciously "I was wondering who has been placing that up continuously, Nicholas." Nick had what came to him; Ash kicked his ass (by means of Pokémon battle).

Ash angrily groans, "Get those miserable Pokémon of yours healed up for the new mission we're going on." Nick sighs in defeat, "Yes sir."

Brock decides to see his lovely psychiatrist, Dr. Stephanie Woods, she's a lovely blonde in a beige outfit. "Excuse me, Dr. Woods?" She noticed him and asked him, "Oh, Colonel Harrison. What is it this time, dreams about Nurse Joy and Officer Jenny having a catfight over you and then deciding to have an orgy afterwards? Or have you finally cooked up something more amusing?"

Brock asked, "Pregnancy?" Dr. Woods laughed, "The 'p' word? Do you know what I think we'd do? We'd go into my office and you'd say something like, 'Doc… I want you to bare me a son' or 'Officer Jenny or Nurse Joy.'"

Then Dr. Stephanie Woods scolds Brock; "My time is reserved for people and Pokémon with real problems and real needs. HAVE YOU GOT THAT? HAVE YOU?" Brock feigns being clueless and says, "Care to run that by me again?" Dr. Stephanie Woods sternly answers, "No. And do you know what? I don't like you."

Now that Brock got what she meant, he sighs as she leaves and replies, "Stephanie, I can't go out with you. I'm in a relationship, I'm married, I'm very happy. Now you'll find somebody someday, but you've got to stop bothering me." Stephanie, painfully embarrassed, insults him, "You are disgusting! YOU'RE DISGUSTING." Then she noticed everyone's laughing at her! "What's the matter with you people?"

Ash sits at his desk, thinking that he should return to the adventures before becoming a father, by going on this mission.

Nearby him, Marty opens up a bag of fast food and reads a label on one of the packages, "'Flied lice'?" Brock jokes, "'Flied lice'? It is fried rice, you 'plick'!"

Meowth says to them, "Can I give you guys a friendly piece of advise, okay? Don't ever go up to the drive-thru, ok? Always walk up to the counter. You know why? Ok, ok, ok, ok. They fuck you at the drive-thru, ok? They fuck you at the drive-thru. They know you gonna be miles away before you find out you got fucked, ok? They know you're not gonna turn around and go back. So, they don't care. Who that's fucked? Oh, Leo Getz. Ok, sure. I don't give a fuck. I'm not eating this tuna, ok?" Annoyed, everyone shouted at Meowth, "SHUT UP!"

As Nick returned, he asked Ash, "What the heck's wrong with you Ash, still on the wrong side of the recuperative powers lately since you got beat up? You placed my Pokémon in serious pain."

Meowth goes onto with more rants, "Always take your Pokémon to the Pokémon Center; never take them into the hospital! You know what I say? They fuck you in the hospital. First they drug you then they fuck you. And when they done fuckin' you, along comes the insurance company and fucks you some more. Ten dollars for a fuckin' aspirin!" James plays with his ponytail and says to his longtime friend, "Calm down, will ya?" Meowth sighs, "Ok, ok, ok."

Meowth's eyes bug out, "General Ketchum; touchy green-haired kid 12 o'clock!"

Max gets to Ash and the others, "I'm here to come along with you guys on your mission to Neon Town." Gary sighs, "Okay." Max says to Ash, "We found the criminal that was on the boat that was beating the stuffing out of you, Ash. He was found in Neon Town, but he ran away from view the moment he was spotted." Ash growls, "That son of a bitch was nearly caught by me and ran off like the coward he is, must be licking those wounds I gave him."

Max explains, "He didn't go too far, he was found on a nearby rooftop. Strangled to death. And get this: Spearows ate his eyeballs." Ash puts on a 'cool with it' face and says, "Cool."

A cell phone ring tone was heard. It was coming from Max's Pokédex Cell, "Excuse me." He answered it, "Hello? HELLO?" Then he hanged it up! He groans, "CRUD! I hate it when this happens with these cell phone programs! Darn cell phone programs, man! You get a call, they cut you off. You make a call, they cut you off. What's the point? I never––"

Meowth says to Max, "Don't you know what they're doin', kid? Eh, that's it… They fuck you with cell phones. That's what it is. They're fuckin' you with the cell phone. They love when you get cut off, you know why? Huh! You know why? Cause when you call back, which they know you gonna do, they charge ya for that fuckin' first minute to get it at that high rate."

Max said, "If you're lucky enough to be able to call back, because the 30-hour battery you got only lasts 20 darn minutes!"

Ash tries to put some headphones on to put out the annoying conversation. James asks, "What if you're behind a hill? It goes––" He starts making static noises to imitate like so. Max shouts, "Or if you're going through a darn tunnel or something else, man?"

Max continues, "They always keep making them smaller! Do you know why they make them smaller? So you could lose them! You want to know why? So you have to buy more phones! I never lost my mom's cell phone! Take you two darn hours on a long-distance call! Duh-duh-duh-duh-4, Duh-duh-duh-duh-5, Duh-duh-duh-duh-–– OH! I messed up! Hang up. Got to call again, Duh-duh-duh-duh-4––"

Ash took his earphones off, when nothing was working to keep this off his shoulders.

Max groans, "I never even lost my Sports Illustrated swimsuit cell phone! Thank god I didn't even lose my Pokédex with the cell phone program!"

James asks Max, "And what about the fuckin' scanners? These jerks, they get your phone number and then they make calls for all over the world!" Max shouts, "OH! Somebody took my number and called Afghanistan! Afghanistan! I've never talked to anyone in Afghanistan, I don't know anybody in Afghanistan, and even if I did know anyone, I wouldn't talk to that Afghan ass for three hours. I won't talk to my daddy for three hours."

James and Meowth shout in unison to Max, "They fuck you, they fuck you, they fuck you with the cell phones. Hey, you know what happens when you go to a drive-thru? They get you in a––" James' cell phone rings! "Hold on, hold on." Max sits in a computer desk chair and asks, "Why am I talking to you?"

James answered his cell, "James Morgan, private investigator." Ash spoke on the other end of the phone (with British accent), "Ah, private investigator? Yes, Mr. Morgan, I was just wondering if you'd be willing to investigate my privates." James got confused, "Investigate what?" Ash replied normally, "My privates, you stupid idiot. Shut the hell up!"

James groaned, "Oh, very funny, Master/General Ash, you're costing me a lot of money here." Ash smiles, "Yeah, at least three bucks." "Three dollars to answer a fuckin' call, they fuck me with the cell phones, now you're fuckin' me!"

Ash laughs, "You're pretty tough on the phone now, imagine how your old boss would've felt when he'd see you now, dude." Meowth took James' phone and says into it, "Yeah, that's right! Telephone tough guy!" Then they both realized, "Why are we talking to you on the phone?" Ash says, "Calm down and get back to work."

Max said, "'No' means no." James sighs, "I have a feeling that you guys are starting to like us." Tracey moans, "We'd be the first other humans."

Ash whispers to Gary, "We should bring them along." Gary was confused, "And hire them?" Ash nods, "Yeah, bring them along and hire them. They can follow us around like last time." Gary warns his partner, "But the bad guys will see them!" Ash whispers to Gary, "Yeah, yeah, that's the idea, it'll drive them all nuts!" Gary interjected, "But they will shoot them!" then he gets the idea, "Hey, let's hire them and bring them along!"

Marty gets pulled by the collar of his jacket, "Where are you taking me, brother?" Ash explains, "A mission, Colonel Waterflower."

Once outside, Ash notices a lovely pink Cadillac car, "Whose is this? It's beautiful!" Marty said, "It's my sister, Daisy's, car."

Meowth opens the side door, a whole lot of water is flooded onto everybody! Marty explains, "She placed a security system that only she and other Waterflower family members are allowed to touch onto this." Meowth pops up from the water with a fishing rod, "Well, whaddya know, I found Nemo!"

Back at Ash and Misty's home, Misty and the girls were having tea. She gets a fax letter from Tetsuya, Serena Usagi gets up (she's as lovely as May is (May is still nervous about her)) and reads it, "Hey! Ash, Gary, Brock, Tracey, Marty, Nick, Max, Richie, Drew, and James are out on another mission together!" Misty gets up, "I'd say we should get to it too, we deserve to be on this mission as much as they do, even though most of us are pregnant." Duplica said, "If I know your friend, Brock, he'd probably hit the road by now."

On the road… Brock and James both fell out of the Cadillac, but got back into it.

Gary asks Ash, "So, General Ketchum, what's going to be on this mission this time?" Ash answered, "It involves something called the Golden Eevee." Drew said, "Cool."

Ash asks Marty, "What are you going to do when you retire from Team Hope?" Marty said, "I think I'll… I'll… I'll be a stunt double." James laughs in disbelief, "You? A stuntman? Please." Marty asked, "No? Okay, maybe try out my best to top Jan and Victor against the tsunami, Humunga Dunga?" Ash said, "Listen, brother-in-law on a sports-board, if this heap gets to Neon Town, you'll ride all the waves you want."

A 'Pokémon dance mix' ring tone was heard, Ash answered his Poké-Cell, "Hello?" Misty's voice was heard, "Ash honey? Are you and the boys going on some secret mission without telling us?" Ash sighs, "Yes, I'm sorry. But how did you know?" Misty explains, "Tetsuya just promoted us from lieutenants to colonels and faxed us. We'll be with you in Neon Town shortly." Then she hung up.

Ash asks, "Why her too?"

Little does he realize that that very phone call was heard via enemy satellite.

In a secret area… surrounded by a ring of desk with shadowy board members, the mysterious president roars out, "This is unacceptable. We cannot have nine-year-olds working in sweatshops making our best goods... not when three-year-olds work for so much less..."

All the people surrounding him, his Vice-Presidents, reach for their buzzers. The VP of Child Labor (as it reads on the desk label before him) gets to his first, "But, sir, they require naps." "Put double espresso in their sippy cups."

All of the sudden, a familiar face comes by the president, it's Domino that was once from Team Rocket years ago (and she's got a lot of makeup on the side of her face), she whispers into the president's ear. "The woman's son is on the assigned mission?" The president's shadowed face looks at a seemingly empty space in the shadows, "Monitor; show us Ms. Deria Copt Ketchum."

A 3D holographic image appears, displaying various kitchen instruments, etc., along with Ash's mother, who still looks pretty for a woman in her 50s (with some streaks of silvery white in her hair), working on a few meals for the patient yet happy goons in white uniforms with big golden G emblazoned over their chests.

The president asks, "What's going on?" One of the female goons replied, "It seems like she already cracked from the moment we kidnapped her, it seems like kindness and courage runs in the Ketchum bloodline." Deria asks one of those goons sweetly, "Who would like to like the batter off this spatula?" The goon talking to the president of the company turns to her and calls out, "Me first!"

The president was a little disgusted, "It seems like they do. Switch to targets." The holographic images changed to Daisy's car with Ash and the other men. The president smiles sinisterly, "They're heading towards Neon Town, just where I want them. Soon, we, the last members of Team Gold, will possess the power of the Golden Eevee and use its powers for our diabolical act!"

Domino asks, "What about Ash Ketchum?" The president turns to her and slowly and quietly says, "I want him brought here, alive."

To be continued…