Author: spook embassy PM
Tezuka on drugs. That just about sums it up. Yet another gag fanfic that shall be more than one chapter. El w00t.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,783 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 06-29-05 - Published: 03-19-05 - id: 2313038
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
DISCLAIMER: I do not own PoT. You do not own PoT. My neighbor owns PoT. Just kidding. Hahaha saying 'my neighbor' made me think of 'My Neighbor Totoro' and then I started to sing it and…(cough) So this fanfic is going to be one of the strangest yet. Heh you didn't think that was even possible, did you? WELL IT IS. Yes. It has a surprise pairing (sort of?) and stuff. Ok I wrote this because well… I love seeing Tezuka as a spaz… like Horio… Hmmm let us start the havoc and despair!
He surveyed the courts where the Regulars were playing. He jotted down notes, occasionally peering up over his glasses to look at someone. He was reviewing his notes to see who would be the most fitting specimen for this experiment. Selecting the perfect one would be difficult, but it was vital.
He noticed that most of the tennis people were happy. When on the court and playing a match, attitude was a major factor of what the outcome would be. Happiness meant more determination and more positive outlook on the game… except… one of the players looked more cold and quiet than usual. He looked over to where the captain was standing. The very stoic Tezuka was staring out at the courts unemotionally as usual. Inui always made it a game to try and figure out what Tezuka was thinking about. Tezuka's whole persona boggled Inui, even after all of the data he had gathered on him. So it was decided that Tezuka was going to be his next test subject. What was Tezuka thinking about, anyway?
I could really go for some waffles right now… I haven't had waffles in so long… just thinking about the word waffle makes me hungry. Waffle waffle waffle waffle…
In Inui's bottle wasn't any kind of liquid, but in fact a powder (not THAT kind of POWDER…). This powder was a morale booster and contained many kinds of sugars and various flavors of kool-aid. However, being a genius, Inui had made it colorless, tasteless, and odorless – almost perfect for putting into someone's water…. Inui was waiting until the time was right. He had hired his sadistic friend Fuji to distract Tezuka by asking him to play a friendly match with him, and during that match, Inui would put the powder into Tezuka's water bottle. The plan was perfect. It was so perfect, that Inui started twitching and laughing. Horio took notice, because he notices everything and has to tell you about it.
"Why are you laughing Inui-senpai?"
This caused more evil chuckling.
"I have selected," he started, slowly turning his head to face Horio's, "my next guinea pig".
Horio grimaced at Inui's devilish grin. He slowly inched away and back to his collective of Ryoma fans (A/N: how I loathe them…). Momo, being nearby, heard this and took great interest.
"Is it going to be anything like the Eiji/Cucumber incident?" he said with a twinkle in his eyes.
Eiji heard this and freaked out.
"RAISE THE ALARM! INUI ALERT! HE HAS SELECTED HIS NEXT VICTIM!" he screamed, flailing his arms. Oishi had to calm him down. Inui wasn't too fond of the idea of having all this ruckus about it. Half of the fun is gone when people KNOW… especially the victim. It didn't matter, though. Tezuka had become accustomed to tuning out anything being said whenever Eiji started talking. Fuji, seeing an opening, made his move.
"Mm Tezuka, want to play a friendly match with me?" asked Fuji innocently. Tezuka just nodded and the two walked over to an empty court.
The plan had commenced.
Inui immediately stood up from his spot on the bench with his bottle of powder in hand and walked over to where Tezuka's water bottle was. He carefully unscrewed the lids of both his bottle and Tezuka's water bottle. He was taking some measuring spoons out of his pocket when Oishi crept up behind him.
"Are you drugging up Tezuka?" he asked.
"I am adding his dietary vitamin supplements so that his elbow may heal more efficiently," Inui replied completely poker-faced and without falter in his voice.
"Oh." And that was that. Oishi left.
Inui went back to business. Oishi coming and catching him off guard had been a distraction to Inui, so he hadn't noticed that he had taken a tablespoon instead of a teaspoon out of his pocket. He moved a tablespoon's worth of the powder into Tezuka's water. It dissolved almost immediately. Inui swished the bottle around a few times to make sure that the consistency of the water remained mostly the same. Seeing that the deed was done, Inui went back to his spot on the bench and waited. He started a new log in his notebook. He started to write:
The plan is going smoothly. I already have the powder mixed into Tezuka's water. I've instructed Fuji on how tire Tezuka out the most during the match, that way he is more likely to be thirsty. He drinks a lot of water, though. He's like a human water buffalo. Do water buffaloes even DIRNK a lot of water? I must research this further later…
Inui looked up to see that Fuji and Tezuka's short match was over. Tezuka, with a towel around his shoulders, immediately went for his bottle of water. Inui grinned at him while he picked it up. Tezuka looked over at it him while he drank his water, giving him funny looks. Inui began to write vigorously.MONDAY
Test subject has consumed formula. Results should show in 24 hours.
Practice was over. The tennis players were heading to the locker room. Inui shut his notebook quickly.