Disclaimer: Not mine! All ideas collected from other fanfics, and all character and places from Rowling!

Everybody was hangin' in the Gryffindor common room, when suddenly…a hot tub magically appeared.

Hermione woke up from her randomly graphic sexual dreams about Harry and did a sudden cannonball into the hot tub.

Harry, transfixed by this beautiful sight began drooling…or it may have been a side effect of the enormous amounts of cocaine he had snorted earlier.

Ron, in a similar state, began making out with Crabbe and Goyle. Scabbers joined in on the action with Crookshanks, and just got eaten for his trouble.

Fred and George broke out their stash of firewhiskey and proceeded to get an orgy started in the common room. It quickly disintegrated, much to the disappointment of Hermione who was again having sexual dreams about Harry.(and strangely enough in a threesome with Neville's frog Trevor…and Neville…and Pansy Parkinson, hmmmm, interesting)

Harry woke from his daze to find himself doing random sexual acts with Draco. He then realized that Draco couldn't possibly be in the Gryffindor common room (but Crabbe and Goyle could?) , and looking up found himself in front of an extremely shocked Dining Hall.

McGonagall seemed extremely stunned, but then Harry realized that it was because Dumbledore's hand was halfway up her thigh.

Ginny then raised her head from Neville's lap and asked what she had missed.

Seamus then raised his head from Dean's lap and asked what he had missed.

Draco and Harry were going at it again, so Hermione decided what the hell and did a striptease for the entire hall. Snape found this to be extremely cool-looking, so he started to strip on the teacher's table, much to everyone's chagrin, except for Professor Trelawney who said she had seen this was going to happen and that was why she had come to breakfast. Everyone retched at the thought.

The hall just broke into a renewed orgy, promoting unity throughout the school.

The twins pranked everyone and they turned pink.

Lily and James were transported into the future and saw the huge pink mass and began to go at it in a broom closet near the hall.

Sirius, Remus, and Peter were also transported to the future where they coupled up with their future selves (Sirius was alive again) and Peter began to profess his undying love to Crookshanks, again, and got stabbed by a mob of house elves.

The pink mass broke apart as Voldemort came in. Harry shouted insults about the condition of his shorts, and Voldemort began to cry about how Bellatrix had left him. Crabbe and Goyle ran to comfort him and Ron began sobbing.

"I thought we had something special, you know?" he said.

Voldemort asked if he could join in and was welcomed by all on the account that he did not kill anyone.

Voldemort put on a pink fluffy tutu identical to the one Harry was mysteriously wearing and they began to tango.

Harry began to have odd graphic sexual dreams about Hermione (and strangely enough in a threesome with Neville's frog Trevor…and Neville…and Pansy Parkinson, hmmmm, interesting).

They decided they were soulmates and would have lived happily ever after.

James and Lily, unfortunately, were locked in the broom closet, and died before they got back to the past. Harry disappeared in a puff of smoke, and no one knows where he is now. Oh, well.

We are transported into the living room of the Dursleys who have been watching this on their television. Dudley has mysteriously disappeared only to reappear on the television screen necking with Tonks.

The entire Order had appeared and were going at it like bunny rabbits.

Needless to say all of the females at Hogwarts left on maternity leave the following year. Hermione returned with twins in tow, Snape was suspected to be the father but no-one knew for sure.

All the muggle born witches rebelled against the wizarding community and killed everybody with Hermione as their leader.

Then the aliens appeared and they all had cookies and tea.