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A/N: This story has been edited. Mainly, the only things that's change has been the title.

Reflections

It’s been a months since my supposed father jumped out of plane. All I wanted was the truth from him, but instead he left me with more questions than answers. When they told me his body was found a week ago, I didn’t shed any tears. Some people might think it’s weird that I haven’t cried for him, but how can someone cry when they’re empty inside. Who knows, maybe I’m still in denial.

I look out of the window from the booth I’m sitting in, drinking a cup of coffee. The little café is nice and homey. I watch the people pass by on the streets. All of them seem so happy and content with the lives they lead. Why couldn’t I have that? Why couldn’t I have the big white house with the white picket fence? Why did I have to grow up without a mother? Why couldn’t I have a loving family to come home too? Why do I continue to beat myself up over these thoughts, day in and day out? It doesn’t do me any good to think like this, yet I keep doing it.

I take another sip of coffee and look around the café. My eyes fall on a teenage couple sitting in the corner. It’s amazing how innocent once can be at the age. All your hopes and dreams are still in front of you, waiting for you to grab on to them and make them come true. But that innocence falls to the side once adulthood settles in. Those dreams become a dismal fantasy as they slip farther and farther away from you. The real world deals you a cruel hand and there never seems to be any way to win, so all that is left is disappointment, lies, broken promises, lost dreams and lost loves.

Love. For most people love brings them happiness, joy, and trust. For me, it brings nothing but heartache, lies, deceit, and death. When I watch Broots and Debbie I can’t help but feel a twinge of pain in my heart. I always wanted that relationship with my father. Unfortunately, my father was nothing more than a puppet master when it came to my life. When he wanted something done, he would pull the strings, and of course I would do whatever he wanted. With him, my weakness was trying to please him, and he knew that. It angers me that I was such a fool, but I was blind when it came to him. The only person who truly wiped the cobwebs from my eyes is the one person I’m supposed to distrust, yet he is the one constant truth in my life.

Jarod. What can I say about him? As much as the little rat annoys me sometimes, I know he would never lie to me. When there was nothing but lies around me, he would be the one beacon of truth. When darkness surrounds me, he would be my light at the end of the tunnel. Lighting the way for me to truly see how distorted my reality was. As much as I would hate to admit this, Jarod is my angel, my guardian angel. Yet, why do I continue to treat him like shit?

They say that ignorance is bliss. For me, it truly was, and maybe still is. I’ve opened up my eyes to the many horrific nightmares the Centre has produced, but I still won’t let my heart or eyes open up to the one person who’s been my savior through it all.

I can feel a tear slowly escape from the prison behind my eyes. Why was I so stupid? He was practically laying the turning point down in my lap, but of course I pretended to ignore it. Saying our time on the island was a moment of weakness. Truth be told, it wasn’t weakness. It was fear. With Jarod, it scares me that he can see through me, see the real me. I’m scared that when I utter those three little words, I would be signing his death warrant. I just can’t bear to lose him, yet I think I did.

The last time I heard from him was the phone call after we got back from Africa. I wonder if he’s found his mother yet. I hope he has. For once, Jarod should have his own dreams come true, instead of making everyone else’s come true.

I look out the window and notice it’s starting to rain. The day fits my mood perfectly, so dark and somber. I close my eyes and let out a deep sigh. When I open them again I’m startled by what I see. Parker, you must be going crazy. I blink my eyes a couple of times to make sure they’re not playing tricks on me, but they’re not. His reflection is still visible in the window. I’m afraid to look at him, scared of letting my emotions take over. I don’t want his pity.

He sits down across from me, but doesn’t say anything at first. There’s nothing but silence between us. After some time, he finally breaks the silence. I wrap my fingers around the coffee mug more tightly, and still gaze out the window. Whatever he’s saying, I refuse to hear. I just zone him out, pretending that he’s not there. He must have gotten the clue, because there’s silence again. In the window, I see him reaching across the table. What is he doing?

I let out a soft gasp when I feel his hand covering my own. His touch is my weakness. This little gesture brings me out of my reverie. I still won’t look at him. I don’t want him to see me like this. I don’t want to be some damsel in distress, yet I want him to rescue me from my pain and heartache. All the years of pent up tears decide they want to come out right now. I can feel them banging within my eyes, trying to escape. Unfortunately, a couple of them do when I see them splattering on the table. Through the blurry vision I see his hand coming up under my face.

His fingers gently lift my chin up. We finally lock eyes with each other. His beautiful brown eyes are filled with such love and sympathy for me. It breaks my heart. I can feel my bottom lip starting to quiver. Please, Parker don’t do this, not now. Why can’t I listen to my own words?

The tears finally break free, coming down in torrents, just like the rain outside. I take my hand away from his. To ashamed to look at him, I bury my face in my hands. I can hear him getting up and sitting down beside. He puts his arms around me and pulls me close. His embrace envelops me with such safety. I know he would die for me. For some strange reason I find comfort in that. To know that someone loves you that much, they will risk their own life for yours.

Through all the tears I hear him repeating, “Its okay, let all the hurt and pain out.” Afraid this might be all a dream, I reach out my arms and hold onto him fiercely, scared that he might vanish into thin air right before my eyes. I feel the strange sensation of water droplets hitting the top of my head. When I look up, I notice he’s crying also. He looks down and smiles sadly at me. Taking my face in his hands, he places a gentle, lingering kiss on my forehead. His lips seem to breathe new life into me. Well, he is my angel. A kiss from him must be godsend.

I lay my head back down on his shoulder, breathing in his life. I can feel him pulling me closer to him. An older couple walks by and notices us. I hear the older woman say to her husband, “My, aren’t they an adorable couple.” I can’t stop the smile that comes to my face as I snuggle more closely to Jarod. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but for once I finally know how it feels to be truly loved.

The End