Disclaimer: "Look at this stuff, isn't it neat? Wouldn't you think my collection's complete? Wouldn't you think I'm the girl – the girl who has everything?" . . . Well obviously not as I don't own Harry Potter.

A/N: As promised . . . snippets! The fill-in-the-blanks, background happenings, missing scenes, extras! This first installment is simply what everyone wants to know . . . how in the world did Granger agree to marry Malfoy? . . . Well . . . the following is how I see it. Also, the ending segments are the reactions of Blaise, Harry, and Ginny. . .

This chapter has a rating of definite R or M or WHATever the rating scale is now . . . because of language and adult conversation/content.

Oh yeah – Two Weeks Notice was on tonight while I typed this up – which was one of the unofficial inspirations for Customer Service. Aww, we've come full circle. . .

All right, on with it:

"Malfoy! What am I doing in your apartment? Unhand me!"

"Only if you promise not to Apparate away!"

"I promise! Just let go! Hey – that's my wand!"

"Precautionary measures, you understand."

"Ugh, hardly."

"Right then . . . Granger, you can't just leave a man hanging like that! It's not decent!"

"I panicked! I didn't expect that to happen . . . and, and, and then Blaise walking in on us . . . doing, doing . . . doing what we were doing!"

"Sex Granger! Say it! Sex, sex, sex!"

"No! If I say it then it means it might have actually happened."

"Well lucky for you then we didn't get that far, sadly . . ."

"But we were well on our way!"

"And I'd be very happy to resume where we left off if you would stop running away from me!"

"No! None of this makes any sense! We're moving too fast!"

"Not fast enough, if you ask me. You're still dressed."

"Malfoy! Focus! I'm trying to talk to you here."

"Really? Because from here it sounds like a bunch of shrieking and crying and yelling. Lots of yelling."

"How did we get here? Just a few days ago you kissed me for the first time. Just a few months ago was the first time we'd met in two years! It's happening too fast."

"Calm down Granger. Nothing's happening too fast unless you want it to."

"Why do I have to make that decision? What do you want?"

"Well, before now I had my heart set on a nice, quiet evening of hot, sweaty, steamy –"

"Malfoy!"

"You asked!"

"I'm just not that kind of girl. I don't go at it in, in, in offices with – oh god, with my BOSS!"

"Well what kind of girl are you then?"

"You're my boss! There are rules against this kind of thing! Oh god! I am that kind of girl!"

"Well that's good news for me . . ."

"You!"

"Me?"

"You seduced me!"

"I did no such thing! You seduced me!"

"Pff, I should think not!"

"Of course you did! What, with you traipsing around in those little skirts, bending over filing cabinets showing off your as –"

"Malfoy!"

"– sets, what's a cold blooded man to do? You knew exactly what you were doing. You know I have a thing for rears - your rear, specifically. I'm sorry Granger, but you seduced me!"

"Your misplaced blame aside, I believe we have made an egregious error."

"A what?"

"A mistake, Malfoy! We have made a mistake. I have made a mistake."

"How is this a mistake?"

"We hardly even know each other!"

"What are you talking about? We've known each other for sixteen years!"

"Well then we don't even like each other!"

"I do believe the very palpable animal magnetism between us does away with that theory."

"Ugh! Well then . . . you're just in it for a fling!"

"If I were in it for just a fling, as you so blatantly call it, then I would have called one of my vapid bimbos, as you like to call them. Have you any other flimsy reasons why you and I shouldn't be together Granger?"

"Not off the top of my head . . ."

"Well that's grand. I can't think of any either."

"So . . . where does that leave us now?"

"Marry me."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"Well of course I did – but did you hear yourself?"

"I said it, didn't I?"

"Well what do you mean by saying that! I mean, where did that come from? What gave you the idea to say that in the first place?"

"I find your inability to say things in explicit terms both endearing and frustrating."

"Draco!"

"Oh, you're pulling out the big wands now. This must be serious. So what'll it be Granger? Yes or no?"

"Of course it's a no!"

"Of course it is."

"What are you getting at saying it in that tone?"

"Just that you never take risks. You're as dull as a history of magic lecture. No sense of adventure."

"And marrying you would be just the adventure I need to turn my hum-drum life around?"

"Sure. So . . . how about it?"

"How romantic. How about it? Thanks Malfoy, thanks a lot."

"Oh come off it! You'd never be satisfied with Prince Charming. You need Prince I'm-Gonna-Piss-Your-Ass-Off-Every-Sodding-Day-And-You're-Going-To-Love-Me-For-It-Because-I-Keep-You-On-Your-Toes."

"And I suppose you think you're him?"

"Darling, I am that man and more. Marry me."

"You know I don't do well when ordered about."

"Marry me."

"You're just saying this so I'll sleep with you. You'll leave me tomorrow."

"No on both accounts. Marry me."

"Your persistence will get you no where."

"Marry me."

"Why?"

"Because we're perfect for each other and you know it. Don't fight it. Marry me."

"Why is the Wizarding World's most self-professed bachelor proposing marriage to the lowly, homely muggleborn?"

"Because you are neither lowly nor homely and because the bachelor is tired of being second to Harry Potter. I want something he's never had."

"Which is?"

"You."

"So I'm just a pawn in your little feud with Harry?"

"No, you're the reward."

"That makes no sense."

"It doesn't have to. Marry me."

"You've asked me no less than nine times. You really mean it, don't you?"

"Absolutely."

"Okay, let's look at it from my perspective. I need a quill and parchment."

"Why?"

"To list the pros and cons of course!"

"Oh . . . of course!"

"Come on Granger, haven't we exhausted this discussion enough? It's dead, six feet under – let's shag already."

"No Malfoy, I'm not going to shag you until I'm certain that this is something we both want."

"I want you, you want me. We've established cause for want – now let's get to it!"

"No! Malfoy, wait – ugh! Malfoy, get off of me . . . not yet!"

"Argh, you're driving me insane woman!"

"Let's look at the facts one more time."

"Argh! Not again! Why are we beating this into the ground?"

"Draco Malfoy, I am nothing if not thorough!"

"Well let's hope that trait applies to all aspects of your life."

"Listen to me one more time and then maybe you'll find out . . ."

…

"You coy little she-devil! Mmm, I love it when you placate me so . . . Kiss me again."

"No, now listen up! Fact number one: I'm not getting any younger. And neither are you."

"I hardly think we're old, Granger. We're twenty-seven . . . well I'm almost twenty-seven. I hardly think I'm pushing old age here."

"Nonetheless, my biological clock is ticking away and if we get married now, my five year plan states that I can't have children until I'm thirty-two and by that time the risks of birth defects are double what they are now."

"Tick, tock, tick, tock."

"Stop that! You are so insensitive!"

"Moving on."

"Number two: now that the merger with Lumos-Tel is going to go through, we are going to be incredibly busy in about a month. We won't have time for such frivolities like dating and having a social life."

"Dating is hardly frivolous, Granger."

"Oh you know what I mean. We won't have much time for courting. I know I'm going to up to my ears in paper work and you'll be traveling all across Europe doing public relations and whatnot. And I don't do long distance . . ."

"Right – no long distance. Go on then."

"Okay. Number three: you have an aversion to commitment. If this doesn't happen now, it probably won't ever happen again – and then where would I be? I'd have wasted two or three precious child-bearing years only to be left with –"

"Granger, you're rambling."

"Sorry. Number four: I don't exactly have men beating down my door petitioning for my hand."

"Well that would because I've set up an extensive array of men-with-intent-repulsion spells and wards outside your flat. Even if there were some, they wouldn't be able to come within a two kilometer radius of your apartment."

"Malfoy! How could you?"

"Quite easily, actually. The spell is –"

"NUM-ber five: I hardly ever act so rashly. It is completely out of my character. I wouldn't even sleep with Ron until we had been dating for two years –"

"And you're surprised when things didn't work out with The Weasel? I don't know any self-respecting man who would've waited that long. I almost admire his perseverance . . . almost."

"Be that as it may, I am not one to act without thinking things through accordingly. Analyzing every angle. . ."

"Isn't that what we're doing now?"

"Oh . . . you're right, I suppose. Number six: I'd have to put up with an awful lot of unwanted publicity. As the future Mrs. Malfoy, I'll have a public role to fill. I'll have to learn how to evade those blood-sucking journalists over at the Prophet."

"I'm sure you could just find dirt on all of them and blackmail them into leaving you alone."

"I resent that! I only did that once and it was for a very good cause."

"And self preservation isn't a worthy cause? Granger! You and I have absolutely nothing in common."

"Which brings us to number seven. We have nothing in common! You are a petulant, sexist child and I am a mature woman who exudes nothing but professionalism and grace. I can't honestly say why I'm attracted to you."

"You wound me, Granger."

"Get over it. You told me yourself that I aggravate you to no end."

"And I infuriate you. Hoorah! Something in common."

"All right, number eight: you don't love me."

"You don't love me."

"But we will someday?"

"Sooner than you think, perhaps."

"I'm not sure if I can be with someone who doesn't love me."

"Well, it's a good thing then that I love you."

"You love me?"

"Sure."

"Malfoy, this is serious!"

"I mean it, Granger. I've known you too bloody long to waste my time courting you. I know you. You know me. We've had sixteen years of getting to know each other and at least ten years of foreplay. We've been dancing around like this for years – this absurd mating ritual of ours. I hate you; you hate me, blah, blah, blah. We may not have been in each other's lives every single day since school, but we have spent time enough together that cannot be neglected. The war, for instance – granted, the typical animosity was there but you can't deny that things changed. We both changed. Granger, this is as serious as it gets."

"Oh Draco . . ."

"Right, well don't go all mushy on me now! You'll ruin the mood."

"Typical. Just like a man to avoid emotion."

"Gender typing again, Granger? For someone so self righteous, you certainly are narrow minded."

"Ugh! Number nine: our respective social circles will have a hissy fit when they find out. No one will come to the wedding besides Ginny, Blaise, and Pansy."

"Then there's only one option left."

"Elopement."

"But where?"

"Someplace where nobody knows us."

"Um, there aren't many places that don't know who I am, love."

"All right then. Someplace where nobody knows me."

"I know of a place. Is that all?"

"I think that's everything."

"Great. Now that we've got that out of the way . . . to the bed chamber!"

"Er, not so fast Malfoy."

"Pardon?"

"We've one last thing to discuss."

"Which is?"

"A prenuptial agreement."

…

"Say it again."

"A prenuptial agreement?"

"Again."

"Prenuptial agreement."

"I love it when you talk dirty. . ."

"Malfoy here."

"Malfoy! You berk! It's about time you called."

"Why Zabini, I never knew you cared."

"So where the hell have you been? How's Granger?"

"I knew you'd put two and two together . . . We're in France."

"France? What are you doing in France?"

"Actually, we are getting ready for our honeymoon."

"Honeymoon?"

"We just eloped."

"Well I'll be damned!"

"Well then this little bit of information might be important to you as it concerns Hermione."

"What?"

"I just saw her not but an hour ago."

"You saw her? But you're in France! Was she with Malfoy?"

"As a matter of fact, she was."

"Is she all right?"

"I'd certainly say so."

"Did you talk to her?"

"Briefly."

"Well?"

"SHE AND MALFOY JUST GOT MARRIED!"

"WHAT?"

"SHE MARRIED THE SODDING RODENT!"

"WHAT?"

"SHE'S MARRIED MAN! HERMIONE! MARRIED! TO MALFOY!"

"Hermione married Malfoy?"

"Yeah man."

"Well I'll be damned."

"Pardon?"

"Married!"

"I thought that's what you said . . ."

"…"

"Ginny?"

"…"

"So is he good in bed?"

"Ginny!"

"What else do expect me to say?"

"A 'congratulations Hermione' seems appropriate."

"Hermione! You disappeared for two days without so much as a note. I've been worried sick over you! You owe it to me!"

"All right, fine."

"So?"

"He's fantastic in bed. Everything you've ever heard of and more."

"Knew it. So how many times did you, you know?"

"…"

"Hermione?"

"Oh all right . . . seven, seven times."

"…"

"Gin?"

"Well I'll be damned!"

P.S. Well that's the first set of snippets. . . not sure how many will follow. At least one more chapter.