Shounen-ai: implied Subaru x Seishiro
Created 22nd May 2005

"I don't love him. I never did."

You're lying. Again.

"I'm not."

Yes you are.

"...No..."

Yes. You can lie to everyone else – Karen, Yuzuriha, Kamui, even... you can lie to all of them, but not to me.

"I said I'm not lying."

Say what you will; it does not change a thing. So. You still love him.

"...Yes."

Even though he's gone?

"Yes."

He's gone because -you- killed him.

"No."

You killed him.

"I had no choice, I had to kill him."

You killed him.

"Yes."

Then its your fault.

"No. He wanted me to. He knew what would happen, and that's why... that's why he..."

You still killed him.

"I had no choice. He would have killed me. And then, he would have killed -them-. I had no choice..."

You still killed him.

"Yes."

And now you miss him.

"Yes."

Why? He hated you.

"And I hated him, too."

But you miss him.

"I hated him because he made me love him. And now he's not here, so I miss him."

That is not logical.

"I never claimed to be logical. Were I logical, I wouldn't be talking to you."

Maybe you're insane then. Maybe you have lost your mind.

"How can I have lost my mind when it is right here talking to me?"

A valid point. Nonetheless...

"Enough. I miss him, and I hate him, and I still love him. That is all."

It makes no sense. How can you love what is no longer there.

"He no longer exists in this world, true. But that doesn't mean he is no longer there."

You believe in an afterlife of some kind?

"Perhaps. But you know what I believe. You are, after all, myself."

Not quite. But, go on.

"Yes. Yes, I do."

Why?

"Why not? There may be an afterlife, or there may not be. Whether I believe there is one or not makes no difference. What does it matter?"

It matters to -you-.

"But if I never cared about him..."

Or about her.

"... Or her. If I never cared so much, then maybe it wouldn't matter so much whether there's an afterlife or not."

What if there's not?

"That's not the point. If there is not, then I will die, and that will be it. And if there is, then maybe... I might be able to..."

Find happiness after all?

"You know me too well."

Come, now. If I didn't know you, at least a little, then maybe -you- would have lost -your- mind.

"Or -you- would have lost -me-."+

Perceptive, aren't you?

"Too perceptive. Its true what they say, you know. Ignorance -is- bliss."

You would rather be a fool?

"At least then it wouldn't hurt so much."

Hm. You would sacrifice intelligence for ignorance. You're a strange one.

"Not half as strange as you."

You forget who you talk to. That's a compliment.

"Is it?"

Don't change the subject.

"I'm not. -You- changed it."

Answer me this, then. If he were still alive...?

"If he were still alive, I would still hate him. And, I would still love him."

After everything he did to you?

"That's why I would still... that's why I still hate him."

And he hated you.

"Maybe. I never actually got round to asking him, now did I?"

He loved you.

"No."

Yes.

"Maybe."
And?

"And what?"

Why did you love him?

"Because."

Because...?

"Because there might have been a chance... just a very small one..."

That he -did- love you?

"... Yes."

But why? There was no reason to love him back, even if he did love you.

"There didn't have to be. I loved him because he was himself. He was -always- himself. And that's why I killed him. Isn't that enough?"

I suppose it might be. Love is a strange thing... totally illogical and erratic and...

"Insane?"

Exactly... you loved a monster, then.

"I did, didn't I? And because of that... and because I still do..."

Ah, I see what you're getting at. It takes one to know one, yes?

"Yes."

Well. I might go, then... have a good night's sleep.

"Doubtful."

Just thought I'd be polite.

"Goodnight."