It's short, but you write what you can, huh?

Disclaimer: Second verse, same as the first…

For the next week every time I closed my eyes Darry was there telling me what to do. I had the distinct feeling that if I had have just done what he asked he would have just given me more boring things to do. What? You can't honestly think he would leave me alone? Where have you been for the last hundred years? Anyways, I just pretended I was mad at him and ignored him every time he showed up. I was doing the same with the kids. Every time I had important things to do they showed up. It was getting to the point where I was only paying attention to 'Little Bran' in the middle of the night when they were all asleep on the beach. I was really getting sick of toppling out of my hammock every time they showed up and I had my hand down my shorts. Did I mention I found a hammock in that duffle bag? Darry had suggested I build a shack and I had every intention of doing that but he was being so picky. 'Bran, you have to pick wood that's not rotten, even if it already is on the ground…' 'Bran, you can't build walls with leaves…' 'Bran, stop napping every twenty minutes…'

You know, for a hallucination, he was getting pretty annoying. It was like I was still living at home when I was in the world's biggest playground. So naturally, I wasn't going to sit on my hands like Darry had ordered – literally, he had told me to sit on my hands and not touch anything until this whole ordeal was over. Pfft, what was the fun in that? I'd sat on my hands long enough. I was going exploring like I should have done before I started building the shelter I gave up on and Darry kept nagging me about.

"Let's see, what will I take into the jungle?" I muttered, piling everything back into the duffle "Better question; what do I not want those Elvis Heathens to get their hands on?"

I sighed and started packing up everything. Those brats were always crawling through the valley Darry had made me move up into. He thought I would be too distracted down on the beach. Well, he had something else coming if he thought I wasn't distracted up here. There were far too many passing butterflies to stay focused on anything. I smirked, wondering if there was some huge Lord of the 'Flies or something that would eat the children. I'd enjoy that.

"What're you doing, Captain?"

I sighed, not surprised. Well, not all the way surprised. I didn't have my hand anywhere it wasn't supposed to be today.

"Dude, it's either Bran or Super-cool-God Bran-who-is-higher-than-the-Lord Elvis-who-has-forsaken-him-with-the-twin-from-hell-and-left-him-stuck-on-this-island-with-no-female-companionship."

The kid blinked at me and I smirked. That was too easy. These kids ate up whatever I said. It was kind of nice. I only got this admiration from Pony back before he figured out that he was smarter than I was. Those were a great Seven years…

"What're you doing, umm, Bran?"

"Well, Snack, I'm going to go on a nature hike. I don't know when I'll be back or if I'll be back, but if I find anyone in my valley, Darry's gonna kick my ass. So stay out," I ordered

"My name is Jack. If I have to get your name right, you have to get my name right," he ordered back

"Snack, I'm the lord of the Island. You're just a four foot tall monkey."

He fumed over that. "I thought you said Elvis was lord of the island?"

I glanced at Jack who was wearing only tattered pants. His back was raw from the heat and he was looking as wild as any monkey I had ever seen on TV. His red hair was all over the place and he was filthy. I'd been here just as long and I still looked good. It was like he never bathed. Of course he didn't. He didn't have Darry ordering him to take one every day. I even had to wash my clothes. But no more. On this adventure I was not going to do anything dumb like that.

"We're no longer on speaking terms. Until he answers my summons, I will not acknowledge him. Thus I am lord of the Island."

Now, this is where the world should have stopped turning and the stars should have fallen from the sky because everyone knows that would happen before I would ever go against Elvis in any way. But then I was stuck on an Island with Pigmy children and Cocobutts and no girls. I've said it once and I'll say it again, this was a punishment of epic proportions. Just wished I knew what I had done to deserve it.

"So what are you going to do without Smellvis? Ralph at least has us building shelters."

"I have a shelter, thank you very much."

Snack looked over at my half collapsed attempt at shelter and then back at me. What? It was a shelter! He was just as bad as Darry!

"When I actually need a shelter I'm sure a tent will come out of my bag," I grumbled, shoving more stuff into it

Snack looked my bag over and reached out for it. I smacked his hand away and gave him the sternest look Darry could manage, because let's face it; I was a push over most of the time.

"No. This bag is not for kids. Darry, Elvis and I are the only ones allowed to touch it," I told him sternly

"Why?"

"Because there's porn in there somewhere," I answered, hoping I was right, and he blinked at me "You know porn? Dirty magazines? Naked women?"

He gaped at me and I smirked. That one he got. "Anyways, little-food-eating-time-named-monkey-guy, I'm off and away to adventure the jungle. Don't come into my valley and don't come looking for me unless rescue or a girl come to the island – whichever comes first."

Snack gave me an odd look and I ignored him before slinging the duffle on my shoulder and moving off towards the jungle. My valley was positioned so if you stood on the edge of it you were well above the lagoon, but you could see it good. There was only random noise when the wind blew right or one of the kids came up. I had no need to go down 'cause Darry picked me a valley right beside a pool of water with a little waterfall. I both bathed and drank there, so why go down to where the pigmies were fowling their own water? What did it matter? I was kid free and on an adventure for however long I wanted to be on one. Who knows, maybe even Darry would be suspiciously absent for the next few days. I shook my head. That would be like asking for this whole crazy adventure to be over with. As long as someone else was pulling the strings I was never getting out of here and I was also never getting anything else I wanted.

"But that's how the cookie crumbles, huh Bran?" I told myself, pushing vines and other vegetable thingies out of the way

I made it about ten more feet before I had to stop and dig through my bag for cookies. I sat and started munching on peanut butter ones like Soda usually made at home. They'd have chocolate chips in them and purple food coloring. These cookies didn't look anything like Soda's, and maybe I was losing it, but they tasted just like them. That little buddy was a little buddy after my own heart in the food department.

You know, this jungle thing wasn't that bad. I mean, there were lots of colors and I couldn't complain about having something to do. Sure, it was missing a hell of a lot of good things but it was…like George of the Jungle. You know, that cartoon dude on the TV who was in love with the red head – I could have told him that was a mistake. He was a cool little dude, though. Swinging through the air on green hangy thingies…Kind of like that hangy thingy falling from that tree…

I looked up at it thoughtfully and smiled. Oh, this place just got a hell of a lot more interesting. I stood up and grabbed one.

"Now, George always grips it with both hands," I muttered to myself "Then he yells and swings."

I pushed off the ground and found you couldn't go very far when you weren't swinging off something. No wonder the guy was always in trees! Now, to climb the tree…

The branch was wobbly but I managed to get a good bounce and swing. The only question was where were the breaks on this ride?

"What did you think you were doing?"

I blinked at Darry and groaned. I felt like I'd had my clock cleaned. I had, by a tree no less. Now that was embarrassing but probably flipping hilarious for everyone watching.

"Did someone get the number of that tree?"

"No, I decided you were at fault on that collision," Darry replied and I waved him off

"We've gotta stop meeting every time I get a concussion," I muttered and Darry snorted

I was reminded then that I was not pleased with Darry and decided to walk away from the situation. Only thing was I really had nowhere to go.

"Bran," Darry sighed, "You're acting irresponsible. Swinging from trees like Tarzan…"

"I am Bran of Jungle!"

"You've lost it." Darry shook his head "If I didn't know any better I would say it was the concussion."

"You are jerk," I informed him "Where Two-Bit, big beer loving best friend?"

"We've had this talk," Darry sighed

"No. You talk, me ignore. Now, where Two-Bit?"

"Well, it's obvious we're not going to make headway today. Why don't you go back to your valley and behave yourself?"

"Me Bran of Jungle. Me go where me want."

"Fine, act like a moron. Just don't come crying to me when the island burns down early."

"The pigmies already set the damn mountain on fire, I think it's my turn!" I informed him "Especially since they did it while I was asleep, ungrateful little heathens…"

"Knowing you, it won't just be the mountain."

"Leave big bossy twin brother," I ordered "Me have date with tree. And concussion."

Darry sighed and I woke up flat on the ground with a splitting headache and a split lip. With a groan I rolled over and worked myself up to my feet.

Well, so much for an adventure. I was gonna have to sleep this one off. Maybe if I was lucky there would be a busty blonde and a gorgeous redhead in my dreams. It looked like that was the only way I was going to get anything I wanted here.

Welcome to paradise my ass.

Any comments at all are welcome and flames are accepted

See ya in the funny papers!

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