Disclaimer- We do not own LotR

Authors- Demus and Mrs Miniver

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Gandalf smoked his pipe. Gandalf got lung cancer.

The moral of the story- don't smoke.

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Sauron died.

The moral of the story- if you're going to be a large evil eye, don't piss off Aragorn.

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Hakdir and Clebhorn were assaulted by a typing error.

The moral of the story- don't let Demus do the typing.

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Lurtz entered a beauty competition. Lurtz lost.

The moral of the story- if you're a snarling, disgusting, ugly orc, beauty is in the eye of the beholder (a blind man).

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Gimli stole Legolas' shampoo. Gimli died.

The moral of the story- don't mess with a bitch.

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Pippin started to choke. Merry performed the Heimlich manoeuvre. Pippin was saved.

The moral of the story- Always have a well-informed hobbit in the vicinity if you feel like a quick choke.

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Aragorn got caught in a blender.

The moral of the story- if you're going to cook, tie your hair back.

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Bill the Pony and Shadowfax share a romantic candlelit dinner. They fall in love.

The moral of the story- horses can fall in love too.

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Saruman attempted to come out without actually telling anyone.

The moral of the story- Gandalf is oblivious to all hints like multi-coloured robes with handbag accessories.

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Sarong and Grimy fell victim to the now serial-assaulting typing error.

The moral of the story- don't let Mrs Miniver do the typing either.

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Boromir had trouble starting the Horn of Gondor

The moral of the story- in the hands of…well...hormonal teenage girls, euphemisms are dangerous.

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Elrond ate a sock.

The moral of the story- socks are funny.

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Frodo contracted lung cancer shortly after Spam was assaulted by a now desperate typing error.

The moral of the story- recurring jokes are always good.

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Faramir fell on a barbeque.

The moral of the story- in the face of fire, Faramir is a useless wazzock.

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Eomer fell off his horse.

The moral of the story- people falling off stuff never gets old.

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Legolas was eaten by fangirls.

The moral of the story- elves are finger-lickin' good.

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Boromir, Aragorn and Eomer had a threesome.

The moral of the story- fantasies should not be indulged.

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Galadriel destroyed the world.

The moral of the story- never underestimate the power of PMS.

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The infamous Typing Error was arrested by the longshanks ranger of the north, Strudel.

The moral of the story- the typing error never dies…