The Frightening New Hobby of Mr. Eric Cartman

A fanfic from the slightly disturbed mind of the Californian who hates California

Chapter 5: God's Will

"You bastard!" Stan screamed, "You fucking bastard! Why? Why, Dude?"

"It was God's will."

"Aw, fuck that! You killed Kenny!"

"I saved Ken-"

"Bull shit! Bull shit!" Stan pointed the gun at Cartman again, "You're crazy! Don't you see? You've fuckin' lost it, Cartman! God is not talking to you!"

"Yes he is!"

"No! He isn't! God damn it, Cartman! You're not saving anyone, understand? You killed Amy!"

"I saved her!"

"You killed Karissa!"

"I saved her, and so did you!"

"You killed Kenny!"

"I saved him!"

"Ahhh!" Stan screamed. He drew a deep breathe, "The from what, Dude? What the fuck could you possibly be saving them from?"

Cartman paused, "In my dreams… my messages from God… He shows me what will be the future of each person if I don't save them," Cartman sighed, "Amy would've grown up to be hooked on all sorts of shit. She would die from an overdose by the time she's 20."

Stan shook his head, "Liar!"

"Karissa," Cartman continued, "Would've gone to college. UC Berkley. She'd major in political science and eventually get a job working on the campaign for Hillary Clinton. She'd commit suicide after Hillary becomes dictator of the world."

"Bull shit!"

"Kenny would have been a drunk. He'd work at the gas station, struggling to support his wife and three daughter, who he would molest everyday as soon as he got home from work. He'd die at the age of 39 after falling asleep drunk and choking on his own vomit in his sleep."

"You're fucking crazy!"

"And Stan," Cartman continued casually, "Just as you and Kenny were arguing, God revealed what lay ahead for you."

"You're insane!" Stan's voice shook a little.

"You'll attend the University of Denver, simply because that's where Wendy's going. She doesn't love you. She's told you. She'll tell you again. You won't accept it. You become obsessive. After seeing her making out with Kyle, you loose it. You will kill both of them- your best friend and your beloved. You'll go to prison, get the death penalty, and die from lethal injection."

And with that Stan Marsh fired at Cartman. Six shots later, the boy fell to the ground dead. Stan dropped the gun and ran. He ran faster and faster, unsure of his destination- unsure if he truly was running. When he stopped he realized he was at the familiar bus stop he always hung out around. He sat, propped up against the metal sign, staring up at the night sky.

"Stan?"

Stan stood up quickly and turned around. Kyle stood in front of him. The Jew wore a tired look on his face. He stared at Stan for a long time, his jaw slightly dropped and his green hat in his hands. "Stan…" he said melodiously, coming closer.

Stan had tears in his eyes. He fought to keep the drops of water from escaping, but it wasn't long before he broke down crying. He was confused. He was scared. Why did he shoot Cartman? He could've just taken him to a mental institute or something… Or was Cartman about to shoot him? It felt like that at the moment… And all that crap Cartman was saying… It was the ramblings of a mad man, right? It had to be. Stan Marsh was confused and very scared.

The teenage boy fell to his knees, crying. With his hand covering his eyes, as if he could fool Kyle, he wept.

"I'm sorry, Stan…" Kyle said. Stan continued to weep. He felt Kyle's hand gently touch his shoulder, "Stan…" Kyle's voice was quiet, "I'm sorry, but…"

Stan looked up at Kyle. Kyle reached into his cap and pulled out the pistol Stan used to kill Cartman, "This is God's will."

Stan felt a sharp jolt of pain in his head that quickly traveled down his entire body. Everything went black. He felt his head hit the ground, and then another sharp pain in his chest. And then…nothing.

The End.