Summoners Struggle
By spikestrife

Posted - 11/07/2007

---

“Ziodan!”

The boy, late into teens, turned to find the source of the call, seeing Listeria running towards him. The sight of the large smile that graced her face made him smile back. She ran until she stood beside him and leapt into him, her arms wrapping around his neck. Ziodan gasped as he was almost thrown off his feet but laughed when he balanced himself and hugged Listeria back. Kissing her neck softly, he heard her giggle and sigh calmly.

“Hmm...” he spoke, still nuzzling her neck, “I missed you last night.”

Listeria giggled, “I can tell.”

Ziodan looked up at her and brought a hand up to stroke her face. It was a few moments before he noticed the slight bags under her eyes and worry instantly overtook him.

“Listeria, are you doing okay?”

Smiling sadly, she leaned against him and sighed heavily. “I haven't been sleeping well... not since...”

Ziodan knew what she meant. He hated himself for what happened and for the effect it was having on her. The guilt was almost unbearable and tears threatened to spill from his eyes. He leaned down and hid his face in her crook of her neck. Her sweet scent filled his nostrils, almost making him dizzy. Kissing the side of her neck, he raised his head so that his mouth hovered near her ear. He paused, opening his mouth to whisper something to her...

“You're not alone in this.”

---

Tifa was frustrated. She sat on the beach, almost an hour before sunrise, thinking. She sighed heavily, wanting to scream, yet too exhausted to do so. She had only gotten a few hours sleep before another dream had woken her. She held her head in her hands and growled in anger, not knowing why these dreams were haunting her. Apart from the lack of sleep they were leaving her with, she could see no connection to her lifestyle and she could find no solid reason why they had started in the first place. The only connection she could make was that they had started soon after she had began her training to become a summoner. The dreams were always of Ziodan and Listeria but this one had been different. The final voice… it had been so clear in her dream, like it was being whispered directly into her ear. What it said… what did it mean? She wasn't alone?

A loud splash caught her attention, and she looked over the ocean to see her Leviathan leaping through the water. The sight made her smile.

Although the Spirits were considered powerful beings that should only be called when needed, they were, in fact, spiritual energy that came directly from the soul of the creature they represented. Some summoners recognised their need to have periods of time living the way they used to and called them even when unnecessary. Tifa understood that, because Leviathan was a part of the sea serpent that still roamed the world, it would enjoy the ocean much like the real creature would. Stories of past summoners stressed that if they didn’t get a chance to act freely… they would become mindless fighting machines, knowing nothing but destruction and pain, and feeding from their summoners anger and ruthlessness to become shells of their true selves. Tifa wouldn’t allow that to happen, not if she could help it.

“Tifa?”

Tifa perked up at the voice and looked over her shoulder to the owner. Andrea walked to her, clothed in her summer wear of a skirt and a short sleeved top, and calmly took a place next to her friend. She looked her over and instantly recognised her state, having seen it plenty of times before.

“Another dream?” she asked.

Tifa didn’t respond immediately.

“I just wish…” Tifa began, sighing wearily, “…that they would go away. But they are getting worse. Every time I wake up, I’m crying, and the feeling of despair and hurt from the dream still lurks. I don’t understand it… why do I feel that way?”

Andrea replied to her question, even though it had mostly been directed to herself.

“I don’t know Tifa. I don’t have any answers but I’m sure you’ll figure it out eventually.”

Tifa smiled at her older friend, but she couldn’t hide the sadness that she felt. Andrea noticed this and, comfortingly, put an arm around her shoulders. Tifa leaned against her and shut her eyes, while a single tear ran down her cheek.

Andrea was torn to see her friend like this. “I'm so sorry Tifa... I'm sorry that we can't help.”

---

Lightning struck across the darkened sky as the storm raged, illuminating the city below. The city was vast, stretching for miles outward from its centre in every direction. Tall buildings circled the city, rivalling the size of the hills at the city edge. Darkness covered the streets due to the power cut and the only source of light was the lethal bolts of electricity overhead.

Almost oblivious to the heavy rain and lightning, two figures were atop the roof of the town centre, overlooking the empty streets below. The slightly taller, and younger, of the two stood at the roof’s edge, muscular arms crossed over his well built chest. The hood of his jet black, cloaked jacket was down, allowing the strong winds to blow his long, soaked bangs away from his face. The second figure, also cloaked, sat on the edge, his legs hanging off the side of the roof. Although, in the dark his cloak appeared jet black, it was actually a deep shade of midnight blue. His hood was up, hiding his face as he looked away into the distance.

The standing figure looked at his older friend and sighed.

“Are you sure about this?”

His friend replied with a sigh to his question. There was silence for several moments as thunder roared over them.

“It’s the only way I can figure out what’s happening to me.” He paused, breathing deeply, quickly thinking through all his reasons to do this. “Plus, it’s my duty.”

The younger teen shook his head, rolling his eyes. “It’s not your duty to be with her. There is no relationship between either of you, you know that. You can’t judge events in the future based on the past.”

“I’m not looking to make a relationship between us,” the older man snapped, turning his head sharply, glaring at his companion. “She needs help. You and I both know that she won’t be able to do this alone. She needs another like her to get through this.”

“They’ll never except you for who you are,” his friend snapped back. “It’s the same all round Yevon; they settle for judging you for whatyou are. You know that even more than I do.”

The older man looked away, defeated but not convinced that he had no chance of helping. The answers to his questions were out there somewhere, and he could only find them with her. He was certain she would be looking for answers too, and he could help. He couldn’t not do this. Not if he wanted to carry on with his life without being haunted by them

“I don’t care. I want to help. She’s not the only one that suffering from all this.”

“Well… I hope you know what you’re doing,” the younger man stated seriously, turning and walking away, “for both your sakes.”

After hearing the roof entrance door slam shut, the remaining figure sighed heavily and shut his eyes.

“So do I.” He muttered quietly.

---

“When will the boat be scheduled to leave?” Andrew asked, looking to the old man across from him.

“We will leave at sundown. The boat should arrive at Kilika Port around mid-morning,” the old man replied, scratching his bearded chin.

“Weather?”

“There’s a storm heading south from Luca. It will probably hit Kilika the day after tomorrow. And it looks like there will be a second one about a day afterward.”

Andrew shook his head, annoyed. “Damn… that’s gonna slow us down quite a bit.”

“What will?”

Andrew jumped at the new voice, and spun quickly, coming face-to-face with Andrea. He sighed in relief and relaxed.

“A storm. Hits Kilika in two days. It’s going to make travelling difficult.”

Andrea rolled her eyes as the obviousness in the statement. “Any idea how long it will last?”

Andrew shook his head and Andrea sighed in defeat. Not a great start. Looking past Andrea, Andrew noticed Tifa sitting near the water-fountain in the centre of the village. She was absent-mindedly running her hand through the water, her gaze unfocused. Even from where he was, he could dimly make out the dark bags under her eyes. It was a sight that was becoming familiar, and so was the reasoning.

“Another bad night?” he asked sadly.

Andrea nodded, also looking toward Tifa. Tifa didn’t notice them watching her, though she wouldn’t have really cared. Watching the rippling water soothed and calmed her, making her even more sleepy. But fear kept her awake. All she could do was think of what is coming, and what it meant. She hoped... she prayed that somewhere out there she would find help and some answers.

“Tifa?”

She turned her now drowsy gaze towards the voice and saw that it was Nanaki. His fiery tail swished along the sand as he stepped up to her, sitting at her side and looking up to her.

“You must take your mind off of these dreams of yours Tifa. You need your rest. Your journey will not give you much time to rest.”

Tifa sighed, her frustration threatening to allow tears to spill but she clenched her eyes shut, refusing to show more weakness.

“I do try but... I'm scared. I'm afraid to sleep, afraid of those dreams.I know I shouldn't let them scare me but... I can't help it. Not being able to control the effects of my sleep terrifies me.” she admitted.

Nanaki looked at her sympathetically. “I understand Tifa. But you have to learn to control it. You can only survive for a limited amount of time with this much pressure bearing down on you.”

Tifa looked away from him, thinking. The pressure... her journey, her enemy, the expectations of the villagers, of her friends. It was such a burden to carry, so much depending on her.

Nanaki noted her silence, and decided to give a simple point for her to dwell on.

“You may be a summoner, but you are still a fragile human. Your frame can only bear so much weight without it caving in.”

Tifa stared at the gound silently as Nanaki walked away.

He was right. She was only human and she could only endure so much. What she questioned now was, how long before she caved in. And anther question sprung to mind, one that scared her more than the thought of caving in from the physical strain her dreams were having.

The load... could she bear the load, that the journey would provide, alone?

---

Tifa could barely believe it. Her journey would soon be starting. She’d be leaving Besaid… her home for most of her life… probably for good. The thought of never seeing that village again, not watching the children playing blitzball on the beach or waking up to sand between her toes and sunshine stroking her skin, it pulled at the building sadness in her heart.

She stood of the deck of the ship, he feet at the edge of the ramp that seperated the ship from the land of her home. Several feet... yet she had never felt so far away and so lost.

Everyone stood on the dock, some crying, saying goodbye to loved ones who were also departing to other places. Others came to see Tifa and her friends off and wish her a safe journey.

Words escaped her. Her last goodbye... and nothing was coming out. She felt shame stir in her but it quickly faded when she felt a sincere smile cross her face as the ramp was retracted. Andrew came up beside her and wrapped an arm around her small shoulders. He quickly signalled to Andrea and Nanaki, who were watching the island as the ship started to drift away from the dock.

“You're not alone out here.”

She smiled as the ship finally pulled out of the dock. Running to the side of the ship she called back to the islanders.

“Goodbye, everyone. Be safe.”

A chorus of replies met her call and she felt her spirits lift, and this time it did not fade instantly to the misery and loneliness that had consumed her over the past months. Even so, she felt a strange need to be inside the ship.

She turned to Andrew, “I'm going to head to my cabin and sleep a bit of the journey off hopefully.”

Knowing of her lack of sleep he wasn't about to say no, so he simply nodded. Stepping down the stairs into the ship she heard the faint growl of the engines as they gave the ship its energy. She found it strangely soothing, like it was the purring of a more ferocious animal than a cat.

Stepping into her own cabin, she noted the simple design of the room, thankful that nothing had been done special for once. Normality wasn't common for a summoner. She took a deep breath and stood still as the door clicked shut.

The she felt herself cave in. In that one instant she knew... the load had become to heavy from her small frame.

Her knees buckled and she fell to the floor. Everything came crashing down on her, pain, exhaustion, frustration, loneliness, all at once. She cried out as tears streamed down her face, her physical cries providing a whisper of the pain she felt.