Disclaimer: I don't own them

Have you ever just sat down and cried, and I mean really cried? Will Casey Novak has, and not just when she was a child when she feel and scraped her knee. Many times in her life, be it child, teenager or adult she has cried enough to fill a pool.

As an adult she would just sit on her couch alone in the darkness, the quiet and cried her heart out after a bad day at work. She had once used a whole box of tissues and had eaten a whole box of ice cream, but she paid for it later.

The first time had been when she was 9 and had gotten made fun of at school for having red hair. She had told her mom that she wished she didn't have such red hair, her mother told her to suck it up and act her age, all of 9 years. So what if she had red hair, what did it matter?

She was healthy, she was smart, and she would be able to do anything with her life. So why was she worried about what colour her hair was? She couldn't give her mother an answer, because she didn't have one for her.

The second time she had sat crying like this, it had been when she was 12 and her best friend had told her she was moving away. They had been together from kindergarten and now she was leaving her to go live in LA. She had never made fun of Casey for her red hair, and she had never known why Casey would cry for no reason, but she never said a word. It was months before her friend left that both her friend and her would pick up a movie from her older sisters room, and watch it and cry.

You could have called them girly, called them emotional, you could have called them anything at those times and it would just go in one ear and out the other. When they sat together watching movies and crying they were the only things around, they were 'freeing there hearts' as her friend would say. After her friend left she had found out that she was almost prone to 'crying spells', she would be alone in her room and just sit on her bed and cry for no reason at all.

She had been told it was all from hormones, that her body was changing and that was its way of telling her, she laughed but started to think maybe they were right. Or maybe she was crying too much and needed to be put away, locked away from people because she cried too much.

When she was in her 20's the crying had slowed, it never happened much and for that she was glad. She hoped it would be like that from now on, but when she made ADA in the New York DA's Office it had started again. Maybe she was just scared and nervous about her new job? Maybe she was really going crazy this time, she didn't know but she had learned to live with it.

She would wait till she got some place alone then she would cry like she had in her youth. After a few months it had almost stopped altogether, and for that she was grateful because then she could move on and not be worried about bursting out crying all the time.

But then another thing happened to bring her back to the start of this stupid cycle she was on. By becoming an ADA for Special Victims Unit she had found herself crying more often then not in the start. Her first case for SVU, she was crying on her couch in her office when Olivia Benson came to talk to her, she was told that she could do it.

She had tried to get out of working ADA for SVU, maybe go back to the white collar she was working before SVU. But she was told again to suck it up and get on with it, maybe try doing something after work to stop thinking and crying, so she went out to find something.

Baseball. That's what she found, baseball helped her, it calmed everything running in her head and it helped stop her 'crying spells' from coming. She felt like laughing some of the times. Other women had PMS and were like her, crying but she was like it almost all the time. Her 'crying spells' didn't effect her as her time with the Unit went on, yes there were hard case, yes she felt like shit and wanted to cry and break things after a case went bad, but she didn't. She changed, grabbed her bat and went out to hit some balls, and by god it helped her.

She through she had stopped, baseball had ended her crying cycle and helped turn her into a stronger woman. But the night Alex Cabot, the old ADA for SVU who had been 'killed' came back, she found herself crying alone again at home on her old couch with ice cream in her lap. She wished this would stop, that she could be normal, not cry all the time, but she knew it wouldn't happen.

It was late, going on 11pm but she couldn't take it, she changed into some jeans and pulled her baseball bat from the bottom of her closet and walked out of her house. She rode her bike to a park two blocks away from her house and started to hit the balls she would throw.

She didn't think anything would bring her back here again, but Alex Cabot showing up did. She didn't know why, maybe it was because she could lose her job now that the ADA was back. Maybe it was because her routine was now in trouble of getting broke.

Her life has been working cases for the SVU Detectives, so if she was taken away from that, where would she be? She would have to start all over again, and the crying would come back and she would have to work at stopping it till she was alone and come to hit the balls more then not.

But as she hit the ball now with all she had, all the force she could come up with, she felt her tears, anger and fear fly away with the ball. Now as she stood a chance of losing her job, now she would show them she could be stronger, now she would show them she wouldn't cry.

She wouldn't cry at the next case of a little child being hurt by there parents, for the next person that came up to her and told her she was ugly, for the next phone call she got to tell her one of her parents were in the hospital, no she wouldn't cry.

No ADA Casey Novak for Special Victims Unit, would not cry, she was finished with this cycle, she was done with that part of her life and she would start new. Her crying times were done, so now the new ADA Casey Novak would be going home tonight on her bike to no more tears and no more ice cream benders, no more pain she felt from crying.

No, she felt like yelling as her hit another ball, watching as the last one flew higher then the rest, no this is a new start for her, no more crying.

AN: Please be kind when you R&R, andthank you I hope this was alright.