|What Love Means
Author: x.Br0k3n.X PM
Rogue is a loner, intelligent yet silent. Lily feels bad, so she drags the rest of the Marauders and Dex along to hang out with her. But then, Rogue and another began to develope feelings for each other.Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Humor - Sirius B. & Lily Evans P. - Words: 1,337 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 3 - Published: 04-19-05 - id: 2358082
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Chapter One: By the Lake
So here I am again. My name is Rogue, my house is Gryffindor and my life is nothing. I have long black hair, straight and I usually hide myself behind a glossy sheet of it. My eyes are a bright green, with very rare flecks of black. My skin is fair and my lips are stained a soft shade of pink. Like I said, I'm in Gryffindor but my social-life is almost non-existent. I'm on my own a lot, solitude being my only friend. Well, besides my only close friend and literal savior, Gwen. However, Gwen is a muggle and knows nothing of my real life, so she can't help me out here. My parents told everyone I was locked in a Mental House. Nice.
Speaking of my parents, they are muggles obsessed with arguing and self-destruction. Drugs and alcohol litter my house, hiding seductively in drawers and around corners. My Dad is violent and ill tempered, and my mother is half-way to insanity. And I'm always caught in the middle, no matter how much I want out. Every time I see my mother crying or my Dad take another swig, I feel like shit. I want it to stop but I don't know how to make it. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do to make it end. So I sit day by day and watch everything crumble around me. But I don't care, I don't need anyone but myself. Unfortunately, I am afraid that even I have turned my back.
Today I sit on my own, by myself leaning against a tree on the lakeside. I love the way the sunlight hit's the cool waves of water, making it sparkle. Sometimes the squid comes up, and I'd like to think to say 'Hi' to me. A few feet away, laughing and talking are Lily Evans, James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Desdemona Reevas. It's funny how so many never notice my presence, never notice my gaze as I watch them.
"Lily!" James said, pulling her into a tight hug.
"Get off me, you're all wet!" She crooned, giggling. She might have protested, but to me, it looked as if she enjoyed it very much.
"Whatever you say," he replied, pulling his arms out from around her and pecking her on the cheek. He turned back and ran over to the Lake, jumping in and joining Sirius.
Remus, on the other hand, sat watching his friends, shaking his head, his hand intertwined with Desdemona's.
"Aw, look how cute!" Sirius said in a mock-caring voice, "Come on Dex, I thought you could do better then that!"
Dex smiled and blushed slightly. Remus shrugged it off and pulled Dex closer to him. Sirius dipped down in the water, and arose again, shaking his hair out in a very dog-like way. Hmm. He's actually good looking, no wonder the girls always swoon over him. You should hear the way they talk about him in the Girls' Dormitory, even Lily throws her two cents in.
Silently, I shook my head and brushed the hair away from my face. I pulled it back in a low ponytail and let a few strands hang loose. I placed the notebook that I had been writing in into my bag, threw the strap over my shoulder and stood up. I walked past the place where the group was laughing and giggling.
"--come on, it's not nice to treat her like that," Lily said sympathetically, "she's always on her own, we could at least say hi or something."
James kind of snorted, "It's her own fault she's alone. I don't think I've ever heard her talk to anybody."
"That's because there are people like you," Lily retorted, "who can be very intimidating."
I stopped walked and turned around, suddenly they caught my gaze and Lily smiled brightly.
"Hi, Rogue!" she said, walking over to me. The rest reluctantly followed.
"Hi Lily," I said quietly, staring at my feet.
"Nice day, isn't it?" She asked. I could tell she was trying to start a conversation.
"Yes, I suppose so," I said, lifting my head a little bit. I still avoided eye contact.
An awkward silence followed, until I spoke up, "James was right, Lily. I don't want you to go out of your way to make me feel accepted. I've grown rather fond of being by myself, the others so obviously didn't want to. I thank you for your kindness, but it really wasn't necessary."
Lily shot a glare at the rest of the group(who looked rather drone and morose), and they instantly perked up.
"Well, if that's what you want," Lily said, turning away again.
'But it's not what I really want,'I thought to myself. I didn't want them to turn away from me like that. I liked company, the mere presence of others around me. But I don't think they were even remotely like me, so it wasn't worth it. I appreciated Lily's caring gesture, and shunned myself for pushing them away. Maybe I do need to open up, but I honestly don't think I can. I sighed and pushed the falling strap of my backpack up over my shoulder and continued on my way. I watched them laugh, talk, and have a good time as I left.
Heading up the path to one of the pairs of front doors that lead into Hogwarts, I realized how much I missed Gwen. But she was never to know what I was, that I wasn't like her. I couldn't wait to see her again. I opened the doors when a thought hit me, I had Qudditch practice tonight. If I forgot to mention, I am Gryffindor's Seeker and have been told that I'm rather good, and have a nice broom as well. I didn't want to see Lily and her friends again, I wanted to reach the Common Room and cozy up by the fire with my homework. Maybe she had noticed that I was observing them, maybe she had noticed I was there.
"Ew! Get off me, you're all wet!" I scolded James as he pulled me into a tight, yet wet, hug.
"Whatever you say," He said, releasing me and kissing me lightly on the cheek.
I laughed softly, and turned my gaze to the girl a few feet away from us. Her gaze had been turned to Sirius, who was now shaking his hair out. I smiled, I knew that look. Suddenly, her eyes shifted and they caught mine. I smiled and she immediatly looked away. I watched her as she got up to leave. I feel sorry for her, she barely has any friends. Does she even have friends? None that I knew of. I turned to James and pleaded for him to come over with me and talk to her, it must be dreadfully lonely. I started talking with her, and then an awkward silence followed.
I watched her stare at her feet in shyness, and James elbowed me and motioned for us to go. I shook my head, but what she said next surprised me...
"James was right, Lily. I don't want you to go out of your way to make me feel accepted. I've grown rather fond of being by myself, the others so obviously didn't want to. I thank you for your kindness, but it really wasn't necessary."
"Well, if that's what you want," I said, not fully believing her. I mean, who wants to stay alone? I reluctantly turned and walked away, and watched her walk up to the castle.