DEFYING GRAVITY

A/N: This song is actually uplifting and cheerful, if you've ever heard it(From the broadway play "WICKED")...but I took a second glance at the lyrics and got the idea for this fic. Let me know how you like it.

Fed up. That's how he felt. All his life-his miserable, pathetic existance-he'd been nothing but a backround ornament. Only taken off the shelf when someone needed him for some sick amusement, or for his intelligence. Well today was the last straw. He was a grown man. How could he still feel so inferior to a bunch of students at Hogwarts? Weren't they supposed to fear him?

They used to fear him. Until that Potter kid came around. Until the little cockroach revealed to them all that their professor was nothing but a coward underneath all the sly remarks and billowing robes. That his wonderful father and God Father were so much cooler and funnier back in their school days. Well he wouldn't take their slander any longer. A grown man in his opinion should not have to eat dinner alone every night because he felt humiliation whenever he showed his face.

Something has changed within me

something is not the same

I'm through with playing by the rules

Of someone elses game

"Don't do anything irrational, Severus" Dumbledore had said earlier that day. He laughed hollowly to himself. The old man knew what he felt inside before he even gave him a hint. But not even his most well-respected friend, his only friend, could talk him out of this one. He was beyond being consoled. He knew his past would come back one day to haunt him, but he had no idea it would haunt him in such a way that he could not sleep at night. McGonnagall had told him he was over exaggerating, that just because his students knew about his past didn't mean it was the end of his world.

But it was in the eyes of Severus Snape. Anymore, all he had these days was the power he held over his students, and now he didn't have even that. His dignity was gone, and everyone only pointed and laughed when they saw him pass by. He could not live like this. He did not want to let Dumbledore down, but it was what he had to do. He had to do something for himself for once. No more spy missions for Dumbledore, which would usually end in Death Eater fights. No more looking out for Harry Potter, the boy who he hated. No more teaching students about things they didnt truely care about. No more socializing at the staff parties.

Severus Snape was going to do something for himself.

But he was scared.

Too late for second guessing

Too late to go back to sleep

It's time to trust in my instincts

close my eyes and leap

Severus wanted to go somewhere where he wouldn't be laughed at. He'd gone through his entire childhood being laughed at and abused. His life was just now beginning to take shape for the first time and now it seemed that all of his hard work to be what he was today was all a waste. He sat down in a stiff wooden chair and rubbed the bridge of his nose with his fingers, haunting images flashing before his eyes...

He could see himself sitting under the large willow tree that stood beside the lake, minding his own business. But he knew trouble was afoot when the sun was blocked from his view and replaced with the figures of two very familiar faces. Sirius Black and James Potter. Dynamic Duo of Gryffindor. Of the school. He hated them for their popularity. All he was was a pasty skinned, hook-nosed, greasy haired Slytherin. Not to say he was ashamed of his house. No... Just everything else about himself.

"Nice to see you here, Snivellus" James retorted, Severus knew very well that it was infact very UNpleasant.

"Yes, I do agree. I was getting quite bored" Sirius laughed his bark-like laugh. James ruffled up his hair for special effect before brandishing his wand. When he raised his wand, Severus could see an exasparated Remus Lupin in the back round. Remus had never done anything wrong. But, He'd never done anything right, either. He talked nasty about him just as much as the others. He just didn't do it in public. He was possibly the worst of all.

Before Severus could react, James had him floating in the air..higher and higher...all eyes now upon him...laughing. He could hear the taunts of James and Sirius from below, jeering and sneering at him.

"Do a trick up there, Snivellus!"

"No Trick? I guess I'll have to make you"

And Severus was floating high above the air, dancing like a madman, unable to control his very own legs. And to make things even more humiliating, Sirius was reading his book of poetry out loud for all ears to hear.

it's time to try defying gravity

I think I'll try defying gravity

And you can't pull me down

Severus snapped out of his reverie. That had been one of the most humiliating days of his entire life. More humiliating than the time they had hung him by his ankles, revealing his plain, gray knickers. Worse than the time they turned his goblet of milk into a goblet of pus.

What made it the worst day ever was not the fact that they read his secret thoughts out loud. It was what the secret thoughts were about. And who happened to show up.

Snape sighed deeply. People like him truely were pathetic.

I'm through accepting limits

Cause someone says they're so

Some things I cannot change

But 'til I try, I'll never know

"Check this out, James, Looks like Snivellus here has a crush on Lily!" James dropped Severus, who fell to the ground with a loud crunching sound. Nobody came to his aid.

And when things could get no worse, They did. Lily Evans came charging out onto the field. She always stuck up for him, always, and maybe that's why he liked her so much. Maybe loved her. Severus had never felt love before. And thanks to James, he never would.

"What in the devil are you two doing now?" She shrieked.

Sirius laughed loudly, doubling over. "Snapey-poo here-" he gasped for air, "He-he-feels poetic for you!" Lily had snatched the diary from the clutches of James Potter.

"Lily, he's a freak," James had said as her eyes flew over the pages of secret thoughts. All Severus could do was watch in horror. His wand had broken when he'd fallen to the ground.

Her green eyes fell on him. He felt as if a spotlight had been shone onto him and all eyes were on him. He could see it in her eyes, what she thought of him now. A freak. Just what everyone else thought. "Snape...what is this?"

"It's nothing" He snarled, hopping up and snatching the diary from her. "Get out of the way, Mudblood"

Severus regretted the words he'd said. Still to this day he cursed the Potter name for putting him through so much hell. But after today, he would not have to go through it anymore. He was going to be free.

Too long I've been afraid of losing love,

I guess I've lost

Well, if that's love,

it comes at much too high a cost

What was that Mudblood witch to him now anyway? Severus always asked himself this same question. He would always tell himself the same thing: Nice.

But not anymore. He now knew, after all of his ponderings, that she was just as horrible as the rest. She killed his spirit in a different way. Rejection. She chose a Fool over him, a man with nothing more to offer than tricks and foolery. Nothing could make him feel different.

Severus thought back to the words of advice his father had given him. "Don't take no for an answer. Don't let anyone get you down, and most importantly, strike fear into anyone you possibly can. If you do this you will be the most powerful man on earth."

He thought bitterly on his father's wisdom. His father had never actually treated him nicely, there was more abuse and hard feelings in his household than there was love. But, it seems that that's what you get for being the son of a Death Eater.

He'd tried to follow the advice he'd been given. He was doing a good job at becoming a feared and respected person until everything became unglued. When that James-clone came into the school. He'd known from the very beginning that this was going to drive him crazy.

And indeed it had. Severus had blasted his pensieve into a thousand pieces the day Potter had rummaged through it. He wasn't sure what the child saw, but he knew it was enough. Because now the school was blooming with rumors on his account. And no amount of detentions could change it, either.

I'd sooner try defying gravity

Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity

And you can't pull me down

Severus thought back to his Death Eater days. He hated to say that those were among the best days of his life. He wanted it back, but he could never disrespect Dumbledore in such a way.

Back then, he'd had everything he'd ever wanted. Power, respect, and plenty of privacy. He'd been stripped of all of these privelages in the past couple of weeks. And it was driving the man absolutely crazy.

His hands shook as he ran his fingers through his greasy mop of hair. He did not very well care that he wasn't handsome or charming. No, he figured that looks were only looks. What was inside didn't very much matter to him, either. Nothing mattered to Severus Snape. His future as a Professor was finished. He was now the laughing stock of the school.

Snape had tiptoed around all of his alternatives. Anything to keep from doing what he was about to do. He couldn't leave the school, no one would ever dream of hiring him. He was still believed to be a loyal supporter of Voldemort.

Becoming a Death Eater again would land him in Azkaban, and hard feelings from the Headmaster, his friend.

And lastly, ignorance to the issue was out of the question. He'd tried to ignore this for six years, and found that he could not.

He could only see one future for himself.

Unlimited,

My future is unlimited

And I've just had a vision almost like a prophecy

I know It sounds truely crazy

The visions hazy

But I swear some day I'll be

Up in the sky

In his gothic-style scrawling he wrote a short letter and neatly placed it on his desk. He wondered how long it would take for someone to come acrost it.

I'm going away, and I shan't be returning. My deepest apologies, Albus, for I cannot stress how thankful I am for everything you've done to help me.

But now I cannot be helped. Consider my debt to Harry Potter repayed, for I am sure this will please him greatly.

-Severus Snape

Defying Gravity

Flying so high, defying gravity,

Theyll never pull me down

His spider-like hands shook as he poured the contents from his cauldron into a goblet. A toast to himself. He would go out honoring what he loved most-Potions. This particular one was difficult to make, and it satisfied him that he was intelligent enough to make it. He raised the goblet to his lips and took a drink. Just then, his chamber door opened. It was the person he last expected to see.

"What do you need, Potter" He snarled. The potion wouldn't take effect just yet. It was a slow acting poison...It would give him just enough time to think and revel in the fact that his life was a complete waste, and to thank the gods that he would soon be gone. It'd give him time to do a couple of things..but when that time was up, it would be very painful. The way he wished it to be.

"Have I interrupted something?" He asked dubiously, eyeing the goblet and the parchment lying on the table.

"As a matter of fact you have." Severus growled. "What is it you want"

"I-" he began, "I'm not sure. I had a dream.."

"Since when do you come to me with your nightmares, Potter" Severus scoffed, "Get out of here"

"I first came to Dumbledore" Harry tried to sound polite, "But he told me to come here, because the Dream concerned you"

Oh yes. Leave it to Dumbledore to send this little monster to come check up on him. Harry Potter and his little dreams. It was a load of codswallop if you asked him.

"Frankly, potter, I couldn't care less who you're dreaming of" Snapped the potions professor.

"I understand, Professor, But Dumbledore told me-"

That's when he began to feel a twang of pain within the very depths of his heart. The poison was taking effect, and from here it would begin to work very fast.

"Potter, I think you'd better leave" He gasped out. The pain began to envelop him. Overwhelm him. It felt as if someone had taken his heart and was crushing it with all their might.

"Are you okay?" Harry neared closer slowly, reluctantly.

"GET THE BLOODY HELL OUT!" Severus yelled at the top of his voice, fire burning through his beetle black eyes. Harry's own eyes widened befre he ran from the room. Once the door was closed behind him, Snape allowed himself to fall to his knees and clutch at his chest. His mind was reeling. He could feel hot tears involuntarily spring from his eyes, his voice running hoarse from his own cries...

Through his intense agony, Snape managed to smile a very wicked smile. He lay on his back, screaming and laughing at the same time. He could hear his chamber door bursting open and the wild scamper of footsteps. But they were too late, Severus grinned to himself. And in his last ragged breath, as his last tear fell, he managed to say:

"So if you care to find me

Look to the western sky

As someone told me lately

Everyone deserves the chance to fly

And if I'm flying solo

atleast i'm flying free
To those who'd ground me,

Take a message back from me

Tell them how I am defying gravity

I am flying high

Defying Gravity

And soon I'll match them in renown"

"I don't know why he did it.." McGonagall's voice cracked. Her and Snape had never been close...but there was now a hole in the Hogwarts staff where he used to be. Where he belonged. Maybe she shouldn't have been so hard on him..

"Minerva," Dumbledore clapped a hand on her shoulder, "It was not your fault that Severus did what he did. Severus has been through a lot in his life. He's taken a lot of weight unto his shoulders, and I greatly admired him for it. Maybe I expected too much from him. But a man who has a past that comes back to haunt him is not a strong man.." He trailed off at the soft cries of his companion.

"I just don't see why he took care if it...like that" She sniffed.

Dumbledore looked around him. He and Minerva were the only ones attending the funeral. Dumbledore shook his head sadly. "A man without friends to surround him is a man without purpose."

"But..but you were his friend, weren't you, Albus?"

"I was," He replied, "I am. But Severus felt I was a friend of his out of pity. I do believe he would have had a different outlook on life if he would have had more support from his fellow staff members.." The old man gave her a sideways glance. She wiped her eyes with a tissue.

"I wish I could have, if this is how I knew he'd end up"

"Ah, A permanent solution to a temporary problem. Maybe you should have been a friend to him despite what his future may have held."

Dumbledore threw a daisy onto Severus' grave before leaving Minerva McGonagall to her thoughts. He was right, like always. Maybe all he needed was a friend in the world. She had been a professor even when he'd been a student at the school, and she'd never done anything to stop the abuse he went through. She'd never thought too much on it. Never thought of the affect it would have on him. She cursed him for taking this way out. And yet, she blessed him and hoped he would have a better life on the other side. She knew he would.

"You are missed, Severus" She whispered before following the same path as Albus.

SEVERUS S. SNAPE

?-May 9, 1996

Nobody in all of Oz,

No wizad that there is or was

Is gona bring me down

...I have defied Gravity...

A/N: So how'd you like it? The last bit is wahat went on his tombstone...the Oz quote is the last stanza from the song. It's a great song. And I am sorry if this fic is crappy...it was just an idea I got. I hope you review!