Fangirl of Troy, a Troy fanfic

Title: Fangirl of Troy

Rating: PG

Summary: Sue, (a fangirl,) gets transported back in time to Troy. Things don't turn out as she expects it to. Poor Hector and Achilles. Just R&R. Summary sucks.

Man would I kill anyone who misspells Myrmidon!

And this means translation Greek-turned-English-So-You-Can-Understand-When-Sue's-Around. Sue can't actually understand, but it's for your benift. You'll understand later.

I got reeeeealy bored... OK, and ignore, well don't exactly, the first part. This is Sue writing. Just so you know.

So Briseis is a little OOC in parts. Just so you know.

'"Oh Sue, my love!" Cried Brad Pitt/Achilles. He rushed 2 her and kissed passionately. Sue tossed her gorgoues, sleek, golden hair and returned the amazing kiss. She was curvvy in aaaaaaall the right places. The Myrmedons cheered jokeingly as there leader kissed Sue.'

"There!" sighed Sue. Tears welled up in her lovely emerald green eyes. "The perfect ending!" What a wonderful piece of writing, she thought. I need to get this published!She sat back in her pink computer chair. With a yawn, she saved her story to her computer, and Sue climbed into bed, heedless of the fact that she was still in her jeans. When her head hit the gauzy pillow she fell asleep.

When Sue awoke, she heard the crashing of the sea. Wait, she thought, rather puzzeled. I don't live by the sea. She sat up, her golden hair spilling down her back and looked around. There was sand, lots of it which meant... she was at an ocean! She jumped up, brushing off the sand, (with a 'ewww...' of disgust) and glanced around. There were many tents set up around her, and in the distance she could see tall walls. No way! she thought. I'm in Troy! With her new found discovery, the girl didn't see the rapidly advancing soldiers. Time to go find the love of my life! she thought, giddy with joy. Achilles, here I come!

The men, which Sue still didn't notice, grinned ferociously. This girl was wearing a top that couldn't really be called a shirt. Last night Achilles had stolen their prize Agammenmon had given them. This one wouldn't get away. A man grabbed her as another started to have the fun he was denied the other night. The others were cheering and laughing drunkenly.

Sue, scared witless, did something smart in her life. She screamed.

"Achilles, my love!" the girl shouted. The men stared at her for a moment, taken aback. They were scared. Would Achilles come? And what had she said after that? Some kind of witchcraft?

She tried to slap the man, but only succeded in chipping her nail polish and hurting her hand. "Oh my god! Look what you've done. I spent so much money on that!" she screamed, turning an amusing shade of scarlet. The girl held her "injured" hand to her chest.

Achilles heard his name screamed in the distance. Whoever would be screaming his name? Quickly the warrior checked to make sure the priestess was still in his hut. She hadn't been captured agan had she? No. He sighed with relief. "Brisies?"

"What?"

"Do you think I should take a look?"

"Yes. Maybe another woman needs your saving." She said the last bit a little bitterly. Would he forsake her for another? Was he just toying with her emotions and using her?

"No, Brisies," he snapped at her, reading her face. Women were such jealous little things!

"Just go," she said. "Truly, perhaps another woman needs saving." Achilles rolled his eyes at Brisies, but he got up, grabbed his sword, and strode briskly out of his hut, cloak flying behind him.

Sue was panicking. Surely her soul mate had heard her? Surely? "Alas, will you not save me my dear Achilles?" she whispered dramatically, like she had seen in those romance movies.

The last word word in her sentance was repeated fearfully by the men who were tormenting her. He was here! The blonde, gorgous man disposed of the soldier holding her. The others backed away. She wasn't worth dieing over.

Achilles examined the girl closely. Her shirt (what had been there previously) was in tatters, now barely covering anything. Her pants were made of a strange, blue, foreign material. "Achilles!" The girl let out a rather high pitched shriek of joy. Sue rushed at the man, and flung her arms around his neck, trying to kiss him. Achilles turned his head so she missed his lips. Sue was confused. Why was her One True Love rejecting her? He loved her more than life itself! "What are you doing, silly?" she asked him, and again tried to kiss the poor man.

Her hero said something to her.

"What?" she asked. "I don't understand what you're saying. Speak English, man!"

He repeated it.

"Speak English. How hard can it be? God!" she snapped. Suddenly, Achilles was aware that her arms were still wrapped constrictingly around him. He flung her off quickly. "What are you doing?" Sue repeated and attempted to embrace him again. He stared at her strangely while knocking away her hands.

Achilles said something else very slowly and then started walking. Sue took it as a sign to follow him. "Ewwwww!" she complained when he stopped a hut. Compared to the others, it was amazing. However, Sue didn't like the idea of sleeping in a tent.

A brown haired girl looked up from the inside. "Achilles!" she cried. "You startled me!" The man's only reply was a grin. "Who is this?" she asked, glancing in Sue's direction. Sue turned up her nose. Such filth as she wasn't worthy of her talking to. That girl was just a mistress until his love, her, arrived. Besides, what had that... that, whore said?

"What is your name, girl?" Achilles demanded of her. She looked at him with a puzzled expression.

"In the movies you guys speak English!" she complained. "Why is it so hard to speak it now?"

"What language does it speak?" Achilles asked Brisies who shrugged.

"Only Apollo would know. Your guess is as good as mine."

"Is it human?"

"I believe so."

"What a strange type of human. I think it's female. It keeps trying to kiss me." Briseis stiffled a giggle.

"You never know. Some men love men. Besides are you sure it isn't male?" He gave her an annoyed look. "Well, there are rumors you an Patroclus are lovers..." Achilles glared at her, and she giggled while giving him an innocent shrug.

Surely Achilles would appericiate some music! Such a musican as she he'd never heard. And she was certainly right. Sue opened her plump, pink mouth and started to sing a lovely melody.

"What is it doing now?" Briseis asked Achilles, puzzled. The creature was screeching.

"I do believe it is trying to sing," suggested a puzzled Achilles, cocking his head and listening to it. When it hit a high note the couple winced. "ENOUGH!" bellowed Achilles and drew a knife mencingly. Sue (again) looked confused. Why was he yelling at her? She'd done nothing wrong but sing a lovely song. She sounded like a lovely bird. Like those birds that woke her up in the morning. She, however, then cowered in the corner. Why was her one true love yelling at her? Why? What had she done wrong?

When Achilles cocked his head, Sue thought he was enjoying her music. See you whore! she thought to the slave girl. I have qualities you don't. She tossed her blonde hair. When he shouted, well, Sue didn't take it nicely.

"That was a little harsh," Briseis told Achilles as she watched the poor thing cry in the corner of the tent. Achilles only made a noise of acknowledgement to his lover's statement. She got up and crossed the tent to the opposite corner and kneeled by the creature. The warrior rolled his eyes. Women! he thought to himself.

"What are you, precious little thing?" Briseis cooed to it, stroking the light fur out of its face. It slapped her and hissed something. Briseis then tilted her head with her brown hair spilling down her back, trying to make sense of the things it was furiously snapping at her. The priestess tried to brush the fur out of its face again. This time, tiring of the game, it slapped Briseis and snapped something at her.

Briseis recoiled. That was the begging of the end for Sue.

"One more time," Achilles said warningly to the foreign creature, all the while knowing that it couldn't understand anything he was saying.

Sleeping was a difficult thing for the three. Achilles kicked Sue off his mat that he was sharing with Briseis, and onto the sand. The girl, however, would not stop climbing back into the bed next to him.

"Let me kill it!" Achilles snapped to Briseis. "I can't sleep!"

"NO!" she said furiously. Sue stared at the two in confusion. What were they talking about? "Be kind, Achilles. It doesn't know what you are saying. Take pity on it."

While sitting by the fire, Achilles talked to Odysseus about the strange creature, venting his rage that Briseis wouldn't let him kill it. The king of Ithaca patiently and sympatheticly listened to the man, and grinned, an idea forming in his mind. The warrior saw the look and raised an eyebrow.

"Yes?" he demanded of his friend.

"We set her loose on the Trojans!" Odysseus said. Achilles smirked.

Briseis sat in Achilles' tent, watching the thing struggle furiously at the bonds tying it to the pole. Even though it had scratched her, (and left a red mark,) the priestess pitied it. It wasn't fun to be tied to a pole, Briseis knew. However, she was under strict orders to not set it free from its bonds, however much she wanted to. "You poor thing. You poor, poor thing. This isn't enjoyable is it?" she said soothingly, hoping to cease its struggles, because it was only making its wrists even more sore.

A couple of the Myrmidon strode into the tent. "We're to take it to Prince Hector," they explained to Briseis. Briseis gasped. How cruel it was to give it to the Trojans! Poor Hector!

"A gift for Prince Hector!" When Hector's name was called, Sue perked up. If she couldn't have Achilles, then Hector was fine. When she saw the Prince, who'd cautiously slipped out, sword ready, she ran to him all the while squealing, and crushed him in a hug.

The Myrmidon snickered and then headed back to camp. They couldn't kill Hector; Achilles' orders specified to only give it to him.

"Do I know you?" he asked the girl while sheathing his sword.

"Oh Hector, you're so hot!"

"What did you say? I don't understand you," he said to her. She stared at him helplessly, with love-filled eyes and Hector raised an eyebrow. 'Come' he gestured, gently prying her off him. Perhaps Andromache would know what language it spoke; she was rather good with languages.

"Andromache?" he called when he was in the palace.

"Yes, love?" she replied.

"Give her a bath," Hector said as Andromache's nose wrinkled as she smelled her.

"Gladly." She turned to it. "Come." Sue just stared at her in dismay, not wanting to leave her love and not understanding what the two were saying.

"Wait. Andromache, as you've realized, she doesn't speak our language. Perhaps you know what she speaks." Hector gestured for her to talk and she did.

"Why are you making me go with her? Don't you love me? Don't you?" Andromache's brow furrowed as she concentrated.

"Honestly, Hector, I have not idea what language she speaks. I've never heard a language such as the one she speaks." Hector let out a sigh.

"Well, it was worth a try." Andromache motioned for the girl to follow her. Sue didn't. She clung to Hector's hand who gently pulled it out of her grip. Andromache glared at the girl, but Sue ignored her. Andromache grabbed the girl's hand and dragged her to the bathing area.

Sue crossed her arms stubbornly. There was no way in hell that she was bathing with that bitch watching her. Andromache sighed, exasperated.

"Get in!" she snarled, her patience gone after twenty minutes of attempting to force her into the tub.

Sue, for once using her brain, guessed what the Trojan princess was saying to her replied: "I am not getting in that in front of you!"

Andromache took a deep breath to calm herself. "Get in the tub!" she snapped at the girl. Sue slapped Andromache. That was the end of the princess' patience. She flung the washing cloth in the girl's face and stormed out. Sue smiled victoriously. She peeled off her clothes and gingerly stepped in the tub. It's not even warm! she thought furiously. For someone who Hector loved, (Sue just knew that Hector loved her,) why on Earth was the water cold?

After she washed, Sue dressed in her clothes and then flopped onto her bed, making herself comfortable.

"What are you doing?" demanded Andromache of Sue, even though she knew that the girl couldn't understand her. "Girl, this is where Hector and I sleep."

"Andromache," Hector said sternly, coming up from behind her. "Have pity on her, she was just getting herself comfortable." Hector was not wearing a top, and Sue took in every handsome detail.

"Pity her?" Andromache laughed scornfully. "She slapped me."

"She what?

Sue was given back to Achilles, and while Briseis was bathing, Achilles killed her and dumped her body into the ocean.

"ACHILLES!" Briseis shouted angrily. "What did I tell you?" He shrugged, unconcered at the least.

"She annoyed me," he said.

"She annoyed you and you thought you had the right to kill her?"

"Yes."

Briseis let out an exasperated sigh. "Men."

Well, that was interesting, and I think that my imagination needs to be kept on a tighter leash.

Priestess

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