Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I wish I did... think Kishimoto-sama will sell it to me for... -counts change in pocket- ... three dollars and seventy five cents?

Many thanks to OfTheLost for beta-ing.

WARNING: Madness ahead... You have been warned.

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Waffle Season

It was another bright sun shining day, and the members of Team Seven (minus one Hatake Kakashi) were assembled at their usual meeting place.

One minute ticked to two, two lapsed into five, and five became twenty seven... and anything beyond that was lost because Naruto had given up counting. He had taken residence under a good sized tree, trying to enjoy the pleasant shade while ignoring the sickening sight of Sakura clinging to an impassive Sasuke.

"Stupid bastard," he muttered. "Grabbing all of Sakura-chan's attention."

Picking up a stick, he prepared to chuck it at his rival, hoping it would defy gravity, physics (and reality)to somehow find its way into the stuck-up asshole's... well... asshole. But his plans were dashed when Kakashi arrived in a poof of smoke, a cue for the screaming to begin.

"YOU'RE LATE!" Sakura and Naruto screeched in unison. Stick still in hand, Naruto decided not to waste it and hurled the projectile at his teacher.

The grey-haired jounin cocked his head to the side, avoiding the loss of another eye, and scratched his head. He winked at them in good humour. "Well you see, I was attacked by a bear – "

"LIAR!"

Sasuke shook his head at the shouting. Those two pointing and shouting fools were not his team mates, his mind whispers in denial. And the crouched figure of a man was anything but his teacher. It was all just a sick, sick joke. He sighed. Life was never fair and just when he thought nothing could get any worse, Fate decided to shove those three into his face. Resisting the need to massage his temples, he shuffled closer to the little gathering of moronic, perverted, and obsessive people.

"What's the mission?" Sasuke asked, hoping to get things moving.

"Yeah, what are we doing today?" Naruto asked eagerly. "Are we escorting some important lord and lady? Or better yet, protecting some important, top-secret scroll!" His eyes enlarged five fold with each suggestion.

"Come on, Kakashi-sensei," Sakura urged. Even she was getting a little worked up with the lack of answers from their teacher; a certain zealous blonde's enthusiasm was contagious.

Kakashi smiled, memorising their youthful expressions for later comparison. "We have been assigned by Hokage-sama to hunt down and bring back..." He paused and watched their expectant faces, and almost sniggered in anticipation.

"What? What?" Naruto was practically bobbing like a yo-yo.

"Waffles!"

Jaws dropped. Kakashi could almost hear the thunk of their chins hitting the ground. It was more than he had gleefully expected, especially the transition from eagerness to oh-my-god-you-aren't-joking. Smiling amiably, he headed for the gates.

The three young genins followed in confusion. Naruto kept repeating "Waffles?", Sakura was in a state of shock while Sasuke still kept his nonchalant mask firmly in place, but the tell-tale twitch of his eyebrow was a dead give away. After several minutes of walking in silence behind their teacher, Naruto ran up to Kakashi and asked the most obvious question plaguing his team mates.

"What're waffles?"

Scratching his chin in thought, Kakashi stared off into the sky. "I think it's some kind of cake."

"You think?" Sasuke asked sceptically from behind.

"Well Hokage-sama did explain. I think it's some kind of pancake."

"Why is our mission to hunt down food!" Sakura asked in confusion. "Especially food that could be made in anyone's kitchen!"

"The client wanted a specific type of elusive waffle that only appears in Konoha's forest."

"Cake," Naruto murmured thoughtfully. In his mind's eye he was seeing oddly shaped pancakes running around on stalk-like legs. "Can they climb?" He asked abruptly.

"Of course pancakes can't climb, idiot!" Sakura scolded.

"But Sakura-chan, they aren't pancakes," Naruto reasoned. "Kakashi-sensei said they're only a kind of pancake."

Kakashi nodded in agreement with the boy beside him. He was pleased to see that Naruto wasn't as dense as he seemed.

Sakura fumed silently, her face turning an unhealthy shade of red as she restrained herself from smacking Naruto to death. She could kill him when Sasuke wasn't around.

The small group once again fell into silence, walking deeper into the forest. When they reached a small clearing, Kakashi stopped and surveyed their location. Satisfied that it was a good place to start, he looked at his team and started to give out instructions. It only took several minutes, and when all the details were given out, the small team strapped on microphones and headphone. Then they split into different directions.

Naruto deftly leapt from branch to branch, barely making a sound as he headed further away from the clearing. He was still contemplating on the image of what the elusive waffle might be like when something struck him. Did Kakashi-sensei even describe what they were looking for?

He touched the microphone strapped to his throat. "Um... what exactly are we looking for?"

"Waffles! Stop asking stupid questions, Naruto!" Sakura's voice was harsh with anger.

"Yeah I know that Sakura-chan, but – "

"Stop being a moron, moron," Sasuke chided mockingly.

"Shut up, asshole! I wasn't asking you!" Naruto hissed. "But what exactly do these waffle things look like?" There was stumped silence. "Hello? Kakashi-sensei?"

"Uh, good question, Naruto," there was a pause from his teacher. "Here's what the scroll says. 'Look for something that's flat, round, golden-yellow, with a criss-crossed pattern.'"

"What kind of a description is that!" he screeched into the microphone.

"Not so loud!" hissed Sakura.

"That's all the client gave us, Naruto." Kakashi's voice sounded apologetic. "Just tackle whatever fits that description."

Naruto nodded, and then realised the rest of his team couldn't see him. "All right."

He stopped and hid behind a leafy branch, eyes searching for any sign of movement and/or anything that was round, flat and yellow. Five minutes passed. He was about to find another spot when the bushes below rustled. Without thinking, he threw a kunai and a yelp of pain could be heard. He silently cheered. Great! It's wounded! I'll be the first to catch one... he smirked. Take that Sasuke!

He launched himself at the bush, and tackled whatever it was to the ground. When he got up and looked at his catch, he found himself looking at a large round yellow coin-like thing. The hell? His image of what he thought was a waffle wasn't too far off, but instead of stalk-like legs, they were short and stubby and kicking wildly in the air.

Scratching his head, he touched his throat again. "Um... I think I've got one," he said doubtfully.

"Same here."

"Yeah."

"Great! You just need to get nine more each, and we're done for the day."

"Nine!" Naruto couldn't believe it. Nine more of... Just what kind of person would want thirty of these!

Two hours passed before the team met up again. All three genins looked tired, sweaty and dirt-covered. Kakashi quirked an eyebrow. Sasuke and Sakura handed him their pile, and Naruto shuffled forward hesitantly.

"Um..."

"So how did your hunt go, Naruto?" Kakashi asked his student casually. The bag he held behind him squirmed and wriggled as the waffles Sasuke and Sakura had caught tried to escape their canvas prison. He gave it a rough shake and the struggling ceased. Strange things... these waffles.

"I... uh..." Naruto murmured, not looking up at his teacher while shuffling his his feet in the dirt. His hands were held behind him and there seemed to be no presence of the much-needed waffles.

"You didn't eat them did you?" Sakura asked, horrified. She was not going to tackle another one of those things! They were evil! She glared hatefully at the bag. One of them kicked her in the shins! Vicious little –

"Er..." The shuffling of feet continued and Naruto laughed nervously. "They weren't all that bad tasting?" he offered.

"Argh!" Sakura tugged at her hair in frustration and launched herself at the boy. "YOU IDIOT!"

Sasuke shook his head and cast a glance at the bag. This was by far the stupidest mission he had ever had... it was even worse than having to catch the cat belonging to the whife of a particular lord. Why the Third Hokage accepted this mission request was beyond him. Catching food, food of all things, was not going to help him improve his skills! And the moronic idiot just had to go and devour his share of the catch. If they had to go out and catch ten more of those things, he was going to beat the shit out of Naruto before tying him to a log and dumping him in the river. Sweet, sweet revenge.

"Bu – but Sakura-chan!" Naruto protested weakly while throwing his arms up to protect his face from Sakura's slaps and punches, "I got hungry! And they – "

"I don't care! I'm not going out there to catch anymore of those things!" Sakura screamed. "If we have to, you're going by yourself!"

"Bu – but, Sakura-chan!" Naruto wailed.

"Now, now." Kakashi pulled the two apart and tried to calm things down before someone, namely Naruto, got hurt. "How many did you eat, Naruto?" He eyed his student and hoped the over energetic boy didn't eat them all, he didn't fancy having to wait another hour or so.

"Four and a half..."

Naruto pulled out the uneaten waffles. The five that were intact squirmed a little when Kakashi took them from the boy and dropped them into the bag. He scratched his head looking at the last one – well, the last half. The squirming, pathetic thing was trying to escape his grasp and Kakashi had a feeling it would continue to do that regardless of only having one arm and a stump for a leg left. He shook his head and handed it back to Naruto.

"Why don't you finish it... put it out of its misery."

The boy took it gingerly and looked at his sensei in slight confusion.

"Do we have to go and get some more?"

"Not 'we', idiot. You," Sasuke corrected. Naruto scowled and was about to reply with something scathing when Kakashi shook his head.

"I think twenty-five will be all right."

All three genins breathed out a sigh of relief.

"Well in that case," Naruto started cheerfully. "You guys want to try it? I mean I've had four all ready, and –"

No more needed to be said, because Sakura snatched the pastry and broke it into pieces.

The waffle twitched, and moved no more.

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Author's notes: That was... insane. A moment of mental instability or a very bad craving for waffles. But yes... I wasn't planning on letting anyone see this let alone finish it... but then I dug it up again and it amused me. So here it is. -sweatdrops-

Change of plans for Risque. The chapter that had been written will now be a sidestory and will float around the place. That would come out... some... time. When Shaq's not busy and buried under a ton of assignments and tests... most likely around June. So I guess this will have to do for now.