Erik stood-up in a strange, marble, sunny room. "What?"

"IT IS I, THE AUTHORESS!" boomed a soprano voice (don't ask me how, it's magic).

Erik noticed a large group of tall, blond people turning toward the voice with him. 'Damn pretty people,' he thought.

"ANYWHO, YOU'RE WONDERING WHY YOU ARE HERE."

The master of trapdoors was nowhere near his trapdoors, nor did he have a Punjab lasso on him. 'Curses.'

"IT IS BECAUSE YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP, AND MESSING WITH THE LotR WILL HELP YOU. YOU WILL SEE THINGS FAR UGLIER THAN YOU AND LEARN JUST HOW ANNOYING IT IS WHEN YOU REFER TO YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. AND YOU WILL LEARN TO STOP KILLING PEOPLE, BUT ORCS ANNOY ME. YOU CAN KILL THEM."

The Phantom wondered how long it would take her to stop speaking in all caps. "When will Erik-I, when will I be able to go back?" He hadfops to contend with (in a rather violent way).

"SO YOU CAN DO RAOUL IN? HE HAS TO BE TOURT-REHABILITATED YEAH, THAT'S IT REHABILITATED. YOU'LL GO BACK AS SOON AS YOUR CURED, OR LORD ELROND MANAGES TO GET RID OF ME."

One of the blond people stood-up and pointed at where the voice was coming from. "It was you! You're the one who's making me say all the idiotic poetic things!"

"NOPE, THAT'S THE FAULT OF A HIGHER POWERS, TOLKEN AND PETER JACKSON."

"Curse you Peter Jackson."

The voice gave an evil giggle. "OK, THE MEETING ANNOYS ME, SO YOU SHOULD ALL START QUESTING NOW." The voice then pushed them all into a massive plot hole.

The authoress chuckled. "Now…where should I dump Raoul? 'Gladiator', or maybe… 'James Bond'. Hehehe. Hehehe. BWAHAHAHAHAHA! ((cough))"