|The Most Random Story Ever Told
Author: Drake Clawfang PM
Some stories have a coherent plot. Some stories have tasteful humor. Some stories keep their casts in character. Some stories make sense. This isn't one of them! Perversion, lack of logic, OOC, new enemies, lack of a fourth wall, and more befall the cast.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Seto K. & Yami Yūgi - Chapters: 18 - Words: 18,489 - Reviews: 163 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 11-19-05 - Published: 04-23-05 - Status: Complete - id: 2364401
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
The Most Random Story Ever Told
This takes place after the BRC trilogy. While no references will be made to the BCR trilogy, Drake, Kazuki, and other OC's will appear, and Yami now has his own body, Pegasus is in charge of Industrial Illusions again. Don't ask why, you'll find out in the third story of the BCR trilogy. This story will not have much of a plot, and as such, may go on forever. Any half-assed idea I can think of will be here.
The Fifth Dragon
Seto Kaiba sat in his chair in his Kaiba Corp office, working furiously to finish his latest project. Leaning back for a break, He got up and locked the doors to his office. Drawing the shades of his window, he opened his desk drawer and pulled out a Leapfrog Learning pad and opened it up.
"Okay you stupid thing, I'll finish you this time." He muttered, flipping to about halfway through. "I don't care if it takes me another four years, I'll read through you!" he said, looking for his page.
"Seto?" said a voice, knocking on the door. Kaiba yelped and rammed the Leapfrog Pad in his desk.
"Yes?" he squeaked. Mokuba's voice answered.
"I think you should turn on the news, you might want to see this." He said. Kaiba nodded and flipped on his TV. Pegasus and Kazuki were standing at a news conference.
"It is truly an honor to merge Industrial Illusions with Konami!" Pegasus said. Kaiba rolled his eyes. Pegasus was wearing a bright red dress.
"To commemorate this event." Kazuki cut in. "A special card will be sold at the Domino Mall today." Kaiba went to turn off the TV and froze as he saw what Kazuki was holding. His jaw dropped.
"Yes folks, you've heard all about it, how only four were ever made. Now you can own your very own Blue Eyes White Dragon, as it will be auctioned off today at the Domino Mall!" Pegasus trilled. Kaiba growled and snatched his phone.
"I want a limo in front of Kaiba Corp RIGHT NOW!"
- - - - - - - - - -
Kaiba walked up to the front of the Domino Mall. Just inside was a large stand, surrounded by armed guards. On the stand was a glass case holding the treasured card.
"Blue Eyes." Kaiba muttered. "I own the only three, there must not be any others!" he slipped through the large crowd that had gathered and looked up at the announcer, Sven.
"Yessir, ladies and gents, this card is only the fifth Blue Eyes White Dragon to ever exist!" he called. The crowd cheered, and Kaiba pulled Sven down by the collar.
"I'll give you five thousand dollars for that card." He hissed at the Konami employee. Sven stood up.
"May I have an opening bid?" he asked.
"One billion dollars!" a voice called. Sven grinned at Kaiba.
"2.5!" the bidding continued, and Kaiba pushed his way out of the crowd. He growled and looked around. Several duelists were busy looking at other rare cards on display. He grinned and edged his way to the wall, and placed his hand on the fire alarm. Locking his blue eyes on the…well, on the Blue Eyes, he pulled.
The bells rang, and Sven and the guards gasped. After a crowd wide scream, the duelists started grabbing at the cards on display, and the majority swarmed the stage. Sven rallied the guard, and the Konami/Industrial Illusions employees turned their backs to the card. Kaiba ran behind the stage, and climbed up through the curtain. The Blue Eyes and it's case had been knocked over. Among shards of shattered glass was the precious card, and with the duelists around the stage, Sven didn't notice that Kaiba was there. Kaiba grinned and picked up the card…
…Only to see another hand pick up the card by the other end. Kaiba looked up into the brown eyes of Drake Clawfang. Drake glared.
"Can I help you?" he asked, tugging on the card. Kaiba pulled back.
Yes, you can let go of the card." Drake sneered.
"I got here first, the card's mine." He growled, tugging.
"I'm the Blue Eyes master, it's mine!" Kaiba replied, tugging.
"Get your spoiled hands of my dragon!" Drake snapped.
"Get your psychotic hands of MY dragon!" Kaiba shot back. The two tugged back and forth, and the card went flying into the air. The two watched as the card flew over the crowd (ever notice how far you can throw a card in this show?), and landed…
…In Joey Wheeler's hair. Kaiba and Drake looked at each other, then at Joey, and pointed at him.
"GET 'IM!" they shouted. The two ran over the sea of duelists, and dove at Joey. Joey looked up from his nachos and screamed as the trenchcoated duelists dove at him, and knocked him over the back of the bench he was on. Drake and Kaiba tried to untangle the card from Joey's hair, throwing clumps of Joey's blonde locks away in the process. Joey yelped and clutched at his rapidly decreasing amount of hair.
"Get offa me!" he shouted. Finally, the Blue Eyes slid across the floor, and Kaiba dove on it.
"I got it!" he squealed. Drake snarled and grabbed Kaiba's ankle, and bit in. Kaiba screamed like a girl and flailed his leg about. Drake wrapped his arms around Kaiba's knee and bit deeper.
"He's biting BONE!" Kaiba howled, kicking Drake in the nose. Drake cried out and got up, grabbing his bloody nose. Kaiba sneered and got to his feet.
"I want that card Kaiba!" Drake said through his hands. Kaiba snorted.
"Over my dead body!"
"That can be arranged." He muttered.
"It's KAIBA!" a girl yelled. Kaiba gasped and paled. The ground started to shake, and Drake growled.
"Earthquake?" he asked. Kaiba whimpered and shook his head.
"Worse." He said, pointing over Drake's shoulder. Drake spun around and gasped, stepping back.
"Oh no…" he whispered in fear. Running across the mall was a horde of teenage girls in shirts that read 'I heart Seto' on the front.
"WE LOVE YOU KAIBA!" they screamed. Drake gulped and started to run away, and Kaiba grabbed his arm.
"Don't leave me with them!" he pleaded. Drake shook his head.
"No way, you're on your own!" he shouted.
"Help me, they're cannibals, they'll eat me alive!" Kaiba said. The horde reached them, and the two screamed as the fangirls knocked them to the ground.
"I got his necklace!" one shouted. Kaiba screamed in horror as they started to rip off his clothes. He looked around.
"Drake, help!" he cried.
"I'm kinda busy." Drake replied. Kaiba looked to his left to see him getting throttled by a particularly rapid fangirl.
"You good for nothing copycat, trying to look like Kaiba! How dare you!" she screamed, choking Drake. Suddenly, a fangirl leapt out of the crowd holding a pair of boxers.
"I got Kaiba's underwear!" she shouted. The other fangirls snapped their heads up and chased her down the mall. In the cloud of dust that resulted, Drake groaned and rubbed his neck.
"Give me that." Kaiba said, pulling off Drake's trenchcoat. Drake frowned and waved the dust away to see the CEO in the black coat.
"Give that back!" he demanded. Kaiba rolled his eyes.
"Fine." He said, opening the coat. Drake squeaked as he saw a strip off bare flesh, and covered his eyes.
"Keep it on, keep it on, KEEP IT ON!" he shouted. Kaiba nodded and pulled the coat shut.
"I lose more clothes that way." He muttered. Drake looked him up and down.
"You know, you look good in black." He said. Kaiba twirled.
"Really? Mokuba said that white really brings out the blue in my eyes." He said. They froze.
"Wait." Drake started.
"DRAGON!" they screamed, looking around.
"Where is it?" Drake asked. Kaiba groaned.
"I'm not sure!" he said.
"You had it last, you should know!"
"It's hard to keep track of a card when someone is busy gnawing on my leg!" Kaiba shot back. Drake sneered.
"Don't push me Kaiba." He said. Kaiba snorted.
"And what if I do, you gonna steal my soul again? Oh wait." He picked up Drake's hand waved it in front of his eyes. "You can't anymore!" he crowed. Drake smiled, balled his fist, and punched Kaiba in the nose. Kaiba stumbled back and looked at his bloody nose.
"That make us even." Drake informed him, pointing to his own nose. Kaiba nodded.
"Ok, let's think. We're fangirls. We love anything Kaiba, we have almost no brains, and we're materialistic. What do we do with a copy of Kaiba's favorite card?" he said. Drake snapped his fingers.
"The game shop!" he said. Kaiba clenched his fist.
"There is no way Yami getting his hands on my card!"
"You mean MY card, you stole it!"
"Let's not start this again!"
I do not mean to insult any Kaiba fangirls out there. This is just Kaiba's personal opinion