Hurt 2-

Rimmer watched as Holly and Lister had a row. Not blown out of proportion, just a small tiff. He watched the blonde-haired-head nod. Her eyes blinked, thinking of a witty retort. Searching her IQ of 6,000, supposedly, for a saying.

Rimmer watched sadly. He had been mean to her over the years. Demanding, ordering. He remembered the many times he had called her, and him, names. Holly had been caring through the years.

He wondered if she, a previously balding boy head with uneven teeth, would miss him when he was gone. 'Of course not.' Bitterly thought Rimmer. She wouldn't have to make him hologramatic items. If he wasn't there, she wouldn't have the large drain that he was on her power.

No matter what happened, Holly was always there, trying to cheer you up at the same time as try and find a way out of the mess.

Rimmer hadn't cut his wrists yesterday night, when he was watching Cat. But Holly knew he had 'ordered' the knife. Hopefully, she could put two and two together, and she knew what he was considering. She hadn't told anyone about his 'late night order', so she must trust him to do the right thing.

Now, if that was to kill himself, or get over the period of doubt he was having, he had no idea. Ever since had had gotten off of that terrible planet, the Terrorform, he had been doubting. He wasn't blind. His 'friends' may have driven back the beast long enough for them to get off, but it was still alive and regrouping inside of him. But this time, he would be the only one hurt.

He had seen the grave walking to the boats back to Starbug. All those graves, and all aspects of himself. He had seen the freshly dug hole, that was ready to be filled with Rimmer's dead hope. And Rimmer was sure that was coming up.

Rimmer had been talking to Holly, after her fight with Lister. They had actually shared a joke. Maybe she did like him.

Rimmer watched from his bottom bunk as Kryten ironed Lister's clothing. Lister was watching a boxing match on the top bunk. Kryten hummed to a tune Rimmer didn't know, but it was soothing.

Kryten, every chance he got, tried to insult Rimmer. Lister always insulted him. But Kryten seemed to get why Rimmer had to be there. To drive Rimmer nuts was what kept Lister going. Kryten, who likes to help anyway he can, seemed to understand this. But, he also respected it.

He didn't insult him much any more. He leaved that to the person who needed it; Lister. And, in turn, Rimmer had stopped demanding and insulting Kryten. But in no way was it a 'relationship'. It was just, 'Well, your in the room. Let's just not say anything.' And that was the way it was.

Kryten didn't say a thing to Rimmer, and Rimmer ignored him. But, if Rimmer was gone, Kryten could get closer to Lister.

Okay, so almost everyone didn't mind Rimmer anymore. That helped Rimmer. He would permanently get rid of his suicide device, and the thought, if the last person cared. Lister.

As Rimmer thinked back, he hadn't been really mean to Lister in a long time. After a half-hearted insult good-bye, Rimmer would never see any of them again. But, he had come back. And Lister was the only one who seemed, or acted, to hate that he was back.

When they had been in Starbug, Rimmer had insulted him lightly, and Lister insulted him back. Nothing major there. Then there was the whole Terrorform incident.

Thinking on it, Rimmer now found the knife a real comfort that he wanted closer. He hardly heard Lister and Kryten exit the room, though he did.

The other 3 had lied to him. Said they loved him, and that they didn't mean all of the nasty things they had said over the years. He had been foolish enough to trust them, and believe them. He had forgiven them of their past crimes against him. He had been happy with himself for the first time, because some people actually told him he was worth the air he breathed, be it hologramatic or not.

Then, after they had escaped, and he had mistakenly asked them light heartedly, if all they had said wasn't true. And his world that started to like him, crumbled.

After a look at each other, they had said they hadn't meant a word. So, no one liked him. This hurt more than anything they had ever done. He had actually thought they had liked him.

Then, seeing that they meant everything they had ever said to him, he looked back at what they had did. Lists were long, but Lister's was the longest. Everything he had did, and said. Lister didn't really like him, not even a little bit.

Rimmer closed his eyes, as he felt the artificial metal on his artificial skin. So, if they really didn't care...they wouldn't mind if he took out some over-due trash.

He could almost hear his self loathing edging him on. 'Now, my hordes of Darkness. The despicable one is about to fall. Finally, victory will be ours!"

Rimmer moved his knifed hand over the delicate part of his under-wrist.

Rimmer than thought about it. What if he was just to disappear from their lives, instead! The self loathing beast laughed louder and harder in his body, as his hand reached for the light bee running inside of him.

All of the sudden, a voice filtered though his thoughts. "Hey, man. You don't want to do that." Rimmer looked up to see Lister's worried face.

"We're going to play Clue, and we don't want you to be the victim. Holly can stimulate your pieces." Lister held out his hand. Rimmer almost scoffed at the smaller, younger man.

Then, what Lister had said entered his head. Maybe Lister did care. Rimmer got up, then followed Lister to where the Cat, Kryten, and Holly were waiting with the board.

Life aboard the Dwarf wasn't too bad. He would save the self-loathing thought till another day. But it wasn't going to be this day.

Deep inside, the musketeer fighters, who were Rimmer's pride, and his good qualities, were dying. Ever since the 3 had said they hadn't meant the things, the fighters were dying one by one. The last ones standing, Trust and Honor, buried the empty grave with dirt.

The Hope grave stone was taken down, but saved, and the hole was filled back in. Then, after this temporary thing was done, the two standing defenses drifted back to their graves, where they waited to be awoken wrongly again.

Self Loathing pouts, but scoffs. He is strong.