|Accident With a Pepsi
Author: Eldritch-Cien PM
Mwahaha! COMPLETE!Loren is playing, no, watching her PS1 when she spills her Pepsi on it.Suddenly, the heroes are there and they're mad as hell.Will Loren survive Cloud's anger or Barret's tallness?Wannabe humor. But very serious. Hope you enjoy. Heehee.Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance - Chapters: 21 - Words: 62,075 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 12-11-06 - Published: 05-01-05 - Status: Complete - id: 2376266
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Ten years have passed. The group has gone their separate ways but has come together once in a while to attend a wedding, random parties, and city meetings with Mideel, which was now planning to rebuild itself. In the past years, many problems have presented themselves. Kadaj and his brothers appeared (Geostigma has a somewhat altered meaning now because Meteor never got close enough; the planet was still pissed, though.) and recreated an evil Sephiroth, whom Cloud very much disliked and wished to stay in his memories. Soon after Kadaj, Loz, and Yazoo were eliminated, the Svliets appeared from Deepground under the control of Weiss. Vincent personally took care of this. Lucrecia had herself turned into a crystal in an attempt to find Loren's consciousness and try to bring her back, but she failed. After Vincent had finished in his quest, she broke free. Other than that, everything had remained pretty normal.
Jenova wasn't at peace. She was plotting her revenge. Suddenly, she knew. She let herself be absorbed into the Lifestream but kept all her coherent thoughts together. After a short time, the Lifestream became infected. Parts of it turned black with the disease named Jenova. Due to the Lifestream's new taint, a new type of being was born. These beings were not humanoid, but quite grotesque in appearance and stronger than anything the pure Lifestream could have created. The taint was evil and affected the monsters greatly. They turned to the towns. The towns became prey and one by one they began to fall. The heroes were called into action once again as the world again was put in danger by Jenova's taint. Far away, a final memory was playing. While a battle was being fought, a marvel was about to occur. Under no one's sight, Loren remained unmoving and expressionless. Sephiroth went up to her.
"I'll be back. I need to help Cloud. I won't be long, I promise."
Taking one last long look, he left. Ten minutes after he had gone, an ethereal gasp sounded. A crack appeared in the crystal and slowly, Loren's eyes opened…
A/N: Dun-dun-duun! Hee-hee, cliffhangers. This is the end of the story, Accident With a Pepsi. Of course there is going to be a sequel by the name of Trying Again. I hope you all liked it!
L: I would hope so. I friggin died!
C: Umm…what does dying have to do with anything?
L: Kills Cloud There, now how do you feel?
ES: I smell coffee…
Loren and ES enter room resembling a dining room. Sephiroth, in boxers, is reading a book and drinking out of a coffee mug labeled "#1 Bad Guy" He notices the two females
S: Hey, I'm on vacation here!
ES: snaps a photo That's hilarious. I must save this.
S: You show that to anyone, I'll kill you.
ES: alters Loren's personality
L: holds Sephiroth close It's okay, baby, she won't do anything bad with it.
S: What have you done with Loren?
ES: Failed persuasion. Fine. makes Loren normal again
L: Did I just call you 'baby'?
ES: steals Masamune and clutches it to her chest Mine.
S: flares Give that back. Now.
ES: starts running You'll have to catch me first! HA HA HA!!!
S: Teleports and clutches her close I'll be having that back now.
ES: Umm…you're rather close…can you back off?
S: moves within mere molecules away from her face My sword. I want my sword.
ES: flushes Umm…you already have your sword. What are you thinking about?
S: confused What? realizes what's happening Oh $#! I'm sorry!
ES: logical Boxers are very thin. Friction, body heat…there's a lot of things to trigger…that.
L: eye twitches FLAMING TEMPEST!!!!!! A storm of meteors and tidal wave (!?) of fire engulf ES and Sephiroth
ES & S: Ow…
S: snatches his sword back Thank you.
ES: deletes ashes Geez, I'm sorry.
L: kills ES don't come near him again.
ES: revived Protective much?
L: Damn straight.
ES: Look, he didn't do it on purpose. I didn't want him that close, anyway. He's all yours, remember?
L: I would hope so.
S: anger vein Look, can you two leave? I'm on vacation and I want to read my book.
ES: You reading…I find it hard to imagine that.
S: Too bad. Leave now.
L: If you wish.
S: changes attitudes Don't say it like that. I just want to relax.
L: I'm the dead one here.
Yuffie runs across the room, randomly shouting
Y: Sexist! Sexist!
Cid follows, waving his spear around
Cd: I am not sexist! You just get your little hiny over here and I'll show you what sexist is!
ES: taken aback Cid, what are you implying?
Cd: flushes Don't take it the wrong way! There's a video I have that shows examples of sexist people from a long time ago! It's proof that I'm not sexist!
L: Odd way to give proof. At least don't chase her with a raised spear!
Cd: abashed Yeah, I guess that would help.
L: Now go. She's probably half a mile away from you by now.
Cd: Okay. Leaves
ES: suddenly seized by a manic streak, summons Kadaj
K: What? Where am I---? is brutally kissed by ES Mmph!
L: What the hell? Who's he?
S: A teenage remnant of me, I assume.
L: Hey you! How old are you? What's your name?
K: rising for air I…am not sure. I think I am 15 or 17. My name is Kadaj. Smirks at the manic ES; they resume their frenzied kissing.
L: He's young. At least he's not you, though.
S: At least.
Loz and Yazoo appear. Yazoo sees Kadaj and ES and sighs
Y: Why does he always get them?
Lz: I want to play, too.
Y: It isn't a game we can all play. It's more of a one-on-one game.
Lz: Can you and me play?
Y: appalled That's a game for two people of the opposite gender and of people not related.
Y: Don't cry Loz.
Lz: I'm not crying! Sees Loren Want to play?
L: I'd rather play with him. Points to Sephiroth
Lz: Not that game. Another. Raises hands elegantly and assumes fighting stance
L: smiles That one I'll gladly play. Draws sword
L: smile drops What? Great, another teleporter. Is promptly smacked into a wall by an electrical current running through his weapon Ungh!
Lz: I want to try the new game.
L: Uh…is strongly kissed by Loz!!!!!
S: plucks Loz off Loren and throws him into the next continent
Y: You…are you our brother?
Y: Yes, you bear resemblance to us. You must be Sephiroth.
S: Yes, I am Sephiroth. I don't know how I could be your brother, though.
Y: We are all the children of Mother. You must be the first child.
S: Jenova is not my mother.
Y: I see. I must have been mistaken.
L: This one looks a lot like you.
S: He's missing the bangs.
L: Yeah. Your hair would've been longer, but it's only grown an inch since I cut it off.
S: winces Don't remind me. looks over at ES, who is fixedly focusing on creating fire in her hand. Kadaj, one arm holding on to her from behind, is with apparent ease holding a little fireball in the other hand.
K: You just need to focus a little.
ES: Fire…must…focus…a tiny fireball forms in her palm I did it!! Uwah-hah! it fizzles out Aww…
K: Try again.
S: Heh. Cute.
L: Did you just say 'cute'?
S: Yes I did.
Loz appears in the doorway
Lz: That hurt.
S: Don't kiss Loren then.
Lz: I just wanted to play.
S: Play with someone else.
S: Oh, come on, don't cry!
a very toasty ES is frowning
ES: Okay, no more fire.
S: Are you a little more sedate?
ES: I guess. Depressive wave seizes her Kadaj!
ES: Take me home!
S: Someone's bipolar.
K: evil glare Don't speak of her. Come on; let's get out of here.
L: gives Seph a once-over I never noticed how structured you are.
S: raises an eyebrow Oh?
L: I'll race you.
L: Come on then! Go! Starts running
S: laughs as he starts running There's no way you'll beat me!
L: Catch up then!
Lz: at the end of the finishing line I beat you both.
S & L (running alongside each other): SUPER INFERNO!
Lz: Mommy. incinerates
L: I beat you! Tough luck, love!
S: I was distracted.
L: Laughs It's okay, I'll let you beat me someday.
S: traps her against a wall That day will come sooner than you realize.
L: Am I intimidating you?
S: You silly girl. Don't you know that I've already beaten you?
S: Kisses her; she melts in his arms That's how.
ES: in her living room eating popcorn with Kadaj Sniff…sniff…please…review…oohhhhh!!! Kadaj, why is the world so cruel?
K: It's okay.
ES: manic phase You're right. Thank you. Review please. Attacks Kadaj's mouth
K: laughs rises for air Yes, please review.
ES: I love you guys! Thanks for sticking by me the whole way! Kisses Kadaj again
K: laughs in his chest moans contentedly
S: All right people, we've seen enough! Let's get out of here. Grabs his #1 Bad Guy mug and Loren