|If Only For a Moment in the Light
Author: finalitylife PM
Following Slade's return, Robin is completely lost about Raven. He doesn't know how to help her and she continues to pretend nothing is wrong. With the sudden arrival of a mysterious being, the end of everything closes in. Complete.Rated: Fiction T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 38 - Words: 117,143 - Reviews: 130 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 06-22-05 - Published: 05-02-05 - Status: Complete - id: 2376462
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
1This is hopefully the start of a story revolving around Raven and the prophecy surrounding her. It will most likely be Rob/Rae and there will be an OC character introduced soon but lets just see where it goes from here if anywhere.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans so lets not try and sue me since I don't have anything to sue for.
Chapter 1: Contemplations of a Concerned Mind
Why? No matter how many times I think about it, no matter how many hours I spend brooding in the darkness of my room, I still can't find an answer. Or maybe I just don't want to believe the truth. I can feel it coming. After seeing that look in her eyes that look of utter hopelessness, I know there is something on the horizon that will change everything. Yet I still can't come to terms with it all.
For the first time in so long, since the day of my parent's death, I feel useless. There's so much I want to do, to say… to protect, but I just don't know what to do anymore. She won't tell me anything, wont give me a single piece of information to work with but I know what its all doing to her.
She pretends that nothing is wrong, pretends that everything is normal and that her birthday never happened but she forgets that I'm a detective. I watch her and notice that her eyes simply stare blankly at the book in front of her. I see her stare intently at her hands as if trying to will something away. She tried to hide the fact that she isn't eating, never allowing more than a slender hand to be visible from under her cloak. I was even witness to that single tear that escaped her eye when she thought no one was looking.
In the end its more than just what I see, its what I feel. Every since she entered my mind to save me from myself, I can feel her. I can feel the inner turmoil that's threatening to tear her apart. I can feel that she doesn't sleep much anymore, only a few hours a night of restless, nightmare plagued slumber. I catch glimpses of the terror that prevents her rest. Fire, destruction, death of all she holds dear. It truly is a terrifying sight, and I don't scare easily. She is slowly fading away and there's not a damn thing I can do about it.
Why am I so useless! Why am I such a coward! All I want to do is embrace her, make her feel safe and secure…loved. I can't though. Even when she is dying on the inside, even when she pulls away from us more day after day, I still can't do anything. I try to justify all the reasons why I can't tell her all the things I want to, all the reasons why I can't tell her how I feel. How her beauty captivates me, how my life is consumed by thoughts of her safety, of helping her, how I'll give me life to ensure that she doesn't have to hurting ever again. I don't know the exact moment I fell in love with her nor does it matter to me at this point. I just know that it is true. Three little words are all I've ever wanted to say to her yet it is those three words that will never be said.
I like to pretend that I've held back my feelings because I know it would disrupt the team. The crush Star has on me is so obvious its almost taken on a physical presence of its own. It's like that there's a giant pink elephant in the room and no one wants to truly acknowledge it. I'm also aware, though he might not know it himself, of the crush Beast Boy has on Raven. After Terra, he was devastated but as time went on I could see him slowly moving his affections toward our resident dark goddess. Admitting my feelings to Raven would not only destroy Starfire but it would also embitter Beast Boy. It's my job as the leader to keep the team together isn't it.
I also think back to the words of my mentor, him telling me that there is no room for love in this line of work. "Emotional attachment is just another place your enemy can attack." Those words play through my head over and over again yet I know they mean nothing to me. All these reasons and known of them real. I know I don't tell her because I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I'll be rejected. I'm afraid that if she knew she would run away and I would never see her again. I'm afraid she would simply laugh in my face and tell me to grow up and stop living in a fantasy world where me and her could be together.
I'm supposed to be a superhero but all I am is a damn coward. God how I hate you Richard Grayson. You fall in love but you are too weak to do anything about it, and now its too late. I can feel it because she can feel it. The end is coming. The end of what I have no idea but it will come, and all I can do is hope it won't consume us all in a tidal wave of destruction. All I can do is hope that when this is all over, I'll have the courage to tell her how much see means to me, all I can do is hope.
I glance at the clock and notice it is 3 in the morning. I close my eyes for a second concentrating on the bond between me and her. She is awake and in the living room, drinking tea. I climb out of bed and slowly press my mask to my face. I don't bother to put a shirt on, feeling comfortable in my pajama pants. My door opens with a swish and I quietly begin my walk toward the living room, toward her. Moving with stealth that could only come from years of training, I creep toward my destination. I try to glance around the corner, to spy on my little bird without being notice but I'm stopped in my tracks immediately by the sound of her voice.
"If you can feel where I am with the link Robin, what makes you think I can't feel you." Despite the lack of emotion in her voice, I can feel slight tension within her because of our link. I meekly walk into her field of vision, like a kid who had got caught stealing a cookie. As usual, she is completely covered in her cloak. Only the perfect beauty of her eyes and a single hand clutching a teacup are visible.
"Uh hey Raven. I guess it was stupid of me to try and sneak up on you of all people."
"Yes it was Robin," she says almost as if talking to me takes all her energy. I can see her hand shaking slightly as she sips her tea yet I don't mention it. She hates it as much as me to have weaknesses pointed out so keeping my mouth shut is my best bet.
"Looks like you couldn't sleep either Rae. Rough night?" I clench my fists at my stupid comment. I knew she had another nightmare and I shouldn't have brought up anything about it."
"Yes I did and don't call me Rae," the way she said it I knew that nothing else would be said on the matter. As usual she wasn't going to give me any of the information that I so desperately desired. I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding and walked over to the sink to get a glass of water. At least I wouldn't look like a complete idiot if I actually looked like I came to the kitchen for a reason.
A silence had settled over the room. The only sound was the quiet sips of tea taken by Raven and the occasional loud gulp of water taken by me. I stood there trying to think of something to say when Raven suddenly announced that she was going to go sleep. I glanced up at her as she placed her cup in the sink. She was so close to me yet I knew she had never been farther from me than she had been at that moment. I reached out my hand and placed it on her shoulder as she began to walk away. I could feel her whole body tense up at my touch but she didn't make any motion to forcibly remove my hand from her.
"Raven, I know you think your alone and I know your sick of everyone saying the same thing to you over and over again, but I need you to know that I…we are all here for you no matter what. I know you don't want to tell me anything about what's going on and you know I have always respected your privacy but I know that all this won't matter soon. I know from our link that whatever reason Slade came back for is approaching and that this revolves around you. I just need you to understand, that whatever comes I'll stand by your side till the end because I can't imagine a life without you in it. We all need you Raven despite what you may think and I'm willing to fight hell itself to keep you here. Goodnight Raven."
I felt Raven shudder toward the end of my little speech but the only reaction I got from her was a barely audible Goodnight Robin. I watched her silently glide off to her room but she stopped suddenly and turned to me and spoke,
"Robin, I know what you say is true, and I just hope you understand just how right you were on what is to come," and with that she disappeared into the shadows. I sat there silently for a few moments, pondering on exactly what she had meant by her final words.