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Agent R
Author of 38 Stories |
College Daze
"Richie, Roz Paz called last night and was wondering if you wanted to see her Friday night," Amanda said while she cooked some eggs in the frying pan.
"Amanda, why do you keep answering the phone in my room?" Richie asked.
"Because I'm usually the only one there and you don't have an answering machine," Amanda replied as she flipped the eggs onto a plate, "I don't know who's calling, that's another thing you don't have is caller I.D., if it's something important, I don't want you to miss the message."
"Who's Roz Paz?" Duncan asked.
Richie blushed as he stared down at his breakfast, it was too early in the morning and he wasn't filled with enough caffeine to be having this conversation.
"She's this girl at school who's in half of Richie's classes," Amber said, "and she looks like Cyndi Lauper in a tube top."
"Halter top," Richie corrected.
"Whatever," Amber said as she got up from the table with her plate.
"Amber, why didn't you eat your breakfast?" Amanda asked.
"I ate," Amber disagreed.
"You ate the strawberries, but you didn't touch the eggs or the sausage or the French toast," Amanda responded.
Amber looked at her for a few seconds before saying, "I hate your cooking. Especially at breakfast, I hate breakfast."
"Me too," Methos said, "I like to start off every morning with a bottle of sherry."
"I thought it was rum," Amber said.
"They discontinued the brand I like," Methos said, "so I switched to sherry."
"Kind of like me," Amber said.
"You drink in the morning too?" Amanda asked.
"No, every morning when I wake up, I drink half a bottle of Coke left over from the night before…why do you think I'm not in a bitchy mood when I come down for breakfast? It's the caffeine, caffeine makes me easy to get along with."
"In that case, I definitely think we should make a very large pot of coffee the next time we try to get Amber fitted for a dress," Duncan said.
"Mac!" Amber whined, "I told you before, I'm not wearing a dress to graduation."
"Graduation's not even for two and a half more years, why're you bringing it up?" Richie asked.
"They're not talking about that," Amber said as she sat back down at the table, "Duncan and Amanda are thinking about renewing their vows this summer and they want us to be the bride's maid and best man again."
"Mac, for crying out loud, you were married little over a year ago, get a grip. I thought people your ages didn't renew their vows for at least…a hundred years."
"Where would you get an idea like that?" Duncan asked.
"Well Duncan," Amanda said as she sat down, "they heard that from a very reliable resource, I don't want to give any names away…so follow my eyes."
Amanda, Amber, and Richie's eyes all led Duncan to the Welsh frog-head in front of him.
"What?" Methos asked.
"Methos, why do you tell them everything?" Duncan asked.
"Somebody has to," Richie said, "who better than an Immortal, and a Watcher?"
"Besides, you should be thankful that all I'm telling them about is Immortals…you should be glad I'm not telling them about your sex life," Methos said.
"What would you know about that?" Duncan asked.
"The walls in this house aren't soundproof," Amber said, "all our rooms are on the same floor, it just so happens that Methos can you better than we can."
"I don't believe this," Duncan said.
"Aren't you supposed to be giving that report today?" Richie asked.
Amber took the cigarette out of her mouth and waved it about as she paced back and forth, "That's what I thought…five books into the series I'm reading for a report that he tells me to have ready for today. Why? Because today's the day that he collects all reports and flunks all the failures, and does he show up to class? No, where the hell is he?" Amber asked.
"Well you know," Richie said, "he and Phyllis Daltrey are seeing quite a bit of each other these days."
"Daltrey?" Amber repeated, "Daltrey? Your Phyllis Daltrey who teaches your physics class?"
"That's the one," Richie said.
"Ah ha!" Amber said as she dropped her cigarette, "So that's why you've been getting passing grades. She knows you live with him, and if he and she are doing the horizontal…"
"Hey guys!" Mizz and Jason came up, "What's going on?"
"Adam Pierson and Phyllis Daltrey are doing the horizontal tango," Amber said.
"Pierson?" Mizz repeated, "isn't he your English teacher?"
"Yeah."
"So what'd he say?" Mizz asked.
"About what?"
"About your report, it was due today wasn't it?"
"Mizz, how many times have you skipped coming to class?" Amber asked.
"This year?"
"This month."
"Seven times."
"Figures…he gets the report today, grades it tonight and returns it tomorrow, at least he would if he were here…he never showed up, Sanderson the football coach had to come in and let's face it, he speaks worse English than…well you…so I didn't bother."
Amber walked away from the English room with Richie beside her, and the guys followed them down the hall.
"Amber," Mizz said, "you doing anything Friday night?"
"Yeah, standing in between Richie and Roz, why?" Amber asked.
"You know why Roz wants him to go with her Friday night?" Jason asked.
"I have a pretty good guess."
"A bunch of us are getting together at Mandy McCloud's house."
"Who?"
"Mandy McCloud."
"Any relation to the Scottish house plant we're currently living with?" Amber asked.
"I don't think so, how do you spell his last name?"
"M-a-c-L-e-o-d."
"Then it's very unlikely," Jason said.
"How do you spell Mandy's last name?" Amber asked.
"M-c-C-l-o-u-d."
"Oh, that makes sense," Richie said.
"Yeah, in any case, a bunch of us are going in couples."
"Why? Is it a copulation party or something?" Amber asked.
"Na, nothing like that, you know a bunch of us just feel like going with someone."
"Fine, Richie, later let's swing by home, I'll bring Adam."
"You can't bring a teacher."
"You said someone, the last time I checked, that conniving Welsh gecko count as 'someone'."
As they turned in the hall, they bumped into Roz Paz and her roommate, Joanne Davis.
"Hey Richie, are we still on for Friday night?" Roz asked.
"Sure, why wouldn't we be?" Richie asked.
"Jason, you wanna go with me?" Joanne asked.
"Sure…I mean I don't have anything to do."
"What's this going to be, a party or an ark?" Richie asked.
"Well some of us want to be able to come with dates," Joanne said.
"Why?" Amber asked, "What's going to happen?"
"Well a bunch of us are going to get together at Mandy's place, and what we usually do is we sit around a table and confess our biggest secrets, stuff we usually don't tell anybody," Joanne said.
"Then I hope nobody here's Catholic," Amber said, "so many damn confessions from them there wouldn't be anything interesting to tell."
Amber headed for the exit as Mizz and Roz and Richie headed into their geography class. Joanne and Jason headed over to their art history course, "What do you think?" Joanne asked.
"About what?" Jason asked.
"You think they're doing it?"
"Richie and Roz?"
"No, Richie and Amber, think about, they live together, they share a bedroom, sometimes they sleep in the same bed, besides, they've known each other for years, why wouldn't they?"
"Yeah but they don't act like anyone would…I mean like us, they don't act like us, or even Tina and Skuzzy for that matter."
"Maybe that's just it, maybe they don't want anyone finding out," Joanne said, "think about it, their old man is a teacher here, he finds out, their asses are grass, and he's the lawn mower."
"Na, I don't think they are," Jason replied as he took out a pack of cigarettes.
"I think you'd be surprised," Joanne said, "I mean, if I had a roommate like Richie, I wouldn't hold back."
Jason had a cigarette in his mouth and he was ready to light it when she said that, "What's wrong with me?" he asked.
"I didn't say anything was wrong with you."
"Yeah, but you said if you were with someone like Richie, you'd sleep with him."
"I didn't say that, I said if I had a roommate like him I wouldn't…"
The teacher to the art history class came out and found the two bickering, "Allright you two, whatever this is over, shut the hell up and get in there, and you!" he ripped the cigarette out of Jason's mouth, "you're going to do that shit you do it off school property, you got that?"
Jason spit in his eye as they scurried in and headed to their seats.
"I don't think it's a temporary thing, MacLeod," he replied, "you see, he's already had three surgeries performed on his knee, and another six to his spine."
"All from being involved in track?" Duncan asked.
"Well, you know how guys get…a few broken bones here and there…anyway, while we're trying to find a way to break the news to him, we need to find somebody else to take his place on the team…and well…we know that one of the students who attends the university is living with you, a mister Richard Ryan…and well we assumed…"
"That he'd want to take Rick's place," Duncan said.
"Right."
"Well I don't know," Duncan said, "he and Rick haven't gotten along a day in their lives since they met but, track…it isn't really Richie's thing, I don't know if he'd be interested, but I'll ask him later…but…"
"But what?"
"If he's not interested, I'll ask Amber Jenzon."
"Who?"
"Amber Jenzon, she's…well she's more up for running than Richie is, she might be interested."
"Is she attending the university?"
"Yes…she's on the wrestling team."
"We have a wrestling team?" Coach Cruise asked.
Duncan looked at him a bit surprised.
"Look MacLeod, we're getting in all new sports around here but I stick to track, I find out what it is we're supposed to do on our team, not much else…I really don't think she'd fit in if you know what I mean."
"No I don't."
"It's all guys on the team, you can imagine how awkward that would be for her to…or maybe it's not so awkward, perhaps she'd be thrilled, but we can't risk the boys' reputations for that."
"What are you saying?" Duncan asked, "are you saying my daughter is a slut?"
"I didn't say that, Mister MacLeod, so let's not jump to conclu…"
"But you're insinuating she is," Duncan said.
"I'm just saying that for the best interest in the boys we…"
"Mister Cruise, with all due respect I think you should worry a little less about the team, and a little more about your own health, because if I ever hear you talk about my daughter that way again, I'm going to come to your home and break your scrawny little neck like a twig, understood?" Duncan asked.
There was a knock at the door, Phyllis Daltrey stood outside the room, "Mister MacLeod, can I speak to you for a minute?"
"Sure…"
Duncan headed out into the hall with Phyllis, "What's going on?"
"I wanted to talk to you about Adam Pierson."
"What's he done this time?" Duncan asked.
"Well that's the thing, you see, he and I have had a bit of a relationship going since the beginning of this semester, and well we had discussed doing something Friday night, and I wanted to check with him today to see if he could make it."
"And what did he say?" Duncan asked.
"Nothing, that's the thing, I went to see him and he wasn't there, he's not anywhere in the entire building, now I know he lives with you…did you see him today before you came in to work?" Phyllis asked.
"Yes and he seemed fine," Duncan said, "I don't get it, he didn't say anything about not coming in. Are you sure you didn't just miss him?"
"Mister MacLeod, I may be getting older, but I know what he looks like, he's very hard to miss with his large nose and his tomato-like butt," she giggled.
Phyllis was a woman in her early sixties, and she saw 'Adam' as being a man in his thirties, so to her, being with him was a real treat. Very few people knew that they were going together, Duncan was one of the few who actually knew. He also knew for a woman of her age and physical build, she had an interesting build-up of energy when it came to romance, especially with Methos, for whatever reason he couldn't figure out.
"Well when I see him, I'll be sure and let you know," Duncan said, "I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation…maybe he decided to give the students a surprise and HE'S playing hooky."
Phyllis laughed, "That sounds like something he'd do. Mister MacLeod, when you see him you let him know the next time I see him, I'll have my pinchers waiting for him."
Phyllis clicked the nails of her thumb and index finger together as she walked off. Duncan laughed to himself, what kind of a mess had Methos gotten himself into when he met that woman?
"I still can't get over it, Methos and Phyllis?" Amber asked, "That is disgusting, she's twice…well she's twice what his age should be…isn't that some kind of statutory crime?"
"That depends, you wanna go by the age he should be depending on his appearance or his personality?" Richie asked.
"What's the difference?"
"Because going by his physical appearance he's in his thirties, going by personality, he's closer to eleven…THAT would be statutory."
"I'll admit, he does have his moments…but I still can't believe he's been seeing her since January and I never knew…I mean I sleep with the guy myself half the time…"
"Doesn't he act weird?" Richie asked.
"No more than usual, usually when he's in love he acts VERY different," Amber said.
"How so?"
"Well he tries to be coy with the lady, tries to be charming, attractive…cute, when he's in love he feels like trying to pass as cute…you know, everything he ordinarily isn't," Amber said.
"Well it's different when you're with an older woman I guess," Richie said.
"I'm guessing you can't speak from experience," Amber said.
"Well not lately."
"Uh-huh," Amber took a pack of cigarettes out of her pocket and slit the pack open in the middle with her knife, and she offered one to Richie before putting one in her mouth, "Rich, you know what you are?"
"What?"
Amber lit her cigarette and took a puff before holding it between her fingers, "You are the Blanche Deveraux of men."
"I'll take that as a compliment," Richie said.
"I suppose it is in a way, the only difference is you stay on your feet more than she does…but on TV, she is a woman who can have pretty much any man she wants…whereas you can have any woman you want…and you know you'll always have someone else after the last one leaves…so you don't ever have to worry about being alone…and it looks like this week, Roz Paz is the lady of your pick," Amber said.
"What about you and Mizz?" Richie asked.
"Well Mizz and I…have nothing between us whatsoever, other than a few vandalism misdemeanors here, a few good times there…trust me, I have more going with you than I do with him," Amber said, "and…well not to bring up the past but I think that's really saying something…"
Amber inhaled her cigarette once more and leaned over the sink to let the ashes fall in the drain.
"Richie…I think there's a problem."
"What's that?" Richie asked.
"Shane's been coming to this university since the beginning of the semester, and he spends most of his time either at the cemetery visiting Rachel, or down at the garage fixing cars…I've been thinking, this get-together we're going to Friday night, I think we should bring him with us," Amber said.
"Hey, there's an idea," Richie said.
"What?"
"Well you like this guy, so you and he can come together as a couple."
"I don't want to come with him as a couple, I don't want a date, I don't have a problem with being there by myself and Shane wouldn't either…Shane probably doesn't even know about it, you know how most of the students are here…they treat him like a leper, they act like he's a disease and steer clear of him."
"I still don't know how you can like this guy," Richie said.
"Oh Richie, he's harmless, he's absolutely harmless," Amber replied.
"Oh yeah? Was he harmless when he picked up the back end of my car last month?" Richie asked.
"He was trying to get your attention because you were going to be driving on two flat tires," Amber said, "honestly Richie, this is the reason why I didn't want to tell you about him in the first place, because I knew you wouldn't like him."
"Is that why you also haven't told Mac or Amanda or Methos that you were with him before he enrolled here?"
"Yes, because if I'd told them, they wouldn't have liked him, they'd have thought that we were dating and they would've done everything possible in the world to keep us from seeing each other, even though there is not now nor has there ever been nor will there ever be anything even remotely romantic between us," Amber said.
"So why don't you tell them that?" Richie asked.
"Give me a break, Duncan has used every line in the book when it comes to women, and every excuse to get out of a mess that involves them, he'd never believe it," Amber said, "besides, I don't need to tell them…it's nothing that they need to know."
"I don't think they'd see it that way," Richie said.
"Well that's why they're never going to find out," Amber said.
They both dumped the rest of their cigarettes in the sink and turned on the faucet to wash the contents down the drain, a few seconds later, Duncan entered the restroom and found them standing by the sinks.
"What're you doing?" he asked.
"Well we were…we were…" Amber said.
"You were what?" Duncan asked.
The clock on the bathroom wall sounded off, indicating it was noon.
"We were saved by the bell," Richie muttered as they hurried out of the room.
As Richie and Amber made their way over to the cafeteria, they saw Shane standing in the middle of the room, rubbing his head. They both made their way over to the freakishly huge Immortal to see what was the matter.
"Hey Shane, what happened to you?" Amber asked.
"I hurt my head," he replied, "I was up on the second floor when four guys from the football team came out of nowhere and tackled me. It sent me back a few feet, and I busted the glass in the door to the dean's office with my head…the next thing I knew, I was looking in at him, and he got up from his desk and shook his fist at me and he said 'Ro-a-ohhhhohhhhhhhah!' and he chased me down here, then he had the janitor come to clean up the glass and put in a new window."
Amber and Richie, not fully believing the story went over to where the dean's office was, and sure enough, the window in his door had been busted.
"I don't believe it," Richie said, "if it were me, I'd be bleeding all over the place."
"If that were you, you would've stabbed yourself in the neck," Amber added, "Shane are you sure you're allright?"
"Oh yeah, I just bumped my head on the way in," he insisted.
"Why is it every time a kid does something around here, they want me to do something about it?" Duncan asked.
"Because you're the only teacher he has who isn't scared of him," the dean answered.
"Are you sure he did it purposely?" Duncan asked.
"Whether or not he did is irrelevant, the point is he shouldn't have done it."
"But if he couldn't help it, then it isn't his fault."
"The hell it isn't, Mister MacLeod, no student here likes attending here, you know they all do something to show for it. Take that daughter of yours."
"Why does everyone bring her up when there's trouble?" Duncan asked.
"Last Saturday night, she and that Mizz kid stripped my car, spray painted graffiti all over my home, and when I came out to stop them they threw rotten oranges at me," he said.
"What did you do?" Duncan asked.
"Nothing, she's your daughter, I thought…"
"Okay, Amber's one thing, what about Mizz? Did you call his parents?"
"I don't know where he lives, or what his parents are like, hell MacLeod, I don't even know if that thing HAS parents. And that's not my problem, the problem is that if he does have parents, they need to lay down the law with him before the law lays him down."
"He is nineteen years old, I think he's a bit past the age where his parents are going to be telling him much of anything about right and wrong," Duncan said.
"Well that's not my problem, my job is to keep the students around here in control, if they slip out of control, it's on my ass, what they do at home is their own business, but I don't want them coming here and ruining our school," he replied.
"Well what they did last Saturday night wouldn't count as anything they did at home OR at school, so you're out of luck there," Duncan said.
"Look MacLeod, I know you don't pay much attention to what goes on in your own kids' lives, but we can't have them coming to our school and acting like a bunch of retarded, redneck hillbillies with no manners and no respect to anyone around them."
"What gives you the right to call them retarded?" Duncan asked.
"I'm the dean, I can say anything about any kid we have here, however I want," he replied, "and there's nothing anyone can do about it."
Duncan grabbed the dean by his shirt and thrust him against the wall hard, "If you think my kids are nightmares, just wait until school's over and you have to deal with me off the property."
Duncan let go of the dean and he slowly moved away from Duncan. At that time, Phyllis came into the office looking frantic, "Mister MacLeod."
"What's the matter?" he asked.
"I don't know what to do…I've looked all over the college, and I can't find Mister Pierson…I called his home phone number, his cell phone number…I did everything I could think of and I still can't find him!"
"Oh yes, Mrs. Daltrey."
"MISS Daltrey," Phyllis corrected, "I wouldn't be seeing someone if I were married," she muttered to Duncan, "Although one look at Adam would be enough for me to get a divorce if I were married."
"We've been meaning to talk to you about your 'personal friend', Mister Pierson, I'm quite thrilled to announce that he won't be teaching here anymore."
"Come on Richie, let's go."
"Amber, are you crazy?" Richie asked.
"Richie, something has to be wrong, he never came in today, I can't find him anywhere…we'll get home and see if he's there, come on, let's move," Amber said.
Richie ran around to the driver's seat and started the engine.
"You think he got challenged?" Richie asked.
"I don't know, let's get home and see what's going on," Amber said.
The dean watched from his office on the second floor as they drove off the campus grounds. He checked his clock, ah ha, this would be going on the record, he opened a folder and checked their names on a list: Richard Ryan, Amber Jenzon, and he wrote beside their names: leaving campus grounds uninformed, 12:47 P.M.
Duncan had seen them leave and was going right after them, he threw on his coat and got out to his car and followed them, staying far enough behind that they wouldn't notice.
Richie's car swerved to meet the curb as he parked it, he and Amber slipped out and ran into the house, they stopped in the doorway to the living room and were relieved to see Methos on the couch, but they were surprised to see what looked like him being comforted by Amanda, who kept one hand placed behind his neck, and the other rubbing his back in small circles.
"Methos!"
Both the older Immortals looked up at the kids, who both sprang forth and tried to jump on Methos as they grabbed him.
"Are you allright?" Amber asked.
"You never came in today man, we were worried sick," Richie said, "What happened? Did someone challenge you?"
"No," Methos replied, "although I wish I had been, at least I could have something to feel better about."
"What's wrong?" Richie asked.
"Well Richie, your cousin got some bad news today…" Amanda said as she removed her hands from behind Methos' neck and back, "It seems that the dean found out that he and Miss Daltrey the physics teacher were together and informed Methos that his services as a teacher were no longer needed."
"What?" Amber asked.
"They fired him because they don't like the idea of him dating another teacher," Amanda said.
"How come?" Amber asked, "It's not like he's a student, for God's sake, what's wrong with one teacher dating another teacher?"
"I think they did it for several reasons," Methos said, "first you could take the fact that the way they see it is a 62 year old woman dating a 33 year old man…or perhaps because they believe that teachers shouldn't interact with one another because it might influence the students' lives…or maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'm related to the student she's been giving passing grades to in her physics class."
"I don't believe this," Richie said as he sunk down on the couch.
Amanda glanced at her watch, "What're you doing home so early? It's only 1:15."
"We were worried sick, we couldn't find Methos anywhere," Richie said.
"Besides, I really don't think it matters too much whether or not we stay as long as we should, the dean's already likely to toss our hides out as well," Amber said.
"What?" Amanda asked.
"You weren't in Amber's English class so she didn't go in, she didn't go to any of her classes that you were teaching," Richie said.
"Methos, are you going to be allright?" Amber asked.
"Yes, I've just been downing a bottle of sherry to celebrate my dismissal…damn it…" Methos dug his fingers through his hair until they found his scalp, "I'm sorry. I just can't believe what's happened…it's not like I was sleeping with one of the students for crying out loud, it's not as if I were getting personal information on the other staff members to blackmail them, although that thought has come to mind very often…I think I'm in a bit of shock."
"It's allright Methos, you'll find another job in no time," Amanda assured him.
"I know, but I liked this job…it's one thing to have family members you always have around but you never see…I have one living relative left in my life…I'd like to enjoy being around him…besides, I've grown quite fond of some of the other demons at the school."
"That does it," Amber said, "Dean Crestwood is gonna die."
"What happened to Dean Thatcher?" Amanda asked.
"A student got in a fight with him and…cracked three of his ribs…" Methos said, "that college goes through deans more than you go through Duncan's credit cards."
"What?" Amanda asked.
"Not what, who?" Duncan replied as he went into the living room, he found Amanda resting on the sofa.
"Whom."
"Amanda, quit with the grammar games, where are they?" he asked.
"If you mean Richie and Amber, they came home, found Methos wasn't dead, and after splitting a bottle of sherry, they took Methos out."
"Out where?" Duncan asked.
"They wanted to take him out to celebrate his getting fired from work and not just quitting…did you find out why they fired him?"
Duncan sighed as he fell on the couch beside Amanda, "They think his being with Phyllis Daltrey desecrates the school's public image."
"Public image my ass, what kind of image does it give them that they're running out of new deans to replace the others who disappear for whatever reason they do?" Amanda asked.
"Well, I looked into it and there are some other relations between teachers, but they're more on an equal age level and they don't have any relatives as students," Duncan explained, "it turns out that they just don't like Methos."
"What about Phyllis?" Amanda asked.
"They told her she can keep her job providing that she doesn't see him anymore, so she looked at the dean, told him to 'fuck off' and left letting out some kind of call of the wild…roughly around mating season she said."
"Methos, the world's oldest man, and Phyllis Daltrey, a woman in her sixties with the estrogen of a 19-year-old…what could possibly get these two together?" Amanda asked.
"I'm not sure, but I guess we should be happy for them," Duncan said.
"What did the dean have to say about Richie and Amber?" Amanda asked.
Duncan reached into his coat and pulled out a folder and dropped it on the coffee table, "Why don't you see for yourself?"
"To you, Adam," Amber and Richie said in unison as the three clanked their glasses together.
They downed their drinks and went back to their meals. Amber and Richie had taken Methos out to a fairly new restaurant, it was nothing fancy, but it was prestigious enough you didn't have to worry too much about finding anything in your food.
"Methos, can I say something?" Amber asked.
"Have you ever done anything else?" he smirked, "What is it?"
"I just feel bad that you got fired, you were good at that school, hell, you kept me in class more than I'm staying now."
"Well Amber, not too much about the classes is going to change, you can still attend them," Methos said.
"Yeah, but I don't feel like it without you there…you make it interesting, you keep us awake…you're the craziest professor we've had and I admire that in you."
"Well thank you…you know I wish I could get back into that job myself, I like working around you nightmares."
"Well we like having you there," Richie said.
"Oh well, there's hundreds of jobs out there, I'm sure one of them is just screaming for someone like me to come along and take it," Methos replied.
"You could teach at another university, Amber and I can drop our stuff here and go to another one," Richie said.
"I don't know…"
"No really, it'd be fine with me," Amber said as she stuck her fork against her food repeatedly, "At the rate I'm going, I don't have all that much to drop here anyway."
A waiter came up to their table to see if there was anything else they needed.
"Yeah, how about another bottle of this fancy-shmancy champagne?" Amber asked.
The waiter did a double take when he looked at Amber, "Ma'am, are you old enough to drink?"
"Of course she is," Richie answered for her, "we all are…"
"I'd like to see her I.D.," the waiter said.
"She doesn't have it on her," Methos said.
"What?" the waiter asked.
"She used to keep it with her driver's license, then she lost her license for reckless driving, so she doesn't carry her I.D. on her anymore either," Richie explained.
"If she were to end up in an accident and be found with no I.D. on her and no one to identify her body…" the waiter chimed in.
"That would never happen," Methos said, "she never goes anywhere alone, she's practicing to be a nun."
The waiter looked at Amber not believing the story, "You're Catholic?"
"No, Sinead O' Connor follower…uh…prior to her becoming a 'recovering Catholic'. You know, when she ripped the pope, that's what I'm following," Amber explained.
"Ah, of course…" the waiter said as if understanding.
The waiter made an unusual look as he left them to bring another bottle.
"You know what, you conniving Welsh gecko," Amber said as she leaned back in her chair, "I think this is the best thing that could happen to us."
They heard a loud "Woo!" come from the entrance to the room.
"Maybe not," Methos replied.
They all turned and saw Phyllis coming into the room and over to their table, "Adam, my little Welsh lizard…there you are!"
"Oh man," Richie laughed, "I think we better get out of here."
He and Amber got up from their chairs as she got behind Methos and put her hands on his shoulders. "Adam Pierson I've been looking all over town for you."
Her fingers found their way to his cheeks and pinched hard. "I missed you too, Phyllis," he said.
Phyllis let go of his face and made her way over to an empty chair at the table, "I found out from Mizz that you were down here, how are you doing?" she asked.
"Oh just fine," Methos said, "unemployed and getting old, how's your job doing?"
"What job? I quit working there…they wouldn't let me work there if I continued to see you, so I just told them to fuck off and I left…this is one of the happiest days of my life," she said.
"Why?" Methos asked, "I mean, how can it be? You lost your job, you…"
"Adam, I retired…and besides, I can celebrate it with you while you look for a new job," she explained.
"You think we should tell her?" Richie asked Amber.
"Tell me what?" Phyllis asked.
They looked at her for a minute before answering, "We were going to try and get Adam his job back at the college," Richie said.
"Well…" Phyllis started, a bit shocked, "Adam, you do realize that we wouldn't be able to be together, don't you?"
"Yes of course," Methos replied, "which is why I'm not sure I even want to go back to that job…don't get me wrong," he said as he faced the kids, "I enjoy working around you, but the very idea of having to give up my…private life…well it doesn't exactly have me banging down their door to let me back in."
"We understand," Amber said.
"Well Adam, what is this?" Phyllis asked as she noticed the semi-fancy meal.
"Oh just a little celebration in honor of my dismissal," Methos replied, "another bottle of champagne is on the way if you'd care to join us."
"I think I'd like that," she replied, "but Adam, really, if this is going to be a celebration you might want to make it a bit fancier…now I've been here before, they have some pretty fancy French mints that can be very…enjoyable if you know what I mean."
"I think I do," Methos said, turning a bit red in the face, "but you do realize that there are young ones present?"
"Oh sure, we'll order enough for everyone," Phyllis said.
"That's not what I meant," he replied.
"Oh give me a break Adam, they're only young once, they might as well enjoy it, and you should know some of the advantages to being young," Phyllis giggled.
"Yes, but Phyllis, they aren't…"
"What Adam means is that," Richie thought for a minute, "aphrodisiacs have a bit of an odd effect on us."
"Ah, youth," Phyllis said, "when you're your ages, everything has an odd effect on you…when you get to be my age…you're used to everything, especially the aphrodisiacs…" she turned to Methos and said a bit louder, "speaking of aphrodisiacs, I went to one of those adult toy stores yesterday and…"
"I think you'll have to excuse us," Richie said as he pushed his chair back to get up, "I really don't feel comfortable listening to this."
"Nonsense, it's perfectly natural," Phyllis replied, "you think just cuz you get over the age of 50 that you can't have a normal, healthy, active sex life like you do in your 20s?"
"Oh believe me ma'am, we know that's not true," Amber replied, "it's just that…well Richie and I realize some people get uncomfortable speaking about their sex lives with others listening."
"Oh poffee cot," Phyllis said, "I don't get uncomfortable with other people hearing about it, and if they get uncomfortable hearing it, they can just stop listening. Now come on you two, sit down."
Richie and Amber, reluctantly sat back down as the waiter came back with the champagne.
"To whom do I serve this?" he asked.
"Just put it over here," Methos said.
The waiter set the bottle down on the table by his plate and headed back into the kitchen.
"I'm not sure there's much I can do," Duncan replied, "unless you'd prefer I lose my job as well."
"Well, maybe you should," Amanda thought, "let's face it Duncan, you've had better jobs."
"Yes, but not one that I can keep as good an eye on the kids as I do now," Duncan said.
"It wouldn't matter to them."
"No but it matters to me," Duncan replied.
The front door opened and they heard Richie, Methos, and Amber all enter the house, talking over each other, for whatever reason they were, and it was impossible to determine what anyone was saying. They all came into the living room and made themselves comfortable, Methos on the couch beside Duncan and Amanda, Amber and Richie on the chairs across from them.
"How'd it go?" Amanda asked.
No one said anything and Richie and Amber looked at each other, as if they were trying to decide what to say.
"What's wrong?" Duncan asked.
"Nothing," Richie said, "It's just that Miss Daltrey came down to the restaurant and she's…"
"I don't care if she is past menopause, that woman has more estrogen than a sorority house," Amber said, "she wouldn't stop talking about sex and her love life and she said everything loud enough for everyone in the whole restaurant to hear her. She ordered these French aphrodisiacs and offered some to the rest of us as."
"Did they work?" Amanda asked.
"Thankfully not," Amber replied, "How are things going here?"
"Well I think you'll be surprised to find out that the dean has unlawfully harassed and ridiculed Methos in addition to firing him."
"Huh?" Richie asked.
"There is no rule that teachers can't be together in their private lives, on the campus grounds, or anywhere else…he just did it because he doesn't like Methos," Duncan explained.
"I had a feeling something was a miss," Richie said.
"Yeah and her name is Phyllis Daltrey," Amber said.
"Amber…"
"Why don't you two go find something to do?" Amanda asked, "We'd like a word with Methos alone."
"Fine with me," Richie said.
"Me too."
Richie and Amber had gone out to meet with some of their friends at a diner, on the way out, Amber caught an envelope addressed to them. It was a letter from Jeremy.
"So when are we going to see him?" Richie asked.
"I don't know, I haven't had a chance to discuss it with Methos yet," Amber replied.
Richie parked the car and they headed into the diner, they found a booth where they'd be noticeable when their friends arrived. A waitress came up to their booth and took their orders, while they waited on their food, they heard Shane as he came into the place. He was making a bunch of excited incoherent noises as he made his way over to the booth. He slammed down onto Amber's booth and brought the other end of it up before it hit the ground again.
"Shane, what's got you so happy?" Amber asked.
Shane showed them a flyer for a bicycle race the following weekend.
"Do you think I could enter?" he asked.
"Do you have a bike?" Richie asked.
"No, but I know where to get one," Shane replied.
"Shane, have you ever been on a bike before?" Amber asked.
"No, should I have?" Shane asked.
"It helps," Richie said.
"Oh well, I have a week and a half to learn," Shane said, "besides, how hard could it be?"
"Providing it's not a European bike, there should be little trouble at all," Amber murmured.
"What's wrong with those?" Richie asked.
"You can get torn up on them, trust me, I've seen it, long bloody gashes all over your body, possibly broken bones, joints bending the wrong way for months…I've seen it happen to all sorts of people who've been riding those things, it ain't worth it."
"I'm going to look into it, I haven't been in a race since…never," Shane realized.
"How come?" Richie asked.
"Nobody would compete with me, they all said I was too ugly to be seen in public," Shane explained.
"Ah come on, I bet you were quite a looker when you were younger," Amber said.
"Na, not really, as a child I looked like Jason Voorhees before he drowned," Shane replied.
"We knew a guy like that back in Jersey," Amber said, "Everybody gave him hell about it, so he beat them to bloody pulps…is that what you did?"
"Na, my mom says 'if they want to waste their times making fools out of their own selves by bothering us, it's their problem, not ours'. Besides, I beat up some of the guys who annoyed the hell out of me, but my mom said I couldn't fight girls."
The waitress came back with five cokes and two sandwiches before she headed back to the kitchen.
"Oh, I almost forgot," Shane added, "I overheard the track coach, and Duncan talking about needing a new member on the track team. The coach told Duncan to ask you and see if you wanted to try out…"
"That's insane," Richie said.
"I'll say," Amber added.
"Well if you don't want it, could I try out?" Shane asked.
"Knock yourself out buddy boy," Amber replied, "although I don't know why you'd want to…"
"For the competition, now that I'm…a bit easier on the eyes, I want to get out in the open and compete…it's in my blood my mother said."
"I don't know about that," Richie said, "back then you may have looked like Jason Voorhees, that's more understandable when you're a kid. Now you're in your early 20s and you look like Victor Kruger."
"Who's that?" Shane asked.
"The Kurgan, Connor MacLeod defeated him in 1986 in New York, he was something…he beat up Connor, rammed his sword right through this other guy…he scared nuns, that part I actually liked about him," Amber said.
"Amber," Richie said.
"And his confession at the church…that was hysterical…'Forgive me father, I am a worm'…You know Shane, if I didn't know any better I'd almost swear he was your father."
"That's impossible," Richie said, "Immortals can't have kids and every Immortal and every Watcher knows that."
"Yes but Richie, you never know, the Kurgan was a very unusual Immortal, he may have been the exception to that rule," Amber said.
"I highly doubt it," Richie replied.
The three of them felt the presence of two other Immortals, Yvonne and Mizz came through the door and joined them at the booth.
"Hey guys, are we late?" Yvonne asked.
"Not by much," Amber answered.
"So what's going on?" Mizz asked.
"Well Shane's going to be entering that bicycle race next Saturday for one thing," Amber said, "show them the flyer."
"Here's to us," Phyllis said as she raised her glass.
Methos nodded as he picked up his glass, "To us," he repeated.
They clanked their glasses together and drank, Phyllis giggled over her drink as she swallowed it.
"Adam, there's something I want to tell you," she said.
"Oh no," Methos groaned, "you're not pregnant are you?"
"Not yet," she grinned, "but I've still got time…anyway I wanted to tell you that I enjoy your company very much! You certainly know how to make an old woman feel young."
"You're not old," Methos said, he left out the rest of his thought, not compared to me anyway.
"Well anyway, I've known you since the beginning of the semester, and I think that's enough time for me to wait and see what happens," she said.
At that time, the door swung open as Duncan and Amanda, and Richie and Amber came in and walked in on them.
"Adam Pierson, would you make an old woman even happier and do me the honor of marrying me?" she asked.
Amanda and Richie answered "yes" at the same time that Duncan and Amber answered "no". Everyone looked at each other, and then over at Methos, who said nothing and instead fell off the couch and fainted.
