FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination 
mobile edition|
Author of 65 Stories |
The SC Diaries
(X)
Update. And just so you know, updates on this will be sparse.
Disclaimer: I own nought, save my old and not-so-trusty laptop.
(X)
Siegfried
(X)
Day 1
Dad gone off to fight in some country where people wear weird hats. Told me to be a good boy while I'm gone.
Robbed someone today. Was surprisingly fun
Started criminal gang. I rock.
Mum found out about gang and sent me to bed without supper. Bah, I'm not disbanding it anyway.
Had brilliant plan. Will waylay weary knights back home from fighting, and steal their gold. If they resists, we beat them up. If they still resist, we kill them.
What could possibly go wrong?
Oops.
Have set out on epic quest to find father's murderer.
Making good progress.
Made it out of front yard. First obstacle cleared!
This is boring
Fought guy with giant axe. Managed to beat him.
Okay, I'm supposed to be heading for Spain.
I think that's somewhere in Asia. Should have paid more attention in geography.
Ended up in desert, and fought some guy with weird asian saber.
Don't mean to be critical of others, but man, his dress was far out! Luckily, I'm equipped with the latest in armour from Ostrheinsburg castle. Functionality and elegance, I've got 'em all.
Oh, yeah, we drawed.
Woman with halberd chased after me and yelled something about finishing what 'Hwang' started.
Kicked her ass.
Am not having much luck trekking through desert. Decided to turn around and head the other way.
Am now in Prussia. Believe that I am now close to Spain.
This whole place seems disturbingly familiar…
Hi, mom.
This time, I am certain I am heading in the right directions. How do I know, you ask?
I'm asking for directions. Beat that.
Am now on border to Spain. That was fast.
Am now in funny port town.
Need… bactine…
Oh, yeah, I have a cool new sword with an eyeball in the blade. Kinda freaky, but cool!
According to eyeball-sword (insists on being called Soul Edge. Bah), it can revive my father by feasting on souls.
When questioned about how absorbing other souls is going to help with dad's soul, it threw a hissy fit, and some giant flaming thing came out of nowhere and punched me in the face.
Well, off on another epic quest to revive dad.
Must remember to write regularly to mom. Holding a quill pen with my new arm is going to be a total bitch.
People killed: 12
This whole revival thing is taking a stupidly long time. I mean, I know dad's big of heart and all, but this is ridiculous. Three. Bloody. Years.
Sword just told me it's because the majority of souls and essences are of poor quality. Yeah, well, welcome to earth, buddy.
People killed: 341
Walked in on an annual lawyer's convention today. Did the world a favour. Let's leave it at that.
Stupid sword just spit out all those souls. Stupid finicky eaters.
Edit: Sword says that there are some things no self-respecting piece of blacksmithery will do. And apparently one of those things is consume lawyer's souls. Is blacksmithery even a word?
Stupid flame being hit me again. I hate him so much
People killed: 0
Saw a penguin walk by. I should probably backtrack.
People killed: 5
Not a very good haul today.
People killed: 5
Bah.
People killed: Guess what? 5
This is getting a little bit boring…
People killed: Still 5
Am I stuck in Dynasty Warriors 4 or something?
People killed: ½
Well, I met some Greek woman with divine sword and shield, 'sent on holy quest to destroy evil blade'. I think someone might be adding 'medicinal herbs' to her drink.
Anyway, left her half dead, but the sword says that doesn't count. Whatever.
People killed: 0
Ow. Ow. Ow. Not a good day.
First, fought guy that yelled, "This rod shall be your doom!" Disturbing imagery caused me to lose concentration and get thwacked mightily by his staff.
Then, got sucked into some weird portal void thing and watched as woman with flashy sword stabbed flame being through the gut.
And now I currently stuck somewhere in a very dry, hot place, in a middle of a giant triangular structure, trying to find my way out. A pox on the asshole who designed this thing.
Sword is getting bitchy. Started talking about 'who's in charge here'.
Stuck it into a tree and poured lemon juice onto the eye. That ought to shut it up.
People killed: 14
Am now under control of eyeball sword. This sucks.
People killed: 36
Eyeball sword lacks any sense of direction. We ended up slaughtering people from the same village three times.
As a sidenote, I am now calling the eyeball sword 'eyeball sword' instead of 'Soul Edge' solely because it pisses him off.
People killed: 4
Eyeball sword got bright idea that if we walk in a straight line sooner or later he will come across another village, and thus he doesn't need to worry about directions.
He changed his mind after walking straight through a swamp.
People killed: 42
Sword took over body while I was sleeping. I suppose it is best not to know the details of most recent massacre. Ditto the fact that I have caked blood on my teeth.
People killed: 0
Walked past two completely obliterated villages today. Either Asty has been revived,or city planning councils suck.
People killed: 0
I now have a traveling companion, for some reason. She's a girl named Cassandra, and while easy on the eyes, she's just the slightest bit annoying.
I've already formulated seventeen different ways to kill her using grass and tree bark.
Yes, I was bored. What?
People killed: Square root of negative 2
Stupid girl is refusing to let me kill anyone.
Eyeball sword is getting pissed off.
People killed: 3.141592654
Apparently while I was sleeping, the sword decided to challenge Cassandra to a duel.
I woke up wondering why I had a broken arm.
Stupid eyeball sword.
People killed: 0 (It's kinda hard to wield a zweihander with one arm in a sling, you know.)
Apparently Cassandra knows how to treat broken arms. That's good.
What's not so good is that she's pretty much leading the way now, and that she has no sense of direction.
Eyeball sword demanded that we feast upon her soul and all that, but I poked him in the eye with my good arm.
People killed : (Sine 90) – 1
Arm's getting better.
Sidenote: Woke up in the middle of the night to find Cassandra staring at my chest and panting. Am going to sleep with a blanket from now on.
People killed: 0 (Why do I even bother keeping this record anymore?)
Can start using busted arm again. Joy. Still very sore though.
People killed: Two minus cube root of eight.
Got challenged to a duel by young girl. She calls herself a 'Wind Priestess', whatever that is.
Beat her up, but received one heckuva wound to the stomach. I'm going to lie down now.
People killed: 1 (Well, almost)
Found a little kid while walking through some fields yesterday. Was about to kill it when Cassandra started lecturing me about the evils of wanton slaughter.
Got into a big argument about protecting my image and morals. Kid took the opportunity to sneak away while we were talking.
Stupid kid.
People killed: Nada, Zip, Zilch, Nothing, The number that cannot be used to divide anything, take your pick.
I hate Cassandra so much.
While I was sleeping, she took the Eyeball Sword away, and threw it somewhere. Furthermore, she is being totally unsympathetic about my plight. She just told me I shouldn't have been so stupid in the first place.
I'm gong to kill her one of these days. I just know it.
People killed: 0
Eyeball sword found it's way to us. How, I have no idea, but it attempted to maul Cassandra. Which didn't work too well due to a total lack of limbs and all that. She just stomped on its eye.
All of which caused so much noise it woke me from my nap. Stupid sword. And stupid Cass.
People killed: 1 (And this was by accident)
I was walking along the road with Cassandra behind me, minding my own business, when someone jumps at me from the side, screaming about roasted chicken.
Got into battle stance, just in case this guy tries anything funny, and then another guy runs out from behind me and impales himself onto eyeball sword.
Cassandra insisted we give him a proper burial. It started pouring buckets halfway through our little ceremony.
I hate Cassandra so very, very much.
People killed: 0
A thought just occurred to me: Why the hell have I not killed Cassandra yet if I really hate her so much?
Then another thought came to me: Muffins.
I'm going insane. I knew it.
People killed: 0
We are now somewhere in Greece, which is apparently Cassandra's home. She insists I join her family for dinner.
Well, if I cover up my demon arm, what could really go wrong?
People killed: 0
Boy, this is awkward.
People killed: 0
They are treating me well enough, but apparently they don't want Cassandra and I to leave. This is getting boring.
Cassandra just told me she's formulated a plan to get out of here. Oh, I can't wait.
People killed: 0
Plan involves me jumping in front of a crowd of people with eyeball sword and to start screaming about death and blood. Then we escape in the confusion.
What a detailed and refined plan, covering all possibilities! What could possibly go wrong with such a well thought-out scheme?
After reading this, Cassandra whacked me on the head with her shield. Jerk.
People killed: 0
Well, we made it, and are on the road again.
About time too. I'm getting bloody sick of gyros.
People killed: 7
Several Turks jumped me in the morning, demanding that I give them all their valuables. You don't really need to know more than that.
If Cassandra tells me to give them proper burials, I swear that I will behead her on the spot.
People killed: I before E 'cept after C. (What on earth does that mean?)
We've gotten a bit sidetracked. No problem, we'll find the road again in no time.
People killed: 0
We are completely, totally, lost. It doesn't help that Cassandra and Eyeball Sword are both insisting we go off in different directions.
Hang on, someone's approaching in the distance. Maybe we can ask that person for directions…
People killed: 0 (Dammit)
Note: Never ask Ivy for directions. Doubly so if you happen to be holding Eyeball Sword in arm.
When she saw me, she freaked out and that stupid Whip Sword thing of hers started striking at me.
I beat her up, and was about to finish her off when Cassandra told me (again) that killing is bad. When faced with statement that Ivy would kill the lot of us (including her) for happening to hold a stupid sword with an eyeball in it, not to mention it's shards, she told me to 'rise to the moral challenge' and to be the better man.
I. Hate. Cassandra. So. Much.
People killed: 0 (You expected any different?)
We are back in the Holy Roman Empire thingy that is apparently where my home is located.
(Why on earth do they call it the Holy Roman Empire when it's not Holy, neither is it Roman, and if we are to be frank, it's not much of and Empire either?)
Anyway, I insisted that since I visited her home, she should visit mine.
I hope mom isn't mad at me for leaving home for seven years…
People killed: 0
My mom, upon seeing the two of us bickering (as usual), informed me that we 'made such a cute couple'.
I think I stopped retching about an hour later.
Me and Cassandra? That is the single most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in my life. There is an absolutely zero percent chance that the two of us will ever hook up.
Okay, maybe not zero since dad told me never to speak in absolutes. More like 0.00000000001 percent.
Yup, that's right. No real chance at all, no siree, even if she does look kinda cute, with that short blonde hair of hers and those aquamarine eyes, and she does have a rather nice looking smile and all, not to mention she at least knows how to stand up for herself, and all that…
…
…
WHAT THE BLOODY HELL AM I WRITING?
People killed: 0
Upon seeing Cassandra, I locked myself in the bathroom.
Nothing else to report.
People killed: 0
Reasons why I'm not in the least bit attracted to Cassandra:
Number One:
People killed: 0
I am so screwed. But I'm not gonna crack, you hear me? You won't get me to admit anything, do you hear me? I'm not gonna crack!
And I'm sure the doormat believes you.
Shut up, Eyeball Sword. How are you moving my pen anyway?
Telekinesis.
Bah.
People killed: (Do insects count?)
I'm on the road again with Cassandra (whom I am not in love with).
Cassandra suggested we head to a nearby town to get some supplies, and I agreed with her (not because I'm in love with her, you understand, it's purely because it's a good decision).
Therefore, I would like to reiterate the very obvious fact that I am not in love with Cassandra.
You are pathetic. And you're also in denial.
Shut up.
People killed: 0 (This is the last day I'm going to bother to keep this stupid record.)
Alright! Fine! I admit it! Attention world, I'm in love with Cassandra! Can you folks in outer Mongolia hear me?
I'M IN LOVE WITH CASSANDRA AND I DON'T CARE WHAT ANY OF YOU SAY ABOUT IT!
She's reading over my shoulder, isn't she.
Yes. Yes, I am.
Fudge.
Number of kisses: 6 (and counting)
Maybe life isn't so bad after all.
(X)
Another chapter done.
Regretfully (well, to some people, anyway), we shall be leaving Siegfried and Cassandra to their personal affairs (rest assured, they have plenty. Especially concerning each other) while we focus on a somewhat angsty staff-wielding prettyboy.
You have three guesses, the first two don't count.
(X)
Please review.
