Step Away from the Cake
By Voldie on Varsity Track

Summary: Harry, in a rush to prepare for his guests' arrival, made a terrible mistake: he left the cake he prepared within the reach of his pregnant wife, Luna. Fluffy goodness galore! ;)

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry, Luna, or any other Harry Potter characters I mention/write about. I write for pleasure and chocolate cake, not money. Oh Eru, I love cake. Anyway, I don't even have money, so don't sue me.

This is my first Harry Potter story in a year (not to mention my first partially sane one), so criticism is welcomed. Okay, all reviews are welcomed... but flames will be used to cremate Ron Weasley alive because I hate him.

X X X X X X X X X X X X X

Harry James Potter had never been much of a cook, that was true. Every time he tried to surprise his wife with a special dinner, the lemon-marinated chicken breasts looked (and probably tasted) like charcoal, and his Yorkshire pudding was enough to make even Hagrid retch and stay in the loo for hours after. Nevertheless, one day Harry decided that, despite his horrid creations from the past, he would bake a simple cake for Ron's twenty-third birthday.

"What could go wrong?" Harry thought. "It's just a cake, and if I use Mrs. Weasley's simple recipe..."

Quite everything, actually.

So, Harry cooked like crazy the morning before the Weasleys were to arrive, attempting to make lamb chops (which promptly ended up in the wastebasket) and overly soggy rice. The only thing that actually looked edible was the double chocolate cake with orange writing. When he was finished, Harry brushed his unruly black hair out of his eyes and admired his sexy cake. Harry had to admit that he wanted to test his fate and take a bite.

He stepped back, went into the parlour, and started reading the newest edition of The Quibbler, which had a strange monkey-like creature clutching a quill on the cover. Since Harry married Luna, Mr. Lovegood thought it a favour to send his daughter and son-in-law quirky things, like the singing kaleidoscopes stored in a dusty box under the bed. Luna, of course, didn't find this to be odd in the least bit, but she had a habit of smacking him if he ever tried to bring out the kaleidoscopes.

But, Harry reminded himself, Luna was very different from him, and that was one of the many reasons why he loved her. After two years of marriage, he thought he'd have gone insane long before. And now that Luna was five months pregnant with their first child, he didn't know how long he'd wait before St. Mungo's requested his presence. Nowadays he was always fetching things for her, giving into her simultaneous cravings for both pickles and cupcakes, and in return he became incredibly forgetful and rushed.

Often he would spend too much time with Luna and forget to do simple things... and, he realised, they were out of tea. And, naturally, that was Luna's favourite thing to drink.

"Luna," he called. "I've got to go down the supermarket for some tea. Will you be alright here for a moment?"

"Yes, Harry," he heard her call back. "You know, you could just use a summoning charm to get some from the store..."

"And risk attracting the attention of the Muggles and the fuzz when they see a box of Lipton zooming out the door and flying here?" he laughed. "No, I'll just do it the Muggle way."

Harry paused and turned back before shutting the door, suddenly aware of the fact that he left the cake in plain sight on the counter, basking in its delicious, chocolatey glory. "Oh, it's fine. It's just a cake. It will remain there until I return," he thought to himself, finally leaving the flat.

Or not.

When Harry returned ten minutes later, all in the apartment was quiet. The lights were dim just as they were when he left, the fan was still wafting cool air into the room where his wife lay, and the table was still set... yes, everything was perfect. Harry walked into the kitchenette and put the bag on the counter... and for once he was surprised to find that Luna hadn't raided the fridge while he was gone, which was one of her favourite things to do lately.

But she had been eating something, he realised. His cake.

His precious double chocolate cake sat on the counter, about a quarter of it gone, its sad, chocolatey self crying out in silent despair. Harry's eyes scanned the crime scene like a hawk, suddenly stopping on the cake-covered knife in the sink. Now there was not nearly enough to feed himself, Luna (yet again), Ron, Lavender, Ron and Lavender's young daughter, Mrs. Weasley, Mr. Weasley, Hermione and Viktor, and their son...

"Luuuuuuna!" Harry yelled, his face turning a vivid reddish colour. He groaned and barged into the bedroom, and Luna jumped up from the bed and gave him the strangest look.

"What's wrong, dear?" she asked. Oh, Harry thought, she thinks she can get away with it if she acts innocent. I don't buy it for a second.

"Luna, where did a quarter of Ron's birthday cake go?" Harry demanded. "Because I didn't touch it."

"I'm sorry, Harry," Luna said quickly, blushing. "I didn't know it was for Ron, otherwise I wouldn't have eaten it! I thought you bought a cake instead and made that one for shits and giggles!"

Harry stared at her in disbelief. "You ate the only decent thing I've ever cooked before you were supposed to?"

"Well, yes," she admitted, rubbing her stomach. "Chailyn wouldn't stop kicking, and I thought that if I ate something..."

"Chailyn? If you think I'm letting you curse our son with that strange name, then you're definitely off your rocker."

"She's not your son, you git," Luna snapped. "Daddy did a star chart for the baby, and he's confirmed that it's a girl. Those things are really accurate," she sighed when she saw the annoyed expression on Harry's face. "Oh, Harry, you could just buy another one."

"Yes, dear, because nothing says 'I value your friendship' more than a hastily-purchased cake from the little supermarket down the street!"

"And nothing says 'I want to poison you' more than anything you've ever made! Come off it, Harry. Do you really want to make the Weasleys eat that atrocious thing?"

"It wasn't that disgusting if you ate three bloody pieces of it!"

"It was good, actually."

"But that doesn't solve anything," Harry muttered. "What am I going to do?"

"Go buy another one."

But then Harry had an idea. A brilliant idea, if you could call it that. He could get his cake, spend time with Luna, and punish her at the same time.

"Luna's been a very naughty girl," he teased. "What am I to do but punish you?"

Her blue eyes grew wide at the idea. "You can't punish me!"

"And why not?"

"First of all, I am your wife, not your slave! And I'm pregnant... if you think I'm getting up and slaving my butt off for you, you're wrong. I'll just stay here, thanks."

"Of course you won't be slaving your butt off for me," Harry laughed. "I was joking, Luna. But you could help me with something."

"That's a relief," she kissed him in reply and pulled him onto the bed next to her. "But Harry, what are we going to do?"

"Well, Luna," he started, grinning at the puzzled expression on her pale face. "We're going to bake a cake."

X X X X X X X X X X X X X

I'll get the next part up as soon as possible, but I'll work faster if you send me cake. This story is making me hungry. I really like cake (and reviews)... so, give me some? Thanks!