Author's note: This is not one of my better stories, but it's the only one I have on my computer at the moment. Don't be too mean.

I Lied

A Star Wars AU

You poured your heart out to me, told me you loved me, and all I did was say you were not allowed to. I told you to love you would force me to live a lie, and I could never do that. But couldn't you see I could? That I already was? By pretending not to love you, I was lying even more than I would have been by keeping a secret relationship with you. And you agreed, saying it was best for us not to fall in love. But I could tell you did not believe it. We both lied then.

Later on, when your mother died, I wanted to tell you I loved you. You were so grief stricken and in need of some one to comfort you. I was there, I was your shoulder to cry on, I heard your confessions and offered you comfort. But again I lied, this time by keeping silent, by holding back my feelings for you. I lied to you and to myself.

As we were being led to our executions, when we both knew we were going to die, you again told me you loved me. But this time you asked me if I loved you in return. "Yes!" I screamed in my mind, "I love you with all my heart and soul, and always will!" I wanted to say as much, but something held me back. How cold was I, to deny you the one thing you wanted most, my love, which I wanted more than anything to give you, even as you were led to you death? How unfair was it of me to let you die thinking I did not love you, when in truth I did? But I could not answer you.

Your face fell at my silence. You begged and pleaded with me to say something, anything. Even to proclaim I would never love you would be preferable to my silence. "But I do love you!" I thought. And yet I still did not say a word. Instead I began to cry quietly. You hung your head, your shoulders slumped forward. I could see your own tears beginning to form. I wanted so badly to tell you I loved you, to reassure you I always would, to say anything, but the guards dragged us in separate directions. I had missed my chance. You thought I did not love you.

But couldn't you see I did? Couldn't you tell I'd been lying all along? What I did was cruel. Cruel to you, cruel to me. I can't explain my silence. I can only call it a failure on my part. A failure to listen to what my heart knew was true. A failure to grant a man unjustly condemned his last request.

I saw you killed in the arena. Obi-Wan tried to get your attention, urging you to defend yourself, but he could not reach you. You let yourself die. Your final anguished cry haunts me to this day. It was not a cry of the pain of your body being crushed, it was a cry of pain because your heart already was. It was a cry of torment because you thought I did not love you.

Many Jedi died that day. Obi-Wan was killed by Count Dooku himself, who later escaped. The Republic is losing this war, badly. If I had said something, would you have lived? Would Dooku have still gotten away? Would this war still be raging after six long years? I do not know.

All I know is you died believing I did not love you. I has all but said as much. But I lied I did love you, I still love you, and I always will love you. I lied to you and to myself. I lied to you, and I am so sorry.

Fin