Selfishness

Author: pratz

Disclaimer: G-Seed Destiny belongs to Sunrise Studio, of course.

Notes: just a short drabble takes place after eps.25 of the series, when Kira, Cagalli, and Miriallia met Athrun. The last sentence comes from Halves from my all-time favourite fanfic writer, Tin Mandigma. No hard feelings here, but really, I do think Athrun's a selfish bastard at that moment.

p.s.: for those who are waiting for the continuation of The Owl Policy, the third part will be out most likely at the first week of June. Just cross your fingers.

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When I saw you still wearing my ring, I couldn't find any words to say but... happy.

I know deep inside your heart you don't want to pick up the gun once again, but there is no way you could ignore the calling for justice and peace in the world today either. You are the most beautiful soul I've ever known, and that beautiful soul won't let you to top even your own happiness above all things.

I know I was being a horrible bastard when I told you to stop this so-called ridiculous act and come back to Orb. What kind of a man I am to tell you that when I myself start to pilot a mobile suit again? I hate it when I disappoint you since you take everything to heart―one thing I admit much less as your weakness. I hate it when because of me, you are in blue. Your despair, your anguish, the hopeless longing in your eyes to hold me and never let go, they all are my fault.

But don't get me wrong, Cagalli.

I want you to come back to your much loved homeland because I want you to be safe. No matter what you are gaining or fighting for, it doesn't matter anymore once you're died. A battlefield doesn't suit you, my fair lady. Death is never a way. You could do much more if you are alive.

No. Not if. I mean, you must live.

Some people might say you're still immature with the way you couldn't handle your own men in the Orb government, or some might think you're too impulsive. The truth is you are not. It is Athrun Zala who is utterly and totally selfish.

The need to protect you, to keep you safe and sound, is only the manifestation of my selfishness. I want you to stay away from any possible storm or danger that may come because I want it. I want you to live because I don't know what I will do if you're not there. Because you are there, I find my path of life. Without you, I feel so insecure and lost. You give me a reason to be.

You are my life, my world, my universe.

So please understand me―like you always do, even though I didn't say anything when I slipped my ring onto your finger, even though I said I couldn't return yet because I have reenlisted the ZAFT army, even though I haven't told you I love you. I know this time I've hurt you worse than ever, but I beg your understanding. Don't let me become insane for thinking that you don't love me anymore.

Because I can't―

―stop.

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