Mission: Almost Impossible

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the story. Everything else is owned by Capcom.

Summary: Leon and Krauser are the best agents President Graham has had in years, but he sends them on missions even I could do.

Chapter 1: I Need Some Lavender Scented Candles

"I need a bath..." President Graham said after an "important" call he had with his mother. "Let's see...Where are my candles?"

As he searched for his candles, he tripped over a box. "Ouch! What the hell? Oh, there they are." He opened up the box and saw all of the lavender scented candles were gone. All of the cherry, blueberry, lemon, vanilla, Frankenberry, soap, and hot dog scented candles were there, though.

"Grrr...ASHLEY!"

"Yes, Daddy?" Ashley squeaked as she walked in.

"Ashley, did you use up all my lavender scented candles? If you did, I'll have to put you up for adoption like I did the last time you did this. You know they are my most FAVORITE scent ever."

"No, Daddy, I didn't use them."

"I guess the dog ate them or something."

"Daddy, you know Jaws has been locked in the torture chamber all day for biting Uncle Fred in the-"

"Don't remind me of my poor brother's lack of light saber!" President Graham sighed. "Go get Kennedy and Krauser for me, would you, dear?"

"Yes, Daddy." Ashley left the Oval Office and began searching for the two men. It didn't take her long to find them.

They were in the game room, just relaxing. Leon was on the couch, playing something on his PSP, one leg over the arm of the couch and the other hanging over the side. Krauser was sleeping in one of the multicolored beanbag chairs, snoring like a monster truck and slowly sinking into the chair.

Ashley knocked on the open door to get Leon's attention. "Uh...Leon, Krauser?"

"Go away, Ashley. I'm on the 89th level of Kill Kill Revolution." Leon said, not bothering to look up at Ashley.

"My father wants to see you and Krauser right away."

"Okay, hold on. Let me save my game." After Leon saved his game, he threw the PSP at Krauser and it smacked him square in the head. "Krauser! Wake up, you asshole!"

Krauser sat up and looked around the room in a daze. "Huh...? Wha...?"

"The President wants to see us. Come on." Leon got up from the couch and walked over to Krauser to help him get out of the "man eating" beanbag chair.

Ashley lead the men to the Oval Office. "Daddy, I found Leon and Krauser."

President Graham nodded. "Thank you, Ashley. You can go now."

"Thank you, God." Ashley left the room.

"What did you want to see us for, Mr. President?" Leon asked.

President Graham cleared his throat. "I have a mission for you. I'm not sure if you'll come back alive or not, but I do have faith in you."

Krauser raised an eyebrow. "What is it, exactly?"

"I want you to..."

Krauser kept himself from screaming as hard as he could. "I can't believe this! What kind of stupid mission is this! Buying stupid scented candles at the stupid Wal-Mart?"

Leon just stared blankly at the Wal-Mart sign above the electronic doors. "Uh...Well, at least we know we'll be going home to see our families again."

"I have no family! You always remind me about that!"

"I'm sorry. Uh...Here." Leon took some change out of his pocket and handed them to Krauser. "Now go somewhere."

"Oh, alright." Krauser walked over to the vending machines to get a soda.

Leon took a deep breath. "I'm going in! Krauser! Cover me!"

"Whatever."

Leon ran through the doors as they opened themselves and screeched to a halt when he was inside. "Ah...I made it..." He took out his radio and turned it on. "Krauser. This is Leon. Can you hear me? Krauser?"

"Yeah, I hear ya." Came Krauser's voice.

"So...Are ya coming in?"

"In a minute. I'm trying to see how long I can ride this horse when I shove all the quarters in the slot at once."

"Fine then! I don't need you, Krauser!" Leon shoved the radio back into his pocket and began the VERY long walk to the aisle with the scented candles.

He walked for what seemed like hours until he finally reached the scented candle aisle.

"Alright, you stupid lavender scented candles, I'm gonna buy you and then I'm gonna fart on you so it'll smell bad when President Graham burns you."

Leon searched up and down the aisle for minutes, looking for some lavender scented candles, but found none.

"Damn!"

"I am SO bored." Krauser said as the mechanical horse kept moving.

A line had formed for a ride on the mechanical horse and the little kids were getting very cranky and fidgety like all little kids do when they have to wait.

"Mommy, tell that man to get off!" The little girl at the front of the line whined to her mother.

"Sir, would you please get off that horse so my daughter can get on?"

"Up yours, lady!" Krauser snapped.

"Don't yell at my mommy!" The little girl snapped back.

"Don't yell at a man older and sexier than you ever will be!"

"You're not sexy! Your face is covered in yucky scars!"

"You wanna take this outside, little girl?"

"We ARE outside, mister!"

"Uh...Up yours, you stupid little baby!"

The little girl's mother gasped. "How dare you talk to my daughter that way! Come on, sweetie. We're going to the Wal-Mart down the road." She took the little girl's hand and walked away.

The little girl looked over her shoulder at Krauser and stuck her tongue out at him while Krauser mimicked her.

After another ten minutes of searching the whole store, Leon gave up.

"That's it! I'm going to Target!" He declared as he headed for the exit. "Stupid Wal-Mart has EVERYTHING except for stupid lavender scented candles."

As he exited the store, he noticed Krauser was still riding the mechanical horse.

"Krauser, are you still riding that dumb horse? How long has it been? Ten minutes? Maybe eleven?"

"Twenty." Krauser replied. "You've been in there a LONG time so I was tempted to steal money from the old and continue to ride this horse."

"Well, get off. We're going to Target."

"Finally." Krauser got off the horse while it was still moving and rubbed his ass. "My ass is so numb from just sitting here."

"Then stop complaining about it and come on!" Leon waved his hand as a signal for Krauser to follow him.

They both had to walk only a few feet because Target was right next to Wal-Mart.

"Isn't that convenient? Target right next to Wal-Mart?" Krauser asked. "Wonder who's getting more business."

"Target if they have lavender scented candles. Let's go, Krauser."

The men walked into the store cautiously, acting like something was going to attack them at any moment.

"Leon, let's split up."

Leon nodded and searched one half of the store while Krauser searched the other.

Leon's radio cackled as Krauser's voice came through with good news.

"Leon, I found them!" He said.

"Are you sure they're lavender scented?"

"Duh!"

"Are you sure they're a lavender color?"

"Duh!"

"Are you sure they-"

"Yes, I'm damn sure they're what the President wants! Meet me at the cash register."

"Roger."

"It's Jack! Or Krauser. Which ever way you want to slice it."

Krauser tapped his foot impatiently as he waited for Leon to get there.

"Where the hell is he?"

He sighed in relief when he finally saw Leon make his way over to the line to the cash register.

"How long have you been waiting here?" Leon asked as he eyed the items the old lady in front of Krauser had with a hint of fear in his voice. There were just so many things there.

"Um..." Krauser took a quick glance at his watch. "Almost ten minutes. You should've been here sooner than that. What were you doing in the meantime?"

"Nothing...I was just staring at women's cans."

"Oh, brother."

"God, that old lady has so many things she wants to buy. Do you think she's related to Bill Gates?"

Krauser snorted. "I doubt it. She looks like she's related to that guy I hate."

"What guy?"

"You know. That guy. He thinks he's such a pretty boy and he thinks he's all that, but he's not. In fact, he's standing right beside me."

Leon glared daggers at Krauser when he realized Krauser was talking about him. "It's not my fault I'm sexy!"

"I'm sexy, too, you know!"

"Not really. Maybe if you got some of that scar stuff to get rid of those scars then maybe you would, but until then you're ugly!"

"Screw you!"

"Next person in line, please." The cashier said.

Krauser put the candles on the conveyer belt thing while Leon pulled out his wallet.

"You won't believe the hell I went through just to get these stupid candles." Leon said as he checked to make sure he had his credit cards and his money.

"Well, that's life." The cashier giggled a little bit, then her eyes went wide. "Oh, my God! I know who you are! You're that guy I saw on TV while the President was giving a boring speech. I only watched it because of you."

"Uh...thank you, I think."

"Since you're so close to the President, you can have them for free."

"Wow, thanks." Leon was surprised that just being close to the President could get you some lavender scented candles for free. "Come on, Krauser."

The two men headed for the exit.

"Wait, I need to take off that thing that turns on the alarms!" The cashier cried.

RING!

Too late.

"Run, Krauser!" Leon cried as the alarms suddenly went off.

"Excellent job, gentlemen." President Graham said as he took the candles from Leon. "Ah...My beautiful candles. I must sniff you!" The instant he took a whiff off the candles, his eyes grew wide and he chucked them across the room.

"What'd you do that for!" Krauser asked.

"Where did you get those candles?"

"Target, why?'

"I wanted the ones from Pier 1, not from Target!"

"Well why the hell didn't you tell us!" Leon asked.

"I thought you knew!" The President sighed. "I guess I have to send Ashley on this one."

"We're going back to the game room."

Leon and Krauser left the Oval Office.

So, how was that? I sort of got the inspiration wondering of how well Leon and Krauser got along when they were "comrades." Hope you liked it cuz there are more chapters coming whether you like it or not. By the way, I'm sorry if Leon and Krauser are a little out of character.