This, Roy Mustang decided, had to be the very definition of awkward.

Maybe it was the fact that he was standing in the doorway wearing only his boxers and t-shirt. Maybe it was the way that Fullmetal’s eyes had widened in shock from where the boy stood outside in the hall, a look of both intense surprise and pain on his face.

Maybe it was the fact that the doorway in question belonged to none other than one Riza Hawkeye, who was nowhere to be seen.

Roy glared at Ed.

Ed glared at Roy.

Roy shifted awkwardly from one foot to another, and then folded his arms over his chest defensively. “Is there something I can help you with, Fullmetal?”

Ed looked at him like he was a crazy person, apt to go off at the first wrong word or loud noise.

“I came to give…a report…to…the Lieutenant...” Ed began haltingly, sweating profusely, his cheeks red with anger and embarrassment. “She said I could drop it by before I left in the morning,” he explained.

“Did she,” said the Colonel, his usually collected face twitching in a rather alarming manner that Ed normally would have found amusing.

If the Colonel hadn’t been standing in his subordinate’s apartment in his boxers, that is. Ed clutched the reports tighter in his hand.

Roy disentangled one of his arms and scratched the back of his head, unsure what possible explanation he could offer Edward. Somehow, he didn’t think “just happened to over for a cup of coffee” was going to cut it.

Ed could be pretty stupid sometimes, but he wasn’t that dense.

A few moments passed by in tense, uncomfortable silence, neither quite sure what he was expected to do next.

Luckily, a certain Colonel’s absence had become quite apparent to Riza Hawkeye, who couldn’t imagine what was keeping him so long in answering a knock at the door.

“Roy Mustang,” she called imperatively, padding through her apartment in slippered feet, “How long does it take to answer the—”

Riza stopped in her tracks. Roy and Edward were standing on either side of doorway. Ed, out in the hall, looked at the Lieutenant with a mix of mortification and shock; Roy had turned his head to face hers and fixed a look upon her that was half embarrassed glare, half plea for help.

For all her stern warnings and discipline, the Lieutenant couldn’t help it. She smiled.

“Hello, Edward,” she began, stepping forward to join her Colonel in the doorway.

“Hello, Lieutenant Hawkeye,” Ed replied rather mechanically, his voice shaky.

“Fullmetal came here to…give you a report…,” Roy managed to spit out, his eyes now set on Riza.

Riza smiled again, a little wider. “I’d forgotten about that…thank you, Ed, for remembering. I was going to have to bother you in the morning about it.”

“No problem,” Ed mumbled.

Roy scratched the back of his head again.

“I’d invite you in for some tea, but it’s late, and I know you and Al will want to get an early start tomorrow,” she continued, her tone as unperturbed as usual.

“Thanks,” Ed said, though the look on his face indicated that having tea with Colonel Mustang was the last thing he wanted to do right now…especially when tea entailed, among other things, his superior officer in boxers.

“Well,” Riza said slowly, looking from one face to the other, “Was there anything else?”

“NO,” both Roy and Ed answered loudly.

Riza sighed. “Goodnight then, Edward.”

“Goodnight, Lieutenant…” Edward said automatically. Then, he muttered a cold “Mustang.”

“Fullmetal,” Roy returned curtly.

Ed turned slowly, and walked in the other direction as fast as he could.

Roy stepped inside, shutting the door behind him and staring at his subordinate.

Riza smiled sweetly at him.

Finally, Roy croaked, in a slightly shell-shocked voice, “You couldn’t have warned me that something like that might happen? And what if Ed decides to…spread things around headquarters, or—”

“He won’t,” said Riza dismissively.

“You sound pretty confident about that.”

“I am confident,” she replied.

“But—”

Riza looked at him. “Would you like to sleep on the couch tonight, Roy?”

Roy’s eyes widened. “No,” he said quickly.

“Then trust me,” she continued with a slight smirk on her face. “Edward Elric would rather die than willingly admit to having seen his superior officer in boxers.”