Chapter 8: Secrets & Revelations

2:00 Friday afternoon – Logan walked in the school’s main office and nodded hello to Wallace before walking straight into Clemmons’ office. Logan was arrogant enough to not even think about waiting for Clemmons or anyone else to come get him and take him to the office. There were some things about his years as a popular 09er with parents whose ass Clemmons kissed that would probably never going to go away.

“Hey Van, how’s it going this week?” Logan asked with a smirk.

“Don’t call me that. Your smart mouth is going to get you in even more trouble. I would think someone in your position would make more of an effort not to rock the boat,” Clemmons said resigned.

“Sorry sir, I felt like we had become friends. I mean these weekly visits are the highlight of my week I guess I thought they meant as much to you as they do to me. Obviously I was mistaken,” Logan said in his most offended tone.

“Just give me the slip to sign already,” Clemmons snapped. Flipping open Logan’s file he double checked to make sure Logan had not skipped any school or gotten in any trouble this last week, before signing the report for Logan’s probation officer. “If I’d known that being forced to report to a probation officer every week would keep you in class and out of trouble, I would have begged them to make you report there a long time ago.”

“See, I knew you cared. I knew deep down these visits meant as much to you as they do to me,” Logan grinned with his hands over his heart. “The love you give your students is overwhelming.” Snatching back the form, Logan tucked it in his notebook and headed for the door. “I look forward to doing this again next week Van.”

From the office he heard Clemmons yell, “Don’t call me Van!” With a quick wink at the secretary standing in the hall trying not to laugh, Logan headed for the parking lot.

2:17 – Logan made his weekly stop at the 7-11 on his way downtown. Once inside he grabbed his usual Dr. Pepper, bottled water and sunflower seeds. “Hey Raul,” he called out, “where’s the peppered beef jerky?”

“Sorry Logan, we’re out today. I should be getting more later in the week.”

Clearly disappointed, Logan looked around before adding a bag of chips and an energy bar to his stash. “You got a paper bag you could put that all in?”

“Sure Logan. Why do you want a bag?”

“Someone’s following me. Just in case, it’s the paparazzi, I thought I’d drive those guys nuts trying to figure what I could have bought.” Raul grinned back at him and gave him his purchases.

Logan knew it was Veronica following him and after everything she had done to him this week it was his turn to have a little fun. He knew she’d go nuts speculating on what he could have bought. He had thought about buying a drink and taking it out to her but he hated to spoil her fun.

2:22 - Getting back in his X-Terra, he had an idea of how to have a little more fun at her expense. Picking up his phone, he made a quick call. “Hey Jack, I need to make a quick stop before I get there. I’m going to be a few minutes late. I won’t even be 10 minutes late. I promise I’ll explain when I get there.”

He stopped a few blocks away and went into an adult book store. ‘I bet she’s having a fit right now. She’s probably figuring I’m in here buying porn.’ Grinning to himself, Logan admired his acquisitions and wondered if Veronica would laugh or beat him to death when she saw what he really bought. He was on his way again in less than ten minutes.

2:50 - He parked next to one of the municipal buildings and rushed inside. He had less than 5 minutes to make it to Jack’s office before the 10 minutes Jack granted him was up. The guard, George, saw Logan come running in and called, “Hey Logan, you’re late today. Jack’s not gonna be happy.”

“Hey George, I called him and cleared it but I only have about 2 minutes to get up there before my time is up. Hey, if a tiny little blonde comes through here looking for me could you tell her you haven’t seen me?”

“Sure. Is she pretty? Why are you hiding from a girl?”

“Very hot, I’m playing a little joke on her. Thanks G. I’ll catch you later,” Logan called out as he leaped up the stairs two at a time. Arriving at the probation office, he signed in at the desk and waved at the staff milling around before he entered Jack’s office.

Not even looking up when he walked in the room, Jack said, “You just made it Logan. So now do you want to explain what you had to do that was so important.”

“Sorry Jack, I promise I’ll be on time next week. Someone was following me so I decided to have a little fun with her to teach her a lesson.”

“Was it the paparazzi?” Jack frowned concernedly.

“The paparazzi wouldn’t be so tenacious. It was Veronica Mars.”

“Ah. The infamous Ms. Mars I hear so much about. Why is she following you? What did you do to her?”

“She’s apparently finally figured out that I leave early on Fridays so I imagine she’s trying to figure out why. I didn’t actually do anything to her. I just made a little stop by the adult bookstore and bought her a little gift while I was inside,” he smirked.

Shaking his head, Jack couldn’t help but laugh. Sometimes Logan was a handful. “Come on smart guy, you can tell me what you bought her after we do your test.”

While they filled out the weekly papers, Logan let Jack in on Veronica’s present and his plan to give it to her. After all these months of listening to Logan talk about Veronica, Jack felt like he knew her. As Logan was leaving, Jack shouted after him, “She’s gonna kill you when she opens that present.”

Popping his head back in Jack’s office, Logan leered, “Maybe she’ll use the gift to do it!”

3:25 - Logan came running out of the building and hopped back in his SUV and headed for his next stop. Parking at a medical complex thirty minutes later, he got out and sprinted for the building. Billy was going to kick his ass if he was late. He learned quickly that one didn’t dare be late unless he wanted a ten minute lecture on courtesy and time management. He got enough lectures from her without giving her added ammunition.

Billy noted that he was more agitated than usual this week as he paced around the room, periodically picking up objects. She watched silently as he picked up a book from the shelf then put it right back down, a paperweight he tossed from hand to hand, a pen twirled between his fingers. He at last stopped pacing and went to stand by the window, peeking out of her shades.

“Come here,” he commanded. She just looked at him with her head tilted and wondered if he really thought she’d respond to his order. “Will you please come over here?” he asked with an eye roll. “You keep asking about Veronica, well I’m going to give you a chance to see her.”

Billy admitted to herself that she was very interested. She thought Veronica would be a fascinating study if someone ever got the opportunity. Curious as to what Logan was up to, she joined him at the window. Pointing outside, “See the little blonde next to the taupe colored Escape?” At her nod, Logan continued, “That’s Veronica.”

“Why is she outside? Why didn’t she come in with you?”

“I’m not supposed to know she’s out there.” A small smile tilted his mouth. He then told her the story about Veronica following him, the stop at the bookstore…the whole spiel. When he was done, Billy just looked at him and shook her head. There really wasn’t much she could say about it.

“Now, explain to me why you are so agitated today. I don’t think it all has to do with Veronica being outside.”

He took a deep breath and then exhaled loudly, “I’ve thought about what you asked me last week. And…I’ll do it. I’ll go see Aaron.”

“Are you positive you want to do it? Remember, this is totally up to you. We don’t want to force you into something you don’t want.” She thought he looked nauseous but he nodded his consent. “OK then. When you stop by to see Cliff, tell him what you’ve decided and he can get started on setting up the visit. I know you don’t want to do this Logan but I really do think in the long run, it’ll be for the best.”

“You’re most likely right. Though I can’t help but feel like I’m in the path of some giant boulder that’s biding its time before it crushes me.”

For the next part of the session they talked about what his decision would mean, what to expect, the procedures, how to prepare, how to cope with the things Aaron might say or do. Billy knew the thought of going to visit Aaron was upsetting Logan to the point he could hardly stand still, but she thought Veronica was probably contributing to the high level of agitation. When they were done talking about the visit, she asked him if there was anything else on his mind.

He hesitated while trying to decide if he should bring it up but finally decided he had to talk to somebody. “Veronica. She’s crazy and this last week she’s been trying to send me over the edge with her.”

“Crazy is not a term I like to use. I prefer…a little unstable. Now tell me what she did to you,” Billy inquired.

“OK. It all started last Saturday when she showed up at my house to thank me for the birthday presents. She practically assaulted me in the foyer.” Logan went on to describe the encounter in the foyer, his dip in the pool, Veronica’s subsequent breakdown. It was evident he was highly distressed. His voice kept getting higher as he described the day’s events. “I didn’t know what the hell to do with her. I finally took her home and left her there with her dad’s girlfriend.”

“What did you do after you left her place?” she prompted.

A blush bloomed across his cheeks and he looked at the floor. “I stopped and bought a bottle of Patron Tequila and went home.”

Though she wasn’t sure she wanted the answer she asked, “Did you drink it?”

“No. I stared at it for a couple of hours and thought about how desperately I wanted to drink it. I never even broke the seal. I knew if I even smelled it, I’d drink it.”

“What did you do with it?”

“Veronica’s dad showed up, probably to kill me, but I must have appeared too pathetic to bother. When he left, he took it with him.”

“Would you have drunk the tequila if her dad hadn’t shown up and taken the bottle?”

Would he have? Logan huffed out a breath while he thought over the question. “I don’t know for sure but…no…I really don’t think I would have. I don’t want to screw up my probation after I’ve already made it this long.”

“Is that it? You don’t want to screw up your probation? No other reason?”

“I’m finally getting control of my life and I don’t want to give that up. And if Veronica found out I left her crying to go get drunk, she’d kick my ass.”

“What did Veronica’s dad say to you?”

“Surprisingly, he took the news of my arrest and probation without freaking out. He told me he didn’t have anything against me. He even acknowledged that Veronica was a big girl who could make her own choices and she wants me.”

“Do you believe that she wants you?” Billy asked curiously.

“Yeah…I guess…at least physically. If she doesn’t, she’s doing a superior imitation of someone who does. All week she’s been kissing me, touching me, telling the other guys at lunch I’m in love with her, bending down so I get a really nice look down her shirt. If her skirts get any shorter and the tops show any more cleavage, she’s going to be arrested…or I will, when I deck the guys for staring at her. I was about ready to throw a damn blanket around her today. Every guy at lunch was staring at her like she was an option on the menu!” Logan glowered, clearly upset as he remembered the other boys checking her out.

Billy couldn’t help but let out a small laugh (she quickly tried to cover it as a cough) at his last statement. Veronica was clearly causing their boy to become unhinged.

“Oh sure, go ahead and laugh. It’s really fuckin’ funny when it’s not you being tormented. But I’m telling you, the human body was not designed to take this kind of suffering. If she keeps this up, I can’t be held responsible for what I do.”

“You’re right. It’s not funny, I shouldn’t have laughed. I don’t know what to tell you other than you need to have a talk with her about your feelings. You need to ask yourself if you are really ready to have sex with her.” Logan looked at her disbelievingly. “I’m not talking about physically. I know you’re ready for that part of it, I’m talking about emotionally. You might not be a virgin but for all intents and purposes Veronica is. Physically that barrier may be gone but emotionally it’s still in place. With no memory of what happened, she has no idea what to really expect or feel. She may think she’s ready but in actuality when it comes down to actually doing it, she may not be. And you are going to have to respect that and be willing and able to pull back should she say no.”

Logan dropped his head in his hands and groaned. Scrubbing his hands over his face and hair, he wondered how he got himself in these situations.

Walking to the elevator a million thoughts were going through his head. He thought about everything they’d talked about and wondered what he was going to do. As he approached the exit, he caught a glimpse of his expression in one of the mirrors in the lobby. If he walked outside with this anxious expression on his face, Veronica would probably come running across the parking lot to interrogate him and he was not up to dealing with her right now.

5:05 - Logan put on his Oakley sunglasses and forced a happy expression on his face. He even started whistling as a way to keep the anxious expression from returning. Once he was inside his SUV with the tinted windows he dropped his head on the seat and the anxiety was back on his face. He really just wanted to go home and hide out but he still had two more stops to make.

5:27 – He parked outside the rundown building that held Cliff’s office. He didn’t stop there every week but Cliff had some paperwork for him to sign and he needed him to start on arranging the visit. As a general rule, Logan hated lawyers but if he was going to be forced to deal with one and pay the guy, he would just as soon it was an upright guy and Cliff met his definition of one.

He had been shocked when his father’s lawyer, Barry, had shown up at the house a few days after Aaron’s arraignment to discuss financial matters. For reasons Logan still didn’t quite comprehend, it turned out Aaron had stashed millions of dollars in Swiss and Cayman banks under Logan and Trina’s names. Knowing Aaron it wasn’t for altruistic reasons but more likely to hide it in case of possible lawsuits, a divorce or even tax reasons. The Kanes had filed suit against Aaron and the court was expected to rule on freezing his assets any day now. Barry felt it would be best for Logan and Trina to claim the money and get it far away from Aaron’s assets. Trina had immediately taken her money and headed for the Caribbean where according to the tabloids she was living the high life.

Logan had thanked Barry and then called Cliff for advice on the best way to handle it. Cliff had made immediate arrangements for an emancipation hearing so Logan could legally claim the money and be out from Aaron’s control. He wasn’t sure what strings Cliff pulled but he was an emancipated minor less than two weeks later. After the hearing, Cliff arranged for the money to be moved to banks in the U.S. He also suggested Logan run a check to make sure that there wasn’t any more money hidden. He was able to find two more accounts. Logan was there today to sign the papers necessary to have the remaining money transferred. He laughed every time he thought about Aaron’s reaction would be when he found out. For once, Aaron’s sleazy actions would benefit Logan.

5:53 - He came out of Cliff’s and drove to the grocery store. He couldn’t say he enjoyed grocery shopping but he liked eating and Mrs. Navarro wouldn’t shop so there wasn’t much of a choice.

7:02 – He arrived home and unloaded all of his bags. When he looked out a few minutes later, he was relieved to see Veronica had left. He wondered if Veronica had found any of the answers she was searching for today. Knowing her, she’d probably be by tomorrow to interrogate him.

In Logan’s opinion, the weekend was about two steps away from hell. He had known Veronica would show up, so he kept an eye trained on the gate so he could buzz her in immediately. Catching her unaware would be his only hope of keeping her off track.

He was on edge due to lack of sleep and everything he’d talked about with Billy. Evading her attempts to find out what he was up to on Fridays took entirely too much of his concentration. He should probably just tell her but he wasn’t ready to talk to her about it right now. He needed some more time to process everything.

When Billy had mentioned the emotional part of sex and Veronica being a virgin in every way but the physical sense, it was like being hit by a train. He never gave much thought to the emotional aspect. Sex was sex. He was long past being a virgin and Lilly hadn’t been emotional about the whole thing. It was simply a fact of life and something she enjoyed. He didn’t think Veronica was really the hearts, flowers, and teddy bear type anymore but she deserved to have it be special and memorable. He had unintentionally robbed her of the first time she should have experienced. He wanted to make sure got everything she deserved the second time.

When he suggested a workout on Sunday he had thought it would be a good way to distract him and share something with her that he enjoyed. He wondered just how many times in his life he could be that badly mistaken.

He enjoyed watching her work up a sweat a little too much. Afterwards, standing there dripping sweat, she snapped a towel at him so he tackled her but made sure that he turned so he hit the mat and she landed on top of him. His plan was to tickle her until she begged for mercy. She promptly destroyed that plan when she bent down and kissed him. Tongues busy in each other’s mouths, they rolled around on the mat until he finally settled between her thighs. When she wrapped her legs around his and pushed up against him, he lost all ability to think rationally. The only thought running through his mind was shoving down their shorts so he could bury himself inside of her. He could already feel her wet heat enveloping him.

He was slipping his hand in her shorts to touch her when Mrs. Navarro yelled up the stairs to let Veronica know Keith was on the phone. A girl he teased in the sixth grade once kneed him in the groin. The pain of that paled in comparison. After practically leaping off of her he lay on the mat with one arm thrown over his eyes groaning and cursing. He wondered what she would think if he started crying.

Veronica had yelled something back at the housekeeper and reached out to touch him. “Please don’t touch me,” he whispered huskily. She tried to say something else but he waved at hand at her, begging her to be quiet. The sound of her voice sent vibrations straight through his painfully hard cock. He knew she was equally frustrated and could hear the tears in his voice but he couldn’t bring himself to offer her comfort. He told her to go call Keith back and then all but crawled from his state-of-the-art gym and into the shower. He was unable to stop himself from relieving his hard-on but he was still pale and achy when he got out.

When he saw her next, she had also taken a shower and her eyes were red and puffy. He wanted to hold her but he knew if he touched her they would be right back on the floor or against the wall…any position that would allow him to undress her enough to bury his cock inside of her. After a short, awkward conversation he sent her home so he could wallow in peace.

Monday Logan nearly got down on his knees to thank the Gods when Veronica showed up in jeans and a long sleeved shirt that did not reveal excessive cleavage. If she had shown up in another skirt and cleavage revealing shirt, he was afraid he would have curled up on the floor whimpering in pain. They hadn’t had time to exchange more than a quick hello that morning so he was looking forward to spending time with her at lunch.

He saw her strolling across the courtyard only to be cut off by Duncan. ‘I’m watching her, not them. I just want to know when she’s heading over here. It has nothing to do with jealousy,’ he assured himself. His eyes narrowed dangerously when he saw Duncan grab her arm. She looked distressed but he knew she would get pissed if he came over there and played the caveman. He knew she was supremely capable of taking care of herself but he still had to fight the urge to run over there and whisk her away.

Cassidy and Wallace turned around to see what was obviously pissing him off. “Shit,” Wallace muttered. “Will that guy just take a hint?”

Logan looked sharply over to Wallace. “What do you mean?”

“She told that guy this summer that she had no interested in dating him. He kept pushing until she finally quit taking his calls altogether. I offered to kick his ass but she wouldn’t let me.” All three boys glared at the scene unfolding before them.

Logan could tell from their expressions and the body language that the scene had become intense. When the boys saw her reach out and smack Duncan there was a chorus of, “Holy shit, damn that had to hurt, son of a bitch!”

Logan leaped out of his seat and swiftly marched in their direction. When they met up, he put his hands on her shoulders trying to calm her, “What happened? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. We just had a disagreement. Can we please just go sit down and eat lunch?” He wanted to press further but seeing how upset she was he let it pass for the moment. He thought about confronting Duncan to get the story from him but knew she’d be pissed if he went behind her back. He would wait until he was able to get the details out of her before he decided whether or not to kick Duncan’s ass. Putting his arm around her shoulders, he led her back to their table.

By the time Friday got there, Logan felt like he was being crushed under a tidal wave. Everything just kept rushing at him, wave after wave of emotion drowning him. He had all but given up on sleep as anything more than a vague concept. The rare times he did fall asleep, he was plagued by nightmares. Sometimes he dreamed of his father attacking him, attacking Veronica, and killing Lilly…other times he dreamed of Veronica screaming at him that he murdered Lilly, of Lilly blaming him. Most nights he would wake in a cold sweat. The first night he tried to go back to sleep but ended up laying there watching the moonlight peaking through the shades, listening to the automatic sprinklers kick on, to the odd noises houses always make at night. The ticking of the stupid grandfather clock Aaron had put in the hall was in rhythm with his heartbeat. The second night he didn’t even try to go back to sleep; instead, he went to lift weights. His jaw was set firmly, as he concentrated on his routine, he would momentarily be free of these disturbing, and destructive thoughts.

As horrible as all of those other dreams were the worst was the one where he dreamt of Veronica trapped in the freezer and unable to escape in time. That night he woke up screaming and had to call her to reassure himself she was alive. It had been after 3 in the morning but he had to know she was ok. He called her cell phone so Keith wouldn’t hear him call. When she’d answered, her voice sleepy and soft, his heart was able to start beating again. He told her he just wanted to hear her voice and to go back asleep. Given that she was still most of the way asleep, she murmured agreement and hung up. He hopped in the shower after that hoping to cleanse his mind as easily as he did his body.

After he exited Clemmons’ office Friday afternoon, he headed for the parking lot. He could see her already sitting in the Escape, resolve set on her face, hands clenched on the wheel…awaiting his arrival on the scene. She was so damn hot when she was immersed in detective mode! He almost hated to deny her the thrill of the chase but he was tired of game playing. Their constant need to one up the other, try to keep things inside, was no small part of their problem. If they were going to have any kind of relationship, all the cards needed to be on the table. Taking a breath he prepared to make his grand entrance on the stage. Sneaking around the side, he faked calm as he opened the door with a flourish. “Ready, Sugarpuss?”

He had to turn his head and clamp his lips together when he reached for the seatbelt to keep himself from laughing at her reaction. In spite of everything that could potentially go wrong, this could be an entertaining afternoon. Teeth clenched, she sighed and they moved on their way.

He hoped she wouldn’t leave him stranded there as he entered the 7-11. “Hey Raul,” he called out, “any peppered beef jerky?”

With a big smile Raul pulled it from behind the counter. “I saved some for you.”

After picking up some drinks, he made his way back to Veronica impatiently waiting in the lot, fingers tapping on the wheel. She begrudgingly took the water from his hand. He was rather relieved she picked the plastic water bottle. At least if she lost control and hit him over the head it wouldn’t do the damage the glass bottled ice tea would. After pulling out he informed her he did not need to make the next stop this week, to just head downtown. He could see her squirm at the mention of the bookstore. He couldn’t wait to give her his little gift.

“What in the hell are you up to Echolls?” He checked the timer on his watch and he was surprised to see that she had held out so long. This had to be a new record for her. As they drove he explained that since she was going to stalk him, the least he could do was save her the trouble of keeping up. “I’m actually surprised it took you this long to notice I left on Fridays. I’ve been expecting you for a good month now.” With that they arrived at the next stop.

As he exited the car he noticed she made no move to follow. He walked over and opened her door. Taking her hand they entered the building. He loved the feel of her tiny hand tucked in his. He felt like she was somehow transferring a small portion of her strength to him through their entwined fingers. He would never admit it but it was nice to finally have someone there beside him. After exchanging pleasantries with George, he tugged a dumbfounded Veronica up the stairs.

This was the moment he had been dreading. As he tugged her toward the probation office he could see the expression of disbelief enter her eyes. He could feel those same eyes boring into him as he signed in and said his weekly hellos. They made their way down the hall to Jack’s office.

“Logan. Good to see you made it without having to make any extra stops this week. Who is the pretty young lady with you?”

Logan rolled his eyes. ‘I talk about Veronica every week. Then, I show up here holding a girl’s hand, who does he think it could be?’ Hoping to draw upon her strength he lightly squeezed Veronica’s hand. ‘Here goes pal…your moment of truth has arrived.’

“No extra stops needed this week. Jack this is Veronica Mars. Veronica, this is Jack Coleman…my probation officer.” There it was, the truth was out there, consequences be damned. ‘Whoever said confession was good for the soul was full of shit! Maybe I should take out a billboard. Hi my name is Logan and I’m a screw up.’

“You’re on Probation? For what?” Veronica exclaimed.

‘Wow, Mars way to state the obvious! What kind of detective are you? I would have thought the words Probation Office on the door would have been a clue. Did she think I come here for the fun and games? This is certainly not the time to get snarky Echolls. You’ve got some ‘splainin’ to do Lucy!’

“Your buddy Leo busted me for being drunk and disorderly and resisting arrest last summer. Now, if you’ll have a seat, Jacky boy here and I have to go in another room so I can piss in a cup and he can watch to make sure it’s really me doing it. Jack here has agreed to let you read the arrest record while we’re gone if you want the details.” Leaving the room Logan wanted to smack himself upside the head. ‘That was a party killer. Was I on crack when I allowed her to come here? Did I think she was going to get turned on by the fact I have to piss in front of another guy every week? Good one Echolls, you’re a friggin’ mastermind.’

He could barely keep his mind on the questions Jack asked, for trying to determine her frame of mind. ‘What thoughts are going through that pretty little head? Is she trying to figure out how fast to dump my ass?’ She was better at masking emotions than he was. A match made in heaven. He nearly smirked at the thought.

She waited till they were back in the car to speak. “Why didn’t you tell me? Didn’t you trust me to understand?” Ahh…trust or the lack thereof…it was the issue that haunted their relationship more than Lilly, Aaron, and Duncan combined. It was the one thing that could sink their chance of getting an honest shot at happiness.

He tried to gauge her mind-set but all he could see was the doubt creeping into her eyes. He tried to explain his thoughts but felt he was coming off as more of an ass by the second. “Can we get going? I can’t be late to my next appointment or it’ll involve a 10 minute lecture about courtesy and the importance of time management. Believe me, it’s not a speech I need to hear again.”

The silence hung in the air like a fog smothering the city as they drove. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever been around Mars this long without her talking. That can’t possibly be a good sign. I knew I should have just kept my mouth shut. I’ve royally screwed this up. To top it off now I have to go sit with Billy who already thinks, hell she knows, I’m cracked. Whoever coined the phrase “thank god it’s Friday” never had Fridays like this!’

As they made their way to Billy’s office Veronica remained silent. He could feel his strength waning as he noted the lack of the hand he had held just a short time before. As he introduced the two he noticed Veronica eyeing Billy strangely. ‘Did I just see a hint of jealousy in her eyes? This is great…she thinks I’m hot for my therapist. Billy is beautiful but the woman thinks I’m nuts and lectures me like a mother. ‘It’s kind of an attraction killer.’ Rubbing his forehead at the pain he felt building there, he wondered if this could go any worse. He was snapped back to reality by Billy calling his name.

As he showed Veronica to the waiting room he decided to give her an easy out. “You don’t have to wait here. I’m going to be in there for a good hour. I can just grab a cab when I’m done.”

“I’m not going anywhere Logan. I think it’s great that you’re getting help. What made you decide to go into therapy?”

Wow! That was not the reaction he had been expecting. His heart was beating so fast he was afraid he was going to pass out. Did she really say what he thought she did? His vocal cords froze and he felt like they were strangling him. It took him a few tries to get the words out. “It wasn’t really my choice. This is another condition of my probation. If I do the therapy and attend the probation meetings for 9 months, the judge will dismiss all the charges. Seemed like a pretty good deal at the time. Cliff told me I should take it and shut up.”

His mention of Cliff took her off on a whole other tangent. He could feel the tension in his shoulders dissipate as he explained how Cliff had become involved and how he hadn’t wanted to use Aaron’s attorneys for fear of them ratting on him.

He could feel some of the wounds on his heart heal at her next words. “I should have come to see you. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help you.” Those words forced him to acknowledge that he needed her in his life and her feelings were real. She was not there out of some foolish sense of guilt or obligation. If he pushed her away now his heart would never survive.

He knew deep down that had she offered last summer he would have turned her away. He had needed to that time alone to prove to himself that he was capable of standing on his own. “No need to be sorry. I wouldn’t have taken your help at that point if you’d offered.”

Reaching out for her hands he took them and kissed her forehead. Her skin was so soft and sweet against his lips. He caught a quick whiff of her perfume. It was a clean, crisp scent that reminded him of the Irish coastline. Remembering the beauty and wildness of it he thought the scent complemented her well. “You’re here now. That’s all that really matters.”

“So…that’s the infamous Veronica Mars. She’s a very pretty girl. I get the feeling she doesn’t like me though.”

“Uh, I wouldn’t take it personally. I don’t think she’s real comfortable around therapists. What's more she was a little upset with me when we got here.”

Billy noticed that Logan’s would glance at her for just a second and then his eyes were off darting around the room. She knew he wasn’t that interested in the pictures of lighthouses adorning her walls. His refusal to look right at her was always a sign he wasn’t telling her something but she’d get back to that in a minute. “Has she had a bad experience with therapists?”

“Ummm. I know she wasn’t too fond of the counselor at school. Other than that I don’t know if she’s had much contact with any therapists.”

Billy knew he was hiding something she wasn’t sure what it was but she was tired of watching his eyes bounce around the room. “Logan. Logan! Look at me…at me not at the wall the ceiling or whatever…look at me.” Finally his eyes settled on her. “What aren’t you telling me?” He turned a faint shade of pink and mumbled something. “I can’t hear you when you mumble.”

“Uh...hmmm, I’m not sure but I think she was a little jealous.”

Billy sat back in her chair. That was not the answer she had been expecting. A small smile tugged at her lips. “Why would she be jealous?”

“I don’t think she was expecting a female therapist. She probably thought Billy was a guy’s name.”

“Didn’t you explain all this before you brought her here?”

“I didn’t exactly tell her where we were coming. She was getting ready to follow me again so I climbed in her car and told her where to drive.” He shuffled his feet and looked down at the floor, a signal of growing embarrassment.

“Basically, you hijacked her and dragged her along with you this afternoon without telling her a thing.”

“I guess if you want to get rudimentary that would sum it up.” His cockiness always returned swiftly.

“We’ve talked about this kind of thing before. You need to talk with people, not just move things around to suit your wants and needs.”

“I know. I’m trying to control that impulse but after 18 years it’s hard to change overnight.” He shrugged in acknowledgement.

“Try harder. Cliff said he has the meetings with Aaron and the district attorney set up for next Thursday. Are you ready for it?” she asked worriedly.

“Ready? No, but I’m not sure I ever will be. I don’t really see the point in talking to the district attorney. What good is hearing about what a bastard Aaron is supposed to help his case? It’s not like I have any evidence about he and Lilly.”

She was worried they may have pushed him into this too soon. He looked like he was going to be sick just thinking about it. “Maybe we should push the meetings back a few weeks. This doesn’t have to be done immediately. Or we could split the meetings up. It would probably be better if they weren’t on the same day.”

“No!” he exclaimed vehemently. “I want them done and I want them done as soon as possible. If I don’t do this now, I will never do it and I won’t separate the days. I’m not dragging this hell out any longer than necessary. After Thursday, I won’t have to deal with Aaron unless it’s to testify…and that includes having to dredge up old memories for the D.A.”

“OK. It’s strictly up to you. Have you thought about what you’re going to say to Aaron?”

He stretched out in the old leather chair feet in front of him, hands linked behind his head. “I thought I’d make sure he knows that I have my hands on all the money he stashed in my name. That should really frost him.” A small smile, the first since the session had started, tugged at his mouth. “Then, I thought I’d ask him if fucking my girlfriend was worth prison. I’d sure hate to think he ended up in jail for an average fuck.”

“There’s no need to be crude Logan. If you’re going only to taunt Aaron then there is really no point.”

“Taunting him is merely a fringe benefit. I want some answers. I need to know why he was such a bastard to me. I need to know why he had an affair with Lilly. I want to know if my mother knew…I need to know if that’s why she jumped off the bridge,” he finished softly.

They continued to talk for most of the session about what he was going to ask/tell Aaron. She offered some ideas of things to say and how to maintain a calm demeanor. “Don’t allow him to provoke you. He would only be trying to bait you. You need to distance yourself as much emotionally as you can from the situation. Try to act as much like an objective observer as you can. Treat this like a newspaper interview, nothing more.”

Logan wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to remain objective but he would give it his best shot. He hoped he would be able to step back and not let Aaron goad him into something stupid but he’d spent most of his life trying to piss Aaron off.

“Is Veronica going with you?”

‘Is she insane? Take my girlfriend to see my murderous father who tried to flambé her once already! That would make taking her to my probation and therapy appointments today look like a prom date.’ He shook his head sharply. “No. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want to exchange pleasantries with the man who tried to kill her once. Moreover, I haven’t even told her I’m going.”

Billy shook her head. “I wasn’t talking about taking her in the room with you. I was thinking more that having her waiting outside could be a comfort. I would really rather you didn’t go alone. You should at least ask her to meet you after you’ve finished with the D.A.,” she paused briefly. “Logan, I know you want to do this without involving Veronica or anyone else for that matter but you’re going to need someone to talk to when it’s over. She’s the only person in your life right now you’ll talk to.”

“I’ll tell her tonight about what I’m planning to do. I have a feeling we’re going to be having a very long talk on a plethora of subjects tonight.” He paused to grin wickedly, “I also need to give her the very special present I bought her last week.”

Walking back to Veronica’s Escape, he was relieved to once again be holding her hand. It was startling how something so small and soft could provide him with so much comfort.

Their next stop was Cliff’s. Veronica again waited in the lobby while he signed papers regarding his visit with Aaron next week. Cliff also informed him that the last money transfer had gone through and suggested the name of a financial advisor to consult. Cliff was trying to make sure Logan didn’t burn through his money within a few years like so many kids before. His business concluded with Cliff in about twenty minutes and then he and Veronica were on their way again.

She asked if he really had to stop at the grocery store or if he’d just done that knowing she was following him. When he answered, she seemed surprised by his response. “Friday is grocery shopping day and I like the market between Cliff’s and my place the best. They have the best produce.”

“You shop for produce? I would have thought Mrs. Navarro or one of the other staff would do the shopping.”

He explained that Mrs. Navarro and a few yardmen were the only staff left. He admitted that he only shopped because the housekeeper refused. He managed to sweet talk her into cooking a few nights a week but he couldn’t talk her into doing the actual shopping. “Mrs. Navarro and I work out a menu each week for the nights that she cooks and then she gives me a list of what I need to get at the store.”

Grocery shopping with Veronica was actually pleasurable. She taught him the proper way to pick out fruits and vegetables when he confessed that he usually just grabbed the ones that didn’t look too bruised or smell funky. She teased him mercilessly about his affinity for Cup O’ Noodles and Spaghettio’s. He in turn accused her of being a freak that gets off by feeling up fruits and vegetables. She threw a plum at his head in retaliation.

Once they arrived at Logan’s, he was pleasantly surprised when Veronica offered to cook dinner so Mrs. Navarro could go home early. During dinner, he opened up to her about what he’d learned from his therapy and probation. He admitted that he was thinking about staying in therapy even after he was released by the court. Privately, he confessed to himself he was afraid if he quit going he would backslide into being a royal screw up. And it was nice to have someone else show concern for him.

They went out on the patio after dinner to admire the stars. He wasn’t very taken aback when she asked him if she could visit the pool house. She explained that she needed to see it one more time to assure herself it was just a room, and not an evil place.

“We can go but there’s really nothing to see. I had the place gutted months ago.”

“Why did you do that?”

“After the cops were finished tearing the place apart, it was trashed. And what they didn’t trash, I did. I went in one day after therapy and lost it. I broke everything that wasn’t already broken, I shredded the sheets and the bed, I even busted the sliding glass doors,” he shrugged defensively.

He was surprised when she admitted that she could understand his reasons and admitted that she had also wanted to smash the TVs and cameras. He walked her over and flipped on the lights so she could see there was nothing left but a shell, not even the carpet. He found the empty white space rather comforting. All traces of Aaron and what happened there were erased.

“Thank you,” she said.

“For what?”

“For coming with me even though I know you really didn’t want to. For taking apart this place so it really is just a simple room, not some evil place.”

Walking back to the house, she asked, “So what business did Cliff arrange for you?” He tried to think of way around the truth. She must have known that he was contemplating a lie. She warned him, “Don’t lie to me Logan.” He gave in and told her that Cliff made arrangements for something Billy and everyone thought he should do.

“What is it they want you to do?”

“You aren’t going to like it.”

“Just tell me.”

He could feel the knots forming in his stomach just thinking about it. “They want me to give a statement to the district attorney about what Aaron is really like. And…and they want me to go visit Aaron.”