Confusion

Author’s notes: I TOLD you I would update this! I’m sorry it took so long, though. It’ll be easier to read now, though. And I’m changing ‘Zima’ to ‘Jima’, because… I simply cannot STAND calling him ‘Zima’. And Dita’s going to be a boy in this, because he’s just the most adorable little shota boy persocom, no?

Disclaimer: I really don’t see the point in these; you obviously KNOW that I’m not CLAMP. I don’t own this and I’m not getting any cash for these. I wish I was; though.

‘Tis Dita-chan’s POV, by the way. For this chapter, at least.

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"Dita, love, what're you thinking about?"

I hear his voice in my ear and jump, pulling myself from my thoughts. A snarl escapes my throat, and I turn to lightly glare at him.

"Nothing..It's none of your business." I say, my voice stern. I will never admit it. I was thinking of him. But he'll never know, not if I can help it, he won't.

He smiles; giving me that cocky grin that he knows pisses me off. "Its nothing and yet its none of my business? Why are you blushing?"

I growl and look away, trying to hide my red face. He laughs and lightly grabs my chin, so that I look at him again. "Aw," He says, pulling off my sunglasses to face his eyes, which are un-shielded as well. "Did I make you upset?" His voice mocks me.

"I can't BE upset. You know that.." I hiss, still blushing. If I don't have emotions, I think, How come his smile pisses me off? I confuse myself, and shake my head, trying to squirm away. But I can't. I am in Jima’s lap and his other hand is wrapped around my waist. I don't really want to move, in a way... I don't like this…It’s not fair…Being confused like this…

Jima laughs again and stands, leaving me on the ground. He’s still smiling with that mocking grin. Sometimes, I just want to smack that smile off his face.

I can't stand it. His cocky grin. His mocking voice as he teases me. His confident aura that surrounds him and me. His eyes when he tells me he loves me. Him accusing me of having feelings. The confusion that fills me whenever I think of him. I can't stand any of it. I hate it. I hate him. But this brings MORE confusion. I can't feel. So how can I hate? Do I really hate? I feel a pain in my chest. It hurts... Whenever I think about my hate for him, I hurt so much…

"Dita, love.." Jima starts again. Love. There it is again. The hate. And again, the pain.

It just hurts so much...

I stand, glaring at Jima. His sentence has been lost. He moves to hold me, but I step back, striking him across the face. His eyes widen as an emotion I know fills his features. Pain. Hurt. I've made him hurt.

His voice is full of sorrow as he says, "Dita..Why?"

I open my mouth to say something, anything. To apologize. To beg for forgiveness. Anything to keep him from hurting like I do.

But such feelings bring more pain. More hate, and the words that come from my lips are not the words I want to say.

"I...I hate you! I never want to be anywhere near you! I can't stand you!" I shout, clenching my fists in anger. How! How is this happening to me! I'm a persocom! I can't feel! So why do I hate him! Why does it hurt so much to hate him! WHY!

I look at Jima; his eyes are filled with liquid. I recognize these in my programming as tears. Tears. More emotion. He's hurting more..I've made him hurt more!

I don't want to hurt him anymore! I turn and run, jumping off the roof. I hear Jima shout, "Dita! Wait!" But I do not heed.

I'll go away. I'll leave so he won't have to hurt anymore…He wont be hurt if I'm not there!

I land on my feet. I run more, in and out of alleyways. I do not know if he follows. I hope he does not. But if he does, he will not catch me. I am smaller and faster and will out run him. And I have everywhere to hide. The world is a hiding place, and I'll go anywhere to protect him.

But he will find me. I can run, but I cannot hide. We are linked forever. He always knows where I am. We are linked, bonded, tied together. He will find me. But if he finds me, I'll just hurt him again! What can I do! How am I supposed to save him! I then realize something, the only way I'll be able to keep him from hurting.

I will cut the link so he won't have to hurt anymore.

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Author’s notes: Kind of short, but it’ll get longer when I add more chapters. There will be more, next time from Jima’s point of view. I don't know how many chapters... Heh…