Disclaimer: We don't own Fruits Basket.

Aubrey's Crap: Well, here's the final chapter. Thank you for those who stuck with this story, and read it through the end. And a special thanks to Afanasy Mefodi, for helping me write it. Hope you enjoy the grand finale.

The Magical Menagery
Chapter 5: Haru the Hermit Bitch

So, Ayame made the long drive back to the compound to inform Akito and in practically no time at all, they were heading back out there to move the Naga-child into his new home. He was cozy in his little home... His loving boyfriend Aaya would come up and visit on most weekends and called nearly every night... Yuki, and Shigure also made fairly regular visits. Some people like Hatori, Kagura, and Rin stopped by every once in while. But there were a few people Haru hadn't seen in a long, long time. That's why three years later he was amazed by who showed up. It was in autumn when a sleek, black, little car pulled up to his house. A young woman that Haru wouldn't have recognized in a million years got out, wearing a dress that held her in all the right places and complimented her hair. She scampered up to the door and knocked gently. She was excited about seeing Haru!

Haru blinked up from what he was doing, and offered the door an odd look. It wasn't the weekend, so it shouldn't be Ayame, and most everyone else called before they came. Either way, though, he moved smoothly toward the door. He'd completely mastered the use of his tail, in his time out in his little forest home. Opening the door, a crack to see whom it was, he really had to raise an eyebrow. Who the hell was this?

"Can I help you?" He wondered, still not opening the door completely...or much at all.

"Haru?" The young woman wondered blinking at him. "Oniichan?"

Wait a minute...only one person called him that...

"Kisa...?" He murmured, opening the door a bit more. It had to be here...NO ONE ELSE called him that!

"Oi, Kisa, is this even the right place?" Another voice called up irritably from down by the car. "Damn Ayame's directions are hard to follow..."

But the tiger wasn't listening she just smiled brightly and hugged the ox-snake-thing. Haru stiffened a bit at first, under her touch, but relaxed again quickly enough, hugging her back tightly. He wasn't really listening to Kyo either. Though, after a minute, he did look up over his younger cousin's shoulder, and over at the red head, finally releasing the girl. The cat stuffed his hands in his pockets and came up behind the younger girl. Well... time had certainly been kind to him! He looked like an adult now... Honestly, so did Kisa... They made a nice little pair the two of them.

"Hey." The oldest there greeted the ox.

"Ah...hi?" He really hadn't expected to see these two again, after they hadn't shown up within the first year of his moving. It took him a minute, before it actually thinking to do anything...host like. "Er...do you want to come in?" He actually had a pretty nice set up to his house, especially for someone who'd moved to escape having company.

"If that's okay?" Kisa nodded, a cute pink tinge coming to her cheeks and nose.

"Yeah, it's fine." Haru nodded, moving out of the doorway to let them enter, before he led them into his little living room. "I haven't seen you two in a long time."

"Yeah, sorry about that..." Kyo spoke up. "That's me going to college and holding two jobs." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. It was longer than it used to be. "And her not wanting to come without me."

"Ah." Haru nodded, gesturing to his couch, to show them they could sit down, if they wanted. "Do you want anything?" He wondered, having gotten over the initial shock, and slipping into a sort of autopilot I Have Guests mode. He was pretty used to it, by this point. "Tea? Water? I might have other stuff..." He KNEW he had tea and water, though.

"Oh, Haru." Kisa blushed. "Please don't... we just showed up, you don't have to." Kyo on the other hand just snorted slightly and pulled her down onto the couch as he sat on it.

"It's really not that big of a deal..." He tried to assure her, pausing half way to the doorway into his even smaller kitchen. The red head whispered something in her ear and she sighed.

"Some tea... would be lovely, Oniichan."

"Right." Haru nodded, smiling slightly, and going to do that. He returned, and climbed up into a chair, once he had the water on his stove. "So...how have you two been? Anything new going on, besides college?"

"Actually, yeah." Kyo nodded.

"That's why Kyo took some time off so we could actually get up here." Kisa agreed. He raised an eyebrow at them, waiting for elaboration. When that didn't come, however...

"So...what's up?"

"She," Kyo pointed at Kisa. "Wanted to come tell you that we're getting married."

"Kyo, you wanted to come too." She protested, making a pouty face at him. One could see him melting at the face. It was very funny.

"Alright, fine. WE wanted to come tell you."

"Oh...?" Both of his eyebrows shot up at that. "How nice of you." His tone was a bit flat, and it was REALLY hard to tell if he was being sarcastic or not. He would have been a bit more sincere...if he hadn't been fully aware that he wouldn't be able to go to his favorite little cousin's wedding.

"It's just some of the juunishi, oniichan." The girl looked over at him. "I really want you to come..." He was quiet for a moment, thinking it over.

"Where?" He wondered finally. The cat and tiger exchanged a small look and both flushed slightly.

"Well... we can't... have it at the family temple. Akito said that he wouldn't have it there." Kisa explained slowly.

"We were kind of wondering... if we could have it here, at your house." The red head finished for her. "Since Hiro has no idea how to get here."

"Kyo!" His fiancée admonished, but the cat shrugged innocently.

"Here?" Haru echoed, his eyebrows higher than ever. "At...my house?" He really wasn't sure he WANTED everyone to know where he lived. "Who's going to be there?"

"HIRO." Kisa put in immediately giving Kyo a very serious look. The cat sighed and just let her have that one person. "Ayame, Shigure, and Hatori-oji-chan, Momiji and Oneechan." That was only six people and half of them already knew where Haru lived.

"Honda-san...?" Haru sweat dropped the least bit. The last time he'd seen her...he'd vowed to never go outside again...But, he couldn't just ask her to not invite Tohru Honda to her wedding so..."Ah...okay...I...guess..." He agreed finally, slowly.

Kisa flushed with pleasure. "Thank you so much Oniichan." She hugged Kyo excitedly and he couldn't help but smile down at her affectionately. He glanced up at Haru, he was thankful too, but he didn't need to say it, he didn't think.

"Sure." He tried to brush it off as best he could, sliding back down to the floor, when the teakettle started to whistle, so he could go get that. He returned a few minutes later with a cup, and handed it over to Kisa. "Here."

"So how's life as a hermit bitch, Haru?" Kyo teased him slightly, and Kisa elbowed him gently in regards to that last part.

"Better than it would be back in the city." He shrugged. And, it was true. Being in the city would have literally driven him crazy. He was paranoid enough about being seen out there-he'd be lucky if he didn't get committed over it, if he'd stayed in Tokyo.

"I'm glad you're happy out here." The pretty little tiger told him with a smile.

"Even if I weren't, it wasn't like I had all that many choices." Really, he hadn't. His choices were pretty much limited to moving, staying on the compound and driving himself insane, or killing himself. Moving had been the most practical.

"And the world appreciates how no one can hear how loud Ayame is when he's out here with you." Kyo commented under his breath.

"He's not...THAT loud..." Haru muttered a bit defensively. No... Not that loud at all. He usually had Ayame's mouth occupied with other things, while he was out there. He didn't have time or oxygen to talk too much.

"I think the mutt and Hatori are actually jealous of how much time he spends with you." Kyo snorted slightly as he leaned back against the couch. Kisa looked at her fiancé in confusion. "I heard them talking about it when we were there the other day, Kisa." Aaya was either working or with Haru now a days, so it almost made sense that his two best friends would miss him.

"He's not really here that often," Haru protested with a small frown. Moving had been supposed to AVOID things getting worse, not make a bigger problem! "Sometimes, on his day off..."

"Weekends? The rest of the time he's working?" Kyo laughed at him softly.

"He doesn't tell me his schedule." Haru shrugged a bit, though that was fairly obvious. "He just tells me when he can come the next day."

The feline waved it off. "It's just funny to see Shigure jealous of someone else."

"Making him jealous wasn't part of my plan, when I moved." He muttered, as if trying to assure them of this fact. Kisa finally stepped in got her beloved to stop being so mean to poor Haru. She changed the subject with a chirp and inquired on such things as what Haru did out here in the wilderness, what was the weather like so far away from the city, what books had he been reading. Normal things.

Actually Haru didn't have a hell of a lot to do, and he told her that. He had a vegetable garden-slightly larger than the one Yuki had kept up at Shigure's-for food, so that he could avoid shopping, and he cleaned...a lot, but other than that, there wasn't much he needed to do. He really did love living so far out of the city, though. It was great, not having anyone around. Kind of elating...

So, in the last warm weeks of autumn Kisa and Kyo had their adorable little wedding. Kisa, of course, looked gorgeous in her wedding dress and Hiro, of course, was a bit sulky having lost her to Kyo. But he behaved himself and Ayame was very, very happy to see Haru. Before the wedding had a chance to start he pounced upon his boyfriend and dragged him off elsewhere, leaving Hatori and Shigure to sweat drop and wait their damn turn. Haru grinned at him, and wrapped his arms around his older boyfriend's neck, giving him a rather...lengthy kiss, before actually saying anything.

"Hi."

"Hello, Haru, daaarling." Aaya purred. "It was soooo very sweet of you to let Kyonkichi and Kisa-chan have their wedding here." He commended and rewarded the dear thing with another kiss. Haru snorted slightly, and waited for the kiss to break again, before replying.

"I got to come, this way."

"And you get to see the pretty dress I made Kisa-chan." Ayame beamed proudly.

"Mmhmm..." He nodded, hugging him even more tightly. "I missed you." He informed the other, pressing his smooth, scaly lips to his neck. Once or twice a week wasn't enough.

"Oh?" The older murmured. "That won't do. I'll just have to take some time off work for you." He told the younger with a smug smile.

"Won't Sensei and Tori-nii get jealous?" Haru teased him, recalling what Kyo had told him.

"They are the biggest babies." The snake noted, resting his head and the other's shoulder. "I'm finally the one to get someone and they can't handle it."

"Kyo said they were feeling neglected." Haru snickered slightly, still speaking against his neck, as he didn't really plan to release his hug anytime soon.

"Oh, ridiculous. Gure is grumbling because I won't cook for him, what with Kyonkichi and Tohru leaving." Aaya rolled his eyes. "And I just don't go see Tori-san as much as I used to. I still talk to him all the time."

"I'm not complaining." Haru pointed out, smiling slightly. "And, I'm not telling you not to stay. I'm just quoting what I've been told."

"I'll stay with you either way, sweetie." The older promised. "Besides, they're here for the wedding. I can spend a little time with them then."

"Thank you." Haru murmured, kissing him again. He really had missed him. He'd missed having him in his bed, too...He was looking forward to that.

Eventually they returned from their secluded little corner so they could be witness to Kisa and Kyo's wedding. One thing they hadn't been aware of... Was how the tiger had made her cute face at him and gotten Hatori to play priest... That was a sight...

"Is he allowed to do that?" Haru wondered lowly to Ayame, when they discovered this. He was pretty sure you had to be ordained and stuff...

"Tori-san is special like that." The snake giggled helplessly.

"Who knew going to medical school gave you the authority to perform marriages?"

Either way the marriage preceded, Kisa and Kyo looked disgustingly happy. Those who hadn't seen him in a while came and said 'hello' to Haru. In general it was all very pleasant... That and Haru had the promise of Ayame all to himself for a week once it was over.

Haru grinned happily up at Ayame, and urged him into the house, once everyone else was gone, pinning him to the couch, and giving him another kiss, before murmuring out three little words. "I love you."

Time went a bit slower for Haru all alone most of the time in his little cottage. Aaya brought news of the outside world. But the two people he could not account for the longest time were Kisa and Kyo. It was as if they had just disappeared after their wedding! But then Haru got a phone call from them, out of the blue.

"Hello?" He greeted idly, when it rang. He was actually expecting it to be Ayame, not Kisa, however...

"Oniichan!" The tiger said happily. "Kyo and I would like to come see you! We have a surprise, is that okay?"

"Sure?" He blinked. He hadn't seen or heard from them in forever...it would be good to see them again. "Whenever you want."

It'd been a long time... Obviously too long... Because they showed up a few days later. Kyo knocked on the door and Kisa was down by their little car.

"Hey, Haru." He greeted with a grin that would startle anyone who actually knows Kyo.

"Hi...?" He greeted, offering him a REALLY odd look. Considering...he did know Kyo. And, he was startled. Almost as startled, as Tohru had been that day he'd been visiting while Ayame had been at work. That was nothing, Kisa came up behind Kyo and they came into the house when Haru moved aside. Thus... well, to make it simple, there was a baby in her arms. Haru stared at her, and the child, for a few minutes. "That...that's a baby." He stated unnecessarily, raising his eyebrows, and cocking his head a little. Kisa bounced on her toes a little smiling down at HER baby.

"Oh, very good." Kyo gave his cousin a dry look.

"Your surprise is that...you've started a baby-sitting service?" Haru guessed, sweat dropping a bit.

"Haru, don't be an ass." The cat rolled his eyes.

"Kyo!" Kisa admonished, blushing happily. "Haru, this is our daughter Kiku!"

"Daughter?" He repeated, giving her an odd look, before turning an accusatory one on Kyo. "You got her PREGNANT?" He hissed...almost literally.

"My wife." The red head stated defensively.

"But...you got her pregnant." Haru repeated, ALMOST as flustered as the day he'd molted. This was something Ayame had failed to mention, in his little worldly updates.

"You're the first one we brought the baby to see." The tiger explained smiling. Kyo come around behind her and hugged her around the waist, giving the flustered Naga an amused look. Haru offered her a confused look.

"Why?" He wondered. He would have thought that they would have wanted their kid to see actual...people, before she met him.

"Because you're practically her uncle, oniichan." The pretty young woman giggled. "We're going to go back into town so she can meet everyone else soon."

"Mmm..." He still didn't look convinced, and if you looked carefully, you could see some of his insecurities swimming around in his eyes, but he did move closer to the child anyway, looking her over carefully.

"Haru, don't be such a wimp. You're still our family, you were gonna see the baby sooner or later." Kyo raised an eyebrow at him.

"I'm not being a wimp!" Haru retorted, turning a glare on him. "I'm just...surprised...that's all..."

Kisa smiled and they had the usual baby meeting... They even coerced the ox into holding the little girl. They also promised to come visit more often before they headed into town.

"Bye!" Haru called after them, waving before shutting his door again. Well...that had been an event...He'd have to call Ayame, and yell at him for not mentioning that little detail, later...

"Haru..." The snake whined when that happened. "I didn't know!"

"How can you not NOTICE her being PREGNANT?" Haru wondered, slumping against the armrest of his couch in exasperation, as he spoke.

"No ones seen her since the wedding!" The older man protested. "Nobody knew until she showed up with the little bag of sophisticated menstruation!"

"You REALLY didn't know...?" Kisa HAD said he was the first person they'd taken her to...

"Sweetie, I promise." Aaya whimpered. It wasn't his fault!

"Right..." He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "She's cute." He murmured softly.

"Babies are hell spawn." Ayame responded in a sulky tone.

Haru snorted helplessly to that. "I remember when Kisa was still a baby." He stated, closing his eyes reminiscently. "It seems weird that she's got one, now."

"It's not weird. She and Kyonkichi are so... couple-like... A baby was all they needed to complete their family image." The older sighed.

"I meant it seems odd that she's old enough to." Haru corrected. "But...I'm glad it was Kyo who knocked her up, and not someone else." He admitted. "He'll actually take care of her-and their kid."

"Aww, you actually have faith in him?"

"Mmhmm." He confirmed. "Look at how well he took care of Honda-san-and, apparently, he actually LOVES Kisa."

"At least that ridiculous joke of Akito's did SOME good." Aaya sighed. He was seriously hurting for sex with his boyfriend two hours away and a snake... Well...so was Haru.

"Yeah..." He agreed slowly, albeit half-heartedly. "I still think they could have hooked up on their own though." The joke hadn't been necessary...and he REALLY missed having legs and skin...that, and it was hard to eat without biting his tongue, with those stupid fangs.

"I'm coming to see you tomorrow." The snake decided. He didn't really care what day of the week it was. Haru blinked, and offered the wall an odd look.

"But...don't you have work?"

"Don't care."

"Any reason you're coming?" The serpentine thing wondered, still rather confused. Ayame didn't usually leave his shop and take a day off for anything. No matter what the reason was.

"To see you, of course" Aaya replied dryly.

"Well, yeah." He understood that part. "You just usually don't take work off. I was just wondering why."

"I need no reason." Ayame announced.

"Alright..." Haru nodded slowly, even though Ayame couldn't see it. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yes." The snake chirped and hung up. Before deciding... he really didn't want to wait that long... Therefore, he left for his boyfriend's house at midnight. So that it was technically tomorrow.

That really would have worked a lot better, if Haru weren't asleep at two in the morning...like most people. But, he woke up when he heard the knocking on his door. Or...he SORT of woke up...

"You really need to break this habit of showing up at peculiar hours of the morning." He informed Ayame, all but sobbing and resting his forehead on his boyfriend's knees.

"Oh hush and come to bed, such a baby." Ayame yawned.

"I WAS in bed!" Haru pointed out, tugging him off toward where he had his futon set up. "SOMEONE decided to wake me up at two in the fucking morning."

"So I could sleep with you darling." The snake pointed out.

"Eh...literally will do." He shrugged, pulling him down into the bed with him.

Aaya curled up happily with him. "Darling either we get a toy or I'm going to have to have an affair with Gure-san." The poor sex deprived creature yawned.

Haru pouted sleepily at him. "I miss my penis." He announced, too tired to really care what came out of his mouth.