Disclaimer: Don't own them and don't really want to. Am quite happy borrowing them when I feel the need.
title, If I were awake, I would have messed everything up.
author, twistedbadger challenge, Top 32 Excuses For Sleeping on the Job rating, PG spoilers, none word count, 200 summary, Sara POV

You looked for a note, a reason.
There was none.
I didn't cry for her.
I wanted to.
My heart felt like it was empty.
A deep dark hole that made your insides sink to the ground.
I wish I had been awake when she left.
Not asleep.
Not dreaming of her.
Not in the blissful unaware state I was in.
A perpetual smile was engraved on my face then.
If I was awake, I would've messed everything up.
I don't know how it could be worse.
But I would have found out.
I would have hurt her.
Made obscene statements, undeserved and unjust coming out of my twisted mouth.
If you were awake, you would have pleaded with her to stay.
You would have cried or kissed her, you would have done anything to stop her.
If you were awake, she would have stayed.
She always did.
You were glad you had been asleep.
She deserved better than what you had turned out to be.
You didn't want to hurt her anymore.
With what you said.
With who you were.
I never tried to.
I always loved her.
Always would.
I wish I had been awake.
But you weren't.
Always.
And in both, Catherine was her inspiration.