A Letter to my Sora

Author's note;This one-shot fanfiction is about Riku feelings for the ever-loveable Sora, Riku is too stubborn and shy to admit his feelings towards Sora, so he helps remove his emotional baggage by writing a love letter to Sora…a type of letter that Sora won't receive but never-the-less he writes it anyway! I'm sure you romantics out there have done so before…or maybe not. It is supposed to take place on Destiny Islands before Sora and Riku get swallowed up and attacked by the heartless. So in other words, it's pre-Kingdom Hearts.
Just a warning,I wrote the 'love letter' part some months ago-for personal reasons, but only recently decided to post it up as Kingdom Hearts Shonen-ai fanfic. This probably won't happen but don't attempt to copy or use my letter for personal or other purposes. It means more to me than any of you could possibly imagine. (Sorry I just had to point that out...you may continue reading the 'blah' before the story).

Note; You may notice, in the actual letter itself I have used certain 'phrases' or 'lines' from popular Final Fantasy and Kingdom Hearts theme songs, such as; 1000 words/1000 kotoba (Final Fantasy X-2), Eyes on me (Final Fantasy 8), Melodies of life (Final Fantasy 9), Hikari/Simple and Clean (Kingdom Hearts), Pure Heart (Final Fantasy 7/10) and Suteki Da Ne (Final Fantasy 10). I used the lyrics as inspiration to write this, this includes the Japanese translations of the songs as well as the English versions, hard-core Final Fantasy music fans will probably be able to know where most of the lines come from. Most of the letter is my ownworkthough.

Disclaimer; I do not own Kingdom Hearts or its characters, nor do I own any of the lyrics from the Final Fantasy and Kingdom Hearts songs…if I did I would be very rich…obviously!

Riku slammed the front door of his home and woke up his peaceful sleeping mother who was lying on the couch in the living room as he stormed in. She immediately jumped 5 feet in the air wide awake and bellowed 'OI!' to the back of her son as he ran up the stairs to his bedroom and locked the door. Riku sighed in frustration and buried his smooth pale teenage face into the comfort of his pillow. Gripping the edges of his bed with his hands, he tried to imagine his anger flowing out of him and into the floor, hoping to somehow calm himself…but nothing could rid these emotions that have been piling up rapidly within his fragile heart, mind and soul. Like somehow a small lie had been growing inside of him, subtly eating away at his flesh and leaving nothing behind but the truth…it was killing him in the most painful manner.

He began to punch the sides of his head rest and let out a 'GGGGRRRRRRRR!' while doing so, this helped very little compared to what he was going through. He gave up after a minute, or so, and decided to lie on his back so that he could face his blank ceiling. Failed to find something memorising on it, he closed his eyes and was without delay welcomed by images of events that occurred throughout the day, and…him…

'Ggggrrrrr! Don't think about him! For goodness sake you're better than this…think about…sword fighting…yeah sword fighting…me with a wooden sword…stabbing my invisible enemy…me sword fighting…me improving me technique…me stabbing the air…me fighting…Sora…me and Sora fighting…me and Sora duelling innocently…until he falls onto his back and then I pin him to the ground and passionately make out with him-WAIT WHAT THE HELL? WHERE DID THAT COME FROM! ARGH!'

He rubbed his face violently with his hands and groaned, it's been like this for a while…pretty much since he turned into his teenage years…puberty…what a bastard it is! He never felt this way before he met a little technicality called 'hormones'…

'Why did it have to have to turn out this way? I mean he's just ONE guy…no one special…He's just…Sora…' But that's just it…he's Sora…Sora…Riku's oldest childhood friend…and his heart's desire.

'Oh for fuck sake stop talking like some sissy girl!' A voice demand from the back of his stubborn mind…ever since he realised his feelings, his fragile brain has been at wars…duelling mentally…a side of him refused to admit to it and condemned him for feeling this way…and the other side…well…it wanted to scream his emotions from the tops of his lungs on the tallest Paopu fruit tree and proclaim this new found emotion towards Sora.

He was in love with Sora.

This was so hard for him, acting normally around him…acting like the 'tough man' he thought he was in front of him…knowing that inside he had this love boiling just underneath his skin. As far as he knows, Sora had no clue…and did not feel the same way about him.

'What am I going to do? I can't go on like this!'

Today was like any other day; he was at the beach near his home on 'Destiny Islands', simply playing beach ball with his closest friends; Wakka, Tidus, Selphie, Kairi…then Sora had to come along. It was him, Sora and Kairi as one team, Wakka, Tidus and Selphie as the opposing team. They battled and had fun with their little game of beach ball, until the sun began to set as the final point was yet to be decided. Wakka pounded the ball fiercely into Riku's court; both he and Sora ran towards the ball in order to save their asses...big mistake. Not only did they miss the ball, but they also head bashed into each other, fell onto the sand with Riku on top…and his hands placed in private areas...areas that are not usually under discussion in most civil conversations... Of course, typical Riku being in 'love' with Sora, goes bright red in the face and takes a little 'too much' time to get off him. Poor Sora absolutely has no idea why his best mate has his hand on crouch and feels a little 'speechless' by this sudden 'closeness'. It was not until Tidus and Wakka chanted; "WE WIN! WE WIN! IN YOUR FACE LOSERS!" Riku manages to snap himself back into reality and runs away from the scene, into his bedroom and into his bed to hide his shame.

And this was not thsi first tiem that type of situation had happened, oddly enough they have been happening...a lot...since he recongnise how he felt towards Sora.

'No matter what happens, we always end up in those types of situations…and I end up making a fool of myself…and I can't hold it in anymore'

'SO YOU'RE ADMITTING WEAKNESS TO YOURSELF? YOU CAN'T HAVE VUNABILITY YOU'RE RIKU!'

'Argh! But this is killing me inside…I have to tell him…'

'CONFESSIONS OF LOVE WILL ONLY DRAG YOU DOWN, YOU'LL GET HURT AND WHAT-EVER PRIDE, STRENGTH AND DIGINITY YOU EVER HAD SHALL BE ERASED!'

'…but I…'

'NO BUTS! SORA WILL ONLY HURT YOU, JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE IN YOUR GOD-DAMN PATHETIC LIFE. FORGET ABOUT THIS HORMONAL GENERATED INSANITY AND QUIT COMPLAINING!'

'I can't keep this in the dark…it'll drive me mad…I have to do something…I have to admit that I lo-'

'DON'T YOU DARE SAY IT! ONLY WEAKLINGS HAVE FEELINGS. ONLY THE STRONG AND EMOTIONLESS ARE THE ONES WHO SURVIVE!'

'I have to…I have to…release myself-'

'I WON'T LET YOU-'

"SSSSSHHHUUUUUUUUTTTTTTT UUUUUUUPPPPPPPPP!" Riku screeched, his very anguish echo throughout his home, and it was not long till his mother shouted; "WILL YOU QUIT WHINING RIKU! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!"

Looks like he's on his own for this one, even in his mind it was a battle to the death, half of him struggling to cope with his silence, and the other stamping on his heart's desire. Both of the voices had their own difference in sounds, agenda and personality; the two sides of Riku. But one's thing for sure, he has to let out his emotional baggage in some shape or form, even if it was only for a short space of time…'write a love letter!'

"Huh?" he thought aloud, did he just think that?

"…a love letter? Are you crazy! I'm not going to write my troubles away! And by far, I'm NO romantic!"

'Why not? You can release your self from this agony…and no one else has to know…'

"…intriguing…" he said to his feeble mind, he looked towards his writing desk and at the empty chair beside it…beckoning him to sit in it.

"But…how do you write a love letter? I never felt anything like this before…and I never watched a chick flick in my entire life."

'Speak from the heart…not from your arrogant mind.'

Without another thought he drew the curtains of his window and placed one of his boxes in front of the bedroom door-just in case his mum decided to bother him, he didn't wanted to get 'caught in the act'. He hastily grabs his pencil case andpicked a red biro from it. He rips a piece of paper from the middle of one of his school books and places it flat on the desk. He let out a sigh and sat down on the empty chair. With his hand shaking, he lowers his hand to press the ink filled tip of his biro onto the paper, he began to write with his arrogance over-shadowing him;

Dear Sora

My hand is practically shaking as I write this; I have no idea what I'm doing and how to start what I wish to confess.

I bet you're as curious as I am huh? It's not everyday you receive a letter from a best friend that lives a couple of doors away from you!

Anyways, for a long time Sora…you and I have been close friends. From childhood up till now, we have been the closest of friends and of course Kairi too. We have a friendship that lasts up till we hit our 90s in which we will probably suffer from memory loss and forget we ever met! Sounds so far away from now eh?

He stopped to observed what he had written, it wasn't exactly Shakespeare huh?

'…what kind of a beginning is that? You're preventing and dragging on the inevitable…Just let it go…don't hold back…free yourself…'

With this mental note his took a deep breath and closed his eyes, he let his frustration and stubbornness go from his consciousness as his hand began these words;

Sora…I'm in love with you…

I love you, completely, absolutely and totally, I've never felt this way in my entire life.

Every cold word and constant times my back faced you instead of my smiles

They were all only to hide the truth

A dark hole that was once my heart, now only light shines and breathes

The light known as "you" reflects my scenario

I was stubborn and acted all tough, to hide in the shade and my heart from yours

All those times, when you looked at me for even a second, I always loved your peaceful eyes on me,

But did you ever know…that I had mine on you?

So many words, have never been spoken, only in my dreams do they concede

One thousand confessions, they wish to cradle you and bring you to my arms.

I love you…it sounds insane yet feels right and effortless

Simple and clean is the way that you make me feel

It's hard to let this go, when I felt cold before I met your warmth

I've lost counts on how many times I picture us, simply holding hands and walking

I dream, of your face, a soft touch, us dissolving in each other's arms

Until the sun arises and morning wakes us both in your bed.

In my dearest memories and dreams, I see you reaching out to me,

Though you are not mine, I still believe that you can call out my name.

I wish to be the one for you, who pinches you softly but sure

In the night, whilst I dream, you hold your arms out and let me come to you,

Just close enough for me to feel your heart beating fast beneath my touch

I wish to whisper my soul's declaration as we lie together

As you share with me your love and tears,

…if you have enough room in your heart for me…

I know that these feelings shall never be returned, though at times I make believe that you do,

Every time I see you smiling at me…was it really you…or is it just my fantasy?

I long for you heart, within your god-like body to beat only for me, though my dreams shall be denied.

I cry an ocean and long for embracement of affection and desire

Though I shall spill no tears, for my weaker self shall no longer sustain if I break down.

Instead my flowing tears shall evolve into shining courage

Into hope that I have the strength to be happy without you and to be proud that you are happy the way you are

…even if this happiness is not because of me…

No need to use gentle words to shelter me from your rejection

All I want is for you to bejoyful and receive nothing but bliss

I hope even through this our friendship can last, if I cannot have you as my lover

I wish for you to still be part of my life, even if we just remain friends …

Even if I were to die, or somehow leave this heart of mine behind me,

Your voice shall remind me of what has been the light of my soul.

My love for you will go on for eternity, to the sky and beyond the flying birds,

Forever and beyond…I shall love you

Not matter how I say it…the words will mean the same

"Aishiteru Sora-chan"

"I love you Sora"

Forever Yours

Riku

Riku's aching hand throbs and begs him to place the pen down, he drops it on the table and observes the heart-felt letter he had created. Upon re-reading his creation over and over again, he came to the conclusion that he was half disgusted…and half relieved. The part of him that refused to admit to any weakness was mentally vomiting…unable to believe that Riku was capable of writing this mushy-crap.

'Look what your hormones have reduced you to!' a mockery voice echo within his delicate mind…but despite his inner self and his selfishness…he couldn't help but simply smile. He read and took in every single word he had written and felt a new warming sensation develop within his heart. He felt his mind feel some sort of…'freedom' as read the last words; 'Forever Yours, Riku'.

'…I'm his…my heart belongs to him…'

He placed the pen back into his pencil case and folded his letter up into quarters, he found an envelope he kept in a draw in his desk and slid the letter into it. Riku licked the letter flap and sealed it shut…planning to never open it…this envelope will be a home for his darkest yet most valuable secret...no other eyes shall lay their sights upon not one word within that piece of paper. He took the envelope and placed it inside one book that he knew that he would never read in a million years; 'Advanced Algebra; 2nd edition'. He placed the book on his bookcase and tried to erase the thought of it within his head. He crawled back into bed and laid there…feeling tiredness over come him, as if he had been drained of all energies. He shut his eyes and within seconds, fell into a deep slumber…the most peaceful sleep he's had in years…

Lilith darkstorm