Author: nightwalker3 PM
COMPLETE - "I'm going to kill you," Kuwabara said slowly and carefully, enunciating each syllable with the careful precision usually reserved for prayer. "I'm going to kill you, and I'm going to roast your flesh and I'm going to feed it to my cat."Rated: Fiction T - English - Adventure/Humor - Yusuke U. & K. Kuwabara - Words: 1,888 - Reviews: 65 - Favs: 246 - Follows: 17 - Published: 05-26-05 - Status: Complete - id: 2410486
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Author's Notes: This was written as a response to a challenge on the Reikaiwriters community on LJ
-Decide who's in jail with whom and how they got there.
-Is the jail in the human world, the demon world, or the spirit world?
-The opening line should be: "Damn! That was fun!" (Or a variation that's more in character for whomever says it.)
-At least 1000 words.
-In the end, who bails them out?
-Handcuffs and yaoi optional.
There's another version with Kurama that I'll have to post soon.
Warnings: Vague references to sexual acts, minor language, Kurama gets stripped-searched and all hell breaks loose.
"Okay, now that? That was fun." Yuusuke flung himself down on the narrow concrete bench that undoubtedly was meant to function as a cot, but which could barely hold him as a seat.
Kuwabara took one look at the bench and gave the floor serious consideration. "If you get gang-raped, I am so not saving your ass," he warned irritably as he made himself comfortable with his back to the wall.
Yuusuke snorted. "Yeah? Who says you won't get gang-raped?" Not that anybody was getting gang-raped while he was around and able to say something about it. Anyway, there wasn't a chance in hell that a handful of human cops or prisoners posed any kind of threat to either one of them.
Kuwabara cracked a single eye open and smirked at him in a way that Yuusuke found to be incredibly annoying.
He crossed his arms across his chest. "All right, so there's finally an advantage to be found in looking like the rear end of a horse."
"We all have our skills."
"I didn't know being ugly as sin counted as a skill," Yuusuke taunted.
The other boy just shrugged. "Beats being a demon-magnet."
Kuwabara wasn't rising to the bait, which was worrisome. Kuwabara always rose to the bait. If anything in the world could be counted on, it was that Kuwabara could be provoked into an argument. Most of the time Yuusuke didn't even have to try.
He sighed and thunked his head back against the concrete wall of their cell. "This is about the pants, isn't it?" he asked.
"I'm going to kill you," Kuwabara said slowly and carefully, enunciating each syllable with the careful precision usually reserved for prayer. "I'm going to kill you, and I'm going to roast your flesh and feed it to my cat."
"This is about the pants."
"And you're going to die slow, Urameshi."
"Totally about the pants. If I said I was sorry-?"
"A liar and a fraud."
"Yeah." Yuusuke grinned, ignoring the dark glare Kuwabara aimed his way. Maybe this would be fun after all – he hadn't gotten to pound on Kuwabara since he came back from the Makai. The overgrown bastard probably forgot who he was dealing with here. "But you have to admit – that was fun."
"I was busy being arrested, as you may recall."
"Yeah, that's gonna look bad on your record," Yuusuke commiserated with a shit-eating grin. "Public drunkenness. You naughty boy, you."
"Dead, Urameshi." Kuwabara sighed, but there was an edge of amusement slipping into his voice. "It was worth it to see them trying to cuff Genaki."
Yuusuke snickered, remembering the scene of five armed police officers trying to surround their elderly sensei. "Man, did you hear them calling for the SWAT team before they hauled us off? Pussies. Can't even take down some old bitch."
"Like you could," Kuwabara scoffed.
"I wonder if they arrested Kurama," Yuusuke said. He drew his legs up under him and managed to balance cross-legged on the edge of the bench.
Kuwabara grinned back. "Probably sent him to a women's prison. And called Social Services in to deal with Hiei."
Yuusuke fell back against the wall, a howl of laughter bursting free. "Oh no!" he mimicked. "This poor little boy has emotional problems! He's setting fires in a desperate bid for attention! He obviously needs more love!"
"Someone will try to hug him," Kuwabara predicted, "and then-"
"Holocaust," Yuusuke finished, a decided tone of relish in his voice.
"Not that either of us will live to see it," Kuwabara continued. "Since Genkai and Shizuru are going to kill us both if we ever get out of here."
That pretty much killed the good mood.
It was late, Yuusuke figured around four in the morning, when he woke.
He'd been sleeping fitfully since he and Kuwabara had been left in the small jail cell nearly five hours ago. The cell was cold and bare and not meant to hold prisoners for long. Yuusuke figured that if things hadn't been so hectic, what with the fires and all, then he and Kuwabara probably would have been booked and sent somewhere a little more long-term by now. Not that he was complaining, but he'd rather be in the Makai than trying to sleep on this slab of concrete.
He propped himself up on one elbow and braced his head against his hand, aiming a dark look at his friend. The other boy lay sprawled rather inelegantly across the floor of the cell, sound asleep and snoring loudly. Very loudly. You'd think the other prisoners would have complained by now.
He yawned widely and wondered what kind of breakfast prisoners received. Something with coffee, he hoped. His head was starting to pound.
No. That was the building.
Kuwabara started awake, flailing slightly and staring around him in confusion for a minute before events of the past night sank in. "Oh," he said expressively as he frowned at the walls of their cell.
"The guy in the next cell over offered me two packs of cigarettes and a sharpened spoon for you," Yuusuke told him. "I argued it was too much, but he's blind and doesn't care."
"Are the walls shaking?" Kuwabara asked, "or am I hungover?"
"Both, I think. At least I am. And the walls are." Yuusuke swung himself upright to sit with his feet braced apart against the floor. A piece of plaster fell from the ceiling and landed neatly in his lap. "Earthquake, maybe?"
Kuwabara made a dismissive sound and scrambled to put his back against the wall as another piece of plaster fell. "Earthquakes don't usually have youki."
Yuusuke frowned and concentrated, wondering how he'd missed that – you're hungover, idiot, that's how, his inner Genkai said – the familiar tang of Kurama's youki permeated the building. "Is he seriously trying to destroy a police precinct?"
"You're the one who spiked his drink."
"I didn't say I thought it was a bad idea." Yuusuke grinned down at Kuwabara's sour expression. "You know what this is, don't you? Jailbreak."
Kuwabara grinned back as thick green vines wove their way around the door of their cell and pulled it from the wall. "I'm thinking we head straight for the Makai."
Yuusuke nodded emphatically. The girls wouldn't follow them there. Not even Genaki. Not even Shizuru. Well, maybe Shizuru.
Kurama appeared in the open door, looking slightly scuffed and more than slightly peeved. He was wearing, Yuusuke couldn't help but notice, the plain white shifts they gave prisoners who were about to be strip-searched. Well, that explained the sudden jailbreak, at least.
"Let's go," Kurama said. "The fire Hiei set in the waiting room has them all distracted. IF we move now they won't know you've left until it's too late."
"Is Hiei coming after us?" Yuusuke asked, jumping up with a bounce while Kuwabara unfolded his legs and climbed up off the floor.
Kurama looked a little embarrassed. "Eventually. When he gets loose."
"Loose from what?" Yuusuke demanded.
"I see you have your pants back," Kurama smirked, eyeing Kuwabara. The younger boy leveled an accusing finger in Kurama's face. "Don't even think about it, fox."
"Loose from what?" Yuusuke demanded in a louder voice.
From above came the sound of a small explosion and a few startled screams.
"There he goes. And time for us to go as well." Kurama glanced at the two former prisoners. "Do you still want to be here when Genkai gets loose?"
Yuusuke exchanged a quick glance with Kuwabara, and the impending doom he saw there pretty much matched his own feelings on the subject. "We were thinking a vacation in the Makai sounded really good right about now."
"I couldn't agree mo-"
A silence descended upon the precinct, and Yuusuke felt his skim prickle as a surge of reiki started to form right above their heads.
"Too late," Kuwabara muttered. "Genkai's loose. Been nice knowing you," he said to Kurama.
"Hey!" Yuusuke started to object.
"Well, look on the bright side, Yuusuke." Kurama deliberately turned his back, but not before Yuusuke caught his smirk. "At least you got into Kuwabara's pants before you died."
"I did not!" Yuusuke objected, feeling a blush spread despite his best efforts. "I just sort of… borrowed them."
"That does it!" Kuwabara snarled. "When Genkai gets here I'm going to help her kill you both!"
"This is going to break so many of the conditions for my parole," Kurama sighed. "I'm going to be running Koenma's errands until at least the turn of the next millennium."
Yuusuke shrugged and leaned against the wall, feeling the increasing nearness of Genkai's reiki. She certainly wasn't trying to hide her approach. "It's going to take some serious work to make everyone forget this ever happened." He slid a sideways glance at Kuwabara, who was still fuming quietly.
There was a crash, a shout, and a door at the end of the row of cells flew open. "Kurama! There you are!" Botan waved frantically. "Hurry! Hurry! This way!"
Yuusuke pelted down the corridor, hearing the others running behind him. He grabbed Botan up with one arm as he slid through the door carrying her through an empty room, out another door and into a close, dirty alley. He whooped and spun her around. "You're a lifesaver, Botan!"
"The irony, it burns," Kuwabara said, and Kurama snickered quietly.
"Just go!" Botan said exasperatedly. "Koenma's going to clean up the mess, and you'd better not be around till after he's had a chance to calm down." She lowered her voice and grinned. "He's got a terrible hangover." She shoved Yuusuke's arm away and summoned her oar. "Now get out of here."
"Makai?" Yuusuke asked breathlessly. He and Kurama gave Kuwabara a searching glance.
"Makai," Kurama agreed. "We'll say he's a pet."
Kuwabara planted his feet and glowered. "Forget it, I'm staying here with Genkai."
Yuusuke grinned and snagged Kuwabara's shirt, pulling the taller boy along after him. "There's demons to fight and monsters to kill in the Makai," he tempted. "No Genkai, no Shizuru, no Koenma. And there's this inn right at the edge of my territory that serves an ale like you wouldn't believe-"
c&c welcomed and appreciated!