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Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of its characters. If I did... well this would happen (among other things) just because I can... So yes... be glad I don't own them. -grins-
This is unbeta-ed, so any heinous spelling and grammatical errors are hovering.
For Shaq, just something to cheer you up 'cos being swamped with assignments and reports and all that crap is just not nice. So laugh away, you. And maybe lay off on laughing at my life. -sweatdrops-
Gai Of The Shiny Legs
"Prepare yourself, my eternal rival!"
Without looking up from his book, Kakashi lazily cocked his head to the side while Gai's flying kick sped past and barely missed his ear. He sighed. Was it so much to ask for some peace and quiet to enjoy his book? Obviously it was, and he had been looking forward to the newest edition of Icha Icha Paradise too. Tucking Jiraiya's creation safely in his pouch, he drooped just a little more and hoped he could be rid of Gai as soon as possible.
He turned, fully expecting green, green and more green, but instead he found his jaw coming loose at the sight. Or the lack of sight, to be more accurate because his eye had squinched shut on reflex. What the hell was with the glare?
"Gai. What –?" Kakashi began but was rudely cut off by a triumphant Gai.
"AHA! I see I have rendered you speechless with my newly enhanced suit!"
Gai – fifty-one. Kakashi – fifty.
Newly enhanced? Good god, what evil has the man unleashed this time? Steeling himself for the worse (an image of Gai in a pink leotard with matching arm and leg warmers and a large pink bow on top of his head, sent shudders skittering down Kakashi's spine), he opened his eye with much reluctance and wished he had listened to the alarm bells in his head.
It was far, far worse than having Gai in nothing but pink. It was... No words could possibly describe it.
There before him, only half clothed in green, was a full grown man sporting an extremely short pair of shorts. So short that Kakashi was frightened that Gai's never-seen-before posterior was flashing like a beacon, because the man's pale, exposed legs were doing a great job in blinding him.
Goodbye eye... it had been good while it lasted.
But even as his pupil contracted in a valiant attempt to save his sight, Kakashi absently took note of something peculiar. Something was not 'right' about those legs. The fact that they were exposed was a major part of the problem, but...
His eye squinted that much more and realisation hit him like a ton of bricks.
"Gai," he began slowly, trying not to run at the new discovery. "... Did you shave your legs?"
"Of course not!" Gai shook his head in disgust, looking utterly scandalised by the idea of having a razor touch his perfectly shaped legs.
Kakashi let out a sigh of relief. All right, Gai's legs were naturally hairless... It was a perfectly reasonable explanation.
"Wax, my rival! Wax is a ninja's best friend!" As if to emphasise the point, the man stuck out a glowing limb ran a delicate hand up leg.
Stomach churning and threatening to implode, Kakashi scrubbed furiously at his mind to get rid of that image. Was this some sort of divine judgement for reading Icha Icha Paradise? If it was, it was highly unfair. Jiraiya should be receiving the brunt of this pain. Speaking of which, maybe he should spread the 'joy', or pain in this case.
And just as he thought it was divine judgement, the powers that be decided to drop the most unexpected person into this mess.
"Kakashi-sensei!"
Both men turned at the cheerful shout, and Kakashi froze when he saw the shock of blonde hair. All right... maybe he had asked for some sort of intervention, but not this kind. And even as clapped his hand over the boy's eyes, a part of him wanted to stand back and watch gleefully as Naruto stumbled into this.
"What the hell!" Naruto squawked, arms flailing and legs kicking against his hold. "Sensei this isn't funny! Let go!"
Kakashi chose to ignore the wriggling lump in his arms and turned back to Gai, making sure to only focus on the man's face. "Will you be so kind as to cover your legs up, Gai?"
"Why?" An overly thick eyebrow rose in question. "Let the boy see, my eternal rival. Let him see the greatness of hairless legs and form-fitting spandex suits!"
"Hairless legs?" The blonde twitched uncomfortably and tried to turn his head in the direction of Gai's voice.
"... Maybe another time."
He began to steer Naruto in the opposite direction and was once again stopped.
"Kakas – "
Sasuke abruptly stopped and stood utterly rigid beside his teacher. Just what the hell was that? The thought went no further as his mind refused to process what his eyes were taking in. With a mind of its own, his body pivoted and started rigidly walking back the way he came.
"Ah Sasuke," Kakashi shoved Naruto towards the Uchiha. "Take Naruto with you, all right. And Naruto help Sasuke wash his eyes when you're sufficiently far away from here," he suggested helpfully.
Naruto was reluctant at first, but when he got a glimpse of Sasuke's paler-than-usual complexion he decided not to question what was going on. If the Uchiha was having a hard time taking in whatever the hell was with thick brow's sensei, then maybe it was a good idea to listen to Kakashi-sensei.
Running a hand through his hair, Kakashi didn't bother to watch his two students leave. He was sure Sasuke would pour acid into his eyes as soon as he was home, but that was something to deal with later. Right now... he needed to find some way to get Gai away or at least cover up.
"Enough distractions, Kakashi!" Gai announced. "Let us – "
"Gai-sensei!"
"Lee! What is it?"
The scream wriggling its way up his chest would have tumbled out his mouth if he hadn't quickly stomped it down. But sheer willpower alone could not keep Kakashi from turning on his heels and running for dear life. There were two of them! Two of them!
He wondered briefly if Sasuke had enough acid left for his own eye.
