Author: Lusankya PM
Slade is back.He is determined to deliver his message to Raven... and ready to do anything to catch her attention. Don't worry, it's really funny. But then again, I might be a bit biased... so you'll have to judge by yourself!Rated: Fiction K - English - Humor - Slade & Raven - Words: 1,074 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 2 - Published: 06-02-05 - Status: Complete - id: 2420283
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Hello, it's me again, Lusankya. Today, I'm trying something new... a humor fic. With a subject that normally is dramatic. I know, I'm setting the bar pretty high for myself, but I felt like I could do something with it. Anyway, enjoy!
I don't own Teen Titans.
Raven was sitting in her room, reading at candlelight. All the other Titans went to bed already, but Raven has almost finished her book so she decided to stay up a bit later.
Suddenly, a gush of wind blew out all of her candles, leaving her in complete darkness.
''Hello, little Raven. I have a message for you.''
In the middle of her room, a mask was lightly shimmering. Slade's mask. And Slade was in it.
Sighing, Raven turned the light on with her powers and glared at Slade over her book.
''Look Slade, could you please come back later? I'm reading.'' Then she went back to her book.
Slade's eye looked confused for a moment before going back toits original look.
''I'm afraid not, little girl. Just because you wish that I'd leave you alone doesn't mean that I will, especially when I have a mission. And I happen to have one. I will deliver my message, whether you like it or not.''
Raven's eyes narrowed with annoyance.
''I tell you, I am not feeling patient today. So I strongly suggest that you get out of my room before I make you.''
''Oh, really? said Slade while grabbing her chin. The little girl wants to make the bad man leave? But the bad man doesn't want to leave. He has a message to deliver…''
''Well, just tell me and leave, so I can get back to my book. But make it quick.''
Slade was taken aback but complied. He moved back and dramatically started;
''Burn, flesh will turn to stone, the sun will set on my world, never to rise again. Yeah, I know the song, I heard it somewhere once'' sarcastically stated Raven.
If we would have been able to actually see Slade's mouth, we would have seen him gaping.
''So now, if you'll excuse me…'' Raven turned around and resumed reading.
Slade was frantic. Why wasn't it working? He was doing exactly the same thing than he did before, and yet…
Raven slowly turned her head, her right eye twitching.
Slade was desperately trying to find something evil to say.
''You… You… You will destroy all the ones you care about! You will kill your friends! Your mother's family on earth! The nice old lady that sells you herbal tea and always offers you candy! The Goth kid that always appears randomly in a crowd while you're all fighting! The neighbours' cute kitty! YOU WILL KILL ORLANDO BLOOM!''
''That's it, I'm definitely ignoring you.'' Raven returned to her book, again.
Slade then proceeded to break as much thing that he could in Raven's room.
''You are an abomination… You will betray all your friends… And they don't even like you… Your mother never loved you either… That's why you never had that Barbie doll you wanted when you were 4… Beast Boy doesn't like you, he's still in love with Terra… I can understand why, she's so much hotter than you… Plus men prefer blondes… Or is that just the title of a Marilyn Monroe movie?''
(Raven's annoyance-o-meter reaching its peak in ten, nine, eight…)
''You have no taste in clothes, your haircut is ugly, you're creepy, you're scary, nobody likes you, not even just for your body…''
Slade then began ripping Raven's clothes until what she had on looked more like a bikini than anything else. All this time, Raven was trying to focus on her book, but it's kind of hard when you have a weirdo yelling that you're ugly but still tries to undress you.
(Raven's annoyance-o-meter reaching its peak in seven, six, five…)
Slade finally lost all his patience.
''Will you just stop reading and listen to me? I'm trying to traumatise and scare you shitless here and Miss just keeps reading her book!''
(In four, three…)
''I said, STOP READING AND LISTEN TO ME!''
Slade made fire appear in his hand and pointed it toward Raven…
And burned her book.
The young girl slowly, very slowly turned around to face Slade. Her eyes flashed red. She seemed very, very, VERY angry.
A thought made its way into Slade's head. 'Maybe I shouldn't have done that…'
Raven began levitating over her bed and black energy was surrounding her.
''You really, really, REALLY shouldn't have done that. AZARATH METRION ZINTHOS!''
(The Next Morning)
''Good morning Raven'' said Robin, when she entered the kitchen.
The purple haired girl chose a muffin on the table and started munching on it. After a while, she said:
''I'm going out today.''
''Really? said Starfire. And may we ask where you are planning to spend this lovely day?''
''I won't be out all day; I'm just going to the library. I have to buy another book.''
''Didn't you buy one just yesterday?'' asked Cyborg, puzzled.
''Yeah… but something happened to it.''
''Did it get kidnapped by aliens? Or eaten by a monkey? Or did Silkie made a nest out of it? Or…'' Beast boy stopped when he saw the blank look Raven was giving him.
He laughed nervously.
''I guess not, eh? Oh, by the way, I heard screams coming from your room yesterday night. Are you alright? Were you having a nightmare?''
(In Slade's hideout)
''Master, would you, by any chance, have another daughter that we could turn to the dark side?''
''Of course not, why?''
''Because I never want to have to deal with this one ever again…''
I had a lot of fun writing this. I just asked myself: ''what would happen if Raven didn't freak out when Slade is delivering his message?'' And I came out with this. Tell me what you think, feedback is very appreciated! And if you found it funny, please tell me what you thought was the funniest. Again, thank you for reading my story!