Nagayan awoke slowly through a haze of half forgotten dreams, drifting out of the dark to be greeted by a sharp blaze of golden light piercing through his eyelids. He winced at the invasion, squeezing his eyes tight until he saw blue stars, and grew immediately aware of the pounding headache hammering through his skull. His tongue felt like rough sandpaper and there was a horrible, dry texture in his mouth, like his cheeks had been stuffed with cotton overnight. Oh he had one hell of a hangover. Nagayan groaned aloud, an unhappy frown crossing his lips, and winced again when that sound only made everything above his neck hurt all the more.

He wondered blearily if it were possible to roll over and escape the morning light slanted across half his face. But that required moving, and quite possibly opening his eyes, two options he didn't particularly want to face yet. Determined for the moment to lie still and ignore the problem he became aware that he was still fully clothed and lying on his side-the smell of the standard issue detergent every hotel seemed to use wafting strong and fresh from the pillow under his cheek. He could also hear the far off hum of the building's central a/c as it pumped cold air into his room, which would explain why his arms and nose were cold, and to his annoyance he realized he'd spent the night on top of the covers.

Lying still wasn't making the sunlight go away, and with a sigh Nagayan rolled over onto his back, groaning again as his brain bumped against the throbbing cavity of his skull. He had no idea what time it was, but if the sunlight was shining into his north facing hotel window then it had to at least be getting close to noon. Frankly he was amazed that he could even deduce that considering how miserable he felt. He really needed a shower, and to pee, and probably scrub his mouth out with something stronger than normal store-bought mouthwash lest he risk killing the first person he spoke to. He cleared his throat, more to hear the sound than out of any need to sigh, and spent a few minutes stalling before finally rolling to his other side and sitting up slowly, very slowly, on the edge of the bed.

His head spun and his stomach lurched unpleasantly at the movement, and Nagayan kept his eyes shut until the rolling wave of nausea passed, the urge to retch finally shrinking to a dull throb in the back of his throat. With a measure of hesitance he slowly opened his eyes, blinking while they adjusted to the low light level in the room, which was not nearly as bright as he'd originally expected. By some keen planning, or just sadistic coincidence, the window was perfectly positioned to drop the majority of the late morning light onto the bed while the rest of the room sat in diffused shadow, pale wallpaper looking motley and speckled without the direct sunlight on it.

Nagayan blinked and clapped a hand against his aching forehead, letting his chin fall toward his chest. He wiggled his bare toes when they came into his field of view, wondering absently why they were the only things missing their covering when the rest of him was still fully clothed. Eyes half-lidded, their gaze drifted from the floor, to the nightstand next to the bed, to the clock atop it and the red digits that read 10:43, and then to the wall across from him where a watermark painting had been hung for decoration. He closed his eyes as he struggled to recall the events of last night, to understand how he'd gone from walking into a karaoke bar to waking up in his hotel room still dressed and on top of the sheets. He could remember the musical that had ended the day before and the after-party, followed by climbing onto a bus in one big group to go hit up the first karaoke bar they could find that would seat 15 people. Obviously he'd drunk a little too much and someone had helped him to his room and seen fit to at least remove his shoes and socks. It had probably been Kimeru. He hoped it had been Kimeru. The thought of Souta tucking him into bed conjured up too many horrible thoughts of finding his hair dyed green or his face covered with permanent marker.

Nagayan swallowed heavily and, feeling his stomach heave unexpectedly into his throat, immediately stumbled to the bathroom. He managed one bleary glance in the mirror, no green hair thank god, before vomiting into the toilet.

He made use of the entire bottle of mouthwash provided by the hotel and brushed his teeth twice to remove all lingering traces of bile from his mouth. His rumpled clothes were thrown into a haphazard pile on the cold floor afterwards, allowing him to give his bladder the release he'd been holding in since getting out of bed. Nagayan's eyes strayed to the mirror as he sighed over the noisy stream hitting the inside of the toilet, and wasn't as surprised as he should have been by the sight of his pale face and the stark, dark circles under his eyes which always had a habit of showing up easily. What did surprise him, however, was the dark smudge on his neck that hadn't been there yesterday.

When he was finished Nagayan approached the mirror over the sink, blinking in disbelief when the bruise revealed itself to be nothing more than a hickey, placed just above his collarbone on the right side of his neck. Someone had been kissing him, but why didn't he remember it? Nagayan turned his head to the side as he fingered the dark spot, touching the discolored skin in an effort to recall how, and who, had given him the mark, and had the strangest sensation as several images flashed through his mind. He could recall the feeling of warm lips running down the side of his neck, over his jaw, on his lips, and the smell of lingering smoke and alcohol in a dimly lit room… and someone's hands on his back, and how good they had felt while touching him.

Nagayan's puzzlement and mounting confusion reached a screeching halt when a face flashed clear as day behind his eyes, familiar eyes above a smiling mouth and a set of wide, off-white teeth glinting from a close distance. Close enough to kiss. Tuti. Nagayan sucked in a surprised breath and automatically clamped his hand over the hickey, as if hiding it could deny the evidence of what had taken place the night before. But it didn't stop the slow memories from unfolding behind his eyes - sensations, flashing of skin and laughing eyes, a wall behind his back, the smell of aged leather and the touch of soft cotton, brown eyes like the ones in the mirror staring from a close distance. So close.

He felt his heart hammering erratically against his ribcage as it picked up speed, driven by the nervous energy flowing through him. Oh god. They had been kissing, a lot, and he had been really drunk, and so must have Tuti if his choppy memories were anything to go by. He remembered the room now and the feeling of rough fabric digging into his knees as he'd straddled Tuti and kissed him, kissed him like he'd wanted to kiss him for god knows how long… and Tuti had kissed him back. Kissed him back. He'd led them into the room in the first place! Nagayan shook his head and braced both of his hands on the sink top, grounding himself with the cold touch that stung his palms and fingers, and concentrated on breathing deeply to subdue the slight edge of panic that had crept into his thoughts. He needed to think about this rationally, and flipping out over sharing a few kisses with his stage partner was not going to help things.

So they had kissed, and been understandably drunk at the time, but had anything else happened? Apparently not, as his memories were providing him with nothing more than those few heated minutes and some vague recollection of hearing Tuti's laughter from far away on the bus ride back to the hotel. Waking up fully clothed and alone in his room was further proof that their activities had ended in that karaoke bar for the night. It was hard to say if that was reassuring or disappointing now that he'd uncovered the memories he had, and he couldn't help but toss up a silent plea that he hadn't done something truly, terribly stupid over the course of last night.

His lingering anxiety followed him into the shower as he turned the taps on hot and strong, hissing aloud as the water touched his skin, but he held his ground and let the steam build up around him, as if it could double as a barricade against the rest of reality and what might await him outside of the hotel room. He washed slowly and mechanically, making generous use of the sample bottles provided by the hotel, even though he knew his hair wouldn't come out nearly as silky feeling as he liked. He felt a little vindicated by using up every last drop of the cheap soap and shampoo, knowing that this would be their last morning in Kobe, and it gave him more time to stand alone with his thoughts while the water grew foamy around his ankles.

Nagayan supposed the first question he needed to ask himself was whether this was worth even getting worked up over. He could be the only one with any memory of what had happened last night, and even his memories were incomplete at best, rather more a collection of images and sensations that didn't leave much to the imagination about what he and Tuti had been doing in that empty karaoke lounge. It was a little surprising how well he could remember the desire that had consumed him for the other man, how good it had felt to finally be that close to Tuti, even if the kisses had tasted bitter and been a little sloppy for the most part. If he concentrated he could remember Tuti's hands on his back, on his bare skin, and Nagayan felt himself growing aroused just from that hazy memory. There was no doubt his attraction to Tuti hadn't lessened over the course of whatever it was that had come to a head, though he had to admit that his feelings for the other man were suddenly carrying a weight that hadn't been there before. That kindling flame of secret desire was no longer hidden anymore, and even if Tuti had no memories of their night together, Nagayan did, and he couldn't deny that the knowledge raised a lot more apprehension than he'd felt previously in regards to his private crush on the other man.

He'd been content in his secrecy before this, not exactly happy, but he'd been resolved to live with his feelings until they passed or manifested themselves over something safer and more readily obtainable than a straight man he worked on stage with. But these new events were like having his careful plans ripped to pieces and left to cast away in the wind, and he still had no idea how Tuti felt, whether their hasty make out session had been nothing more than alcohol lusting their brains or a true sign that at least some of what Nagayan felt was reciprocated. But that only happened in movies and fairy tales, right? Maybe it didn't matter whether Tuti remembered or not. Nagayan had a choice whether to take this new knowledge and pursue it, or use it to help him get over this silly infatuation with the loudest member of their group while using a few broken memories to coddle his bruised heart until he could safely say he was entirely over this crush.

Another memory sprung to mind of their confrontation in the hallway and the reckless impulse that had come over him, and his face warmed at the memory of the kiss he'd initiated, half from embarrassment of his pathetic maneuver at seduction and half from the way it was still able to make his knees go weak. Just recalling Tuti's lips against his mouth, the warmth of his hands on his body, those damnable long fingers he'd grown far too infatuated with slipping under his shirt and touching his bare skin… it was making him hard all over again, which made him remember how tight his pants had been the night before while he straddled Tuti's lap and wantonly kissed the other man. God he'd been practically throwing himself all over Tuti, though it didn't seemed like the dancer had minded, and Nagayan groaned aloud as the memory of where the hickey on his neck had originated from revealed itself. He shivered as his hand delivered a few rough tugs on his heated flesh, the vivid memory of Tuti's lips and tongue on his neck sending a sharp jolt of lust and arousal straight to his groin. Nagayan had certainly never expected to get so turned on just from remembering a pair of lips nibbling his chin and neck, but at the moment he knew he'd gladly trade anything for just a brief repeat of that intimate moment, and his mind was happy to replay the arousing memory over and over.

Nagayan's free hand went against the opposite wall of the shower to brace himself as he squeezed and stroked, hips canting slightly and thighs trembling the more rapid his movements grew. A few oft practiced and familiar squeezes had his bottom lip trapped under the edge of his teeth, the water that poured down his chest providing the minimal lubricant as his palm flew along the length of his erection. With a quick gasp muffled by the pounding water he spilled himself into the bottom of the tub, lower body quivering from the force of his orgasm. It took a moment for him to come back to himself as the sting of the hot water registered on his broad shoulders, but the image and the memories of Tuti's lips on his skin lingered. That the orgasm had been his best all month told him that this release had been a long time coming, and he had to admit that what had happened last night probably hadn't made things any less bearable for his body when he spent most of the time around Tuti stuck in a state of heightened awareness anyway. But he had to admit that he felt a lot better now for the effort and considerably more light headed, though the hot water and his lingering headache might have had a hand in that as well.

Nagayan twisted off the tap after rinsing himself once more, and as the roar of the spray died away he became aware of an insistent pounding on his door. His bathroom door.

Feeling puzzled and a little wary, Nagayan threw the nearest clean towel around his waist and stepped out of the tub, wondering who besides someone on the cleaning staff could possibly get into his room. Unless it was Ueshima-san, coming to tell him that he was late for the departing bus and that the rest of the cast had already left without him. What time were they leaving anyway? Nagayan honestly couldn't remember, and the sudden notion that he might actually face being left behind made him step hastily across the tiled floor to throw open the bathroom door, steam billowing out from behind him into the room beyond.

Kimeru, hands on his hips and fully dressed with a pair of dark, oversized sunglasses on his nose, stood on the opposite side of the frame, a bemused smile on his face.

"You've been in there over a half hour. Have a good shower?" he asked, the smirk turning just a tad too knowing for Nagayan's tastes.

Nagayan frowned and shut the door.

He could hear Kimeru's laughter as he briskly toweled off the remaining water on his body. The laughter ceased after a moment to be replaced by a weary, albeit dramatic groan, and another series of sharp knocks were delivered against the bathroom door.

"Come on Takashi, quit pouting. It's almost noon and I'm really hungry, so open up."

Nagayan ignored his friend and dragged the damp towel through his hair, fluffing the short strands until they stood up on their own in the humid heat of the small room. His headache was still pressing for attention but had dwindled to something significantly less nausea inducing, and after draping the towel across his shoulders he turned to the vanity mirror over the sink to search for some courtesy aspirin that might have been left by the hotel.

There was another thump against the door, like the sound of a shoulder connecting with the wood, and Kimeru's voice came out much closer to the crack beside the knob. "They don't serve breakfast forever you know. And you're not going to find anything in there for that headache. Trust me, I looked."

Nagayan shut the cabinet with a loud snap, knowing there was no point to deny his activities when Kimeru was having one of his ESP fits. He grabbed another towel and affixed it around his hips before opening the bathroom door, glare in place for the smile he knew he'd find on Kimeru's face. He wasn't disappointed, and the singer grinned as he held out his hand. Nagayan accepted the two white pills that were dropped into his palm, and without the steam and his surprise to cloud his vision he finally took in Kimeru's appearance-the bedraggled hair, loose jeans, and the sunglasses that were clearly not meant to be worn indoors. He allowed himself a smirk as he tossed the pills into his mouth.

"You've got a hangover."

"So do you," Kimeru retorted with a pretentious sniff while Nagayan filled a cup with water from the sink, and the singer sighed as he dragged both hands through his hair, adding further chaos to the brown strands. "I don't know how you're even standing. I had to practically drag you the whole way to your room last night after you threw up all over Yuuya."

Nagayan turned and Kimeru laughed at his shocked expression. "Okay maybe you didn't throw up, but you got pretty green around the edges a few times. I don't get why you bother to drink so much when you know you can't hold your alcohol."

"I didn't drink that much," Nagayan protested as he gathered up his discarded clothes from the bathroom floor, and he stepped around the shorter man to approach his open suitcase at the foot of the bed.

"You were definitely hammered," Kimeru insisted as he settled himself on the cushion of the room's lonely armchair, his posture sinking into an atrocious slump that would have made his manager cringe. "You were wailing during karaoke and practically draped across Tuti the entire night, when you weren't snoring like a jackhammer that is."

Nagayan's shoulders stiffened, a pair of jeans and gray boxers clutched in one hand, frozen by his friend's words. His memories of last night were so jumbled and disjointed that he honestly didn't remember what had happened after he'd left the small room with Tuti, whether he'd been on good behavior or further embarrassed himself by making it clear how badly he wanted the other man in front of all their friends and co-workers. Frankly he was surprised he even remembered as much of the initial encounter in the empty karaoke lounge that he did, though the sight of the hickey on his neck had played a large part in bringing the memories to the surface. It could be owed to the incredibly arousing nature of the memory or how nervous he'd been over the whole situation, like some vivid dream he couldn't seem to shake, and Nagayan felt his stomach clench in a similar feeling of anxious dread as he turned to face Kimeru. But the other man's head was tipped back against the chair, one hand massaging the bridge of his nose, and both eyes were closed as he continued speaking, unaware of the jab he'd just delivered.

"I mean, I'm not saying you were the worst off. Eiji-san held his liquor the longest even though he drank the most, but he crashed hard and fast before we even got back to the hotel. That was a mess, and Tuti was no help at all, the jerk. He just kept laughing and saying he wished Daiki-chan was around to sober the guy up. But the worst of it was Kenn, god he wouldn't stop crying for almost an hour. I think all the boys were planning some big sleepover in one of their rooms just to keep him calmed down. Really, I'm surprised we didn't get kicked back out onto the street when we walked in last night, what with you practically comatose and Souta sneaking in liquor bottles under his coat. I even went to check on him, Kenn, before I got to your room, but only Shio-chan answered the door. I figured it was wise not to interrupt."

Kimeru laughed to himself, and Nagayan found himself cracking a half smile as he zipped up his pants. "How do you remember so much?"

"You don't?" Kimeru asked in surprise, turning his head to watch Nagayan as he turned his back and slipped a pale blue shirt over his head with a neck high enough to hide the hickey, a silkscreen print and yellow glitter adorning the chest.

"Not much at all," he confessed, gathering up his towel to walk back into the bathroom.

"Lucky dog," he heard Kimeru mutter. "You won't have the memory of the ichinen orgy stuck in your head for the rest of your natural life."

Nagayan balked at the image that sprang to mind, and was immensely glad for once for his shoddy memory after getting some alcohol into his system. He hung up the damp towel and approached the mirror over the sink, hearing several hollow thumps as Kimeru rapped out a steady rhythm on the arm of his chair.

"So how did you get into my room?" he called out to the other man.

"I took your key," Kimeru answered.

Nagayan's hands paused in midair over his head. "Why?"

"Well I had to get you into your room somehow," he explained, his tone clearly implying that Nagayan was dense for even having to ask. He laughed. "A couple people thought I was trying to molest you when I went looking for your key in your pants."

"Hm, like who?" Nagayan asked absently, most of his attention focused on styling his hair, which to his displeasure seemed determined to simply fall flat over his ears.

"Souta, for one. He got all up-in-arms, calling me a pervert, a short pervert, and tried to drag you off himself, wrong direction and everything. You know you actually giggled when he asked if you wanted to be rescued from the Evil Kime Hime."

"Really," Nagayan replied dryly, not believing a word of Kimeru's exaggerated storytelling.

"You're not very good at being grateful," Kimeru shot back. "You were so far gone you probably would have drunk anything he put in your hand, and I'm sure you would have been suffering from something much worse than a hangover if I'd let him go off with you."

"Yes, yes. Thank you. So anyone else? What about Tuti?" Nagayan asked, keeping his voice as nonchalant as possible.

It was a moment before Kimeru answered and his tone was only mildly introspective. "Last I saw him was when he volunteered to take Yuuya to his room, poor thing was dead asleep by the time we got back, but I'm sure he had his hands full with Eiji-san after that. That guy got nauseous just from riding the elevator and nearly puked on the carpet in the hall, but I guess they all made it to their rooms okay since no fire alarms were pulled and the paramedics didn't show up."

Nagayan laughed as he stepped out the bathroom, wondering if he had a right to feel the twinge of disappointment that he did. He didn't regret having a black void in place of most of his memories, not if Kimeru's tone was anything to go by, and it must have not been a picnic dealing with a bunch of drunken cast member and being one of the few still lucid enough to know the difference between his head and his feet. It was good of Kimeru to have taken care of him, even if part of Nagayan had been hoping his friend would reveal that Tuti had taken a hand in it as well, some sign that things might have changed and Nagayan hadn't imagined the entire thing with his co-star. But if even Kimeru, the Gossip Queen himself, had failed to pick up on anything between the actors, what did that leave Nagayan left with? A few sketchy memories and the knowledge that he was the only one who cared at all about the encounter, or bothered to remember it period. Nagayan had to admit that he did feel disappointed thinking that it might have been a one-sided thing all along, and that Tuti's actions had been born purely out of the heat of the moment. It was annoying to realize that he'd put himself and his feelings on the spot last night for apparently nothing.

Well, if Tuti could ignore what had happened, so could he. Nagayan smiled tightly and jammed his hands into his pockets. "So, breakfast?"

"Finally!" Kimeru exclaimed, pulling himself out of the chair. "The kitchens better be open by the time we get there, or you'll have to explain to Ueshima-san why we got lost in Kobe looking for a place to eat."

Laughing, they left Nagayan's room together and made their way down two floors to the hotel lobby, a circular area that housed a long concierge's desk, two plush arm chairs and a low coffee table, giving a distinctly westernized impression. A dining room sat adjacent to the central area, indicated by a set of open French doors, and late morning sunlight poured through the tall windows, setting the white tablecloths aglow. Kimeru groaned and shielded his eyes as they stepped across the threshold, and Nagayan took pity on his friend with a hand on his arm as he led them through a complicated weave around the empty tables.

Half of the room's tables were stacked with overturned chairs and only a small cluster remained available at the back of the room nearest the kitchens, luckily also placed out of the direct sunlight. A salaryman sat alone at one small table, hidden behind his morning paper and a cup of coffee cooling next to his plate, while one of the larger circular tables had been taken over by several familiar faces. Nagayan led Kimeru there, and their arrival was greeted by a much more subdued welcome than was usual among their group, an occurrence he owed to the lingering hangovers he could see on their respective faces. Toyonaga and Hotta sat picking weakly at their plates of food, while Naoya silently nursed a cup of green tea, his brow furrowed as if the leaves could cure him of his headache. Okuchi seemed the least worst off of the bunch, and he gave them each polite nods as they took up two more of the table's available seats.

"Good morning," Nagayan greeted once they were seated. "What's on the menu?"

"Anything you want, within reason," Okuchi answered, gesturing to his plate of half-eaten sunny-side up eggs.

"Are you guys the only ones up?" Kimeru asked after he'd managed to turn his chair to put himself in the path of the least amount of sunlight.

Okuchi shrugged while Hotta and Toyonaga nodded. "We've been here almost an hour," Toyonaga said. He attempted unsuccessfully to stab one of the sausage rolling around his plate. "I don't think anyone could've been up earlier than us. I was exhausted. And really sore. Didn't you say you were sore too, Hotta-kun?"

Hotta nodded, but kept his eyes averted from the other man, and slid down in his chair until it looked as if his nose were about to touch the plate.

Nagayan nodded sympathetically while Kimeru smiled a touch knowingly, and he turned to face Nagayan with a delicate raise of one eyebrow. Nagayan instantly had the memory of orgies he never wanted to picture running through his head, and he frowned at Kimeru which only made the singer's sly smile widen.

A waitress came by a few minutes later to take their orders and refill Naoya's supply of hot water. Kimeru only tilted his head in puzzlement after hearing Nagayan's request from the kitchens, but did not comment on his choice of American pancakes, maple syrup, coffee and sausage. The scent of cooking meat, rice, oil, salted eggs, and warm bread began to pour out from the direction of the kitchen in full force, making Nagayan's mouth water, and it reminded him that early evening yesterday had been the last time he'd eaten a full meal. All thoughts of Tuti and his sketchy memories of making out in a dark karaoke lounge were put to the back of his mind as his stomach's needs took precedence. When the first plate of toast and two cups of coffee were placed before them he and Kimeru dug in enthusiastically, engaging in a friendly battle with their knives for the butter, which roused Naoya enough to make him giggle at their antics.

Between toast and their main course a sleepy faced Shinoda appeared downstairs with Ryousuke and Kaneda in tow, followed a minute later by Eiki-san in a pair of heavy shades, hair looking shaggy and in need of a shower, and Souta right behind him still dressed casually in a pair of sleep pants and a t-shirt with a bright smile on his face. The St. Rudolph boys claimed a new table for themselves while Souta snatched up the empty seat between Naoya and Toyonaga, giving Naoya's hair an affectionate rumple which got him a groan and a sour look. Eiki took the empty seat beside Nagayan and promptly slumped forward until his forehead was resting against the white linen.

Nagayan gave the man a hesitant pat on the shoulder. "Hangover?" he queried softly.

Eiki nodded and seemed disinclined to speak further, but since their food had arrived Nagayan let the man be, knowing that he'd perk up eventually if his stomach started doing the decision making for him. Kimeru was served a traditional breakfast of rice, soup, and a rather runny looking egg on his plate, while Nagayan was given a plate stacked high with three large, syrup drenched pancakes and a pair of shriveled looking sausage on the side. He transferred the finger-long pieces of meat to his main plate to let them soak in the syrup and took his first stab through the fluffy tower, feeling even more ravenous as the first sticky sweet taste touched his tongue.

Nagayan knew he had a weakness for sweet things in the morning, a bad habit that made his dentist make that exasperated sounding sigh whenever he got a peek at Nagayan's pearly whites after six months - costly teeth that were constantly being re-bleached thanks to his coffee obsession. His morning sweet tooth was something usually taken care of with a stop at Starbucks before heading off to wherever he was needed; a sweet drink, hot or cold depending on the weather, and whatever pastry caught his eye in the glass cabinet. Nagayan couldn't subscribe to the traditional Japanese breakfast and knew his own body well enough that a heavy dose of sugar and caffeine in the morning were usually the only things that kept him going through his eighteen hour days. And let's face it, sweet things just tasted better than fish first thing after waking up.

The rounds were repeated on the newly arrived members of their group, though Nagayan did Eiki the favor of waving off the waitress before she could rouse the other man and ask him what he wanted to eat. Nagayan had to wonder why he'd even bothered coming downstairs while still in such a state, but Souta was the one who answered the unspoken question, since he and Eiki had roomed together. It soon became clear that he was the one to blame for Eiki's state being far worse off than the rest of them and that the poor man had suffered under several rounds of experimentation the night before, likely too far gone to even refuse the drinks being shoved into his hands. Nagayan had to wonder how Eiki could even stand after that kind of indulgence, but it also explained why he was near to comatose as Souta's rambling storytelling continued on, punctuated in plenty of places by a rather devious chuckle or another poke to Naoya's person.

Nagayan returned to devouring his cooling breakfast as Souta's recounting drew more table members into the conversation, and even the ever-quiet Okuchi joined in a few times with well punctuated comments. It was to be expected that the conversation would eventually return to the events of the night before, and Souta seemed to take pride in reminding them repeatedly that he had been the most sober out of the entire group and thus recalled things far more clearly than the rest.

"I don't think anything could have topped seeing Ishibashi streaking through the halls last night. We were barely into the sake, too!"

"I don't remember that at all," Toyonaga confessed while several other people at the table shuddered in memory.

"Even Kime seemed to feel the need to strip down," Souta said, grinning across the table. "You were half-naked by the time we left."

Nagayan had no recollection of that either, but knew better than to tease his friend or show interest in the topic when that much tension seemed to be radiating off the man beside him. He smoothly stabbed another layer of pancakes with his fork and mentally counted to three in his head.

"A talented performer knows best how to cater to his audience," Kime replied when Nagayan had reached three. He sounded sly but also a tad impatient. "I don't remember you objecting when I asked you to hold my shirt."

The table erupted in laughter, louder from Hotta but audible enough from Okuchi and Naoya, and even Nagayan had to let out a small chuckle as Souta's face reddened dramatically.

"He got you," Naoya said, his eyes on his steaming teacup.

"Don't be upset, Souta-kun," Okuchi said consolingly. "We understand you're a sensitive guy."

"Sensitive?" Souta demanded, though he sounded a little wary.

"Well who was crying like a baby after only a few cups into their sake? I didn't think the show ending would affect you so much," Kimeru mused with a smile.

Nagayan glanced up from his plate when Souta laughed, and watched the man drape an arm around Naoya's shoulders, who stiffened under the touch. "I was just empathizing with Naoya-kun, you see. Everyone knows he's the biggest crybaby. He started crying and then I started crying, you can't help it when you see a face that pitiful." Souta jabbed Naoya playfully in the cheek and got a whine in response.

The rest of the table laughed, including Nagayan. Souta used the opportunity to embark on another topic, which involved poking fun at several of the actors sitting at the other table for their inability to control their emotions at the final curtain, and Nagayan went back to pulling apart his pancakes with half an ear on the conversation.

Beside him, Kimeru shifted in his chair. "Takashi."

Nagayan glanced up from his plate at his friend, lips clamped shut as he chewed around a large mouthful of pancakes. "Whanwa?"

"How's your headache? And don't talk with your mouth full," Kimeru admonished quietly.

Nagayan nodded and swallowed half of his mouthful. "Better," he replied. Kimeru was still watching him so Nagayan chewed swiftly through the rest of the soft pancakes in his mouth. "Thanks for the aspirin. How about you?"

Kimeru touched the sunglasses over his nose and shrugged. "Getting better, but I don't think I'll be taking these off until tomorrow."

Nagayan smiled sympathetically and opened his mouth to speak, but snapped it shut before any words got out. The hairs on his neck had lifted in awareness and though it wasn't a feeling he could easily explain, he knew without a doubt that Tuti had just entered the room. This was confirmed a moment later by a loud laugh that gained everyone's attention, followed by another from Moriyama that practically announced to the entire hotel that the two loudest members of their group had finally decided to show up for breakfast. It would require Nagayan to turn around to look at their newest arrivals so he didn't, choosing instead to concentrate on pushing the prongs of his fork through another section of the stacked pancakes. Tuti and Moriyama were conversing and laughing loudly in that way only they could and it carried with them, rising in volume as they crossed the dining area and made their way toward the tables, and the hairs on Nagayan's upper arms lifted in a way he would never have expected. It was utter, nervous dread.

The only seats available were at the table beside them the St. Rudolph team had claimed as their own, and realizing this Nagayan relaxed somewhat and took a decisive bite of his breakfast. Unfortunately it seemed that Tuti noticed this too, and Nagayan heard an undignified wail leave the man as he and Moriyama reached them.

"What! Where's the other chairs?"

"Look there's plenty of spots over there," Moriyama pointed out. Judging by the direction of their voices, Nagayan could tell that they were behind him and to the right, standing directly in between the two tables. He couldn't bring himself to look and confirm whether his assumption was true or not.

"I don't want to sit at the junior table!" Tuti declared.

Nagayan allowed himself a sour glare at his pancakes for Tuti's blatant immaturity and the unfavorable attention he was probably drawing to all of them. One of the chairs at their table sliding roughly over the carpet brought his attention up across to Okuchi, who was backing up his chair to leave the table. The actor turned to face the new arrivals and gave them a single bow in greeting.

"I was finished, you can have my spot," Okuchi offered coolly.

To Nagayan's surprise Naoya also backed up his chair quickly, which dislodged the arm Souta had kept around his shoulders up until then. "Me too, I'm done. You can have my chair."

Tuti laughed triumphantly and threw himself into the chair Okuchi had vacated, while Moriyama clapped Naoya appreciatively on the shoulder with a smile and took the empty chair with a little more grace and decorum. The pancakes in Nagayan's mouth suddenly tasted dry and unpleasant, and he swallowed the sticky mess reluctantly as he reached for his coffee, studiously avoiding the two newest members at their table. He didn't know why he was suddenly acting like a high school student caught in close proximity to their crush, but he couldn't bring himself to look at Tuti and run the risk of internally combusting. How obvious would it be on his face that he was as scared of Tuti as he was thrilled to see him again after what had happened last night? Would Tuti even do something to indicate that he remembered what they had done, if it had meant anything to him, give Nagayan a smile, a wave, a flicker of recognition? Or would he act as if nothing had happened at all? Nagayan couldn't bring himself to feel comfortable with any of those possibilities, and as long as he felt torn he saw no reason to speed up the process of having anything confirmed or denied by the other man. He was probably the only one doing all the worrying anyway.

He could hear Tuti easily as he, Moriyama, Souta, and Hotta became immersed in a loud conversation about a movie title Nagayan was unfamiliar with, which was interspersed with plenty of laughter and only interrupted once when Tuti and Moriyama were asked what they desired for breakfast by the waitress. Even Kimeru delivered a few comments toward the other side of the table as the topic somehow changed to music and Moriyama inquired how the recording sessions were going, which not surprisingly led to studios and other types of recordings and the tribulations an aspiring voice actor had to go through. Nagayan might have been interested in hearing other stories about the industry had he not been concentrating studiously on appearing as uninterested as possible.

"What's so fascinating about the coffee here?" he heard Tuti ask. When the table went silent Nagayan lifted his eyes and realized that everyone was looking at him, waiting for an answer. He blinked in confusion and Tuti laughed. "Whatever's in that cup is a lot more interesting than us."

Nagayan allowed his eyes to settle on Tuti's chest for a moment before he turned his head away and rubbed his forehead. "I've still got a hangover," he lied easily. It didn't take much to dredge up a weary tone that made him sound barely conscious.

"Maybe we should order a cup of that stuff for him," Tuti suggested, clapping a hand over the shoulder of the slumped man next to him. Eiki barely stirred and only mumbled something against the tablecloth, which got him another encouraging slap on the back by Tuti's hand.

"Are you feeling alright?" Kimeru asked in an undertone.

Nagayan turned to his friend and pressed his lips together into a brief smile. "I'm fine."

Kimeru frowned slightly, making a small wrinkle appear at the right corner of his mouth. "You sure? You've been really quiet."

"Hangover," Nagayan said immediately, figuring it was the safest excuse he had to cling to right now. And it was partially true at least, even if the way his stomach was currently tying itself into knots had nothing to do with the alcohol he'd drunk last night.

Kimeru looked like he wanted to say more; Nagayan could recognize the movements of his eyebrows even while his eyes were hid behind the oversized sunglasses, but the last thing he wanted right now was his friend's probing questions right in the middle of breakfast and in front of the one person he wanted least to deal with in public. Nagayan set down his coffee cup with a dull thud and stood hastily, the movement of his chair momentarily pausing conversation at the table.

"I'm going back to my room," Nagayan informed them with a curt nod. He kept his eyes averted from the occupants of the table as he turned and headed for the French doors at the opposite end of the room, the sunlight coming through the windows making him squint as he navigated his way among the overturned chairs and tables.

He was nearly to the exit to the lobby when he heard Kimeru call out to him. "Ah, Takashi, wait…"

Kimeru's voice didn't sound terribly urgent and Nagayan wasn't in the mood to deal with any last requests or a sympathetic effort to get him to come back when his head was pounding and his fingertips felt cold from the stress of his own emotions. He turned the corner as if he hadn't heard his friend, only to hear the sound of a chair sliding on the carpet from the direction of the table he'd just vacated. He took off at a quick jog for the elevator at the other end of the lobby.

It was a completely irrational reaction on his part, and as he stood waiting in front of the gleaming metal doors he chided himself for reacting like a skittish bird when it was probably just someone at the other table getting up, even if his imagination was sure that it had been Kimeru rising to chase after him. To his relief the doors slid open only a few seconds later and Nagayan stepped inside to punch the number for his floor, letting his finger depress the button to close the doors sooner with a small twinge of guilt. He was in no mood to be chased after or to speak to anyone else right now, and this at least would put a little distance between himself and those he'd left behind at the table.

As the elevator climbed Nagayan relaxed slightly, watching the rising numbers on the display above the door, and it finally started to feel like maybe he'd made the wise choice by leaving the table early to return to his room. The food had turned cold and his coffee had been mostly gone, plus with how heavy his stomach felt right now he knew he wouldn't have been able to eat another bite, let alone keep up the pretense of conversation when he wanted nothing more than to get away from the new arrivals. He was thinking more clearly now and returning to his room with a plan for the rest of his morning seemed like a good idea, and the obvious solution was that he needed to finish packing before they were collected and on their way back to Tokyo. Back to his home and away from this place and the memories associated with it, and with any luck it would be at least a month before he had to deal with Tsuchiya Yuuichi again and was asked to immerse himself in a character and a world that had come to mean more to him than any other role he'd played.

Nagayan stepped out of the elevator when it reached his floor and walked down the middle of the maroon carpet toward his room, his thoughts introspective enough that his feet were in no hurry to reach his door. It seemed a little unfair, like a mean twist of fate that he'd not only become incredibly attached to the show and his character, but also to the partner he'd gained and the friendship that had grown between he and Tuti since the first show. Nagayan had dealt with crushes before, on men and women alike, and it was a little bothersome that this one should present so much more of a headache. Maybe it was because of the confusing nature of the whole thing; not his feelings, those he was sure of, but the strain of Tuti going from cold to hot back to cold again, as if he couldn't be bothered to take their relationship as seriously as Nagayan did. Nagayan wasn't expecting groveling declarations or flowers on his doorstep - he didn't ascribe to those gestures much personally anyway - but a little acknowledgement had the power to go a long way, a small token of affection or a willingness to at least discuss what had happened. Nagayan knew he was disappointed in Tuti, bothered that someone he'd gone and given his heart to could be so careless with it, but it was difficult to decide whether to consider this a breach of trust or just his own expectations letting him down. It would be more mature of him to take the blame on his own shoulders and consider Tuti a lost cause, but Nagayan knew that it could very well take a few months before he'd gotten over the hurt enough to acknowledge even that concession.

Lost in his thoughts when he reached his bedroom door, Nagayan didn't hear the ding of the elevator as it opened at the other end of the hallway, but he did become aware of the running feet that sounded like they were quickly approaching him from behind. He turned, startled as the sound grew louder, and was shocked to see the sight of Tuti sprinting down the length of the corridor. When their gazes met Tuti called out.

"Takashi, wait! I want to talk to you!"

Nagayan spun back to his door and dove both hands into his pockets, searching frantically for the cardkey that would let him back into his room. Each pocket came up empty however, and the gnawing in his stomach reached knee-weakening levels when he realized that he hadn't been in possession of his room key at all that morning. Kimeru still had it.

Nagayan had his back to Tuti when the man finally drew up behind him, panting slightly from the dash he'd made. "Hey, Takashi?" he asked.

Nagayan jiggled the doorknob in a futile hope that somehow the door had been left unlocked, but the latch stayed firmly in place, and with a tiny groan he let his forehead fall against the cold wood with a dull thump.

"Takashi?" Tuti inquired again, sounding justifiably confused by Nagayan's actions. Nagayan wished he could sink through the door, and pressed his head a little more firmly against the painted surface as his hand dropped from the door handle.

"What?" Nagayan finally replied, his answer muted by the wood in front of his face.

"Ah, I was… wondering if we could talk? If you're not busy. You left the table before I had a chance to talk to you, so I thought… well I thought I'd catch you before it got too late. Takashi, are you okay?" Tuti asked again when Nagayan lifted his head off the door slightly and let it fall back again with another small bump. It wasn't helping his headache in the least but the slight pain it caused felt deserved after he'd been stupid enough to leave his keycard with Kimeru, which left him stuck with Tuti in the middle of an empty hallway.

"So what do you say?" Tuti asked, his voice filled with false cheerfulness as he moved in to stand beside Nagayan in front of his door. "It's just a little chat, I promise."

That made Nagayan pull back to look up at Tuti, a frown on his lips. He tried to look up at the dancer but his eyes seemed to refuse to rise any higher than Tuti's chin. It was a handsome chin, and still needed a shave too by the looks of it. "What for?" Nagayan asked, his hand reaching blindly for the doorknob once more to give it an impatient wiggle. Still locked.

Tuti drew back a little. "Um, well, you know… after last night. I thought we should, you know, talk about it or something."

Nagayan considered Tuti's chin for a moment and then let his gaze to the pale yellow paint on the front of his door. "I don't remember," he lied.

Tuti didn't say anything at first and Nagayan couldn't bring himself to look up at him again, too shocked at his own lie and the scary certainty that Tuti would be able to see right through it if their eyes met. Tuti took another half-step back and seemed to shake himself a little. "You don't remember?"

He sounded so unexpectedly heartbroken that it was like a slap in the face for Nagayan, and he immediately regretted allowing himself to be that dishonest when that night held far more significance for him than it probably did for Tuti. Nagayan knew he had an obligation to remain true to himself at least, and running away and hiding the truth from Tuti wasn't going to do either of them any good for getting past the issue faster. They were still friends, after all.

"I remember some. Enough of it," Nagayan confessed, but it was difficult to keep the resignation out of his voice.

"Can we go somewhere and talk about it?" Tuti asked after a pause. He sounded terribly subdued, but there was enough relief in his tone for Nagayan to pick up on it.

Nagayan gave the knob clasped by his fist another jiggle to draw attention to it. "I don't have my key."

"We can go to my room?" Tuti offered, stepping back to leave the way open for them to continue down the hallway. "Eiji shouldn't be coming back for awhile. We'll have some peace and quiet, for a little bit at least."

Nagayan nodded in agreement to the offer and fell behind Tuti to follow him several doors farther down the hallway, and they came to a stop at another yellow door on the opposite side of the corridor from Nagayan's. Tuti slid his key into the electronic mechanism and the handle unlocked with a loud click. Tuti turned to give Nagayan a smile over his shoulder before he pushed open the door, leading them into an entryway similar to the one in Nagayan's room, though the space beyond was wider and held two large beds instead of one. Nagayan had initially rejoiced in being the lucky one with his own room when they'd checked in at the start of the Kobe performances, but had quickly come to realize that the absence of a roommate made for pretty dull surroundings, prompting him to make frequent visits to rooms of the other cast members during the week. This was the first time he'd been inside the room jointly shared by Tuti and Moriyama however, and the haphazard state of the place made him suddenly happy again that he'd roomed alone.

It was difficult to tell which side of the room belonged to who - both of the beds were in similar states of disarray, bed sheets and blankets kicked to the floor or into heaping mounds on one side of the bed, and there were open suitcases on the floor and clothes strewn everywhere: the bed, the armchair, the lamp table, and even one lonely, incriminating sock sat atop the television set. There were shoes scattered through the entryway and none placed with its respective pair, and as he stepped past the open door to the bathroom Nagayan resisted peeking inside to see if the interior was just as bad as the rest of the room. Tuti had started laughing once they were inside, a familiar embarrassed laugh that Nagayan knew was meant to distract him from noticing the deplorable state of the place.

"Give me a minute. It's a bit of a mess," Tuti said, darting into the main room to begin tossing clothes toward one of the open suitcases. Nagayan stood at the end of the entry hallway and watched Tuti while the man scrambled around to collect his things, and Nagayan was surprised to see him reach into several hard to get-to places to withdraw another article of clothing, rumpled and wrinkled and probably dirty to boot, which all made it onto the pile atop his suitcase.

"That Eiji, he's such a pig," Tuti complained, kicking a pair of jeans out of his way as he crossed the floor. Nagayan crossed his arms and smiled; it was like the pot calling the kettle black.

"There, almost done!" Tuti declared. He pulled up the sheets and blanket from floor beside the bed on the right-hand side of the room and went about straightening them atop the mattress once more. Nagayan took pity on him and stepped forward to help, taking the opposing corners of the covers to assist Tuti with getting them to lie flat on the bed from foot to head. When they were neat and tucked in once more, Tuti sat down heavily on the end of the bed, causing the covers to wrinkle alarmingly under his weight, and patted the empty space next to him.

"Have a seat," he said with a smile, finally managing to catch Nagayan's eye.

Nagayan climbed onto the bed a safe distance from Tuti and sat down with his legs crossed under him, clasping his ankles with both hands. Tuti gave the space he'd put between them a long glance before he turned around so that they were facing each other from opposite sides of the bed. Tuti was still smiling but it looked a little strained and kept falling a little before it pulled itself back up again, as if he couldn't decide what expression would be best suited for their conversation.

As it was, Nagayan simply stared back, his mouth in a straight line. "So what are we talking about?" he asked.

Tuti rolled his neck a little, not unlike the way he did when he was gearing up for some kind of workout. "Well, how much do you remember from last night?"

Nagayan blinked rapidly several times. "I think I remember enough," he said, wondering at the pout that had unconsciously come into his voice.

Tuti shifted and ran a hand through the unruly strands of hair on his head, his smile falling to be replaced by a look that seemed both uncomfortable and determined to face the task at hand. "So… would it be wrong of me to ask if it was good or bad?"

Nagayan was taken aback by the question. Was Tuti speaking about what had happened between them last night or this morning and the repercussions they were facing? Nagayan licked his lips before answering. "Good… I guess?"

Tuti nodded a bit, as if expecting the answer. "We were both a bit…"

"Drunk, I know," Nagayan filled in, pulling at the cuff around one of his ankles.

"I was going to say 'caught up in the moment'," Tuti said with a small laugh. "But I'm sure the alcohol helped things a little."

"I guess so," Nagayan conceded.

"So if it was good, then it wasn't bad, right? Nothing's wrong now then?"

Nagayan shook his head, his attention focused on a middle area between Tuti's chin and chest. It was strange, how earlier in his room he had been able to remember so many details about the other man, the feeling of his hands on his body, the planes of his chest against his own, how his lips had felt hot and arousing against his mouth and his neck, and yet here with Tuti in such close proximity those memories failed to invoke the same turbulent feelings they had before. In fact Nagayan didn't feel much of anything, as if the black void in his stomach had swallowed up everything – his anxiety, happiness, sadness, anger, and desire – leaving him with nothing more than a shell of cool detachment. It was disconcerting but Nagayan wasn't exactly sure that he wanted it to go away either; without it there was no telling what emotional state he might end up in.

"Well that's good. No one should be upset about anything then." Tuti laughed and Nagayan could only shrug, not surprised at the twinge of guilt he felt since in fact, up until a few minutes ago, he had been fairly upset and negative-minded about the whole thing.

Tuti's laugh died down to a few weak chuckles, and he sounded only vaguely amused when he spoke again. "This is kind of hard when there's only one of us talking, you know."

Nagayan straightened his back to give Tuti's face a brief glance before looking away again. "I don't know what you want to talk about," he said.

"Well how about we talk about what happened?" Tuti suggested a touch impatiently, voice rising in his typical fashion.

"Why?"

"Why? What, because…" Tuti sputtered for a moment, almost comically at a loss for words, but Nagayan could tell that he was genuinely grappling with confusion because of his response. "Because it's something important that we should talk about! Those kinds of things just don't happen and you can walk away from it and pretend like it didn't. That kind of defeats the whole point of it even happening in the first place, and I want to talk about it. I want to know why you did it. Hell, why I did it! I want us to be on the same page so that we don't end up here again, glaring at each other on some hotel bed instead of actually acting like the friends I know we are and talking this out between us. Don't you think that's why?"

Tuti's earnest words had Nagayan speechless for a moment, surprised with Tuti for his honesty and surprised with himself for responding so weakly to it emotionally. He could tell there was something holding him back still, a barrier inside his chest that was keeping the tide of emotions at bay and making it hard for him to feel like he could respond to Tuti's words with the depth and insight they deserved. Unloading his heart suddenly seemed like an impossible task, even when his mind was in agreement that it had to be done to help clear the air between him and his friend, and Nagayan frowned at his own inability to shape the words that would be best suited to reply to Tuti.

"Takashi?" Tuti asked weakly when the silence had gone interrupted for several heartbeats. "Don't you want to talk about it?"

Nagayan nodded quickly and slapped his palm against one of his calves. "I do. I'm just… it's hard to think of the right words."

"Well you're not mad at me, right? I know I keep asking that but this morning at breakfast… you didn't seem happy. I was worried."

"I'm not mad at you," Nagayan said, shaking his head.

"Okay, that's good. Was it just the hangover? You and Kime both seemed pretty bad off."

"A little," Nagayan explained, shifting on the bed. "It was pretty bad when I woke up. Kime had to come get me and gave me some aspirin before we went to eat. I actually didn't remember anything about last night when I first woke up. It… took awhile for the memories to come back, and a lot of it is still hazy. Images, flashes, sensations," he admitted, glancing up and away from Tuti. "Kime had to fill me in on a lot of things."

"Woah. I had no idea you could actually forget things from the alcohol. I'm sorry, I should have been more careful about how much you drank."

Nagayan shrugged and had to smile a little. "I know my own limits. I was probably just being stupid and drank more than I should have."

"There were a lot of distractions around," Tuti said, shifting to scoot a little closer on the blanket. "Really I never really pegged you for a light-weight, but I'll personally make sure to watch your alcohol consumption next time we go out. I suppose this is something I should have known about already, but I guess you can still surprise me."

Tuti laughed and Nagayan felt himself relaxing a little, unexpectedly warmed by the tone in Tuti's voice that seemed to convey a genuine desire to protect Nagayan from future harm by alcohol. It was a silly promise to make when Nagayan knew perfectly well that Tuti would be too busy with getting drunk on his own to look out for anyone else, but that he'd made the comment at all… he appreciated it.

"I don't think I'll go out drinking again for awhile," Nagayan confessed, and at Tuti's inquiring look he continued to explain. "I only seem to go to bars or drink at karaoke when I'm around you guys. It kind of feels like it's become tradition."

"We do seem to get drunk an abnormally large amount of the time while we're all together," Tuti agreed with a chuckle. He shrugged and smiled at Nagayan as if this couldn't be helped or that he'd simply accepted it as a natural occurrence for the group by this point. "I guess it just goes to show how close everyone's gotten, that we can do that so comfortably."

"One big happy family," Nagayan said quietly.

Tuti let out a devilish sounding chuckle. "Does that make Kimeru the mother or the father?"

Nagayan smiled at the joke and shrugged in reply. "Both, maybe? Eiki strikes me as the fatherly type, quiet, loyal, properly cowed by someone with a bigger personality even if they are a head shorter."

"And Souta's that crazy uncle the family tries to keep it a secret they're related to him."

"Eiji-san could be the perverted grandfather who drinks cheap beer all the time and tries to look up girl's skirts on the subway."

Tuti laughed so loudly and suddenly that he nearly tipped himself over on the bed, and Nagayan grinned for the first time as he watched his friend's expression convey his delight at the joke. "It's true, it's true," Tuti agreed, gasping through his laughter.

The smile stayed on Nagayan's face as he felt himself warming up to the game of placing their members within appropriate roles inside the family structure. "Naoya would be that cousin that everybody loves to have around, that friend you have during childhood who you don't go to school with but always see every summer."

Tuti snorted and smiled. "That sounds about right. And Yuuya, he'd be the youngest son, still easily awed by his older family members and getting bad advice about women from Eiji-ji-chan."

"And we'll be brothers too," Nagayan suggested with a grin. "Because then I get to be the oldest and you'd have to call me nii-san."

Tuti's smile flickered briefly, shifting from amused to something a little more evocative, though the change was hardly noticeable. "Doesn't that make it incest?" he asked suggestively.

Nagayan's brain grounded to a halt as his heart slammed uncomfortably against the inside of his chest. Whatever dam had been holding his emotions back had somehow disappeared over the course of the last few minutes without him even realizing it, though on some level he wasn't surprised that speaking so candidly to Tuti had managed to break down his barriers. Tuti always had a way of getting through to him and reaching deep into the most private parts of his heart, and it was that unique ability of his that had made them such close friends in the first place, as well as caused Nagayan to reevaluate the depth of his feelings for the other man. There were few who knew him the way Tuti did and few who even after a year could still surprise Nagayan and make him feel like he'd come to possess a precious kind of relationship and understanding with one person all over again. Wasn't that sort of thing what everyone desired when it came to love? That constant reaffirmation that there were still things left to be discovered, that both sides of the relationship had the ability to evolve and learn and adapt to the other without compromising the things about themselves that made them desirable in the first place?

Nagayan had no idea if he'd made the same realization last night or even been capable of it in his inebriated state, and more than likely it had been his dick doing the thinking if his memories were any indication. But here in the middle of the day, perched on a bed inside a hotel room miles away from home, out of reach from management or his family or the things that probably would have made him pause to rethink his conclusions, Nagayan knew he was in love with Tuti. Without a doubt, hopelessly in love.

Nagayan hoped he wasn't blushing as he turned his head, his mind abuzz with Tuti's words and his own insight, though in truth the only thing surprising had been finally admitting to himself that the word love could be applied to his feelings toward Tuti. "We haven't done enough to make it incest," Nagayan disagreed quietly.

Tuti chuckled and when Nagayan looked at him one of Tuti's eyebrows lifted in question. "Maybe your memory isn't as complete as you think?"

"We only kissed!" Nagayan protested, and he could feel how warm his cheeks flushed once the words had left his mouth.

Tuti moved closer on the bed and Nagayan held himself still as the bed dipped under the weight, causing the mattress to sink slightly in front of his knees. Tuti was smiling and he seemed completely unperturbed by his own words or Nagayan's denial, though it could be argued that Nagayan had in fact just admitted in broad daylight what they'd done in the empty karaoke lounge the night before when neither of them had spoken about it directly beforehand.

"Just kissed?" Tuti echoed, cocking his head thoughtfully. "I think we did more than just that."

Nagayan balked slightly, feeling a surge of frustration for his own spotty memories even though his gut insisted that he and Tuti hadn't done anything together besides what had transpired in the empty room. Did Tuti know something he didn't or was he being teased again? Nagayan lifted his chin firmly. "I think I remember enough. We were only in that room for a few minutes, we couldn't have done anything else. And I know we didn't do anything else afterwards either, Kimeru would have told me."

Tuti let out a short laugh that faded quickly to be replaced by a look that was amused but also just a little disappointed. "I didn't mean we did anything like that, and I think I'd feel a whole lot worse thinking that I took advantage of you while you were drunk. I just meant…"

Tuti looked away and licked his bottom lip, a familiar habit of expressing his discomfort that Nagayan hadn't expected to see when it was usually reserved for things like rehearsal rooms and difficult scenes. For once Tuti wasn't smiling and it left a funny feeling in Nagayan's stomach, though a part of him knew that all along their conversation had been leading to this point where jokes and laughter needed to be replaced by an effort approach the discussion seriously. Nagayan knew that the least he could hope for was a quick and painless resolution, and that he'd be allowed to walk away with their friendship still intact despite how much the events of last night might have damaged that.

"I just meant, well, that I thought at least that we'd made a connection. It could have been the alcohol talking but they say that you don't do anything even while intoxicated that you wouldn't be willing to do if the circumstances were different while you're sober. I've been known to get pretty mean sometimes when I'm drunk but I always realize later that there had been something there bothering me all along, something I felt I needed to say but couldn't bring myself to do beforehand, so it just took getting my inhibitions lowered enough too speak my mind. Isn't that how it's supposed to work? We keep things bottled up inside, feelings and impulses or maybe something we've wanted to say for a while but ignored it or couldn't bring ourselves to say it. I don't like to believe that anything we do when we're drunk has no meaning at all or just came out of the blue for no reason whatsoever, our minds just don't work that way. And sometimes maybe it's a good thing, if there's something we need to say or acknowledge even inside our own heads. Stuff like that shouldn't be ignored just because it seems easier to repress it or pretend it doesn't exist."

Tuti turned his head to look back at Nagayan, who'd been silent and a little awed by the honesty of Tuti's words, and just how much it said for Tuti's actions as well as his own. "You kissed me first, in that hallway," Tuti pointed out, his eyes serious as they locked with Nagayan's. "I know I was pushing you the whole night, but you're the one who kissed me first."

Nagayan nodded, knowing there was no point in denying his actions.

"So, Takashi, don't you think that means we should talk about it?"

Nagayan shifted and scratched his neck uncomfortably. "Even if what you said is true, I mean, I agree with you about being more likely to do things when you're drunk when you probably wouldn't have given them a second thought any other time, but that doesn't always mean that it should be taken seriously once you're sober again. Sometimes people say things they're ashamed of later, or do something that maybe hurt someone else, or make a big deal out of something that might have been bothering them but really wasn't that important and it just came out wrong. It's important to talk but it's also important not to take things too seriously if the alcohol just caused things to get carried away."

"So which one is this?" Tuti asked, his voice pitched to an unexpectedly grave tone that had the hairs on Nagayan's arms prickling. It was hard for Nagayan to tell whether his friend was irritated with the conversation or using the façade to cover some other emotion, and the still planes of Tuti's face did little to reveal his thoughts.

"I guess the alcohol could have had something to do with it," Nagayan replied slowly, picking through this words. "Maybe we just got carried away."

"Do you really believe that?" Tuti asked after a moment. He wasn't looking at Nagayan and had his face turned toward the ceiling, one hand on the bed to help him keep his balance as he leaned back slightly. Nagayan said nothing and Tuti let out a deep sigh that made his chest rise and fall noticeably under his t-shirt. Nagayan was familiar with the particular article of clothing and he'd sometimes found himself tracing the white spirals over Tuti's chest that stood out so brightly against the black material. He knew it was one of Tuti's favorites.

"Do you remember what we said last night?" Tuti asked at length, his attention still focused on the ceiling.

"No," Nagayan admitted. Despite how much this seemed like a precursor to walking into dangerous territory, Nagayan was curious anyway.

"You told me you'd been thinking about kissing me for a long time, and I said I'd been thinking the same thing. I told you that I didn't even like guys, but that was a lie. You're just the first guy I've liked in a long time, the first guy I've liked this much. Maybe it's because you're my best friend too and we've gotten close that way first, or maybe it's because there were always these gaps between shows and when we could see each other. Every time we met again it felt like we'd somehow gotten closer even while we'd been apart. It was crazy, I told myself it was silly, but I couldn't stop thinking about you. I thought it would go away on its own but just when I thought it could happen we'd be together again and I'd completely forget that I ever wanted you out of my life. And then it didn't matter anymore. This show… I realized that I'd just been running scared and that I had something really special going on, even if it was just inside my own head, but there were times when I was so sure that I wasn't making it up, that maybe you felt the same way I did. Sometimes I felt the connection so strongly it hurt. And then last night happened and I was so happy but we were both drunk and… I have to wonder if it meant more to me than it did to you, if maybe you were just reflecting my feelings back at me or if I'd just dreamed up the whole thing. That's why I have to know, Takashi, that's why we have to talk. I don't want to go back to Tokyo second-guessing myself and I don't want to spend the next few months wishing things had gone differently or regretting not taking the time to talk to you when I still had the chance. If it was just the alcohol I can understand but I know that I felt something, and I don't want to pretend that didn't happen, because… even if it was a mistake, it was still a nice feeling."

Nagayan's heart was pounding and that heavy sensation of blood rushing through his chest and his veins was the only thing that reminded him that he was still inside his own body, as he was sure that under normal circumstances hearing so much raw honesty from Tuti would have had the power to kill him dead on the spot. His pulse was racing but he felt strangely light-headed, and it was hard to tell whether it was anxiety or relief that was making his stomach turn over itself so strongly, a kind of expectation that Nagayan couldn't ever remember having felt so heavily before. It was the sweetest and most unexpected confession Nagayan had ever heard, and that it had come from his best friend, from the person who he had knowingly given his heart to without expecting to have another handed back, it made the gesture all the more amazing.

Nagayan pushed himself onto his knees, drawing Tuti's gaze to him as he made the short crawl to cover the distance between their bodies, and Tuti's eyes widened as Nagayan climbed right up and onto the other man's lap and brought their faces level with each other. Tuti's cheeks were a little pink up close and Nagayan had a feeling that his face looked the same, though he hardly felt the need to be embarrassed by it when at the moment he needed all of his courage to follow through on the raw impulses flooding through his body. He lifted his hands and placed one on each of Tuti's shoulders, settling the lower part of his body across the other man's thighs.

"I'm sorry," Nagayan said quietly and with as much heartfelt sincerity behind it as he could muster up into his voice. He closed the gap between them and kissed Tuti.

Tuti's lips were still under the touch of Nagayan's mouth for only a moment before they relaxed and returned the kiss, something so gentle and sweet unexpected about it that Nagayan wondered how he could have failed to remember this about last night. It wasn't perfect but it was real and warm and felt like coming home. The kiss was slow and dry and yet still managed to make the hairs on Nagayan's neck prickle, enveloped as he was by the smell of Tuti and the chest near his own and the warm skin under his fingers. It was perfect.

The pressure of Tuti's lips gently increased, urging the kiss to deepen slightly, the nature of it coaxing their mouths to part and meet again in a way that gradually wetted the other's lips. Nagayan's heart rate sped up pleasantly under the influence of the kisses and his limbs felt heavy and weightless at the same time, as if his grip on Tuti was the only thing grounding him from simply floating away in a warm haze. Tuti was all he could taste and smell and feel and the reality of it was pale in comparison to his memories, and he had to wonder how he could have ever thought of giving this up, of being content with just a few scattered images and a broken heart when this had been waiting for him all this time.

Tuti's hands finally left the bedspread to wrap around Nagayan's lower back, and the hold was surprisingly firm as he pulled Nagayan against him so that their chests were pressed together. The kiss broke for a moment as each of them took several deep breaths, and Nagayan used the opportunity to slide his hands from Tuti's shoulders so that his arms could encircle around the other man's neck. They were both smiling, though Tuti's looked a little shy and still somewhat surprised over the kiss they'd shared.

"Sorry for what?" Tuti asked softly.

"For being an idiot," Nagayan replied and laid a quick peck against Tuti's lips. Tuti's lips followed him back as Nagayan broke off the kiss, and he laughed quietly. "And for not telling you about how I feel sooner."

"How you feel?" Tuti inquired. Nagayan felt one of the hands on his back shift to slide against the material of his t-shirt, gently stroking the length of his back.

Nagayan nodded quickly, his eyes lowering to fall on Tuti's chin once more. "Me too. I feel the same way you do."

"Do you really?" Tuti asked, his tone almost playful but also curious. Nagayan felt the hand on his back move to his side, where it continued to slowly stroke the skin through his t-shirt, and he shivered involuntarily under the touch.

"I really do, I…" Nagayan broke off, meeting Tuti's eyes and wetting his lips. "It's taken a long time but I like you. Really like you. The alcohol didn't help me to realize anything. I just never thought you might feel the same way."

Tuti leaned up and caught Nagayan's mouth in another soft kiss, drawing his bottom lip to suck on it gently before he released it and spoke against Nagayan's mouth. "You really like me."

It wasn't a question but Nagayan could hear the wonder in those words, and it made him smile as he held Tuti a little tighter. "I do."

"You really like me," Tuti said again and kissed Nagayan, firmer this time and with enough pressure to make Nagayan suck in a surprised breath at the unexpected intensity. Tuti's hands were moving on his back and they circled around him to press their bodies together from belly to collarbone, and Nagayan was grateful to already be sitting down from the way this made his thighs feel weak with need for Tuti.

When the kiss broke Nagayan was expecting to hear another repetition from Tuti, and there was a smile on his lips ready to answer him, but instead Tuti pressed his head against Nagayan's shoulder and kept it there. Nagayan instinctively strengthened his hold around Tuti's shoulders and held the other man to him, breathing the scent of this man he loved and marveling at the way his heart was pounding and yet he felt absolutely calm and happy for the first time.

"I really like you too," Tuti whispered against his neck, and Nagayan held back the tremble that went through him to smile against Tuti's shoulder.

They were going to be just fine.