Disclaimer: Bleach and its characters are the property of Kubo Tite and relevant parties.
Spoilers: Manga chp 181

IMPT! This fic is actually of an R/M rating, but I've improvised it so that it stands at a decent PG/K+. For the original version, please visit www(dot)livejournal(dot)com(slash)users(slash)rasquine(slash)10021(dot)html

: Burden Of Truth :

He heard footfalls, though the owner was trying to be careful and as quiet as possible. Still, the spiritual pressure was enough for Byakuya to recognize. He opened his eyes slowly, and then adjusted to the darkness that well up the room. He should have kept the window open, allowing moonlight to lend some form of illumination.

His visitor apparently noticed he was awake. The footfalls stopped abruptly, and Byakuya could make out the form that stood still a distance away from his bed. He started to sit up, and his visitor quickly moved a step forward.

"Kuchiki-taichou, no... please," Renji's voice filled the room, concerned. But Byakuya merely raised a hand and his vice-captain fell silent and unmoving. He managed to sit up, ignoring the dull stinging at his chest.

"Why aren't you in bed yet, Renji?" he questioned as he motioned for the redhead to step closer. "And could you please open the window? It's too dark in here."

Renji stepped up till the side of his bed, and then leaned over him to get to the window. Byakuya caught a sweet whiff of soap and shampoo, and noted that Renji had his hair loose. The window opened, and the room lit up somewhat.

"I'm sorry, taichou," the redhead apologized, looking down at him. "I just wanted to make sure you're alright."

"You just visited me this morning. You worry unnecessarily." As he said that, he realized then that Renji was in one of those loud flowery robes.

The redhead blushed slightly. "I didn't mean to disturb you. But I'll leave you now. I'm sorry. Oyasu—"

"No, keep me company," he cut in. "Please."

Byakuya watched Renji's eyes widened in surprise, but he merely held the other's gaze, silently assuring that he meant what he said. The redhead looked perplexed but gave a small nod of understanding. He turned around and went to get a chair, and when he settled beside Byakuya's bed, he gave a nervous laugh.

"What is it?"

Renji shook his head. Clearly, whatever he was thinking, he was not willing to share. Somehow, it set a weird pang in him, but Byakuya was not going to press for answers. He looked away, directing his gaze to the dark emptiness outside of the window. The sky was a stark spray of black, mellowed only by the full moon.

"Is Rukia doing fine?"

"Yes, I think so. Ichigo and the girl found her. But I've not had the chance to talk to her personally. With you absent, I've been quite busy."

"I'm sorry for inconveniencing you."

Out of the corner of his eye, Byakuya saw Renji shaking his head. "No, it's fine. But the division misses your presence. They wish you speedy recovery."

"Is that so?" A thought bloomed in his mind, but he quickly pushed it away. "Please extend my heartfelt gratitude to them."

They lost each other to silence then. Byakuya wondered what more could he ask from his vice-captain. Rukia was his sole worry now, especially so after he had told her the secret of her past. Did she hate him? Come to think of it, she had not visited him although it had been a week since Aizen's treachery. In an ironic, twisted way, he owed Aizen for the opportunity. He felt lighter now without the burden of the truth pressing upon his heart, but had it been a price too high to pay? And speaking of burden of truth, why did he feel as if there was something else that needed clarification?

"I don't think Rukia is upset with you, taichou."

That had Byakuya reeling from the play of his emotions. He turned sharply to his vice-captain, who was avoiding looking at him, but Renji's expression was clear—a mix of curiosity and strangely, wistfulness.

"What makes you think so?"

Renji gave a careless shrug, his silken hair swaying with the movement. "She's been waiting for you to really look at her, to acknowledge her presence and not as a reminder of your wife. She knows now what she is to you, and you have held her in your arms as her brother. She is happy, I know she is."

"Her brother..." Byakuya echoed the word emptily.

He caught Renji gazing at him, saw briefly the peculiar fire coming alive in those red eyes, which quickly extinguished as Renji averted his eyes slightly. He sensed then that there was something the redhead wanted to know and what it was caught him by surprise.

"You're thinking whether I see Rukia as more than a sister," Byakuya voiced the thought out loud, not bothering to treat it as a question.

Renji looked faintly embarrassed, but he did not refute the comment either. Somehow, Renji's reaction failed to bother Byakuya as much as the implication behind it. So it was true then, that the redhead had feelings for Rukia. Why was it suddenly harder to breathe now?

"I loved Hisana, but I never once thought of using Rukia as her substitute. I am only her brother, and will always be her brother. You do not have to worry about me, Renji."

His words brought momentary relief to the redhead, which strangely irked him. But then Renji turned serious, staring at him with new-found confidence of which he was not sure owed its origin to him. "Then taichou, tell me, if I were to chase you again, will there be someone who mourn for your defeat, or someone whom you wish will not see you fall?"

Byakuya was confused. "What do you mean?"

"I think my meaning is clear enough."

Byakuya would have liked to slowly digest it, but Renji had suddenly leaned forward in his chair, the closeness distracting him somewhat. Renji looked determined, when only moments ago, his gazes faltered. It was suddenly hard to breathe again, but surprisingly, Renji's meaning was clear now. But why such a question, towards him no less…

Could it be? But… He stared at Renji, and it felt like the universe was making more sense than ever now. He made more sense to himself now too. They were both fools, it seemed. Or was it only him? Had Renji knew all along? Perhaps so, judging by the way the conversation had taken its turn now. He recalled the look of relief on Renji's face earlier, and the question that was still unanswered.

He wondered if his face was as impassive as he had always known it to be, when his voice sounded embarrassingly weak to his ears. "Someone who mourns for my defeat, no. But perhaps… there is someone whom I wish will not see me fall."

He saw Renji stiffening. But then a smile, almost haughty in nature, cracked the seriousness Renji's face held. "May I know who she is? I'll try to avoid fighting with you before her."

The reaction surprised Byakuya, but it pleased him too, tremendously. He had caught it, the soft edge of jealousy. He leaned back against the headboard, allowing a faint smile to touch his lips, earning him a wide-eyed look from his vice-captain.

"You assume the person I'm talking about is female. Why?"

Something flickered in those red eyes, something almost like panic, but with a dash of unbidden excitement. "I... do not think your preferences run the other way as well."

"But yours do."

Again, the strange flicker. Renji hung his head, looking uncomfortable now. "I don't know where you get such a strange idea, taichou," he said quietly.

"Just."

Renji's eyes widened; clearly he was troubled. Byakuya felt a sudden need to quickly chase away the doubt, as if it was something tangible before him and truly obtrusive to the sight. "You can chase me," Byakuya began, not quite sure it was his voice he was hearing, "And you would probably defeat me. But I will not let you, because I do not want you to see me fall."

He watched the changes that unfolded gradually on the redhead's face as the words sank in. Various expressions mingled—shock, disbelief, doubt, embarrassment and happiness, among other things. "Taichou..." Renji tried, voice hoarse, but it seemed that was all he could say. Nothing happened then.

Disappointment so strong acted like a visible force, turning Byakuya's face once more to the darkness outside. For the first time since Hisana died, there was that long-forgotten tug at the heart, the blossoming of something warm and joyous from within, the feeling of being simply alive. But perhaps it was too soon for either of them; they had just, after all, learned where they clearly stood before each other. He wondered then when Renji had crossed the line. It was perhaps a subconscious decision; the truth could be said for him as well. But unlike Renji, he had remained oblivious, until now.

There was movement, and before Byakuya could figure out what was happening, he felt soft warmth against his lips, and he saw—-but did not quite register—-Renji's face so close before his. And before he could so much as breathe, the redhead had quickly pulled back, like a dream too precious to linger on.

It was reflex that made him reached out to prevent Renji from leaving, which was what the latter was in fact trying to do, something that Byakuya had sensed before he saw it. Using his left hand had caused the pain in his chest to throb, and it probably showed on his face because Renji called him out frantically.

"Taichou! Taichou! Are you alright?"

"Don't go," Byakuya answered instead, fingers still curled tight around Renji's wrist. They locked gazes then, and he realized he was beginning to enjoy watching the redhead's face writhed in embarrassment.

He gave but a gentle squeeze, and Byakuya had felt Renji's pulse speeding a beat or two faster. "I never did thank you for helping to save Rukia," he whispered, pulling the redhead slowly towards him. "I thanked Kurosaki Ichigo, but not you. Forgive me for my rudeness." Renji was now seated on the bed, and Byakuya let go of his wrist. He waited.

"I wasn't strong enough. I am not strong enough," the redhead said, sadness gleaming in his eyes.

"Then be stronger," Byakuya said, leaning forward. "Force me to fall before you, despite what I said. Swear it, and I'll accept my fall before you when the time comes." Byakuya held on to Renji's wrist once more, a silent encouragement.

Renji laughed, soft and nervous. "Then I will swear, swear to myself, that I will become stronger and defeat you!"

They were so close now, and they could feel each other's breath on their faces, warm and quick. Someone was going to have to make that final lean forward.

: owari :

Thank you for reading. Remember, if you wanna read the steamy parts, visit the link posted above. Hehe...