Bliss
lyrics by Michal Towber

Ric tucked his hands safely in his coat pockets, shivering slightly in the morning air. He kicked a pebble off the bridge and into the water, watching sadly as it tumbled off the ledge and fell shattering on the rocks below. Shaking his head sadly, he shuffled solemnly back to Jen's car.

"How'd it go?" she asked apprehensively as she turned in the driver's seat to face him. He slammed the door shut and slumped down slowly in the passenger's chair. "Oh, no," she whispered, sensing his heartbreak and helplessness. "You told her, didn't you?"

"I had to," he groaned. "I couldn't bear to lie to her."

"I take it things didn't go so well," Jen asked as delicately as possibly, turning the car off and taking the key out of the ignition.

"Ugh, how could I be so stupid? I accused her of sleeping with someone else when I'm the one who..." He stopped himself short as, out of the corner of his vision, he saw Jen turn back to face forward. "I was completely out of line," he scolded himself angrily. "I had no idea what really happened."

Jen remained faced away from Ric, staring down at the small tear in the leather of her steering wheel. "I assume she didn't sleep with anyone else?" she voiced courageously.

"No, she didn't. I should have known she would never do that to me. God, I'm such an idiot," he groaned, banging his head into the headrest behind him.

"Come on, Ric, stop saying that."

"Why? It's true. God, I never wanted this to happen. I didn't mean to upset her. I just wanted her to know that I'm hurt. I'm hurt by all of her lies, but at the same time… I want to work it out. Damnit, I want her back."

Open up my eyes
Realize this is not
What I intended
So long ago

Alexis closed her front door softly, pressing her forehead into the center, her hand still gripping the door knob tightly. She hated being here; the air felt stiff and shallow. She tried to focus her eyes on the polyurethane finish of the door, but her eyes seemed to gravitate instinctively to the picture of her holding her daughter where Ric had left his wedding ring. She gasped softly as she reached out to touch it. A thin light layer of powdered dust had settled around and inside of it. When she carefully picked it up, it left behind an almost unnoticeable dark circle where it had sat. Alexis rubbed it gently with her thumb until it shone to her dim satisfaction. It stung to hold it, but she could not put it down just yet. Pressing it safely into the palm of her hand, she made her way over to the couch, grabbing the phone with her other hand on the way. She kicked off her shoes and sat on the couch, her legs beneath her.

She dialed.

It rang twice before he picked up.

"Quartermaine Madhouse."

"Ned, hey," she said as sweetly as she possibly could. "How are you?"

"I'm doing pretty well. We just finished lunch, and I think at least three Quartermaines walked away wearing someone else's."

Alexis allowed herself to share with him a short, appreciative laugh. "I guess some things will never change."

"Ah, yes. The Quartermaine's will always be Quartermaines."

"How's Kristina doing?" she asked timidly, fidgeting with the hem of her sock.

"She's fantastic!" Ned said cheerfully. "I think she enjoyed lunch."

"She's not wearing any, is she?" Alexis asked fearfully, and Ned laughed.

"No, no. She and Brook Lynn ate their little bowls of macaroni and cheese away from the airborne debris."

"Oh, Brook Lynn is with you guys?" she asked curiously.

"Yeah, Lucas is out of town for the next few days, so I'm actually going to be able to spend some time with her."

Even without seeing his face, Alexis knew he was smiling. It was almost enough to give her a smile of her own. Almost.

"I'm really glad that you'll be spending time with her," Alexis said softly. "Father-daughter bonds are very special. It's really important that you spend time with one another."

There was something in Alexis's voice that drew Ned's immediate attention. She cleared her throat nervously and fell eerily silent, and it worried him. "Alexis, are you all right?"

"What? Yeah, I'm fine," she rushed, her heart suddenly pounding at the fear of being caught in a lie, one she did not want to explain. "Why do you ask?"

"Have you been crying?" he guessed, recognizing the guarded tone to her voice when she answered him too quickly.

Alexis's mind raced to find an excuse that would work to both his satisfaction and hers but found none. Her only choice was to speak quickly before her voice burst apart into shrapnel of her pain.

"Look, can you just bring Kristina here as soon as possible? I'd really like to see my daughter. Thanks," she hurried, quickly clicking off the phone before he could utter another sound.

She let the phone drop to the rug and turned on her side to face the back of the couch. She could still feel Ric's ring burrowed tightly in the palm of her hand. She released it slowly to the tips of her fingers so that she could see it more clearly. She then rotated her wrist until she could see her own ring that still hugged her finger for comfort. Her heart began palpitating furiously as something within her pushed a most distant memory to the surface.

"You know, when you asked me to marry you," Ric marveled as he picked up her hands in his at the altar, "I actually thought you were kidding. I thought you were making a carefully-planned dig at my past misfortune in matrimony, but you were serious." He shook his head in amusement. "We've come so far since that night at the Haunted Star. Do you remember?"

Alexis smiled and nodded as she too began to picture their first evening together.

"God, I was so nervous asking you out," he said with a shaky laugh. "I'd fought you in court enough times to know you were pretty guarded when it came to socializing, especially with me. I mean, we pretty much spent that entire evening together arguing over past and present clients anyway, but it was the first time I had ever seen you smile."

Alexis sat up slowly, reaching for the drawer in the table by the couch. Inside was a small black box which she pulled out. Reluctantly, she placed Ric's ring safely inside and returned it to the drawer. For a moment, she considered her own ring, fingering it sorrowfully. She did not want to take it off just yet, but she could not see the point in pretending that it meant anything anymore.

Alexis's trepidations were mercifully interrupted by the swift, staccato knocking on the door. She got up to answer it, expecting it to be Ned with Kristina.

It did not occur to her that it was too soon to be him until she opened the door.

I look through your eyes
Understand my life
With you has ended
So long

"You're the last person I'd expect to see here."

"Believe me, this is the last place I'd expect myself to be."

Luke put a scotch in front of Ric, but he pushed it away as though it were foul. Luke's eyebrow arched curiously as he noted the noticeably bare finger on his left hand.

"I don't want a drink," Ric said miserably, absentmindedly stroking the hair at the back of his head.

Luke picked up the drink and brought it to his own lips, swallowing a mouthful. "Then what the hell are you doing here?" he wondered. "Gambling?"

Ric gave a short laugh at the irony of Luke's words. He shook his head. "I just need to be someplace where I can think."

"You look like you've got a lot to think about."

"You could say that."

Luke watched for a moment as Ric stared down at his wrists. "Look, normally I try to avoid listening to customers unload all their pitiful problems on me... usually because half the time, it's their own damn fault, and I'd rather take their money than their bullshit. But you look like you could use someone to talk to."

Ric looked up at him sadly. Luke did not even have to ask because he felt a chill in the air as soon as Ric walked in, but he asked anyway.

"Did something happen between you and Natasha?"

Ric's forehead dropped sharply to his folded hands. Even though he had only told Jen, he felt like he had explained this too many times to too many people. Maybe it was because he had run it over in his own head more times than he cared to count. He did not think he could manage detailing the destruction between Alexis and him even one more time, but Luke seemed determined to help. Even though Ric did not know him well, he somehow felt safe opening up to him.

"You know, this is the first place Alexis and I ever went together?" he mused wistfully, lifting his head slightly to rest his chin on his knuckles.

"I remember that," Luke said, nodding thoughtfully. "I hit the jackpot at the craps table."

"God, I was so nervous about where to bring her," he admitted, showing off a slight pink hue in his cheeks. He felt a little silly, like a nervous little school boy talking about his first crush. "I wanted to take her someplace where we could dance if I ever got up the courage to ask."

"So why didn't you take her to my insipid niece's club?" Luke asked, taking another swig of the alcohol that Ric rejected.

"The Cellar?" Ric challenged sardonically. "Are you kidding? I wanted to take her somewhere classy."

"That still doesn't explain why you took her here," Luke pointed out, draining the glass and setting it back on the countertop. Ric smiled half-heartedly.

"Well, I know that you and Alexis are friends. I figured she'd enjoy her time here more than at the Cellar with Carly."

"You know, Natasha's really the only Cassadine that I can tolerate," Luke admitted, leaning forward on his elbows. "And occasionally Nikolas. But even he gets on my nerves sometimes."

"It's so hard not to like Alexis," Ric said softly. "Believe me, I've tried. People warned me about her when I first went up against her in court. And she's even told me herself about all of her commitment and relationship problems." He paused to breathe in deeply, wishing there was more air in the room. "I never thought that I would want someone like that. But I do."

"All right," Luke sighed, growing a little impatient, "obviously something went down between the two of you. Now, are you going to clue me in, or do you just plan to whine all night long?"

"It's a long story."

"Do I look like I'm busy? I'm pouring drinks, for God's sakes. So what'd you do?"

Ric laughed pathetically at himself. "You know, if you had asked me that yesterday, I could have honestly said that I didn't do anything wrong." He paused to lift his head and meet Luke's pressing gaze. "We both made such a mess of things. She lied, I cheated, and we're both mad as hell at each other for it."

Luke whistled, shaking his head as he poured another drink. "You sure you don't want this one?" he offered, but Ric turned him down again. "So you know she lied, and she knows you cheated?"

"You should have seen the look in her eyes when she found out," Ric lamented mournfully. "I really thought that we might have been able to work things out, but now… I just don't see how we can ever trust each other again."

That's all right
It's gonna be okay
Everything is good
It's gonna be all right

Alexis backed up carefully when she saw him in the doorway. He was the last person she was expecting to show up here, especially so soon after seeing him the night before.

"I hope I didn't come at a bad time."

"Um, no, not really," she said, still looking a little puzzled. "Come on in."

Steven stepped through the doorway, unobtrusively glimpsing around her apartment. "What are you doing here?" she asked as she closed the front door.

"I was worried about you. Ever since you left the park last night, I've just had this uneasy feeling. How are you doing?"

For a brief moment, Alexis felt a sense of security with Steven. It had been so long since she felt so protected, so safe. She was beginning to feel like she mattered.

"I'm hanging in there," she laughed lightly, sitting back down on her couch and waving Steven over. He glided over dramatically in one swift stride and flopped down next to her.

"Are you sure?" he worried. "I felt really guilty leaving you alone."

Alexis smiled warmly, grateful for his empathetic persistence. Even though they had only met briefly on such few occasions, she was getting a glimpse at his capacity for compassion. She was starting to actually feel comfortable with him, despite the newness of their relationship.

"Thank you for your concern," she said earnestly. "I really do appreciate it."

"Well, do you at least want me to keep you company?" he offered gallantly. "I'm working the evening shift tonight at the hospital, so I won't need to be in for a while. We could talk about... whatever," he said, hopeful that she would open up to him now more than she did last night. From the bits and pieces he had been told about her, she was a strong but troubled woman who was not easy to crack, and from what he had seen in the last twenty-four hours, she could really use a friend. He wanted to be that friend.

"God, I wouldn't know where to begin," she declared truthfully. "I mean, so much has happened in so little time. I'm still trying to explain it to myself."

"Well, why don't you start with 'the secret' that you so mysteriously alluded to last night," Steven suggested with light-hearted emphasis to try to ease the mood.

"I finally told him yesterday that Sonny is Kristina's father."

"Oh?" Being fairly new to the situation, Steven was unsure about the magnitude of Alexis's confession. "Is Ric not OK with you having a daughter with his brother? Because if that's the problem –"

"No, no, that's not the problem," she insisted. "Well, it's part of the problem" she struggled, straining to explain. "Ric believed for a while that Ned was her father, and he was fine with that. Sonny isn't just 'a brother' to him. When he found out that not only did I lie to him, but that Sonny was her father..."

"Oh," Steven suddenly realized. "Elizabeth mentioned Ric's... unpleasant feelings for his brother."

"Yes, well 'unpleasant' barely scrapes the surface of it," Alexis admitted grimly. She did not feel that Steven could possibly understand Sonny and Ric's complex and brutal relationship when they hardly understood it themselves. But she had been the one to sit with Ric and hold his hand at the table when Sonny would walk into the place to meet his wife and children for dinner. She had been the one to wake him up and hold him when his nightmares had trapped him in fitful sleep. She knew how touchy the subject was for Ric, and she did not feel entirely comfortable sharing with Steven the history behind their brotherly tension just yet. "You know, that was pretty much the reason for Ric and Elizabeth's break up. Ric tried to give up his vendetta with Sonny countless times, but he never could. And when Elizabeth realized that he couldn't do it, she left him."

"Ah. I heard a slightly different story," Steven said with a wink.

"Yeah, well I suppose the perspectives would be different, but the facts are the same. He's always been jealous of Sonny and the life he had with their mother. Ric already feels like she was taken from him, and now he feels like Kristina was taken from him too. And he lost them both to Sonny. "

Steven exhaled sharply, blowing a gust of anxiety her way. He subtly moved a little closer to her in case he suddenly needed to console her, but not so close that she would feel uncomfortable. "Well, I'm sure Ric will be able to cope with it over time. He's already working on having a more harmonious relationship with Sonny, right? I'm sure you two can get through this, too. It's never too late."

"Oh, no, we can't work it out now," she said miserably, subconsciously avoiding eye contact.

Steven had his trepidations about encouraging her to open up because she seemed desperate to shut herself off from whatever was causing her such pain. Despite his misgivings, he pressed on. "Did something else happen?"

Alexis was visibly shaking, and Steven immediately regretted pushing her. He cautiously reached for her hand and slipped his fingers around hers so that he could tell her without words that it was all right to confide in him.

Alexis steadied her breathing with a shaky breath. She was not sure how comfortable she was telling Steven about Ric's infidelity. Maybe it was the warmth of his hand in hers, or maybe it was the way he had been so thoughtful of her ever since she saw him at the park last night, but she felt a surprising kind of strength that made her feel at ease. She also felt that if she did not get this out, it would continue to destroy and devastate her slowly from the inside out. Still, putting it into words was as damning as setting it in stone.

"Ric slept with Jen McNeil."

"What? Are you sure?"

"He admitted it," Alexis whispered difficultly. She closed her eyes and briefly pinched the bridge of her nose. "I saw him with her early this morning at Eagle Bridge. He said that I shouldn't care that he slept with Jen because I slept with – with Sonny," she choked out, interrupted by a hard swallow. "I didn't, though. I just went to see him to try and make some peace between him and Ric. Anyway, I wasn't really getting through to him. Ric showed up out of no where in a drunken haze, and he completely misunderstood the situation." Alexis laughed sardonically at the irony. "I should have known when I saw him with her that he had slept with her. I mean, it makes sense, right? She's a lawyer. Come on, how could he resist?"

"Oh, come on, that's not fair," Steven said, more in regards to her being unfair to herself and not so much to Ric.

"No, it's true. Ric obviously has a thing for lawyers. That has to be the only reason he ever pursued me. That and because of the challenge I presented him with. I should have known that he didn't really want me for me. He just wanted someone in his bed. And Jen is more attractive than me, anyway, so…"

"All right, come on, stop selling yourself short," Steven protested softly, moving close enough to her so that he could hold her face with one hand. "You are so beautiful. And I don't believe for a second that you didn't mean anything to him. I cannot believe that. And I don't want you to either."

The tear rolling down her face told him that she still did not feel worth of anyone's compassion and understanding. It broke Steven's heart to watch the conflicts that cast deep shadows over her usual cheerful radiance. She wanted to be loved, but Ric's betrayal left her bereft of that hope. Steven knew that in his hands he held the power to restore those lost feelings. He knew that he could take care of her better than Ric had. Instinctively, his palm went to her hip to pull them closer together. His other hand remained at the warm skin on her face.

Alexis's eyes drifted immediately closed at the contact. A force between them that neither one had control over drew their lips together in an unrestricted moment of pure need: a need to feel safe and secure. Alexis shivered slightly, and a tear escaped her closed eye as she felt his hand move gently behind her head. She could feel him pulling them closer. She began to feel the vaguest traces of what might be new hope. She finally felt cared for.

Steven pulled back slowly so as not to startle her, smiling at her with his eyes. He could gauge her emotions clearly by the significant change in her face where pallor and unease were replaced by relaxation and comfort. He brought his hand back through her hair to rest his palm at her cheekbone. Alexis's eyes fluttered back open and scurried back and forth between Steven's.

"Thanks for stopping by," she whispered hoarsely.

Steven nodded warmly. "I want you to come talk to me if you ever need someone to lean on," he said. She nodded gratefully and timidly met his unwavering gaze with her own. She told him without words that she was all right now.

Maybe she finally could be all right.

My first thoughts broke hard
A vague dull ache that percolated
Through my skull just like
A shot gun blast

"Well, if I know one thing about Natasha, it's this," Luke began importantly. "She's one hell of a tough nut to crack. If she gives you her heart, consider yourself blessed. She may have commitment problems, but when she does commit, she's committed, if you know what I'm saying."

"Believe it or not, I do," Ric said with an understated laugh that brought out his dimples for the first time in days.

"Well, I have been known to make more sense drunk than sober," Luke said with a lazy wink.

"Well, then how about tossing some of that Luke Spencer wisdom my way?" he said with a half-hearted smile that belied his grief.

Luke put his glass down thoughtfully and breathed in deeply. "Well," he began on exhale, "I'm not going to tell you to try and dazzle her, because I'm telling you, Natasha isn't easily dazzled, and I think you'll just be wasting your energy. But you've got to let her know that you regret what happened. Don't grovel; let her know you're sorry and that you know you screwed up, but let her know that she messed up too. Don't let her off easily. To Alexis, that means you care. And it will give her some incentive to fight for you."

"I sort of already tried that approach," Ric realized miserably, remembering his accusations earlier that day on the bridge. He may not have been drinking like Luke was, but his head was spinning horribly from being confronted by so much so fast. Any chance that he might have hoped to have to get Alexis back seemed faint now. He was beginning to see the long-term consequences of his short-term actions. He also began to revisit his feelings of worthlessness that he felt the night before, and it took him right back to the bridge. He had known that Jen had found him there, but it had just occurred to him that she really did save his life. If Jen had not found him and brought him back to her place, he would surely be gone from Alexis forever in a much more morbid way. It made him wonder which scenario Alexis would have preferred.

"Then I think if you really want to impress her, you have to do something unimpressive. Small but meaningful. And powerful. If you ask me, that's the only way you're going to get her back."

"I wouldn't even know where to begin," Ric admitted with sorrow. What "little thing" could he possibly do now to make up for what he had done last night?

"Just try to ease whatever's causing the most tension between you."

Ric considered his issues with Sonny. They were why he could not accept Alexis's lie, and they were essentially what led him to be teetering on the railing of a bridge in the middle of the night ready to leave his fate to the waters below. If only Ric had not jumped to conclusions, Alexis could have left the penthouse safely so that Ric and Sonny could talk; maybe that would have prevented what really happened.

Ric was suddenly assaulted with painful visuals of Sonny putting his hands on Alexis while she struggled helplessly to escape his grip. He could even hear her whimper, completely defenseless, and it turned his stomach to acid.

Ric rose rather suddenly, subconsciously digging his nails sharply into his palms. "Thanks for the advice, Luke," he mumbled as he tore for the exit.

"Hey, buy some booze next time!" Luke shouted after him. He shook his head sadly. "That kid's doomed."

Details are the worst
They are just your
Soul eviscerated
A vice that's holding fast

Alexis closed the door quietly behind Steven. She walked back over to the couch and lay down, feeling much more comfortable. She felt like she could breathe again, a luxury that she had always taken for granted. She looked down at the palm of her hand where she had pressed Ric's ring into her skin. The indentations were no longer visible, but it did look red and feel warm. She turned her hand over and gazed at her own ring which she could not find the courage to remove earlier. It was so recent, but it felt like so long ago. She twisted the gold around her finger three times to loosen it. She pulled it off in one fluid motion with a great deal of confidence and placed it inside the drawer next to Ric's.

I'm defenseless and blissful
My mind is at rest
Everything is so peaceful
I'm blind but I'm blessed